My only response to Sunday's episode of Crossing Jordan was "WTF?" when it came to Woody. Where are the writers' heads? In a dark and smelly place? They've taken a character I have adored and made him….well, pick a word that means a real biblical braying donkey and you have it.

I don't like Woody very much right now and can't write J/W romances any longer – at least until I work through this and give Jordan a say in this manner.

So here is Jordan's voice for the season finale and hopefully season six. My take, mostly my ideas (although some friends have contributed generously…jmkw, sherrbear, madmadambeth, and bourbon). This is how I would like it to happen, just to give Jordan a little of her own back.

No Thank You, I'm not Interested

Chapter One

She's Back

"Woody?" a clipped British accent through the phone receiver caught his attention.

"Nige? How's it going? Got those ballistic reports for me in the Kerrington murder?

"No, not yet, mate. I'll probably have them this afternoon." Nigel surreptitiously looked up and down the long hallway of the morgue to make sure no one was listening to him before he finished his conversation with Woody. "But there's something else that's come up….something you should know, Woody."

"What?"

"She's back."

"She's back."

Two words and Woody felt his world tilt just a little more to the side…as if it were the lisp of a ship that was nearly certain to sink. A ship that had long been torpedoed by their own selfish reasons and actions, as well as their multitudes of insecurities. Woody knew they had a relationship that was predestined to crash and burn long before it had a chance to shoot for the moon and go out in a blaze of glory.

She had run – left Boston – as he expected her to. There was plenty of evidence against her in the murder, even though she swore she didn't do it. And Woody believed her. She was capable of a lot of things, but she didn't have it in her to kill anybody. But he couldn't guarantee her that he wouldn't have to arrest her, book her, and take her to jail.

She did call him before she left. Begged him to come with her. Help her. But his circumstances had changed. He couldn't leave his career, and he wouldn't leave Lu. After years of chasing their elusive relationship, dancing the dance with her, using all the steps and finesse he could, he gave up. Then Lu entered the picture. Smart. Pretty…and someone who needed him. Wanted to be with him.

Let herself be vulnerable to him and his affection.

He simply wasn't going to toss that away when he was at a place and time in his life when he craved that kind of relationship. So he had packed up his dreams and pushed away her and any thoughts he had of a future with her. When she left Boston that dark, stormy summer night, she took his old hopes and dreams for them.

Woody went on with his life without her. Made a new life with Lu.

But those two words Nigel had whispered to him over the phone… "She's back…" still had the power to destabilize his stabilized world.

The case against her had long been solved, primarily by the evidence she had secretly sent him. Boxes of it. Woody didn't want to think how she came about getting it…how many laws she broke and in what states, he was just glad when it had come in…exonerating her. She had been declared innocent weeks ago.

He knew she would come back. He just hadn't known when.

But when was now.

Jordan was back.

"Morning, Nige…The ballistic reports … " Woody's voice trailed off as he rounded the corner of Nigel Townsend's office, only to see the criminalist, Dr. Macy, and Bug in a deep conversation. Catching Nigel's warning look, Woody paused at the office door, his back partially turned away from the men, only half listening to the conversation. He did need the reports.

He needed to see her more.

:"She's back and in relatively good health," Dr. Macy was saying. There was no doubt in Woody's mind who Garret was talking about. Jordan. "She is going to have to take it easy for a while, of course. Be careful with certain things. We discussed this earlier and I know you both know what to do and how to look out for her. Can I trust you to deal with the situation the way we need to?"

What the hell? Woody thought. She had only been gone a couple of months. What had Jordan gotten herself into? Was she sick? Hurt?

"Sure Dr. Macy," Bug replied. "I mean, it's not like it's forever….just for a while… until she…"

"That's right," interrupted Nigel, who was more than aware that Woody was very probably eavesdropping. "No problem here. We'll do everything we're told."

"Good. Then she won't have anything to worry about and more importantly, neither will I." Garret turned and walked out the door, nearly colliding with Woody. "Detective Hoyt…"

Woody's relationship with the morgue staff had grown increasingly colder as his relationship with Lu grew increasingly warmer. Garret's formality didn't escape Woody's notice, although Woody would be one of the first to admit that one of the side effects of Garret's battle with the bottle was his nearly terminal case of grouchiness. Woody wasn't sure if the chief ME needed to get laid or drunk again, he just knew that Garret's shitty attitude rivaled his own after he had been shot. "Dr. Macy…I'm here to see Nigel. Is he free now?"

Garret simply nodded and went into his office, closing the door behind him. Woody shrugged and turned to face Nigel. "So she's back," he whispered.

Nigel nodded, but wasn't looking at the detective. He kept glancing back towards Jordan's old office.

"Is she okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"Can I see her?"

"Uh … Woody…I don't think that would be a good idea right now. She's back, but she's tired…and readjusting. You may want to give it a day or two."

"But why?"

"Woody." Nigel's tone of voice told the detective he needed to write himself a reality check and cash it. Now. Jordan had been devastated when she found out about Woody's ultimate rejection of her and his new relationship with his old shrink.

"I just want to make sure she's okay….just see her."

There was a shuffling sound at the doorway. "Just see me….and make sure I'm okay?" Her voice, though soft, was forceful. Woody slowly turned around. "Well, here I am. Do I look like I'm okay?"

Dear God…

There she was standing in the doorway…looking as lovely as he ever remembered her looking…

And at least six months pregnant.