AN: Ok so first off, this was originally just going to be a one-shot, but I decided to cut it off and make it have at least another chapter (more if people like it.) Also I would like to thank my lovely beta , and also my-land-ahoy for giving me this as a prompt to write! Enjoy :)

Oh and you guys should probably know that even though this is happening sometime in season 8, Thirteen is the only person on the team (instead of park), also after the divorce Chase moved away (not Cameron), and then when Cuddy left the hospital, Cameron became the Administrator (not Foreman) Ok but everything else should be generally the same, and there are a few references to past episodes also...

Disclaimer: If I owned House... Sorry, I just was thinking about all the great things I would have done to the already amazing show... sadness came when I realized I don't own it, so I can't do any of those things :(

"House?" Thirteen was on her way out of the DDX room after a long day when she saw slight movement out of the corner of her eye, coming from the other side of the glass wall. "House are you in there?" She placed her messenger bag back on the chair, and took a hesitant step towards his office. She brought her hand silently up to the cold metal handle.

"Go away..." His voice was weak, trailing off at the end. He sat behind his desk on the floor, seeming to be struggling to stay upright. The last time she had checked her watch it had been twelve thirty, the hospital was practically empty other than a few nurses and the patients that had to stay the night. Why was he still here?

The brunette disregarded her boss, and crept into the room. Even from the distance that she still kept between them, she could clearly she the pain that consumed his eyes.

"I thought I said go away..." The sarcasm that always heavily saturated his voice was nonexistent at the moment, and all that was left was a quiet, shaky mutter. Thirteen took a step closer to him, and knelt down at his side. His head turned in the opposite direction hoping to avoid her eyes. She wasn't exactly sure what to say to him. He obviously was hurting, but she knew she wasn't exactly the best person to be giving advice on how to be happy.

They both sat in silence until finally House accepted the fact that his duckling wasn't going to leave until she knew he was OK. "Why are you here so late anyway, shouldn't you be out having some hot lesbian sex?" He pushed the pain down as best he could, and hoped the brunette would take the comment as her signal to leave.

Slightly started by his change in demeanor, the young doctor shifted uncomfortably on the floor until she was tightly hugging her knees to her chest. "I don't want to be at home right now." She left it at that, but that was still much more of an answer than House had expected. He turned to look her in the eyes for the first time in the entire ten minutes that the two had been in the room together.

"What's wrong?" He didn't ask sarcastically, nor did he ask rudely or in the name of a puzzle. His question was prompted by pure concern, and Remy knew it.

Her eyes were concentrating on the carpet. She had found a small stain and her mind started coming up with all the possible ways it could have gotten there. It wasn't the hardest differential, but it was enough to keep her mind occupied, avoiding House's questions. Thirteen's distraction was short lived however, when she felt a blunt jab to her outer thigh.

"HEY! What was that for?" She angrily snapped out of her trace and spotted the cane that rested in his hand.

"I want an answer. Please." She was taken aback. House NEVER said please. Well, not unless he was being sarcastic. But the return of the weak unstable voice told her that he was desperate, so desperate he said PLEASE. She would have been more concerned if it hadn't been for her own troubles that had also been eating at her recently.

"My house, there are too many pictures. Too many memories. Too many bad things I did. I can't be there without feeling like it's all my fault, like it's always been all my fault."

Remy didn't know why she was telling him all this. He doesn't care, he never cares about anyone.

Except, for some reason she couldn't help but trust him. He seemed so fragile, like he needed a human connection or he would just evaporate into thin air. "Why am I left. My mom. My brother..." Her voice cracked. The pain that infected House's eyes, now infecting her own. A single tear escaped the corner of her perfect almond shaped eyes, and it slowly trickled down the side of her face. She hadn't let a single tear fall since the night after she had been let out of jail. She had forced herself to stay strong so no one would notice, but in reality the pain had just been welling up inside. She noticed.

Thirteen felt a touch to her outer thigh again, but this time it was gentle and soothing. She turned away from the empty space she had been staring into, and looked down to see a weathered hand there for support. She wanted to smile, but her face wouldn't allow it.

Without being forced, blackmailed, or any of the other usual hoops people had to jump through to get him to open up, the older doctor began to speak. "I can't take the pain anymore." Thirteen looked up at him. He never freely divulged any information about himself, yet here he was opening up to her.

Before she could ask how bad the leg pain has been recently, he continued, answering her unspoken question for her. "My leg's gone numb. Barely feel it anymore, I like it that way." He gave her a short confirming nod, and a half smile that carried no emotion behind it.

"House, if your leg isn't hurting then what is?" Truly confused about what he had meant, the brunette quietly brushed the alien tears away, and watched as her boss took a long look around his office. The room had always been cluttered with toys and things to entertain him, however as he sat in the dark, he noticed how empty the office had started to feel recently.

"I-I'm... I'm alone." He struggled to get the words out. He had always been alone, he always had said he liked it that way. Thirteen didn't know how to respond, so she didn't. The two continued the uncomfortable silence in the dark room for what seemed like forever.

She still couldn't drop the subject, however. "House I don't understand." She finally cut through the silence.

"But don't you? Of all the people I've ever met, you, Dr. Remy Hadley, seem to be by far the loneliest... Well, aside from me of course." His sarcasm quickly faded. She wasn't sure whether to be insulted by being called lonely, or be somewhat relieved that someone, anyone had noticed the facade she put on, and was able to see past it.

"What-"

"It wasn't that hard to see. You surround yourself with strangers, never letting a single soul in. You're only trying to hide the fact that everyone that matters is gone. It wasn't that hard to figure out, Hell even a monkey could have done it."

"Well...no House, a monkey couldn't have. No one else has been able to see. Only you." She smiled, but it wasn't reciprocated. He just waved it off, indifferently.

"Sometimes people can't see in others, what they've never seen before in themselves."

"Sometimes I just wish that the pain would just..."

"Go way." He gave the brunette a solemn smile. He finished her thought for her. The thought that they were both thinking. "We could make it go away." She couldn't believe what House was saying. Make it go away...the words echoed in her ears. The thought never had really occurred to her, but it did make sense. She needed to be released from her pain, drugs and wild sex weren't helping the least bit anymore. Yes, make it all go away.

Thirteen looked up at her broken boss. Only he was able to even notice her pain, and it was because he too felt the same. He shared the feeling of a black hole eating away at her life, and he, like no one before him, actually cared. They locked eyes for only a brief second, but in that second they had made a pact. They were going to end their suffering tonight.

"I have an unused razor in the bottom drawer of my desk." House said as he jerked his head in the indicated direction.

"You? A razor?" The thought almost made her laugh.

"Hey, I said It was unused." His mood had somewhat lightened after they had talked for quite sometime. Neither of them felt the need to hold anything back really, their secrets would be taken to the grave.

"Ok well regardless House, that would be too..."

"Messy." He interrupted her. She hadn't wanted to say it, but she knew it was true. The thought penetrated her mind. The red seeping out of their veins as their skin turned white and cold, she shivered. The image had taken all words out of her mouth and all she was able to do was nod in confirmation. "Well, I suppose the only other option would be drug overdose."

The brunette stared at her boss, all she could so was nod again. The way she saw it, it was only fair. She murdered her brother, and no matter how many times she tried to justify her actions, thats what it came down to. She took his life, and now she was going to take her's.

"It's only logical I suppose. I'll be back in five minutes. Ten max." She darted towards the door trying to suppress her emotions.

He had noticed how she turned to stone as soon as he had mentioned drugs. He knew she euthanized her brother, but before tonight, he never really appreciated how much it had torn her up, left her emotionally unstable, vulnerable. Before tonight, he never really noticed how much alike they really were.

Thirteen walked with a purposed down the hall to the pharmacy. Even though it was dark and locked for the night, with a key the medicine behind the security gate could be accessed. A key that House of course had a copy of.

She swiftly inserted the small silver key into the lock, and soon as she heard the unlatching of the mechanism, she slipped her small body through the door and into the room. Briefly being distracted by the walls of pills surrounding her, the brunette couldn't keep her mind from wandering. She had to look at this small pharmacy station almost every day at the hospital, but it seemed so distant while she stood in front of the container labeled Barbiturate.

Her hand reached out and grabbed two, almost completely full bottles of barbiturate. Not wanting to be in the room any longer than she had to, not wanting to be anywhere longer than she had to, Remy promptly exited the pharmacy and locked the security gate behind her.

"Dr. Hadley?" Thirteen froze. She didn't want to turn and face any one at the moment, she couldn't stand opening up to anyone else. She had to stay strong, even if it would just be for another hour.

"Thirteen what are you doing down here so late?" Thirteen hadn't realized it, but her and House had been talking in his office for quite some time, and as she checked her watch she saw it was 2:47 AM. She sharply inhaled, put a quite convincing fake smile on and turned to face the short blonde newly instated hospital administrator.

"Cameron Hi, I was just down here grabbing some medicine for our patient that came in this morning, err well I suppose it would be yesterday morning at this point." She quickly waved the bottles at the doctor and then began to make her way towards the elevators.

"What are they for?" Thirteen signaled for the elevator with the push of a button and turned back to face the questioning blonde. "The meds, what are they for?"

"Oh right. Um, the patient has epilepsy." Cameron looked at the young doctor. She looked tired and vulnerable, as if she had been recently crying.

"Thirteen, is everything OK?" Her overbearing instincts to give support kicked in. The blonde took a half step forward, wanting to reach out and give the women the hug it looked as if she so desperately needed. Recently the two women have been increasingly growing closer as friends, and Cameron hoped that bond between them would allow the brunette to open up. Her hopes were short lived, however.

"Yeah, everything will be perfect once I get this barbiturate to my patient." After flashing House's former duckling and now his boss, a half hearted smile, she stepped onto the elevator which had arrived at the perfect time. She didn't like lying to Allison. Of all things, she might be the one thing Remy would miss when she was gone.

Remy slowly reentered the familiar office. In the little time she had been downstairs, House had moved off the floor and was now standing outside on his balcony. She gently placed the bottles on the desk, and moved towards the glass doors. Silently, the brunette slipped through the already open doors and crept up on the older gentleman. She rested her hand on his shoulder, and he tensed at the touch.

"We could always jump. It's quite exhilarating actually." He thought back to the time did a cannonball off of a hotel balcony. It had actually made him smile for once in a long time. He missed that feeling of being able to smile.

"House, are you still sure we should do this?" Her mind drifted to the conversation she had with her only friend, Allison. It was hard to look her in the eye and tell her she was alright. But it had to be done, didn't it?

"There's nothing else left for me here." He stated matter-of-factly.

"You told me you're alone, and I get that. I understand that empty feeling... but haven't you always been alone, House? What changed?" She held her breath as she waiting for an answer. "House, it's OK. You can tell me." He shifted forward, with his arms out in front of him so they were able to support his weight as he leaned against the rail. With his head buried in his hands, he inhaled sharply. "There would be people who missed you, don't doubt that." Her mind was begging him to truly open up to her, and hold nothing back. She had let her guard down around him, and told him some of her darkest fears, she thought it was only fair if he do the same. What was he so afraid of?

His eyes shot up towards Thirteen who had been staring down at the ground several floors below. "I pushed them all away. Chase. Cameron. Taub. Stacy. Amber. Kutner...Cuddy. I don't deserve to be missed." He grew angry and his voice took on a harsh tone. "If you don't want to end the pain with me, then I don't care. I want it to end. Tonight."

She shook her head, tears welling up again threatening to fall. "Is that really why..." her voice choked, "why you want to die?" His yelling had flipped a switch in her, she had left herself open to him and he just tore her down. Her normal strong hold on her emotions was nowhere to be seen.

"Well isn't that why you want to? Because your alone?" She had moved to the farthest spot on the balcony away from him and turned her back. She couldn't face him, not now.

"House, I'm alone because my family died around me. I killed by brother..." She broke down, she fell onto her knees and began violently sobbing. It was the first time she had said the words out loud. She knew what she had done the moment she held the empty, used needle in her hand, but she was never able to admit it. Not out loud. "I killed him, and that's why I'm alone."

His anger dissipated. The strong willed, slightly stubborn, brilliant, emotionally hard doctor he had known for almost four years now was nowhere to be seen. There were very few things in the world that could change a person so much in such short time, and it pained him to see her like this. He remembered the day she had told him about euthanizing her brother. She was scared she would be alone in the end, He remembered how he promised her, promised to kill her when the time came. He realized this was that time. Thirteen's pain was too much for her to live with, it was more than clear.

House took a half step towards her, but then stopped himself. He wouldn't be able to solve her problems with a hug, not that he would even really know how to give one at all. She wanted to know his reasons for killing himself as well. He wished he could tell her and maybe it would give her some peace of mind, but no it would surely only make everything more complicate. Searching for a true but vague explanation, he hoped she would just except it and move on. "They all tried...to get close to me, but...I wouldn't let them. It's no one's fault...but my own." He spoke slowly, pausing after every few words. She managed to quiet her tears and pull herself together long enough to glance back at him.

"You're a coward. You spend your whole life looking for answers, because you think the next answer will change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. Maybe you should've spent a little less time on that, maybe that way you would have appreciated...hell even just noticed the people around you every day." She practically slapped the words in his face. "Chase left because of Cameron. But she never left, she's still downstairs. Taub got another job. Stacy remarried... And Kutner and Amber. House, they died." The brunette's soft voice quivered. "You can't blame yourself for every person that comes and goes in your life. People move on." Thirteen's tone grew more sympathetic as she neared the end of her rant. "House if you can't handle living anymore... At least have a better reason."

Defeated, the brunette leaned into the corner of the balcony, where the glass meet the brick building. The cool stone felt good against her red checks. Minutes passed. House debated whether to tell her or not, but the two doctors stayed silent regardless.

The older doctor finally broke the silence. "You're the coward. You're terrified of death. You just want to cheat it by making it come sooner, gives you the illusion of control." He echoed his words from years before. The last time he had said them to her, she had been on a self-destructive path, one injection away from dying.

This time however, his voice wasn't harsh. It was almost smooth and calming. She could tell he was saying the words to himself as much as he was saying them to her. Wiping the tears from her checks she sat up straight, no longer needing to rely on the wall to give her support. She looked up at his tired worn figure. He had been depending on his cane more than usual to stay on his feet. She could tell he was still holding something back, but he wasn't giving in.

"House-" Before she could finish her thought, he had limped out of the balcony and back into his shadow filled office. Barely giving the clock on the wall a glance, he could tell it was sometime past 3 am. He reached for the bottles that rested on the edge of the desk, but his hand diverted to his red and gray bouncy ball instead. He inspected the familiar ball for no more than a few seconds before snapping his wrist and tossing it against the wall. It hit the floor before bouncing perfectly back into his hand. He allowed himself a brief smile, but no more. Dropping the ball to the floor, grabbing the barbiturate, and snatching an unopened bottle of water that lay next to his computer from earlier, he sighed before rejoining the his little duckling on the balcony.

Thirteen sat with her chin resting on her knees which were being hugged tightly to her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy from her tears, and she was shivering from the cold night air. House bent down to sit beside her, unsure of how to comfort her pain. They both knew that neither of them were good in these situations, but that didn't make him feel any less shitty for not being able to help.

"I do." He looked over at her to notice the clearly confused expression that crossed her face. "I do have a better reason." He sat there fidgeting with the bottles, unwilling to go on. He had finally decided it was time to let go of the past, secrets can't stay buried forever.

"House, what is it? What happened?" Hurt by her own pain, she was tempted to just grab the barbiturate out of his hands. She did want to help her boss through his pain, but the pounding in her heart was starting to become unbearable.

"No one else knows what really happened that night, and I sure as hell wouldn't be telling you this under normal circumstances..." He drifted off, distracted by the horrible memories that haunted him everywhere he went.

"House," Thirteen gave a weak, drawn out moan, "please just tell me what happened."

AN: Ok so I hope you all like this. Please review. It will help me write the next chapter faster!