Set during TLA.
He wondered if it was wrong of him to feel this way. Wondered if it was sick that he didn't mind the way their suffering was dragged out, day after tireless day – how every time they seemed to be on the cusp of fulfilling their heroic mission, something robbed them of that glory. (Three lighthouses had been lit, brilliant beacons broadcasting his failure – or did they shine triumphantly?) He couldn't tell right from wrong anymore. He simply shut his blue eyes and ground his teeth and blindly followed the orders of a one-eyed stone. (how idiotic)
He wondered if it wasn't more than a little twisted for him to be secretly relieved by their failure. He knew exactly what that failure meant: another day of trudging across the far reaches of Weyard, stumbling after some terrible Future, never quite sure if they were the saviors of the world or its unwitting destroyers. Another day of aching muscles and homesick hearts and souls filled with that unquenchable uneasiness that drove them ever onward, never granting them rest.
Another day with his loud-mouthed childhood friend clapping him on the shoulder. Another day with the violet-eyed boy who smiled in quiet understanding. Another day with...her.
He tightened his grip on his sword and cast a glance over his shoulder at his panting companions. They looked to him, sweat streaking their faces but their eyes bright and unwavering. He tried on a smile (it stretched and broke). They grinned in return and his heart pulsed painfully.
It was wrong.
He didn't have to wonder; he knew. The knowledge was lodged deep in the nodes of his being and it smoldered there, like a glowing coal.
He knew it was so terribly wicked of him to exult in this torture when they so faithfully trusted him to bring an end to it. They thought he would build them a more beautiful world. (Oh, but his hands were clumsy and he knew only how to hold a sword. His fingers were too rough to handle those delicate, filagreed dreams!)
If only they knew.
If only she knew.
But she only smiled at him with those pretty pink lips and clear blue eyes. And sometimes she would laugh and toss that beautiful blue mane of hair in the wind, and he would wish for the torture to last forever and ever, unending. He hadn't wanted to meet with Felix and the others. He had hoped that the other Earth Adept would elude them forever, and they would be caught in a never-ending game of cat and mouse. Playing that game, he could still pretend to be noble while greedily devouring all those beautiful blue moments.
He hadn't wanted to stand at the lip of the Jupiter Lighthouse and watch as it spilled over with supernatural light, swelled with energy, brought them one step closer to finally accomplishing their goal.
But he had turned to her in that blinding light and she had smiled, and he could feel the earnestness of her joy for him in that instant – not even for herself – because she believed that he was happy for what had happened.
And he felt sick in his stomach then, but he forced himself to smile for her, because what else could he do in the face of that honest and heart-breaking blue?
Now they were again on the road, with Felix's party slightly ahead of his own group; and he could hear her quiet steps behind him. Every step was heavier for him now. The heaviness came not from the long distance or the steep incline—no. The heaviness came from what he could feel building in his bones, thrumming in his marrow.
The conclusion to this story was near.
And even more terrifying than the imminent battle he was certain awaited them was the future he could see lying ahead, beyond even the lighting of the last lighthouse, beyond even his glorious homecoming. Something far more terrible.
Goodbye, she would say.
Goodbye, he would say. And the words he had saved for her would stick in his throat and burn. But he would swallow the fire and tell himself that he deserved to suffer, because of this wicked secret he had harbored for so long, betraying all her earnest smiles.
And beyond that goodbye would be another life, and a new story to unfold that would no longer belong to him.
He felt more than heard her trip and caught her before she had fully fallen. He held her small frame against his for a moment before gently propping her up. She smiled up at him sheepishly.
"Thank you, Isaac," she said. He shook his head.
Don't thank me.
It was wrong.
Had the sudden and overwhelming urge to write Mudshipping. Yes, I know that Valeshipping is canon, but..I will always be a mudshipper! heh. Strangely enough, the canon revelation has only caused me to ship Isaac and Mia even harder LOL.
Anyways, I haven't written GS fanfic in like, years (or written much at all, actually). Sigh.