Hello fanboys and girls!
So recently I watched The Empty Hearse from BBC's Sherlock and thought of how funny it would be if...well, just read it. Drop a review if you fancy. :-)
The wind was cold and invigorating. The air was clean and fresh. Somehow, impossibly, he had done it. He had cheated death, saved his girl from captivity, and was back in the game.
The super sized McShiz was back.
"Yeaaaaaah baby!" Leo yelled as they circled over Manhattan on Festus' back. The bronze dragon spun around and came back on broadway street, just barely flying above the taxi cars, then back up again to circle around the skyscrapers. Leo didn't care who saw them. The mist would probably change the entire picture anyway. All that mattered in that moment was that he was alive, and for the first time maybe in his entire life, things were looking good.
Calypso sat behind him, hugging his waist. Festus banked east. In the distance, he could see Long Island Sound. It was just like he remembered it. The cabins, the arena, the forge, the strawberry fields, the Big House standing in the middle of it all. Campers doing various activities, sword fighting, scaling the climbing wall, playing volleyball. Only one thing seemed off. Leo saw no sign of the huge war they had just fought. Leo started to feel concerned.
"Hold on tight, sunshine!" Leo called behind him.
"What do you think I've been doing?" Calypso called back.
Festus creaked and claked, then dived and spun in circles down towards the big house. Campers looked and gawked up at the commotion. Flame exploded from Festus' mouth. Leo rolled his eyes. The metal dragon was almost as dramatic as he was. Festus spread his metal wings for a soft landing, touched down, then lifted his head toward the sky, letting loose some more flame. If you can come back from the dead, might as well make it fabulous. It's like Leo always said, YOGTFYDO. You Only Get To Fake Your Death Once. He would figure out how to pronounce it later.
Campers gathered around soon enough. Leo recognized a few familiar faces. He hopped off Festus, then helped Calypso off. There was some awkward silence for a moment. Everyone stared with their jaws dropped. "What's up peepsies? Miss me?"
Off to his right Percy and Annabeth ran to the front of the crowd. It felt so good to see them, although they looked a little...different. He couldn't put his finger on it though. Percy was in his regular blue jeans and orange t-shirt, Annabeth as terrifying as ever. She elbowed Percy in the ribs. "You owe me five bucks."
Leo was aware of someone behind him, coming out of the big house. He turned around. Chiron trotted out in horse form, a look of pure astonishment on his face.
Leo spread his hands apart. "Sup Chironmaster. I'm back!" Chiron's face was slack with shock. "What? Aren't you guys happy to see me? Not dead!" Still silence. Chiron trotted right up to Leo. For the first time, Chiron was actually speechless. "What?" Leo asked. "Someone draw on my face again?"
"Leo," Chiron said quietly, "it's been three years."
Now it was Leo's turn to be surprised. Three years? It had felt like ten minutes! He remembered Calypso saying that time passed differently on Ogygia, but he certainly didn't expect it to have been so long. Another disturbing thought crossed his mind. Where were his friends? Were they okay?
He tried to put a brave face over his worry and smiled. "How about that? Keepin y'all in suspense!" If Chiron hadn't been surprised to see Leo, he certainly was when he noticed Calypso. "Oh! Excuse my manners. Chiron, this is-"
"Yes, yes, we've met." Chiron waved him off. "How did you-"
"Looooong story," Leo filled in, not feeling like explaining it all just then. "I promise I'll tell you one of these days. It's full of awesome Leo stuff. But right now..." He finally asked what was on his mind. "Where are Piper and Jason?" He didn't see them anywhere.
"Out on a date, I think." Chiron answered.
Leo sighed in relief. "Well, I'll think I'll go surprise them." Leo turned to get back on Festus, but ran right into Percy and jumped. "Dude, don't do that. So creepy."
"You're not leaving yet, are you?" Percy chided. Leo was about to say something when Percy wrapped an arm around him and walked him towards the other campers. "No you don't." he said, laughing. "Jason and Piper can wait. First, you spill everything." Percy faced him then gave him a huge hug. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"Uh, me too." Leo said awkwardly.
Percy laughed and let go of him. Percy looked over and saw Calypso standing and stuttered. Leo did not want this to get awkward. He took a deep breath and smiled. "Okay, time for storytime with Uncle Leo!"
Leo walked into the restaurant wearing a black suit Percy had let him borrow for the occasion. One of the things Leo loved about Percy was that he couldn't resist a good prank. Leo walked into the dining area, ignoring the man standing at the counter who was trying to seat him. Leo smirked. Jason had chosen a really nice place for a casual date.
Leo noticed a man sitting with a pair of glasses resting on his table. He walked right up to him and deliberately spilled his drink on the man's suit.
"Oh gods," Leo quickly said, "I am so sorry. Let me get something to wipe that up with."
At the last moment, he swiped the glasses and walked away from the table, chuckling to himself. He noticed another man deep in conversation with his date. A fedora rested on the back of his chair. While neither of them were looking, Leo pulled the hat off and put it on his hand, then put on the glasses. Then he spotted them.
Wow. Jason was wearing a really nice suit, and Piper looked as hot as ever. Despite the formality she wasn't wearing a dress, just jeans and a nice top. They looked three years older, but Leo smirked. They were just like he remembered them.
Piper excused herself for a moment, and Leo turned around so she wouldn't see him as she passed. Then he walked right up to Jason, who was looking over the menu.
"Good evening, sir." Leo said, putting on the best accent he could come up with, which he wasn't really sure sounded more British or French. "Can I start you with an appetizer?"
"In just a moment," Jason said, still looking at the menu.
"May I refill your drinks then?" Both had gotten soda. They hadn't changed a single bit.
"Yes, please." Jason said.
"Is this your first time at this restaurant?" Leo asked. "They say it is full of...surprises." He could hardly contain himself.
Jason seemed to finally notice that something was weird. "Oooookay." He said, then went back to the menu, probably hoping the mysterious waiter would just take their drinks and go. Like that was going to happen.
Piper returned and took her seat. Jason looked up at her. "What should we get to start with?" He asked with a smile on his face.
Leo leaned in right next to Jason's face and pointed at the menu, trying to be as annoying as possible. "You might try 'zee asparagus. They say it is associated with the element of...surprise."
Jason finally seemed to be thoroughly annoyed. He and Piper looked up at him at the same time. Their faces turned from slightly annoyed, to curious, to shocked.
And Leo just started laughing.
He pulled off the glasses and laughed his head off. Everybody in the restaurant stared. "Oh my gods," he said in between breaths, "you should see your faces." He banged his fist on the table. "Put short," he said, trying to regain his composure. "Not dead!" And he started laughing again.
Jason took off his glasses, probably hoping somehow that would stop him from hallucinating, and just stared in shock.
"Oh gods," Jason murmured.
"Not quite." Leo laughed.
Piper's face contorted in anger. She stood up and walked right over to him. "You son of a-" He didn't hear the rest over the sound of her fist hitting his face. He sprawled on the ground but continued to laugh. "Good to see you too, Pipes."
Thirty minutes later they were all sitting in a Pizza place down the street. Leo was digging into his fourth piece while trying to hold an ice pack on his face at the same time. Calypso was right next to him, Jason and Piper across from them in the booth with their arms folded. Of course, they had kicked them out the restaurant, so they needed to find some place to eat. Leo scarfed down his crust and started on his fifth.
"Dude, how are you eating that much pizza?" Jason asked.
"Come on, I haven't eaten in three years!" Leo laughed.
Piper still looked angry. "Three years, Leo. Three years."
He shrugged. "Like I said it only felt like a couple hours to me." He took a gulp of soda then another bite.
"So how did you do it?" Jason asked. "Nico said you were dead."
"Yup," Leo answered. "Remember that cheating death potion? I gave it to Festus who injected me with it right after I died."
"But you-"
"And that Archimedes sphere I tinkered with all across Europe? Turns out that was the key to getting to Ogygia."
"You couldn't tell us about this?" Piper said.
Leo stopped eating. "Um, yeah. There was a chance my calculations were wrong and I would actually...well, knowing you guys, you'd probably spend your whole lives believing I would pop out of a cake one day or something. I didn't want to disappoint you."
"Did anyone on the Argo II know?" Jason asked.
Leo nodded. "Hazel and Frank knew. Someone would have to help me, and they were-"
"Just stop," Jason said, putting his head in his hands.
Calypso picked at a piece of pizza silently. "So this is Calypso?" Piper asked. Calypso nodded. "So you and Leo met...when?"
"When you kicked snow goddess butt and she knocked me off the face of the planet." Leo filled in.
"I didn't ask you, Leo." Piper snapped.
"That sums it up pretty good," Calypso shrugged. Piper rolled her eyes. "You know, you two are perfect for each other."
Jason slammed his fist on the table, making everyone jump. "Three years, Leo." He mumbled.
"Yeah, I know. You've said that before."
Jason looked up. "Leo, do you have any idea-" Jason stopped, took a shaky breath and went on. "Leo, you were...my best friend."
Leo nodded, trying to be serious. "Yeah man. I know."
"Just...don't do it again." Jason finished.
Leo laughed. "You know what they say, you only live twice." Jason smiled. "Forgive me?"
"Yeah bro. Of course I do." Jason nodded.
Calypso rolled her eyes. "Alright boys, don't go all mushy on me."
"You might have to work on Piper a little, though." Leo joked. "Speaking of, you know, you two, Jason what is that in your pocket?"
Blood rushed to Jason's face, a funny contrast with his blonde hair. "Uh..."
"You know, the thing I saw you stuff back in real quick when we were leaving."
Jason laughed nervously. "Um..." Jason repeated.
"Oh come on man, don't do this to me now! You two are killing me. You guys are like my OTP!"
"O-T-what?" Piper asked, her face red now too. "You know, OTP. One true pairing? Fanfiction?"
"What are you talking about-" Piper tried to say.
"Nevermind, just do your thing, Jason."
Jason smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small black box. "Uh...Piper, this is for you." Leo almost laughed. Jason was so bad at this. "Will you-"
Jason didn't have time to finish the question before Piper wrapped her arms around him and kissed him smack on the lips.
"Oh come on guys," Leo complained, "we didn't need to see that."
Jason smirked at Leo. "Do you mind? We're having a moment here."
Leo laughed and started on his sixth piece.