A/N: Hey guys…This is based on the ferry arc, because I absolutely love those episodes. It's about the little girl that Meredith was helping throughout the triage, and the guilt she probably felt later on. It is a little mysterious and depressing (and rather short), so if you don't want to read it, I'll understand. It's my first Grey's fanfic, so please be nice in your reviews!
She would never know.
She would never know if the doctor who saved her survived, if she was in pain, if she ever woke up. She would never know.
All she knew is that this woman saved her life. And that her name was Dr. Meredith Grey. She knew that Dr. Grey cared about others; why else would she be helping her out? This doctor saved her life, took her to a hospital, and inadvertently helped her find her mom, the only person she wanted to find in the first place.
She remembered being terrified at the accident, so silent, so still, only nodding when Dr. Grey asked her questions. She wanted her mommy so badly. "Where is she?" she remembered wondering. She remembered Dr. Grey holding her hand, telling Dr. Shepherd that she was lost. She remembered her telling her that they would find her mother. She remembered when she told her to stay there as she rushed toward the man by the dock. She remembered wanting to save Dr. Grey when she fell in, and trying to move, only to remain frozen. She remembered being frozen and helpless. She remembered the way she felt when she couldn't answer Dr. Shepherd's questions. She remembered knowing that if she even tried to open her mouth, she would start crying. She remembered how at first, she was afraid for her own life, of not finding her mom, and then how she shifted and began fearing for the doctor's life.
She remembered Doctor Shepherd, and his kindness. She remembered how patient he was with her when asking where Dr. Grey was, even though his voice gave away the fact that he was desperate and frantic. He was so calm when he asked her to use her words, to just tell him where she was. But she couldn't even do that for him. All she could do was motion for him to follow and point. She remembered his shocked, yet not so surprised, look when he realized what she meant. She remembered when, without a second thought, Dr. Shepherd dove into the water, in an effort to save her.
She remembered Dr. Shepherd's powerless and angry outbursts, "But she knows how to swim! She gave up!" She remembered seeing him storm across the hospital, toward another woman's room. She remembered that it was Dr. Grey's mother's room. She remembered hearing him shout that it was all her fault.
She knew things about Meredith. She knew that the doctor had people who loved her, she saw them waiting outside the room that had all the machines and the bed that the doctor was on, the bed that the patient should be on, not the doctor. She saw the other doctor, Dr. Shepherd, diving in the minute she pointed to the water, overcome with worry. She saw him climbing out of the water with her broken lifeless body. She saw him crying, crying so hard, when she was in that small room. She remembered tearing up herself. She saw him barge into that little room. She heard him yell at the other doctors to let him examine her, or at least see her, if not save her. She knew that Dr. Shepherd loved her.
But she would never know if she survived.
She remembered when her mother found her at the most inconvenient time, when she wasn't even thinking about her mom. All she could think about at that point in time was how Dr. Grey was doing. She remembered how she phrased the question differently in her head each time she thought it, without really asking the real question in her mind: Was she dead or was she alive?
She remembered simply being swept into her mother's warm embrace, and being too shocked to return it. She couldn't, she simply couldn't, not when the woman that saved her was fighting for her life. All she wanted to know was whether Meredith survived.
And now she would never know.