This Is A Crack Pairing
Story in dedication of Goose-chan
ALERT: CONTAINS NICO/PAUL!

Nico sat in one of the chairs in the Big House. He wasn't exactly sure why he'd been called there, but… well… it probably wasn't good.

He looked over at the assistant, Mellie. She was humming some song that vaguely reminded him of 'Viva la Vida' by Coldplay. Weird.

Mellie smiled and looked up at him. "Mister D. will see you now."

Nico was petrified with fear. Everyone was. Mister D. was a very powerful man. He could destroy you effortlessly, with just a flick of the wrist, they say.

He stood up and walked into the office. "You… you wanted to see me, Mister D.?"

Cradled on his lap was a miniature version of the Nemean Lion, like a Nemean Kitten. "Please, take a sit, Mister DiAngelo."

He petted the kitten, and it mewed. Nico sat down, petrified.

"Now, Mister DiAngelo," Mister D. began, "Would you mind if I called you Nick?"

Nico gulped. "No-no, sir. Nick is great. My favorite name."

"I hate that name, Nick."

"Y-yes, sir."

"Now Nick, you know who I am. You know what I do."

"Y-yes." Nico gulped again.

"And in your time of need, you turned to me. Is that correct?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"But when have you ever extended your hand in friendship to me? When have you ever done anything for me? When have you ever called me… GODAUTHOR, BITCH?"

"S-so-sorry, Mister D. -"

"Please, Nick. Don't be a cowardly piece of shit. We're all friends here, right? You, me, and Vicki the kitty?"

"Um… I guess so…"

"Then call me T.D. None of that formal 'Mister D.' crap, do you hear me?"

"Yes, T.D. I was just wondering, though…"

"What would you be wondering in that pretty little head of yours, Nicholas?"

Nicholas? Eh, he was the GODAUTHOR, BITCH! "Why… exactly… have you called me in here?"

"Because, Mister DiAngelo," T.D. said, petting Vicki the kitty, "You are about to repay a debt."

"Sir?"

"Yes. I have a new story planned, Nico. Are you familiar with the series of Perseus Jackson and the Olympians, by Rick Riordan?"

"Of course, sir! He gave me life!"

"Yeah, I couldn't care less about who your damn mommy is. Are you familiar with the website ?"

"Um… I think that Annabeth uses it."

"Good. Are you aware of the chain of stories in the Perseus Jackson and the Olympians fanfiction category that start with the four words, 'This Is A'?"

"Um, yeah. Annie showed us once. And that was only three words."

"The last word is silent."

"Silent?"

"Silent, and invisible. But that is not the point. We have decided to add a fourth installment in the series: This Is A Crack Pairing."

Oh, Hades. "…So why do you need me?"

"Because you will be helping me, Nick. You will help with this story. To repay the debt that is owed to me."

Nico shrugged. Why not? "Why not, sir. Sure. Who will be the other person in the crack pairing?"

"It's a humorous story, Nick. Nothing romantically serious."

"I understand this."

"No yaoi or fluff or lemon or any of that. Just pure humor."

"Sir?"

"Nothing serious at all."

"Just tell me, sir."

"You start off dating Percy."

"WHAT!"

"Yep."

"So that's my crack pairing?"

"Oh, not even close, Nick."

"…WELL?"

"Then you start falling for Paul, Percy's step-dad."

"WHAT!"

"Hey, you signed up for it. I was going to ask you if you could ask Thalia to do it, but you volunteered. Basically, you just screwed yourself."

"I screwed myself?"

"Yes, Nick. Royally and in the ass. Congratulations on your starring role in this new endeavor."

"Crap."

There you go – the prologue to the FOURTH installment in the 'This Is A' series, made especially for Goose-chan, who suggested the crack pairing of Nico/Paul to me!

This story comes after This Is A Pen, This Is A Crossover, and This Is A Continuation, and predates This Is A War and This Is A One-Shot.

I just really wanted to have Nico in a starring role, in a comedy. It's going to be the bomb. The chiz. The awesomest shit you will ever read.

Be there. Or be square.

Review. Simple and clean. Review.