Can't Help Myself

by aedy

After Kurt gets back at McKinley, things start to change a little taking an unexpected turn when, one day, he lifts his gaze up from his notebook during Chemistry.

Title: Can't Help Myself
Characters: Puck, Kurt
Genre: Romance
Warnings: un-betaed
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG
Words Count: 1725
A/N: So, I'm writing the next chapter of IASFM (it's coming longer than I expected) and after hitting a little writer's block, I started making Puckurt icons and then I suddenly needed a story for my new icon and came up with this. It's set towards the end of the season after Kurt is back at McKinley! I even made a pretty banner for this story, out of my icon. You can ask me the link if you want to see it, it kind of helps get the point of the story.
Summary: After Kurt gets back at McKinley, things start to change a little taking an unexpected turn when, one day, he lifts his gaze up from his notebook during Chemistry.

After being with Lauren for a while, I finally realized that I only wanted her because she was playing hard to get. I was once again convinced to be in love, but, as Rachel made me notice, I was just going for her because she treated me like my mom did… well, like pretty much every one else treated me.

This time, however, I was sure that I wasn't in love just because he was playing hard to get. Nope, he wasn't playing at anything, he was simply being himself and I was kind of blown away. His first day back, I was at my locker, talking with Lauren and when I looked up, he was walking inside school looking at every one like they were nothing… Kurt Hummel was back.

Since being with Lauren, I had started thinking about my feelings like, for real. And what came out was that I was Bi. I wasn't interested in putting a label to what I was feeling, but that was what Lauren called me. After that realization, I started thinking about Kurt, about how, as soon as I was in Glee, I enjoyed having the boy around. I even let him sit next to me while he did his nails! And then there was Sam. I was pretty obsessed with his mouth, whenever I looked at him, all I saw was big, soft, rosy lips and I was pretty sure that I wasn't supposed to be obsessed with another dude's mouth. The last thing that made it pretty clear to me, however, was hitting on Mike at Berry's party.

But once I had figured it out, I didn't really give it much thought because Sam was with Santana and Mike with Tina. Then Kurt came back and things kind of changed.

I saw the guy every time I went over to hang out with Finn, we even met from time to time in the kitchen in the middle of the night when I was staying over and I found out that Kurt was even cooler than I thought. So he was always right there, under my nose, I called him my boy and offered to be his bodyguard so he wouldn't leave us, but I never really saw him. Then, one day, I looked up from my desk during Chemistry and he was there, looking bored and when he sensed my gaze on him and looked up and our eyes locked, I simply couldn't help myself from starting to like him. Kurt Hummel, was officially going to be my first boyfriend.

I started sitting next to him at Glee every chance I got and I started using Finn as an excuse to go over at the Hudmel's residence to see Kurt. Every time he saw me, he would look at me smiling and say, "Hey, Noah" and I'd smile back looking like a complete fool. But it didn't matter. Being with Lauren had taught me to look for more than just sex, and being around Kurt, always made me feel like everything was a little easier. I started staring at him at every class we shared, at Glee, at lunch… I wondered if he ever noticed.

In the end, Rachel, Mercedes and Lauren came up to me. At first I thought of some sort of exes-intervention, but I was wrong.

"Noah, I think you should talk to him." Rachel was looking at me nodding vigorously and I really didn't need to ask what she was talking about.

Lauren put a candy in her mouth and said, "C'mon, Puckerman, man up and go talk to him."

Mercedes studied me for a few seconds and I felt pretty naked under her scrutiny. Finally, she sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe it, seriously. Did you ran out of girls or something?"

I shrugged. I had had every girl in the school but that wasn't the point. "I can't help myself," I said and the three girls all nodded.

"Then go talk to him." Mercedes patted me on the shoulder before walking away soon followed by Rachel and Lauren.

They kind of gave me the courage to face him.

That afternoon, after school, I went over to the Hudmel's. Burt opened the door with a, "Hey, kid. Come on inside."

"Good afternoon, Mr. H."

I stepped inside and Burt looked at me curiously. "Finn is not here, he said he had something to do with the Cheerleader."

"Yeah, I was kind of wondering if Kurt was home."

"Is this about dating?"

I opened my mouth a couple of times trying to come up with the right words, but in the end, I opted for the truth. I nodded and Burt sighed.

"I knew it. I owe Carole fifty bucks."

I stood there, completely flabbergasted watching Burt leave the living room. Was I really that obvious? And then I started freaking out because if Kurt knew and didn't say anything, then maybe he didn't like me back.

"Hey."

I looked up towards the stairs and found Kurt watching me curiously with his little smile on the face.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Finn is not here," he said, descending the last steps and coming to stand in front of me.

"I know," I said nodding. "I wanted to…" I trailed off, my hands were suddenly sweaty and I was just hoping that he wasn't going to act like Lauren. She did treat me like I was nothing. And to think that I used to find it hot.

"Yes?" He was looking at me kind of expectantly and suddenly, I wasn't scared anymore.

"I know it's kind of out of the blue, but I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go grab something to eat with me, you know, like a…" I trailed off uncertain and Kurt's smile widened.

"A date?"

"Yeah. I just thought it'd be cool."

Kurt just stared at me for a few moments before shaking his head. He laughed quietly. "Let me go grab my jacket, ok?"

I smiled at him and didn't care if I looked like a big fool.

*ò*ò*ò*ò*

People always talk about love using words like chemistry and reaction, I wondered if looking up one day from your text book during Chemistry and locking gaze with a guy that you never really saw as nothing more than a friend, could be classified using those words… it sounded like a bad joke.

When I got back at McKinley, things weren't really different. After the unification of the football team with the glee club, there were no slushies and no one shoving kids into the lockers… well, at least it wasn't happening to me anymore. On the first day back, Karofsky told me he was sorry and that he was scared about what he felt and that he took it up on me. He said that his father had sent him to a shrink because of his anger. I didn't want anything to do with him, but I kept his secret and he owed me. Despite still insulting me, he didn't touch me anymore. I was grateful.

I fell right back into place. New Directions still felt like family, Mr. Shue still looked like some sort of educator that was desperately trying to stay young throw us, and Sam and Noah still offered to protect me.

In the time I was away, living with Finn, meant that I spent lot of time with Noah, it was strange at first because despite being friends, we were never really close, I wasn't close with any boy in Glee. But then we met once in the kitchen in the middle of the night while he was staying over. We ended up eating cereals in front of the TV watching those awful re-runs that they air late at night.

So I found myself watching him at school, trying to put together the image of the bad boy, of the kid that wanted to be a father, of the womanizer, of my step-brother's best friend, of the football jock and of the guy that would eat cereals with me while watching "Mork and Mindy" and "That's 70s Show" at 3 in the morning.

I found myself falling for him. I didn't want to label my feelings like I did with Finn and Blaine… I just let myself feel and it was great because I'd look up during a class and found Noah staring back at me with an expression a mixture of awe and curiosity and feel absolutely the same… So, you know, I kind of couldn't really help myself.

Mercedes and Rachel were sure that Noah had feelings for me, but I didn't want to talk about it. After what had happened with Finn and Blaine, I didn't want to see too much into the simplest things. I let whatever was happening, just go on.

Then the day came when things finally changed. I was studying when I got a text from Mercedes telling me, "He found his balls" and a half a hour later, the doorbell rang. I let Dad go open the door. When I finally went down, Noah looked nervous and kind of adorable and I wanted to kiss him so bad in that moment. But I obliged myself to let him do the first step because he had to be sure, I already was.

That afternoon, he kept smiling at me while we eat greasy food that kept getting oil on our hands and that stained my Marc Jacobs' jumper when, as soon as we were out of McDonald's, he grabbed me from my shoulders and gave me our first kiss. The sun was warm on my skin and his hands cool when they touched my face. The jumper was from the new season and I never washed it. It's still in the closet, next to his letterman jacket.