Chapter 1
Lisa´s POV
We split up three weeks ago and I still feel terrible. I still love him so much and I don´t know what I should do now. France is so lonely without him. She left her kitchen and walked over to her desk to do a little work in the hope she wouldn´t think about Jack.
Work wasn´t the right way to not think about Jack and she felt incredibly sick. She threw everything she had eaten up and that meant eating wasn´t the way to bring her thoughts to something different either.
In that moment she felt her stomach turn around and ran to the toilette as fast as possible. After her whole stomach was empty she walked over to her mirror and looked at herself. I am so ugly and fat. I look like I haven´t slept for days, even if I sleep every free minute I have. I am so tired in the last time. And I gained much weight. By her last thought she touched her stomach and rubbed slowly over it .
She realized that all this are symptoms for a pregnancy. "Oh no, I can´t be pregnant. Not now. Jack and I just split up," she said and brushed her hands through her hair.
She drove to a pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. As soon as she arrived at home she made the pregnancy test, hoping to be not pregnant. She needed to wait a few minutes for the test to show its results and the few minutes felt like ages for her. As she finally knew the answer she said, "Pregnant."
She sat down on her bed in disbelief. She never thought she would get pregnant, but now she was speechless. She and Jack just split up after a huge fight where he also told her that they shouldn´t go to Arizona together and now here she was, single and pregnant from her ex she still loved.
"Why now? Why couldn´t I get pregnant three or four months ago?"
She was totally shocked and made an appointment with her doctor to make sure that she is really pregnant and the baby is ok. She needed to be sure before she would tell Jack. She slowly walked back into her bedroom, feeling exhausted and tired.
She let her tired body fall onto the bed and she closed her eyes, hoping this was all just a bad dream and she´d wake up in Jack´s arms. She fell asleep soon after but it was a restless sleep. She tossed and turned and couldn´t find peace.
…
"Hello Ms. Stillman," her doctor said as he entered the room.
"Hello Dr. Morgan," she said incredibly nervous.
"How are you doing?" he asked her and looked through his files.
"I would be feel better, if I would know if I am pregnant or not," she answered and forced a small smile onto her lips even though she´d rather have cried.
"Well to be sure we´ll need to run a blood test but that shouldn´t be a problem," he said and called for a nurse to take a blood test. Lisa tried to relax as she was told but she just couldn´t stay calm. She worried about everything that Jack could say and how he could react.
"You need to relax or I´ll search years," the nurse said and Lisa finally managed to somehow keep calm. She shut her eyes close once the nurse stuck the needle through her skin and clearly didn´t enjoy the whole process.
"Ms. Stillman your results will be here tomorrow so please make an appointment for around three pm," the nurse said and Lisa thanked her. On her way she made an appointment for the following day.
As soon as she arrived at home she couldn´t find rest. She wandered around her house, trying to find something to distract her from everything going on. The afternoon went by slowly and once it was evening she went to bed early in the hope to sleep until tomorrow.
But as always she couldn´t find sleep and stayed awake until the next morning, trying every trick from the trick book to finally fall asleep. She finally fell asleep but her sweet rest wasn´t for long since she woke up early in the morning.
She had nothing else to do so she drove into town and ate breakfast. While she was waiting for the ordered food to arrive, she debated whether to call Jack or not. She was torn apart. Part of her was so short before calling him that she even typed in his number but the other, stronger part was too afraid.
She somehow got the time over and was at her doctor´s office thirty minutes early. To her luck she was the first one so she didn´t need to wait and got called in right away. After a few minutes, which felt like decades to Lisa, the doctor finally entered the room and sat down in front of her.
"Your results came back this morning and they are positive. Ms. Stillman congratulations you are pregnant," he said and smiled at her from ear to ear. That was the answer she didn´t want to hear since it meant calling Jack and telling him about his unborn child.
"In which month am I?" she asked and fought back tears.
"You're in month three," he said and she immediately knew when she got pregnant.
"So far? How could it happen that I didn´t notice until now?" she asked confused.
"That could have different reasons. Many women don´t notice until their third month since that´s the time their stomach begins to really stick out and they take all the symptoms for something else. Some women don´t notice that they are pregnant until they are pregnant until they are in labor but that´s rather rare," he said and Lisa nodded her head.
"Do you know the gender?" she asked curious. Maybe being pregnant wasn´t that bad…
"No for that we would have to do an ultrasound," he said and added, "Do you want to make an ultrasound?"
"Oh that would be wonderful," she said and they changed position. She laid down and pulled her shirt up, revealing a small bump. He tucked a paper towel into her pants and pulled it down a bit to get access to all of her stomach.
"This could be cold," he said and smiles at her while spreading the gel onto her belly. Her was right, it was cold but it wasn´t too bad. He slowly moved over her belly and a small fetus appeared on the screen next to them.
"I can´t tell you for sure but it really looks like a girl. I don´t promise anything but the exact gender will be revealed during birth. Before that we can only guess," he says and she nods her head.
He wiped the gel off her stomach and she stood up, pulling her shirt back down. They discussed a few things before he said, "Congratulations again but now I have to go. Other moms to be wait for their doctor to tell them the gender or more information…See you next time."
"Goodbye Mr. Morgan," she said and shook his hand.
"Bye, Ms. Stillman," he said and both of them walked out of the room.
Lisa walked to her car and got into the passenger seat. As soon as the door was closed she broke into tears… Tears of happiness. She couldn´t believe that she was pregnant from the man she truly loves and that it would probably be a girl. The only thing she didn´t know was how she should tell Jack.
She knew she didn´t want to tell him through the phone so she booked a flight as soon as she got home. She packed her things, nervous about the next day. She wasn´t sure how she should tell him the news since she didn´t processed them herself. She had a day´s flight to figure it out since her plane would take off in a few hours.
…
In the plane she sat next to a man, whose eyes were fixed on her cleavage the whole time. She felt incredibly uncomfortable and shifted in her seat, hoping he would finally stop staring.
"I don´t know you Mister, but could you please stop staring at me?" she asked and turned towards him.
"Oh sorry, I didn´t realize that I stared at you. But I think you get this kind of looks very often," he said and smirked at her.
"And how did you mean that?" she asked, getting annoyed.
"You are a sexy and unmarried woman," he answered as if it was obvious.
"How do you know that I am not married?" she asked. She could not believe how blunt this man was and how rude. You just don´t tell a woman she is sexy if you don´t know her at all.
"You don´t wear a wedding ring," he said and she rolled her eyes. Why does a woman need to wear a ring to be married, she asked herself.
"Well done. You figured out I am not married. Now quit staring at me," she said, turning away from him.
"Are you interested in a little love affair?" he asked and she lost it.
"Oh that´s just rude. You are an asshole who obviously think he can do everything. Let me tell you something… I am neither interested in you nor in your little love affair. Just leave me the hell alone or I´ll forget myself," she said and turned away from him.
". I am sorry," he said and turned away from her.
…
Lisa's car stopped at Heartland. She stepped out of the car, nervous to the point she felt her heart almost jumping out of her chest. She slowly walked over to Lou, who stood on the porch, looking confused at Lisa.
"Lisa, what are you doing here? I thought you were in France," Lou said and hugged the woman, who once was her grandfather's girlfriend.
"I was in France. I came back to talk to Jack. Talking about Jack, where is he?" Lisa asked and laughed softly, trying to overplay her nervousness.
"Oh I am sorry Lisa, but he is in Arizona. I think you should have called first," Lou said and looked at Lisa a little bit sad.
"Oh no, I should have known that," Lisa said and looked to the ground, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
"Lisa-" Lou tried but Lisa was faster with saying, "No, it´s ok. It was my fault."
"No, it was not your fault… It was nobody´s fault… We all know that Grandpa is very stubborn," Lou said and patted Lisa´s shoulder.
"When will he be back?" Lisa asked, changing the subject.
"I think in two weeks was what he said. He decided to stay a week longer than planned," Lou said and tried to smile but neither of them felt like smiling.
"I will be back in two weeks. I really need to talk to him," Lisa said and looked over at the barn. God how much she missed this place…
"Oh no, please stay a bit longer. Have a coffee and talk for a while," Lou said but Lisa felt uncomfortable being here so she said, "I am sorry but I have a few things to do since I just got back. Maybe another time."
"Should I tell him something?" Lou asked but Lisa shook her head.
"No, no. I think that is something I should tell him myself," she said and moved her hand slowly to her belly, smiling at the thought of their child inside of her.
Lou saw that Lisa moved her hand to her belly and that she gained a little bit weight, but thought nothing about it. Gaining weight is normal, isn´t it?
The two said goodbye and Lisa headed back to Fairfield. I´m glad that I didn´t sold this place. Now I need it.
She began to work but couldn´t concentrate so she went to bed.
…
Lou´s POV
Amy came home soon after Lisa left and walked into the living room, where she found Lou.
"Hey Amy. You won´t believe who was here today!" Lou said and Amy rolled her eyes. She was used to her bigger sister making big things out of small.
"Was it George Clooney or Brad Pitt?" she asked sarcastically.
"Don´t be silly. Lisa was here," Lou said and Amy stopped dead track. Lisa was the one thing that her grandpa couldn´t forget. He always pretended to be alright but it was obvious he missed her and Amy hoped for them to sort things out and get back together.
"What is she doing here?" Amy asked and sat down next to Lou.
"She acted very strange and wanted to talk with grandpa," she said and continued her knitting.
"Do you think everything is alright with her?" Amy asked.
"I hope so. It´s a pity that she and grandpa aren´t together anymore," Lou said and began a new row.
"Yes, but we all know that they still love each other. Maybe she is here to make up?" Amy said and Lou raised her shoulders.
"I don´t know but I think this isn´t the reason. She was serious," Lou said and Amy looked to the ground, deep in thought.
"Now I hope grandpa will be here soon so we get to know this. I am scared about her being sick or something," Amy said and Lou nodded.
"I won´t even think about this. I hope she is not," Lou said.
Both of them spent their evening in each other´s company since they were the only ones home.
…
Lisa´s POV
The next two weeks went by slowly for Lisa. She always thought about her baby and Jack. Lou called her the day before that Jack came home and she could come over the next day. She was on her way over to him to tell him the news.
Her belly grew and she was lucky that it was cold so she could hide her belly under a big pullover. She rode over to Jack´s house on one of her horses. She saw Jack even though she wasn´t near. If she saw him that meant that he saw her as well.
He came walking towards her and as she stopped her horse in front of him he said confused, "Lisa?"
"Jack," Lisa said and began to get even more nervous. Her hands were shacking and she felt dizzy.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her and she got off her horse.
"I have something to tell you," she said and looked at her shoes.
"Is it something bad?" he asked, afraid that this might be bad news.
"I hope not, but it is up to you," she said forcing a smile onto her lips and fighting back the tears in her eyes.
"I am glad you are here," he said and hugged her.
"Me, too. Now can we go to a place we can talk in silence?" she asked.
"Of course," he said.
They walked towards the house but brought Lisa´s horse into the stable first. They entered the cozy home and walked into the living room, where they stood awkwardly in front of each other.
"Jack maybe you should sit down first," Lisa said after a while of complete silence.
"Lisa you are scaring me, please tell me what is going on," he said after both of them sat down. Lisa swallowed hard and threw her head back, trying not to cry.
"Do you remember the trip we took four months ago?" she asked him with a shaky voice.
"Yes, how could I forget? This was the most beautiful trip we took," he said and smiled at her warmly.
"Do you remember the night that we spent in that romantic hotel?" she asked him getting really uncomfortable.
"Lisa what are you trying to say?" he asked her confused.
"Jack…. I probably got pregnant that night," she said and his mouth fell open.
"Lisa…. I don´t know what to say," he said completely shocked.
"Jack I am sorry and I can totally understand when you think you are too old for another child," Lisa said and by now the first tears made their way down her face.
"Lisa I am happy about you being pregnant but I am a little bit speechless. You were in France, we didn´t see each other for over a month and you are coming back and tell me that I am going to be a father again," he said and she began to regret her decision, thinking he wouldn´t want their child.
"I know Jack. I know I should have told you earlier, but I know it for three weeks. I flew right over here, but you were in..." she said and trailed off at the end of her sentence
"…. Arizona," he said and she shook her head.
"Yes."
"Now that you are pregnant I think we should work on our relationships. No that sounded wrong… I want us to be us again… I missed you," he said and took her hand in his.
"Yes we should. Jack I am sorry for the things I did and I want you to know that I still care for you and that I still... Never mind," she said and was about to say love you but something inside of her held her back.
Jack hoped she would say that she still loves him, but she didn´t. He looked in to her eyes and their heads move together for a kiss. Their faces only inches apart and his hand in her hair. Then the door opened and Lou and Amy came in. The two of them broke apart, uncomfortably shifting.
"Grandpa and…. Lisa? Have we interrupted you and should we leave?" Amy asked.
"No Lou it´s alright. I was going to leave," Lisa said.
Lisa stood up and walked out of the house with Jack on her heels.
"Lisa wait. What are we going to do about that miracle inside of you?" he asked her after she finally stopped walking.
"Don´t tell anyone until we are sure what we are going to do about that," she said and looked at the ground.
"But they will question what you told me. What should I say?" he asked her, trying to make eye contact.
"Think of anything. Tell nobody about the baby. I don´t want them to know. You must see my point of view. We split up and now I am pregnant. I am afraid of being a mother without partner. I thought I could never get pregnant. But you proved me wrong. Now I must live with that. We tell them when I am ready ok?" she said and he nodded his head sadly.
"Ok Lisa, but you are not alone. I will help you with your, I mean our baby. I am the father and I will do everything what it needs to make you and the baby happy," he said and smiled at her.
"Jack you have done enough. We are done and there is no way to make this work, I think," she said, fearing that he only said those things because he feels guilty.
"We can work things out, Lis," he said an grabbed her hands but she removed them instantly.
"Sure we can, but I am not sure if this is really what you want. I mean I'm pregnant maybe you feel guilty and want me only back, because you got me pregnant," she said and he shook his head.
"Lisa, this is ridicules. I still love you Lisa," he said and she heard what she wanted to hear for so long only to find out that she wasn´t so sure if she still wanted to hear them. She hoped so long to hear these words but now that she heard them, it feels like they mean nothing.
She wouldn´t get hurt again and broke her heart as she said, "Jack I am not sure if I love you."
She got into her car, turned on the engine and drove away as fast as she could with tears streaming down her face. She won´t disturb Jack´s live. He had a family already and she couldn´t disturb it. He had one child already, two grandchildren and one great-grandchild and she was his mistress who got pregnant.
She doesn´t count to his family. She couldn´t hurt the man she loves so much. He was too old for a child and she didn´t want him to be there for her through the pregnancy with all of her moods. They were over, that's what she thought.
It sounds awkward that she didn´t want him around her, when she loved him so much, but in her opinion it was the best for both of them. Maybe she was still hurt from his words or she couldn´t trust men, because Dan left her years ago. She felt terrible and cried the whole way home.
Jack´s POV
Jack went back inside in disbelief. He got wondering views from Lou and Amy.
"Grandpa what happened?" Lou asked worriedly.
"Nothing Lou. Everything is alright," he lied. He wasn´t in the mood to talk to them right now.
"You can´t lie to us. We know that something must have happened between you," Amy said and Jack turned around and snapped, "Amy it´s none of your business."
"But grandpa-" she tried again but he lost it.
"I said it´s none of your god damn business. Accept and move on! I have a right for privacy and just because you two assume that something is wrong doesn´t mean you have the right to disturb it. I am going to bed now," he yelled.
With these words he left and went to bed. I am going to be a father again and the woman I love, doesn´t love me. I don´t know how that should work. We must work things out. Maybe I should try to convince her that she still loves me and that she can trust me. I think I should drive over to Fairfield tomorrow morning. Yes, I will make that. I don´t give up that easily and with these words in his head he fell asleep.
Hey, I am back to bother you with my annoying updates! Yay! : )
You probably realized that this is again Chapter 1… I decided to rewrite all of the chapters because I grew so much as a writer since I last updated this story which was 1 year ago… Crazy how time flies by. I hope it doesn't bother you that I am going to rewrite all of the chapters first… I am going to leave the old ones in just for me as a reminder how much I have developed. Hope you guys liked the "new" chapter 1 and as soon as I am finished with "new" Chapter 2&3 there will be new stuff. Hope you are still with me.
Lots of love Kathi