title: linen and lace
summary: In which Gray gets a job selling women's lingerie, and Erza is just plain amused. "I think it'd be a good idea to quit while you're, um, ahead. If you can call it that. Which you can't." — Gray, Erza
dedication: to Jack Barakat, you beautiful, beautiful man.
notes1: haaaay, 'sup cracktasma. nice to see you again.
disclaimer: disclaimed.
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He'd taken the task because the pay was good. That was it; no other reason than to earn some easy cash.
Gray swore to God he wasn't a pervert. He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't.
(Even if he was, somewhere deep in the darker parts of his mind, he sure as hell was paying for it now. Current Manly Dignity Level: 0.)
The Fairy Tail mage (oh god can I even be called a mage now? I'm pretty sure taking a job like this justifies expulsion from everything vaguely fun, ever) leant his cheek on his fist, trying to conceal the light blush he wore with shame. Glancing about him, Gray was pretty sure he was going to hell for this.
(Actually, no, Natsu was going to hell for this — misleading Gray into doing something so low and degrading and embarrassing and…ugh.
He thought he was selling French hot dogs.
How was he meant to know what "lingerie" actually meant?
Given, maybe asking Natsu wasn't the smartest idea. It was bound to happen.)
Gray felt like an idiot.
The bell above the door sounded, and Gray glanced up, smacking a bright-eyed and eager look onto his face. That was what his client had told him to do — look pretty, and sell, sell, sell. The door clanked shut behind the customer, who gave him a weary smile.
His voice turned thick with effort, "H-Hello, can I help you with anything, miss — "
"Hey, aren't you from the Guild?"
Correction: Gray was an idiot.
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The next day, he resorted to wearing a false moustache.
It'd been a quiet day so far but, moustache or not, nobody had recognised him.
He was a genius.
Gray spun an icicle on his fingertips, shaping it to his will, twisting it in an elaborate, Christmas tree ornament-like fashion. He let it drop onto the countertop, along with the fifteen other boredom-induced creations, before looking up to greet a customer.
"Welcome, can I — "
Gray's eyes met the customer's.
Well, fuck.
Erza cocked an eyebrow, the traces of a thin smirk spreading across her lips. "Gray?"
He cleared his throat and tried not to make eye contact, "Uh, n-no, I don't know anyone called Gray here…are you thinking of the super manly guy from Fairy Tail? 'Cuz that's not me, I'm just a guy with a moustache. You're in the wrong place if you're looking for — "
"Gray, I can see your tattoo through your shirt."
Well, double fuck.
Gray removed his moustache and pretended it didn't hurt. "Alright then, you caught me."
Erza nodded slowly, her smirk still prominent, and began a slow wander around the shop. Hands clasped behind her back, she examined the pieces of skimpy underwear and adult costumes with a vaguely bemused expression. Finally, she turned to face Gray sharply, who flinched.
"So," she concluded. "You work here?"
"You — you shop here!"
"Seduction mission materials, what's your excuse," she deadpanned, one eyebrow still raised. This girl was deadly when she found something funny.
Gray thrust his hand into the pocket of his pants, and slapped the slightly-crumpled job advertisement on the counter. "It's a job, okay? The pay's good, I needed some cash, and…and Natsu told me that lingerie — " He traced the word, written in pink, sparkly italics, " — was the French word for hot dogs!"
Erza snorted.
She actually snorted.
And then she started to laugh. Laugh!
The nerve of some — !
"Gray, I think you should quit. You're just embarrassing yourself," Erza pressed a hand to her mouth, and wiped her watery eyes. "Look, I can get you a better — rather, less humiliating job for just as good pay as this one."
"But I'm being paid by the day — "
"Just…quit while you're ahead, Gray," Erza reconsidered her words. "If you can call this being ahead. Which you can't. Don't even deny it. Now, come quietly, and no fondling the ladies' underwear on the way out, you dirty pervert."
"Dirty — what?"
"Shh, now."
Gray decided not to argue.
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notes2: not sure if I like this too much. meh, it's gray/erza, i'm happy. ;D