Hi to all my viewers out there, from A Heart For My Nobody! Thanks for all my reviews on this and my other stories, and thanks so much for reading! ^__-

What is a Two-Cent Rant?

A Two-Cent Rant is little more than what it sounds like. Ranting about something simply to give your two-cents (opinion or observation) about it, and these ones are mine! ^_^

I say opinion or observation because many of the things I address here, I am also guilty of writing. That being said, I don't actually have a problem with some of the things I rant about. They're just things I've noticed to be clichéd, overdone, or occasionally stupid in Kingdom Hearts fan fiction. My Two-Cent Rants start with a short written drabble or ficlette about what I'm going to rant on, and then a rant hosted by one of the Kingdom Hearts characters. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer:

I write each of these little stories myself. I apologize if you end up seeing any content that's similar to other things out there. I assure you it's purely coincidental. It's just that I'm often dealing with things that are overdone, so I don't doubt it might be somewhere out there. I promise I didn't steal it! Oh, and the usual. I obviously don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters, thus this is fan fiction.

Author's Note:

This is the first of many, many rants to come. I hope you all enjoy it! I AM willing to take requests, although I have already thought of quite a few to write, so I apologize if I beat you to it!

Two-Cent Rant # 1: Smoker Axel

Axel always releases a smoke signal that makes it easy for Roxas to find him. Roxas approaches the red haired man as he pushes off the wall, cigarette in moth, and the two of them begin to walk side by side down the street towards Axel's place. This has become routine, so Roxas no longer even has to squint through the cig smoke to find his way there.

"You gonna smoke that into the filter?" Roxas asks with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Don't want to waste it." Axel mumbles a little laugh past the butt in his mouth.

"That's unhealthy y'know..." Roxas complains, and a downward glance at Roxas' actually caring face convinces Axel to listen to the boy. After all, Roxas doesn't actually care for just anybody.

"Guess you're right." He shrugs off the smoke from his shoulders and flicks the remains of the cigarette off behind him. He flips open his pack and lights a fresh one as he glances back at his boyfriend and continues, "How was school? Oh, after you..." He says, holding the apartment complex door ajar like a gentleman. Roxas has learned by now that it's pointless to argue with this 'ladies first' behavior and steps in.

"It's fine." That's Roxas' usual answer, so Axel didn't expect any more.

"Least it's fine, unlike last week..." Axel takes a deep drag of his cigarette as he throws open his apartment room eight door.

"Yeah, well... I'm keeping Seifer in check." The blonde inhales the smoky residue from the many killed cigarettes filling the numerous ashtrays around the room. As per routine, the first destination is the bed, and so Roxas removes his shirt as he approaches it. Axel does the same, nearly scorching the thing from the still lit bud clipped between his lips. Noticing Roxas' stare, Axel throws his shirt off and holds the cigarette out to Roxas.

"Wanna drag?" He asks as the boy is lowering his jeans from his hips. Roxas takes the cigarette without thinking, stopping his progress, and stares at it.

"No thanks..." The boy looks up at the redhead who has already lit another one, "I get about ten packs a day just kissing you."

"Well then stop hogging it." Axel laughs, taking the thing back and sticking it in his mouth with the second one.

"It feels like forever since I've seen you..." Roxas sighs, now only in his unders. Axel takes a seat beside him on the bed to begin the next part of their routine.

"Mind if I smoke?"

Axel:

Yeah... this shows up quite often in fictions about me. I don't really get it. Do I look like a smoker or something? Is it because I control fire, thus being a human lighter? I don't have a heart so I might as well waste my lungs too?

I don't know... It seems to happen even more often in alternate universe fics, especially High School AUs, where I'm usually the resident college kid, a pyro, or a teacher.

Come on kids, I can't smoke. I'm from Kingdom Hearts. The game that took away poor old Cid Highwind's cigarette and gave him a piece of grass, for crying out loud! *Sigh* God... I need a light...