One disaster
It was late at night and the skies were clear over California. The air was cool and the night was silent. The streets were devoid of cars as a girl stormed down the street. She was listening to music from her pearpod as she weaved her way down different streets. The music acted as a way to separate herself from the world.
The reason she was out so late was because her parents had a fight. They had both stormed out of the house before her, but she hated being in the house. The second that she could she escaped from the house and from reality.
She had no particular destination in mind, she just wanted to get away from the real situation for just long enough to trick herself that her life wasn't broken. The song on her pearpod ended and she reached into her pocket and scanned through her list of songs for an appropriate choice.
Just as she was replacing her pearpod back in her pocket, she was struck by something hard.
Her body was sent sailing through the arm, her limbs flailing uselessly as her brain flustered to process the situation. As she soared through the air the sound of screeching tyres reached her ears before the girl smashed into a tree. Her body bounced off the tree and rolled across the asphalt and finally settled face down on the ground.
The impact of the collision with the tree had split her forehead open and created a pool of blood around the girl. The blood began to slowly pool and then trickled down the side of the road until it was pouring down a drain. The girl's body lay broken on the ground her right arm pinned underneath her, her left arm bent behind her back at a tight angle revealing bone and sinew.
The owner of the car that had hit her had walked over to the girl quickly after she had stopped her car. The owner of the car looked down at the girl with interest at the amount of damage that had been done. The owner's gaze followed the trickle of blood all the way to the drain. The person noticed that there was an ear bud on the ground that was still blaring music. This seemed to snap the person out of their fascination long enough for her to register what needed to be done.
The person reached for their phone and dialled 911. The phone seemed to ring for an eternity before there was a response at the other end.
"911, what's your emergency?" the voice asked.
"I've just hit someone with my car" the caller told the voice.
"Where are you?" the voice asked.
"I'm on sixth street" the caller responded.
"Ok an ambulance is on its way. What's your name?" the line operator asked.
"Jade West"
Bring bring
"Lucy, can you get that?" Robbie called out to his sister.
Bring bring
There was no response from his sister and after hearing the phone ring once again he decided that he would have to get it. He was at his desk working on an assignment. It was his way to calm himself, doing something detached from what had got him worked up in the first place.
He thundered down the stairs letting a small amount of hope build in him as to the identity of the caller. By his estimates he picked up the phone just before it was about to go dead. He held his breath as he waited for the response from the other end of the line. In those few seconds a range of scenarios ran through his head that would lead to his desired person calling.
All those scenarios disappeared at the sound of the voice at the other end of the line. The voice was unfamiliar to him and in the short time it took to recognise this, his mood dropped considerably.
"Is this the Shapiro residence?" the lady at the other end of the line asked, breaking Robbie from his shatter world.
"It is" he responded curtly, not because the voice at the other end annoyed him but because of the loss of hope that had depleted him.
"May I speak to Malcolm or Denise Shapiro?" The lady at the other end enquired, not letting the mood of the boy affect her.
"They're not here can I take a message?" Robbie asked, knowing that it would take a while for the message to reach either of his parents.
"Can you ask them to contact Tri-Cities hospital as soon as possible concerning their daughter" the lady responded.
Upon hearing the sentence Robbie's world shattered again, but this time instead of just breaking everything seemed to turn to dust. His heart fell to his feet and seemed to keep falling. He dropped the phone and sprinted up the stairs and flung himself into his sister's room. A quick survey of the room revealed that she wasn't there.
His eyes fell on the open window and he slowly sauntered over to it, hoping beyond hope that she was climbing down the outside of the house at that moment. As he craned his neck out of the window all that met his was a cool clear night.
The empty scene was enough to kick his body into gear. He slammed the window shut and headed to his room. Upon entering he grabbed his phone and went to text his parents, knowing that both would ignore their son at this point, but he had to at least try. He then proceeded to write a quick note in the unlikely event that they came back and noticed that both their children were missing.
With the note finished he proceeded to grab his car key and dashed out the door. His mind was in over drive as to what happened to his sister. How badly was she hurt? Surely it wouldn't be anything too bad, perhaps just a broken wrist or something? Upon this line of questioning images of a mutilated body entered his mind and tears began to blur his vision.
You better hope it not that, she was your responsibility.
The voice of Rex entered Robbie's head as he careened around another corner. It won't be it can't be, he thought to himself. He looked at where he was briefly to get his bearing and turned another corner where the hospital came into view.
Whatever happened to her it's your fault you know?
The questioning voice of Rex entered his mind again. Robbie let out a long breath in defeat knowing that the statement was true. His sister was hurt because he didn't fulfil his duty as a brother properly. He just hoped that the opportunity to make it up to her hadn't slipped through his fingers forever.
You think she'll forgive you either way?
He didn't but he damn sure wasn't going down without a fight. He would become another figure in her life that let her down. He would never become his parents, too involved in their own problems to barely even acknowledge their children. The disinterest that they had treated both the siblings with had affected both of them deeply and far more than either let on.
Robbie swerved into a parking spot and sprang out of the door not taking the time to close it. Who's going to steal his car it's the most pathetic piece of junk ever. You'd probably have to pay someone to take it away from you. He ran through the parking garage until he reached the elevators. He pushed the button and waited, his frustration growing at each second. He finally reached breaking point and dashed for the stairs. He sprinted up several flights of stairs until he finally reached the hospital floor.
By the time he stopped at the front desk he was gasping for breath and the man on the other side of the desk gave him an impatient glance. Catching sight of this Robbie felt rage build inside him but pushed it aside as he thought of his sister.
"My sister, Lucy Shapiro, where is she?" he demanded in between taking in great lungfuls of air.
"I.D?" the man simply asked, the tone in his voice showing his complete disinterest with the situation he was in.
"What!?" Robbie demanded his voice increasing in volume slightly.
"I can't give out any personal information until I confirm who you are" the man responded in a monotone voice.
Robbie dug around in his pockets for his licence, still irked that this was even necessary. He just wanted to know how his sister was. He thrust the licence at the man who seemed to take it from his hands as slowly as he could. The man then took a frustratingly long time to examine the small card in front of him. The man finally handed back the driving licence and clicked a few times on his computer.
"She's in room 212, take the elevator to the third floor and it's on your right" the man offered with a dull tone.
Robbie swore under his breath as he dashed down the hall. He was running down the hall so fast that his eyes couldn't even register anything in the corridor except the elevator. He skidded to a stop in front of it and jammed the button as hard as he could. After waiting for a lifetime the lift doors opened and he pounced inside and slammed the button for the third floor.
As the lift ascended he tapped his foot in impatience. His mind began to race again. He knew that losing his sister would destroy him.
You may already be too late.
The snide voice of Rex informs him. He puts his head in his hands trying his hardest to hold back the tears. He fought against Rex and tried desperately to think of his sister sitting in the bed reading and when she saw him she would laugh at how worked up he was. The ding from the elevator awoke him from his delusions.
He darted down the hall narrowly avoiding a patient walking out of their room. He ran so fast that the rooms all seem to blend into one. He realised that he needed to slow down in order to read the numbers on the door. He slowed just enough to catch a brief glimpse of the numbers on the doors. However the people he saw were still mere blurs.
His eyes caught sight of the number he was seeking and he immediately forced his way through the door. The sight that met his eyes was shocking. The person he saw in front of him barely resembled his sister in anyway. In fact if he hadn't been told that it was his sister he would not have recognised her. The amount of wires that were coming out of her scared him. He saw the respirator rise a fall as her chest did. He listened closely to the sound of her heartbeat on the monitor. He followed the IV drip from her arm back up to the bag.
His eyes scanned over what parts of her body he could see. Her right arm was tightly bandage, while her left arm was in plaster and was held up by a sling attached to the bed. He moved his eyes up to her face. The top of her head was wrapped in a bandage, while there were small cut and grazes covering her face. Her left eye was surrounded by a bruise. Her normally long blond hair was matted and dull.
Robbie knelt down of the floor next to her and openly wept. He made to reach for her hand only to see that it too was in bandages. He settled for putting his head in his hands. He wept for what felt like an age before he felt that tears weren't enough. He looked at this sister's face again and hesitantly cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry" he croaked, his face blotchy form the time that he spent crying.
"Maybe if I was a better brother this wouldn't have happened. The second you're better well go see that film you wanted and I'll buy you that game too. We can play it together, just like when we were young. But you have to wake up, you need to wake up please!" he begged as he lowered his head to touch the bed.
He listened carefully for a while; the pain of looking at her was too much. He knew that no matter what happened now his life would change. The beeping of the heart monitor was lulling him into a false sense of security, that as long as there was that sound there was hope.
He eventually raised his head, knowing that he couldn't hide away forever. His eyes locked on his sister's face and he saw her eyelids flicker slightly. His heart soared at the slight movement, other than the heart monitor this was the only sign that she was still alive. But his elation was short lived as the heart monitor flat lined.
Robbie rose from his kneeling position and looked down at his sister a look of disbelief falling on his face. He was pushed back forcefully by a nurse. Instead of springing forward and trying to reach his sister, he stood back in numbness. He watched carefully as the doctors did all they could to bring his sister back. When he heard the doctor call a time of death his heart shattered but no more tears came.
His world had lost all meaning. He had lost one of the few connections in this world that kept him grounded. He immediately began to fear what would become of him now that he had lost an anchor to reality. He saw a nurse pull the blanket over his sister's face and that seemed to hit home that there would be no return at all for his sister.
When the nurse looked at him and tried to give a reassuring smile, it forced Robbie's mind to act. He bolted from the room only to be frozen in place by the face that he saw. He was standing face to face with none other than Jade West. He looked dead into her eyes for a couple of seconds before his brain kicked in again and he was sprinting back out of the hospital.
Upon seeing him, her brain kicked into overdrive. Before now it had been stuck in a loop, replaying the memory constantly. The moment that her car hit the girl would forever be engraved in her mind. The sight of the girl flying through the air and colliding with a tree, the sight of pure pain on the girls face penetrated through to her soul. Normally Jade would revel in the pain of others. But that was pain she hadn't caused or if she had, at least she was in control of it. This was something new to her and it scared her greatly.
What forced her brain out of this memory was the simple sight of a familiar face. The sight of him had granted her information that now she so desperately wanted to forget. When she saw Robbie Shapiro in front of her, there was only one possibility to the identity of the girl she had hit. It was Robbie's sister that she had hit. Now that her mind had a comparison to make she could see that the girl did share features with Shapiro and she was kicking herself that she hadn't seen it sooner.
However her mind had two more important things to focus on. The first was what she saw over Robbie's shoulder. The girl was covered by a blanket and Jade instantly knew what had happened. The pain that Jade had caused the girl was too much for her and it broke her body and soul. Now the girl was no longer of this world. Robbie's sister was dead by her hands and that struck straight at her spirit.
The second thing her brain had to process was the look that Robbie gave her. He may have only looked at her for a few seconds, but in those few seconds he spoke volumes. His eyes showed not surprise at her face, or any confusion. Instead she seemed to watch Robbie accept the grim truth what of her presence meant. Even when he accepted this fact no emotion sprang into his face, he was an empty shell. She had not only killed a girl, but she had also broken a good person.
She looked through the window one last time, letting her eyes drink in every detail of the room beyond, knowing that this would be another memory to haunt her. She swivelled and made her way out of the hospital. With her car currently impounded by the police, she had to walk home. She stormed down the street, the image constantly playing over in her head, now with the added guilt of knowing her victim. She wished her father had let her stay in police custody, if he had she wouldn't know her victim's identity and could have been dealing with it better than she was now. She wasn't kidding herself she knew the memory alone would slowly destroy her, but now she was crushed under the weight of it.
As she walked up to the door of her house, she absently noted that none of the lights were on. Her father had obviously been horrified and taken the others to his second home away from her. She rammed the door open and immediately collapsed on the floor. She lay huddled in the door way for sometime before she felt the cold. She forced her body to move and closed the door. She then walked over to the couch and sat down on it. She put her head in her hands and began to openly weep.
The image had now overtaken her mind. No other thought was present other than the scene of her killing Shapiro's sister. She needed to block it out stop it affecting her, just for a short time. She made her way to her father's study and wrenched open a cabinet. She reached in and withdrew a bottle of scotch. She tore off the lid and drunk straight from the bottle. The liquid burned her throat and she had to stop drinking as she started having a coughing fit.
She felt no different than before, the memory was still haunting her. So despite the coughing that was still racking her she took another large gulp. Again the memory was still there but she could feel the numbness begin to take over. She took another gulp and this time the memory seemed to blur and was unfocused in her mind. Trying to delete it completely she downed half of the bottle and placed it clumsily on her father's desk. The alcohol had the desired effect and she was no longer thinking of what she had done. But the alcohol had made her lose control and no longer able to stand she fell to the floor. She lay motionless, barely awake. Her last conscious memory was of tears streaming down her face.
Robbie's alarm went off next to him, not that it was necessary as he hadn't slept at all. He tried calling his parent s but neither of them would pick up their cell phones. He had sat up all night thinking about how rubbish a brother he was. What kind of older brother was he? He let his only sister go; he hadn't even known she'd been gone before it was too late. He was currently sat at the foot of his sister's bed looking at a picture of him and her together. It was from a few months ago. He slowly took the picture out of the frame and held the photo in his hand. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys, he then began to scratch his face out of the picture. He didn't deserve to be in that picture, only good brothers get to be happy.
His phone then went off and he looked down to check it. He had received a text from Cat.
Hey can you give me a lift. Jade hasn't picked me up yet and she won't answer her phone.
He looked at the phone for a few seconds. He thought carefully how to respond. He knew he couldn't tell anyone what had happened. They would only feel bad for him. He didn't deserve anyone's sympathy, he failed as a brother. He knew that in front of the others he had to act like everything was ok.
Sure. I'll be around in a bit :)
He then thought that if Jade wasn't answering her phone then maybe she wouldn't be in school. He knew that it must have been her who hit his sister because she had no other reason to be at the hospital. But then he thought that she might have done something stupid. He then began to feel that if he couldn't save his sister then he sure as hell would save Jade. In his mind it was all his fault, so if she was blaming herself then he had to stop her.
He slowly stood up and caught his reflection in his sister's mirror. He looked terrible, he had bags under his eyes and his skin was paler than normal. He slowly trudged to his room and took out his male make-up. He applied liberal amounts in the hope that it covered up his terrible appearance. After quickly changing into some random clothes he chose he got into his car and made his way to Cat's house.
On the drive over he had the radio blaring as loudly as possible, trying to drown out the haunting memories of his sister. Since last night he had constantly been playing every memory of his sister he could dig up in his mind. He was deliberately finding everything he had ever done to his sister that he deemed was hurtful and made a mental note to punish himself later. He was realising how pathetic of a brother he was.
When he saw Cat exit her house, he turned down the music to a more tolerable level. She was bouncing over to his car, while he had a fake smile plastered on his face. He knew that the smile would not reach his eyes but he hoped that Cat wouldn't notice.
"Hey Robbie, thanks for this" Cat beamed at him. Even despite his dark mood her cheeriness picked him up, if only because he may be a terrible brother but at least he's an ok friend.
"Not a problem" he croaked out as a result of underuse of his voice since the previous day. He shot her a quick smile hoping that she would let it drop as he pulled out into the road. The music seemed to distract Cat enough as she hummed along as Robbie drove. For several minutes this is how the journey continued, until Robbie stopped at a red light.
"Where's Rex?" Cat asked looking around the car, obviously confused by his absence.
Robbie had completely forgotten about Rex when he made to leave this morning. To be honest he would be completely happy if he never saw that wooden horror again. However he knew that he couldn't just abandon Rex without giving his friends a reason. So thinking quickly he devised a likely lie.
"He partied a little too hard last night and is sleeping it off" Robbie smoothly lied, however he couldn't stop it coming out in a monotone. He quickly glanced at Cat to see if she noticed his lie. She seemed to believe him, but he could swear that he saw some doubt in her eyes. But before he could act on it, the light turned green so his attention was forced back on the road.
You wish that were true. But I'm not going anywhere.
Rex had been another reason that he couldn't sleep last night. If ever he took a break from reliving his moments as a terrible brother, Rex would jump in and remind him of his part in Lucy's death. He tried his hardest to shut Rex out, but failed each time. Now he just resigned himself to Rex's presence.
If you paid as much attention to your sister as the road she'd still be alive now.
He knew this to be true, so he didn't even begin to think of any sort of defence. He let out a great sigh as he pulled into Hollywood Arts' parking lot. The sigh seemed to alert Cat that something was really bothering Robbie so she stopped humming. She put a lock of hair in her mouth as she thought of a way to get Robbie to confess his secret trouble.
She squeaked a little as she thought of a way to get him to confess. She knew of only one way to get Robbie to do what she wanted. As he pulled into an empty space Cat undid her seatbelt and turned to face him. She smiled at him sweetly which made he feel slightly uneasy.
"What's wrong Robbie?" she asked in her sweetest voice.
"Nothing" he replied in a dull tone. At this, Cat shifted closer to Robbie, almost in his lap. She then placed a hand in his hair and battered her eyelashes.
"You sure?" she reiterated her question.
"Yes" he responded. He pulled away from her touch and quickly exited his car.
Why did Cat have to do that? He didn't want to feel loved by anybody; in fact he was hoping that the others were going to make fun of him like normal. Of course Cat never would do that she's too nice. He looked over at her and saw that she was frowning. He knew that she was begging to worry so he had to appease her worries.
He quickly scuttled around the car and picked Cat up spinning her around. He plastered a fake smile on his face. By the time he put Cat down she was giggling and barely managing to stand. He steadied her by holding onto her shoulder. He looked into her eyes and smiled.
"Thanks for riding with me. I would have been bored otherwise" Robbie told her, his hollow smile still on his lips.
"You're so silly Robbie" she laughed spinning around and dragging Robbie inside the school.
Liar. If she wasn't there you would have kept driving. Run away from it all. But you can't run from me.
Robbie broke off from Cat and made his way to his locker. He dared not let his empty smile drop in front of her. So he opened his locker and hid his face inside, finally letting his smile fade away. It wasn't until he heard the locker next to him open that he dared removed his head. He looked over, and even in his emotionally numb state, was astonished by the sight that greeted him.
At the locker next to him stood Jade West, but not like he had ever seen her before. She was wearing a black hoodie with her hood pulled up. Despite this he saw strands of hair sticking out at odd angles. When she looked at him for the briefest of seconds it was clear that she was struggling with being here. He knew that if anyone else saw her in this state then they would know something was up. Then he began to worry that she would tell people what would happen.
He quickly made to speak to her, trying desperately to keep the facade he built together.
"Jade" he almost whispered. He knew that she was in a bad place and he knew it was his fault. Seeing her like this forced him to realise that he needed to take action. Not just to keep his smokescreen in place, but to correct a mistake he had made, before it was too late.
She flinched at his words; primarily he thought it was because she was afraid of what he would say. He made to reapply his phony smile before the smell hit him. Jade West stunk of booze. He quickly grabbed her arm and dragged her to the closet. Slamming the door shut, he released her and went to the window in the door to make sure no-one saw them.
Robbie expected to turn around and face a torrent of abuse for daring to touch her. Instead the boy was met with stony silence and Jade staring at the floor. He knew then that what had happened had struck Jade harder than he had anticipated. He thought that, at the worst, she would be battling whether to feel guilty or not about not chasing after Robbie and explaining.
"Jade, nobody knows and neither are they going to. Understand?" Robbie broke the silence. For a minute Jade didn't respond. Then she looked up and her face was contorted into a look of confusion.
"W...wha...what are... you talking about?" she stuttered out. This had to be the first time ever that she had stuttered. He wondered absently if it was the incident or the booze that had caused this.
"I don't want people knowing" he stated, fixing a stare directly at her so that she would focus.
"OK" she whispered, resigned to the fact that she had no power in this situation.
"But we have a problem" he informed her. To which she began to fluster, probably expecting Robbie to finally lay into her.
"What? No problem. I won't tell anyone I swear" she began to ramble. Shuffling back slightly so that she pinned herself against the wall.
"The way you look is going to raise suspicions. We're going to wait until everyone is in first period and then head to the dressing rooms. We'll fix you up there" he told her.
She nodded her head slightly at the end of his instructions and then slid down onto the floor. She roamed around in her bag for a second before quickly withdrawing a bottle. At the sight of the bottle Robbie quickly snatched it from her hand. Jade let out a whimper and made a reach for it, but the girl seemed to lack the energy to move from her spot.
"None of this" he instructed her.
"But I need it to block out the memory please" Jade begged.
"I need you head clear" Robbie informed her. He knew that the girl was damaged deeply if she thought she needed alcohol to cope. He looked at the girl and how pathetic she looked. The girl looked defeated at his simple action and it struck at the shattered remains of his heart.
"You can have it back after school" Robbie stated. He knew it was wrong to give her alcohol but he knew that if he controlled it then maybe he would have a chance of getting her out of her pit.
BRINGGG BRINGG BRINGGG
Jade looked at Robbie in slight fascination. She had expected the nerd to go full Shapiro on her and have a massive rant at her. Just unlike his normal rants, it would be full of anger and rage. Instead the boy was standing in front of her and telling her to pull her act together. She would have laughed at the situation a few days ago but now she won't for two reasons. Firstly she doubted she would ever laugh again after what she had experienced. Secondly, the boy had her only means of release secured in his bag.
The boy peered through the window briefly. Jade focused her gaze back on the floor. The memory was beginning to replay in her mind again. Before it got too far in, she was yanked free of the memory by Shapiro's voice.
"It's clear let's go" he ordered, his voice devoid of any emotion.
Jade remained on the floor, not feeling any reason to move. Her line of thought telling her that it was better that she stayed in the closet, hid from it all. That way Robbie would be fulfilled and she wouldn't have to face what she did.
"You're not going to make this easy are you?" the boy questioned. He looked at the dejected girl and made a move to drag her up. "Good" he whispered under his breath. This confused the girl. Surely at a time where his emotions are so highly volatile, he would want everyone to make things easier for him. But it must make sense to him and who was she to question him. By all rights he should be screaming at her and breaking her spirit further. But here he was helping her.
After being helped up by the boy, she began to shuffle slowly. The day had already taken most of her energy from her. Robbie followed close behind, scanning the area repeatedly for other people. Suddenly he grabs my forearm and slams himself against the locker. He forces my arm lightly against his throat. Jade is confused at his actions until she sees some nerdy little boy scuffling around the corner.
"Threaten me and then growl at him" Robbie whispered harshly. With no energy to argue with him, and to make him shut up, she complied with his instruction. The boy upon seeing the situation, hearing the growl and seeing Jade's appearance darted across the hall and collided with a row of lockers before clawing himself to his feet and disappearing from sight.
"Why do that?" Jade questioned weakly. She looked at him as he returned to his original position and began gently guiding her to their desired location. His eyes seemed to flit everywhere accept her.
"Simple. You're not Jade right now and if anyone sees that then they go looking for the reason why" he explained as he halted her movement to peak around the corner. He quickly moved her to the door across from them and closed it behind them.
"Why don't you want people to know?" She asked him, mustering all her strength to hold his gaze. Those eyes revealed nothing, they held no emotion and no answer to her question. However they did hold something for her, the damage that she had truly inflicted on the boy.
"Later" he said, tearing his gaze from her and began to search the boxes around him for clothes. Jade had simple found a chair and sat in it, following Robbie's movements carefully. Here he was helping her, the girl that had clearly decimated his world. The girl that broke whatever she touched, even for the briefest moment.
The boy threw a pile of clothes at her, snapping her out of her deep reflection. She looked at the clothes and debated whether or not to put them on. She felt much more comfortable in her current clothes, they went some way to hiding her shame. These clothes seemed like a statement to her, saying that everything was fine; that what she did was normal. That was as far from the truth as it could be.
She looked up, prepared to fight Robbie on this decision, but was stopped by the mere sight of him. He was slumped over in a chair opposite her. In this position he seemed like he was no longer human, but simply and empty shell that refused to crack. She slowly got up and disappeared behind a screen and began to change.
As she stripped out of her clothes she felt exposed. Not for fear that Shapiro would peek. But because when she was wearing those clothes she felt as if people could see her guilt. When she stood in nothing but her undergarments she was truly exposed. It made no outward statement and left her exposed to what people truly saw in her. She had nothing to hide behind.
"Once you're finished, you need you're make up done" Robbie explained. The girl felt slightly comforted that on the other side of the screen stood a person who knew exactly how she felt. A person, who no matter what she did on the outside, knew that she was broken on the inside.
With that in mind she quickly pulled on her change of clothes, feeling a small amount of comfort return to her. She looked at herself in the mirror and was struck by the sight of her. The clothes triggered the memory again, the sight of her in them reminding her of what she was like before the accident and what had changed her.
The girl collapsed on the floor and began to openly weep. The action reminding her of the process she went through last night. Only this time something was different, instead of remaining on the cold floor, something had removed her or more like someone. Robbie had encased her in his arms whispering something in her ear.
"It's not your fault."
The thing was he seemed to believe those words. They held in them more conviction than she had heard him say before this point. She wanted to ask him why, but her whole body was still racked with her sorrow. So instead she settled for burying her face in his shoulder. Somewhere in her mind she knew that exposing herself like this to the person she hurt so deeply would result in greater pain for her. She didn't care; this was the first time she felt that not everything was ruined.
All too soon Robbie pulled away and the empty feeling returned to Jade. She had to hold in a squeak of disappointment. She stood up and followed the boy over to the vanity mirror, which had all types of cosmetics in front of it. She sat down and immediately began to rifle through the various cosmetics. She was so distracted by her search for specific things, that when she felt something touch her hair she dropped the eye shadow she was holding.
She looked in the mirror to see Robbie brushing her hair. His touch was so gentle that it was the hairbrush getting caught, that alerted her to his actions. She stared at him as he continued to carefully brush her hair, setting it into its normal style.
"We've wasted a lot of time already. People will notice you've been gone" Robbie explained, after Jade had not returned to her make-up.
Jade silently returned to her make-up, closing her eyes every once in a while to focus on Robbie's touch. The delicateness of his touch made her feel more at ease as if there was hope of something good in her future. If the person she ruined would treat her like this then surely others would treat her feelings just as well.
Before long the warmth the girl felt at his touch began to become distant. It wasn't until she looked at him leaning against the opposite wall in the mirror that she registered that her hair was back to its normal style. He shot her a weak smile as she placed her eyeliner on the table.
"Well you look like your old self again" he said, breaking the silence that they let drift over them.
"I may look normal, but I don't think I'll ever feel normal again" she informed him, studying her appearance in the mirror.
"We'll see" Robbie said leaving the room quickly just as the bell rang.
Robbie was making his way towards his next class. Each step he took seemed to take more from him than he expected. His mind was now flashing between two images. The first his sister lying in the hospital bed and then the heart monitor flat-lining. The second was of Jade in tears on the floor of the dressing room.
It was now clear to him just how deeply he had hurt her. Jade West was a strong woman who cried in front of no-one. Beck had always told him that Jade never cried, at least never in front of him. So for her to breakdown in front of him, someone she barely tolerated, then she must be in total emotional turmoil. He thought back to his actions to stop her crying. He didn't know what he was doing but he thought that his arms might offer some kind of anchor in her emotional storm.
As the images flooded his mind, he turned away from the door. He headed instead in the direction of the library. Knowing that the area would be quiet now, he sought the solitude to think of a way to help Jade. He knew that the breakdown he witnessed was as a result of guilt she felt over his sister's death. He knew that the only way to make her happy was to make her see that he was the one at fault and that the burden was his alone to bear.
He quickly ducked into the library, avoiding the librarian, and made his way into a dark, secluded corner of the library. He settled down and pulled out his notebook. He needed to organise his thoughts. He was having trouble concentrating on Jade because his mind was more focused on his sister. He knew that he had to find a way to concentrate long enough to find a way to help Jade.
That's easy leave, and then you can't hurt anyone.
Robbie thought strongly on this plan. Rex was right, if Robbie wasn't around he couldn't hurt anyone else. However he knew Jade wouldn't return to normal without some help. The bottle in his bag was testament to that. He then thought on it further from Jade's view. Would she see it as him protecting people? Or instead would she see it as her causing him to run away?
He was unable to give a solid answer to that. Rex was still fighting strongly for him to leave. But the last remnants of his heart were fighting to stay and save Jade from herself. The battle within him did however bring something to light, Jade mattered enough to him to fight for.
He looked down at his notebook, which he had been absently doodling in the entire time. He had drawn a rather crude image of a pair of scissors through a heart. It was clear which side his subconscious was on and that for him was enough to act on. He began to think of a plan, but decided against it. There was no point in making a plan that he would ruin. However he did have one thought, he needed to get Jade alone to listen to him.
With this in mind he pushed himself off the floor and snuck out of the library. He knew that his only chance to get Jade alone was to make her meet him out of school. In order to do this he had to tell her when the others weren't around in case they got suspicious. He was moving quickly to what he thought was her class, to talk to her before lunch. He was moving quickly and was so preoccupied with getting to the room quickly that he was unaware of someone about to collide with him.
When the inevitable collision happened the two bodies became a blur. The girl who had collided with Robbie fell straight for the floor. She seemed to be unable to move quickly enough to brace herself for the ground as her arms hung limply by her side. Robbie began to lose his footing but shifted quickly to not only regain his balance but to grab the girl before she connected with the floor.
Robbie's arms were securely on the girl's waist, as both breathed heavily from the adrenaline rush that the accident. Robbie slowly began to notice how he was holding the girl and quickly pulled her up and removed his hands. Robbie fixed his gaze to the floor sure that the girl was about to shout at him for touching her.
"You should have let me fall" came a familiar voice.
Robbie snapped his eyes up immediately to be met by the sight of Jade. He was about to ask her why she was out of class, but reminded himself that it was probably for a similar reason to him.
"Why?" he asked. He already suspected what her answer would be, but he had to be sure before he made an idiot of himself.
"I deserve no less" she responded, beginning to walk away. Robbie placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. He had heard enough, he couldn't understand why Jade couldn't see his fault in all of this.
"Some accidents can be stopped and so should" he told her in a firm voice.
Shame you didn't stop your sister's accident when you could of.
Robbie shook the voice from his head to look at Jade. The girl was giving him a questioning look, asking desperately if she could have stopped it. The look struck his soul because he already knew the answer to that question.
"Not by you" he told her. He looked back at Jade to see if her question was answered, only to be met by another questioning glance. He was about to tell her that he would explain it if she would come to his house later. Unfortunately the bell rang just then and Tori came bounding out of the classroom next to them.
The three of them shared a few awkward glances, before mutely agreeing to walk towards the lunch area. Not words were shared but Jade's expression seemed to be fixed in the quizzical expression. Robbie was trying to think of another time when he could ask her. They all sat down and were in silence until Cat came bounding in exclaiming her love for the colour pink.
Jade sat there wondering what Robbie was trying to say. Was he subtly trying to blame her in a way she wouldn't know? She was staring at him as if trying to read him. Unfortunately because the rest of the gang were now here Robbie had taken on a new form. He was pretending that everything was normal. His fake smile planted firmly on his face. She thought of a minute on how he had wanted her to act normally. But she supposed that being quiet and moody was the norm for her anyway.
"Oh darn it I forgot my wallet" came the annoying announcement of Vega from beside her. Jade sent the girl a glare, didn't she know there were more serious things going on. She was reminded that they didn't when Robbie let out a small chuckle. It was his choice that no-one knew, but that didn't make it easy for her.
"Robbie you know how you love me?" Tori asked, batting her eyelashes slightly.
Robbie stood up and gestured for Tori to follow him. It made Jade angry that Robbie was simply acting like normal. It frustrated her that Tori was taking advantage without knowing she was and it was all Jade's fault. If Tori knew the truth, Jade knew that she would treat Robbie much better than she was able. So far all she'd done was cry in his arms, no doubt reminding him of his lose.
She was trying to focus on what to do in order to help Robbie. Unfortunately her brain kept returning her thoughts to the previous evening. The memory was slowly ripping through her defence and she was sure that she would soon shout what she did. So engaged was she that she didn't notice Robbie return. It was only when a coffee cup was thrust in front of her that her brain was able to function normally.
She looked at the hand it had come from, only to find Robbie shooting her a hesitant smile. It was the closest to any emotion that the girl had seen come from him. The sight of this slight emotion shocked the girl. Even despite the way he had been treating her, she thought that the first real emotion she would ever see from him would be hatred. The hesitant smile seemed to hold something that she couldn't quite decipher.
In her determination to figure out his feeling, her eyes had never left his. This action didn't go un-noticed by Tori. Who was still reflecting on the position she found Jade and Robbie in before lunch. It confused her about the interactions these two were having. Deciding that this was a perfect way to get a bit of revenge on Jade, she prepared to speak.
"Jade I never knew you were crushing on Robbie" Tori said.
"What?!" Jade spat. The accusation was a hard one to hear. Not because Robbie was disgusting, in fact she thought the exact opposite of him right now. It was hard to hear because she couldn't even comprehend of feeling that way for anyone. She knew that if she did she would feel like she didn't deserve it. It was also difficult because Jade knew that Robbie would surely be sickened by the thought of her.
"Well I found you in a loving embrace before and now you can't take your eyes off of him" Tori explained.
"Shut it Vega£ Jade grumbled, trying desperately to calm herself. Unsure what would happen or be said if she let her emotions get the better of her.
"Oh, defending your Romeo are we?" Tori taunted.
That turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Jade's barriers finally broke down and all the emotions that she had been feeling burst free. She pushed herself forward on the table, intent on catapulting herself on top of Tori. However she was surprised when her body never made contact with Tori. In fact she felt the cold sting of the ground burning her skin.
She moved her stare around to find Robbie pinning her to the ground. She was surprised that he was able to move fast enough to stop her, seeing as she didn't know that she was going to pounce on Tori. What surprised her more was that looking at him, her anger quickly dissipated. He quickly lowered his head to talk to her.
"My house after school" he instructed. She was so surprised by her actions that she didn't respond.
"Now punch me in the gut and say you don't get to touch me" he continued after she failed to respond. She was confused by this but acted as he instructed. After picking herself up she stormed off inside the school.
When she was alone she tried to make sense of Robbie's actions but couldn't even begin to understand him. Was his instruction to go to his house to guilt her? Was it so that he could vent his emotions in private? The thoughts turned more morbid as the memory replayed in her head. Maybe it was so that he could take his revenge. She began to think deeper. Would she care if he did take his revenge? After all she did deserve it, she ruined his life so now he could do as he wished to her, in order to equal it out.
Not being able to face the torment of thinking on his actions and reliving the awful memory, she crashed through the hallways of Hollywood Arts. She didn't stop at the doors and kept on walking. She was soon outside of Hollywood Arts and making her way in the direction of Robbie's house. She walked towards what she hoped would be the slight alleviation of her own torment.
Robbie had left his last lesson of the day and head straight out the doors of Hollywood Arts, not bothering to stop at his locker. The act that he had to keep up during the day had taken a heavy toll. All he wanted was to get home and escape to his own personal hell for just a while, long enough to hope that the pain he felt was at least a fraction of the punishment he deserved.
As he drove out of Hollywood Arts he thought about how after his altercation with Jade, she had simply disappeared. Even on his frequent escapes from class, under the guise of needing the bathroom, he had not seen any trace of her. He wander whether or not she would follow his instruction. Or whether instead he had broken her spirit so much that she had simply left and would never return.
That'll make two lives ruined by you. Or four depending on your view.
Robbie gripped the wheel tighter knowing what Rex was speaking of and silently resigning himself to the fact that he was nothing but a terrible person. So deep in his own world was he that he nearly missed the turning for his street. He turned down the road and silently agreed that if Jade was a no show then he would simply give up and abandon living his life in the hope that it would be seen as punishment enough for his failings.
As he parked his car outside his house, he took in the view. The house looked completely normal from the outside and to any passing stranger it would seem that way. In his mind he knew the broken home that it really was. It was now an empty shell of a house; his parents off somewhere else and his sister no longer around. The only life the house held was him and he was such a feeble example that he was sure that he added no real presence to the house.
Robbie left his car and dragged himself to the front door. He paused before opening the door, knowing that there would be no-one to greet him. All that waited for him inside was guilt. He slotted the key into the lock, knowing that he deserved the guilt and so much more for his failings as a brother.
When he opened the door he was slightly taken aback by the person he saw in front of him. Sat on the couch was Jade. She had a cushion in her lap that had been torn to shreds by the pair of scissors in her hand. Robbie hadn't expected her to be here already, but the sight of her answered his concerns over her disappearance from school.
While her sight slightly eased his worry, it also increased it. He hadn't prepared to what he was going to say to her. He was too busy punishing himself to plan for anything. He decided to simply join her on the couch silently. He twisted the straps of his backpack tightly thinking of some way to start a conversation. Thankfully he was saved by Jade who began to speak.
"Sorry about the cushion" she uttered as barely more than a whisper, "but there's no alcohol here to blot out the memory and this was the only other thing I could think to do."
Robbie wasn't concerned about the cushion, but more the reason behind why she felt it necessary to do it. He slowly reached into his bag and retrieved the bottle he had confiscated from her earlier. He looked at it for a few moments before offering it to Jade.
"No-one in this house drinks" he explained, "but I don't think you have any reason to drink."
Jade had begun to unscrew the top of the bottle, intent on taking a massive swig of the alcohol. Once Robbie had finished speaking however she paused and looked at him.
"What do you mean I killed someone?" she demanded of him, "Do you know what that does to someone?"
This is what Robbie had feared, Jade was putting sole blame for his sister's death on herself. Pinching the bridge of his nose Robbie let out a great sigh.
"There's a difference between someone dying and being killed Jade. And you didn't kill my sister, she died" Robbie told her. He knew that this was how he viewed it, but he wondered how he was going to make Jade see it this way.
"No Robbie you're wrong. If I wasn't driving then she would be alive right now and that means that I killed her" Jade explained, taking her scissors in her hand and tearing the cushion some more.
"And if she hadn't left the house she would still be alive" Robbie countered her argument. He knew that the girl would most likely ignore his point but he had to try.
"But she did leave and I did kill her" Jade said, her voice wavering slightly as tears began to form in her eyes.
Robbie saw that she was working herself up. He tried to think of a different approach. He knew that he would have to figure out why Jade was driving and find a way to justify her reason for being there in the first place.
"Let me ask you a question. Why were you driving?"
"What?" Jade responded, shooting a quizzical expression at Robbie, revealing her red rimmed eyes.
"You heard me" Robbie prompted her in his softest voice in order to try a coax an answer out of her.
"Does it matter?" Jade croaked turning away from Robbie.
"It does to me" he responded, hoping that her guilt would make her answer his question.
"My parents, well my dad and stepmother" Jade began, "they were talking about taking me out of Hollywood Arts. I tried to reason with them. But they just kept saying that they wanted a secure future for me. Then my dad said that after this semester I would be leaving and going to some other school. I was so mad, I couldn't stay there anymore. So I left and drove around trying to calm myself down. That's when it happened."
She was now openly weeping, which caused Robbie to feel even worse. He had now forced the girl to relive a memory that caused her pain. He felt horrible for further destroying the girl and knew he had to do something to help calm her down. He thought back to what he did early when she cried and hoped that it would be enough again to calm her down.
He reached over to Jade and pulled her into a hug. She simply collapsed into it and wept on his shoulder. He stroked the back of her hair hoping that would help calm her down. Soon the sobbing grew silent but Jade made no move to pull back.
"Sorry to make you relive that, I know it couldn't have been easy" Robbie told her. He knew what his next action would have to be and he hoped that it wouldn't set her off again. But before he could act on it Jade whispered in his ear.
"I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to be anywhere near me after what I did. But your touch is one of the few things that calms me down. You must hate me."
"You're wrong, I don't hate you. Can I ask; what do you think would have happened if you stayed at your house?" Robbie probed, knowing that he could set her off and that his confession of non-hatred would possible confuse her.
"I'm not sure but probably hurt someone" she croaked pushing herself off of Robbie.
"Well then you did nothing wrong by leaving" Robbie stated firmly.
"But I killed your sister because of that, why don't you hate me for that?" Jade enquired fixing her gaze on the floor, unsure of whether she could take the guilt of looking at Robbie. However she felt a hand take her chin and direct her face towards Robbie.
"Simple, it's not your fault that she's dead. It's mine" Robbie confessed, allowing his emotions to finally build enough to start shedding tears. Jade was taken aback by his confession.
"What do you mean?" she asked desperate to know why he felt why he was responsible and not her.
"Well the reason my sister left the house was because my parents had a fight. Another one" he began, "You see my mum keeps coming and going in our lives. The reason she gives is me. She talks about how she hates having such a useless son. The only reason she comes back is because of dad. He chases after her every single time and she hates to be away from him. To start with it was only a few days at a time, now they're away for weeks at a time"
Robbie stopped talking to look at a picture on the wall of the entire family. They were all smiling and happy in that photo. He hated how the family was no gone and all because of him. Was he such a terrible person?
"Yesterday they had a pretty massive argument. Mum stormed out followed by dad shortly afterwards. Both my sister and I had long since locked ourselves in our rooms. At some point my sister must have snuck. She always does to clear her head. I should've have checked on her. But what's worse is the reason that I didn't check on her. I was too busy arguing with Rex, or should I say myself."
Robbie turned to look at Jade, tears running freely down his face. He saw that she was also crying, but he was unsure as to whether it was because she had finally accepted his view on events or because she just pitied him. He hoped that it wasn't pity.
"So you see my sister died because I failed as a son and a brother. You hold no blame over my failings" Robbie finished.
Neither moved for several long moments, both just silently crying. Each of them sensed how vulnerable the other was due to the raw emotions shared.
"So we're both blaming ourselves for what happened. And we're clearly punishing ourselves for it" Jade said.
"Yes but I don't think you should blame yourself" Robbie explained to her.
"I will regardless. You shouldn't punish yourself, it's not your fault" Jade told him.
"I can't stop. I will always see it as my fault" Robbie confessed.
"Well then I'll make it my goal to stop you thinking that way. You're the only one who can ease my pain. I'll never stop feeling guilt but when you're around I can feel like this won't destroy me" Jade informed him determined to save him from himself.
"It'll be a long time, if ever, that I don't blame myself. But I'm determined to make you understand that her death wasn't your fault. I'll only feel that this is achieved when I know you're back to your old self" Robbie explained.
"So basically we got ourselves in a never ending circle of guilt" Jade surmised.
"Yes but neither of us will back down. And it's the only way that either of us will ever get anywhere near back to our old selves. So as long as you're in, I am too" Robbie told her.
With that they both shook hands and knew that their lives were forever changed and that they now would both live in a world of guilt. But the burden would always be shared.