Title: Through the Looking Glass

Pairing/Group: Oikawa Sousuke/Nishikido Ryo

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: pseudo-AU. Psychological. Mirrors. Breathplay. Dub-con. Angst. Mind fuckery. Darkfic. Abuse. Supernatural elements.

Summary: "They say that role broke him… Pity, he was such a sweet kid. Had the most beautiful smile, you know?"

Notes: For nizzerd LJ. I sincerely hope you like this, but… It's kind of different from most things so… I don't want to ruin it for you by trying to explain here, but anyways. I hope you like it, and if you don't, then PLEASE let me know so I can write you something else.

Thank you to T and L for the beta-ing~

"In a Wonderland they lie
Dreaming as the days go by
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream
Lingering in the golden gleam
Life, what is it but a dream?"

~ Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass

"They say that role broke him… Pity, he was such a sweet kid. Had the most beautiful smile, you know?"

When Nishikido Ryo had become a famous pop-star, part of two 8 (though those shortly became 7 and 6 respectively) member groups, he'd had quite the bright future. But somewhere along the line—many say it was when he played Oikawa Sousuke in Last Friends—he'd lost himself to something terribly dark inside of his mind. And he was trapped.

Nobody had noticed the change at first; he stilled smiled, still treated people with grudging care when they were upset. He still was crass in his ribbing and humor when it came to certain people. But when that crassness translated into physical violence and demonic glee in other people's humiliation—poorly masked by caring words—his closest friends were worried.

But still, everyone has their rough patches, and even Shige could handle this level of violence, if it was only for such a short time. Lord knows he'd been through worse, and he'd survived this far, so certainly he could handle being Ryo's first major target.

Things were chugging along just fine until that one infamous day, the one when Shige stood on the roof of the Jimusho, contemplating the fall. It's not that far… just a few stories… But his analytical mind stopped him because he wasn't sure if it was in fact far enough, and truly, what kind of person gives up so easily. He was sure Tegoshi would murmur sadly that only pathetically weak souls succumbed to such an urge, and everyone would believe him, and then everyone would say, "It was truly sad about Katou-kun, but I guess JE was just too hard on him. He couldn't cut it…"

He would have hated it if it came to that. Thus, something else had to be done. And that's how Ryo ended up in Nobunaga, an upscale residence for the mentally hindered: also known as an insane asylum. The group had met, minus Ryo, and discussed it. Ryo and Shige hadn't actually been in a relationship—even though everyone had thought that they were. But, it didn't change that fact that Ryo had picked on—abused—Shige the most. It just wasn't healthy, and it wouldn't be good for the band if Ryo's nasty—and very un-NewS-like—behavior got out. Not to mention how it was breaking Koyama's heart to see such a lack of member-ai. In the end, NewS squirreled him away, hoping that he'd get better—they told Johnny he was on extended leave for his family but that excuse only lasted a month before Ryo was fired and NewS was disbanded. Koyama and Shige became a new group, Tegoshi and Mass still had Tegomass, and Yamapi used his sex appeal to go solo.

They put everything on the line, let everything fall apart because they were sure, he had to be insane. No other explanation made sense. One doesn't go seeking out juniors to push them down stairwells simply because they're smaller and—"They make the most delightfully pained and frightened sounds as they tumble to a bruised heap at the bottom"—they could. It just wasn't normal, no matter how much Ryo was infamous for being an ass before. In the past that had been about improving his coworker's performances for the betterment of JE. And then he lashed out on his own group, people he used to care about, and they knew that it was a lost cost. They couldn't handle any more broken bones and bruised souls; anyways, they weren't the same NewS anymore unfortunately.

But he wasn't insane, not if you counted being split in two mentally as normal, and he did. He was perfectly normal, and his reflection nodded back at him, smiling. "Normal, but I'll take care of you until they believe…" And they never will. The last four words were implied by the eerily giddy light in his reflection's eyes. Anyone else would think Ryo was talking to himself, but he knew better; it was Sousuke.

At first he was relieved every time he looked in the mirror and saw the other man, but that was before his relationship—loosely labeled such to avoid too much confusion—was found out; by the time everyone else knew, he'd already changed, the situation had changed, everything had changed. He'd look in the mirror and see those kind, sympathetic eyes staring back at him and hear the words:

"They don't love you. They hate you, in fact. But, they just don't understand—do they?—just how hard it is. I do—I understand. And… I love you."

In the beginning that's all it was, a twisted form of comfort, but then Ryo started talking back, answering the voice, pressing his hands against the mirror desperately, hoping to feel a hug from the other man. "Thank you, Sousuke. You're the only one that understands. Underneath the confidence they see…" His voice would break then, ashamed of himself, his true self, and his weakness—after all, there was a reason he harped on his fellow members to be more confident. The lack of confidence was a pathetic weakness in his opinion. "Underneath it, I'm so very shy and so very vulnerable. I'm weak. And they hurt me with their jabs. I love you, Sousuke—save me from them?"

Hell is quite the price to pay for a bit of comfort.

Sousuke had smiled then, a secretive gleam in his eyes as he realized that everything was going according to plan. "Of course I'll save you. You can trust me. I'll always be here and never let you down."

But then it changed. At first Sousuke was completely supportive. Masked with concern, Sousuke corrected the other slyly.

"I saw your performance today. Nobody noticed, so it's probably not a big deal, but I want you to be the very best. The absolute best because I believe in you. You know I believe in you, right?"

Ryo had nodded mutely, eyes concerned about disappointing the man he'd come to lean on so much.

"Well, that turn you did…" It was a simple correction, done so sweetly, and Ryo was kind of grateful for it. After all, that had been genuine approval in his group members' eyes when he did so well at the next practice.

Gradually though—gradually, gradually—it became something more. The voice first became disappointed. Ryo just couldn't live up to Sousuke's expectations no matter how hard he tried. Sousuke quickly became disdainful. He'd expected better of his one and only—he was forced to focus only on Ryo when Ryo was the only link between their two worlds.

"You just can't improve. I believed in you. I believed in you, Ryo. How could you let me down like this?"

Ryo had started to cry, and to Sousuke, it had been a most attractive sight, the little hiccuping sobs that wracked Ryo's body not that unlike the writhing for moments before, until he sobered, rage gone, and apologized over, and over. And over again. It would never happen again.

But it did, because Ryo let it. After all, Sousuke was the only one who loved him, and understood him. He needed him. So, he'd suffer the slings and arrows, bleed slowly for the other man.

Then, after he was hospitalized, it changed yet again. While his heart was bleeding dry and his mind was attaching itself more and more to the image on the other side of the glass, Sousuke had to admit to needing him to.

"I need you. I need you to be the best. I need you to be perfect for me. And I need to feel you. Do you know what's it's like stuck on this side, while you're on that side?" The look he gave was so pitiful, so needy, so. So damn orchestrated.

Ryo fell for it. He put his hands to the glass, gasping when he could feel warmth on the other side and suddenly it felt like his hand was in a vice. He couldn't get it free and the look in Sousuke's eyes was so intense that it was almost creepy. He whirled around to escape the look and fell further into the other male's trap as he somehow lost his pants. Actually, he wasn't sure where they had gone; he hadn't taken them off. But, perhaps the other male was just that smooth? Ryo was actually very perplexed but sure that it wasn't magic so that only left Sousuke.

But he wasn't confused for long—didn't dwell on it long—because there was pain, pain that felt deserved because he had turned around, away, when Sousuke needed him. Sousuke had never done that to him, so who was he to fight it? He berated himself over and over again but something in the way that he could hear pleasured gasping and groaning behind him made it easier.

Sousuke was breathing heavily, and he could feel the air hot and heavy against his shoulder. And then it felt like there was movement and Sousuke was groaning. "God, I can feel you. It's so tight. Just what I needed. You'll always be what I need."

And Ryo got hard and stroked himself with his free hand, the other still plastered awkwardly against the mirror. Somehow, it felt like the most amazing sex ever. He felt so intimately connected, like Sousuke's world revolved around him. And as his shoulder was bit and then kissed to sooth away any hurt, he realized that was somewhat true.

It got rougher, but he interpreted that as them both simply getting more heated. Thankfully he couldn't see Sousuke's evil smirk as he took him brutally just the way he liked it. The end was explosive for them both, and Ryo slumped against the mirror, against Sousuke, shocked that he had liked it, shocked that he wanted it again.

He was quite the picture of debauched aftermath, and felt thoroughly one with Sousuke for the first time ever. It was beautiful, and he had to school himself to not get choked up because only girls cried after sex.

Well, girls, and Sousuke. The other male was crying and apologizing for being too rough and Ryo turned, stroked Sousuke's face in the mirror and kissed him. "Don't be sorry."

How does one run from themselves? They don't, and Ryo didn't, but it had felt too good to try to flee anyways and it wasn't long before he was at it again, definitively willing this time.

He awoke with a start, panting heavily, sheets wrapped around him, sweating profusely as adrenaline pumped through his system as a consequence of fear, and he anxiously checked his surroundings because it had seemed so real, the dream. So real that it was surreal.

He was home. In bed. His own bed. And all was well, though there was a little problem with a queer noise in the room. Maybe he had left the TV on?

There was laughter in the back of his mind—he could feel it—and he clutched at the sheets before dialing a number and shakily murmuring to the person on the other end of the line, "I think… I think something's wrong with me."

It was hard to admit, but he certainly didn't want his dream to become reality, as much as he had to admit he'd looked like a sexy beast the entire time. Perhaps there was a lesson to be learned though, and when he went to work that day, he made sure to flash his brilliant smile to everyone, effectively creeping them out because Ryo wasn't this happy in the morning. But everyone can change for the better.

Especially when change will save you from such a strangely peculiar, and disturbingly painful fate.