p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;""NO! I CAN'T DO IT, MOMMY!"/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"It's graduation all over again when it's time for her to sing at the Christmas play. She rehearsed her lines over and over, singing them to herself while she mopped the bathroom floors, hummed them to herself when she sat at the lunch table alone (not really alone, but as much as everyone around her had talked to her like a emperson/em, she might as well have been), and even tacked them on to the end of her prayers when she went to sleep./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She was so ready./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She was so ready./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And then the piano cued and the spotlight hit her, and she is seventeen years old again and all those faces are looking at her expecting something so beautiful she knows she has, but she can't get it out./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"Mommy's watching./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And singing comes from a mouth that is not hers, and everyone is so proud, and she could have had that, she could've shown them once and for all how good and unique and great she is but now she is just BAD *smack* emstrongBAD/strong/em *smack* emstrongBAD/strong/em *smack* emstrongB/strong/em—until Taystee grabs her hand to stop her from punishing herself./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And she's confused at first, but her insides quiet with Taystee's hand in hers. Feels she can be calm enough to enjoy the music. Because someone cared enough to grab her hand. Someone cared enough to tell her she's not bad. /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"***/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She finds her voice again after the show and she's so excited because even emJesus/em can hear her now, and she wants to share this joy this happiness this emLIGHT/em with everyone and she rocks infant Jesus in her arms as she sings upon Maritza and Flacka because they deserve this happiness too, and all of a sudden everything goes dark. They're laughing at her. And they remind her that she's bad. That she hasn't escaped anything. They walk away, laughing at her, smacking their heads though they don't need it and everything is dark. Not black—she's had that before and this isn't it—but it's dark enough that things blur as she *smacks* her head emstrongSTUPID/strong/em *SMACKS*emstrongSTUPID/strong/em *SMACK* /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She hits her head over and over, just like Mommy taught her when her thoughts weren't right./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And she's walking, walking, strongemNO RUNNING SUZANNE/em/strong, walking to get fresh air emstrongSTAY WHERE I CAN SEE YOU/strong/em and she sees Dandelion and emstrongGET BACK HERE NOW/strong/em Pennsatucky no it's Mommy and Grace and Mommy's hitting Grace over and emstrongPLEASE STOP MOMMY/strong/em over and she could never stop Mommy emstrongGO TO YOUR ROOM/strong/em before because no one ever believes her emstrongit must've been your imagination, sweetie. you know how your mind plays tricks on you./strong/em but this time its different. This time she doesn't ask for permission to stop the hurt cause last time it was too late strongemplease help me/em/strong./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She's screaming and her body doesn't feel cold because of the anger and her hand hurts and something cracks and/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;""NO MORE!"/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"and she could've sworn she was talking to her mom but Dandelion got in the way./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"***/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;""You are a garden rose."/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"Suzanne only knows a few things about roses./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"They can be a sign of great courage./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"You give them to the one you love. /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"If you aren't careful, they make you bleed./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"span id="docs-internal-guid-e4090572-4bb1-b283-f0e8-a36ebbb1d987"Dandelion's blood sprinkles the fresh snow./span/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"But it looks a lot like Grace's./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"It's graduation all over again when it's time for her to sing at the Christmas play. She rehearsed her lines over and over, singing them to herself while she mopped the bathroom floors, hummed them to herself when she sat at the lunch table alone (not really alone, but as much as everyone around her had talked to her like a emperson/em, she might as well have been), and even tacked them on to the end of her prayers when she went to sleep./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She was so ready./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She was so ready./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And then the piano cued and the spotlight hit her, and she is seventeen years old again and all those faces are looking at her expecting something so beautiful she knows she has, but she can't get it out./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"Mommy's watching./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And singing comes from a mouth that is not hers, and everyone is so proud, and she could have had that, she could've shown them once and for all how good and unique and great she is but now she is just BAD *smack* emstrongBAD/strong/em *smack* emstrongBAD/strong/em *smack* emstrongB/strong/em—until Taystee grabs her hand to stop her from punishing herself./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And she's confused at first, but her insides quiet with Taystee's hand in hers. Feels she can be calm enough to enjoy the music. Because someone cared enough to grab her hand. Someone cared enough to tell her she's not bad. /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"***/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She finds her voice again after the show and she's so excited because even emJesus/em can hear her now, and she wants to share this joy this happiness this emLIGHT/em with everyone and she rocks infant Jesus in her arms as she sings upon Maritza and Flacka because they deserve this happiness too, and all of a sudden everything goes dark. They're laughing at her. And they remind her that she's bad. That she hasn't escaped anything. They walk away, laughing at her, smacking their heads though they don't need it and everything is dark. Not black—she's had that before and this isn't it—but it's dark enough that things blur as she *smacks* her head emstrongSTUPID/strong/em *SMACKS*emstrongSTUPID/strong/em *SMACK* /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She hits her head over and over, just like Mommy taught her when her thoughts weren't right./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"And she's walking, walking, strongemNO RUNNING SUZANNE/em/strong, walking to get fresh air emstrongSTAY WHERE I CAN SEE YOU/strong/em and she sees Dandelion and emstrongGET BACK HERE NOW/strong/em Pennsatucky no it's Mommy and Grace and Mommy's hitting Grace over and emstrongPLEASE STOP MOMMY/strong/em over and she could never stop Mommy emstrongGO TO YOUR ROOM/strong/em before because no one ever believes her emstrongit must've been your imagination, sweetie. you know how your mind plays tricks on you./strong/em but this time its different. This time she doesn't ask for permission to stop the hurt cause last time it was too late strongemplease help me/em/strong./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"She's screaming and her body doesn't feel cold because of the anger and her hand hurts and something cracks and/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;""NO MORE!"/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"and she could've sworn she was talking to her mom but Dandelion got in the way./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"***/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;""You are a garden rose."/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"Suzanne only knows a few things about roses./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"They can be a sign of great courage./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"You give them to the one you love. /p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"If you aren't careful, they make you bleed./p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"span id="docs-internal-guid-e4090572-4bb1-b283-f0e8-a36ebbb1d987"Dandelion's blood sprinkles the fresh snow./span/p
p style="margin: 0px 0px 15px; color: #121111; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6000003814697px;"But it looks a lot like Grace's./p