Last man, last woman
An Adventure Time fanfic by Ole Merrill
Adventure time is the property of Cartoon Network. This is a nonprofit story.
1
Finn laid there on the mahogany floor, with a face of absolute boredom. For the past days, there have been no calls to adventure. There were no monsters to slay, princesses to save, armies to fight, not even a sound from Ice King. Jake, the elastic Pug then stepped with a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream in hand.
"Hey Finn, you ok?" he asked. "I'm frickin bored man" he responded. "We can play with BIMO" recommended Jake. "We've beatin all the games" Finn said, "I'm hungry for adventure, but there's no adventure around to eat, ya know what I'm saying?" "I understand dude" said Jake, "Maybe PB has something we can do".
Princess Bubblegum head rested on the table. Her eyes screamed of "workaholic, take break now!" Her bagged and bloodshot eyes made the scream louder. Beside her head was a glass of experimental emerald liquid.
In front of her was the self proclaimed vampire queen Marceline, with a face of worriment. She had asked PB a question that was nigh important to her, but PB did not know the words to answer nor did she really want to answer this question. "Bum-Bum" Marceline said, "I know this thing has been over for 8 years, but I just don't understand". "What is there to understand?" asked the Princess in a confused tone brought by hours working on the liquid next to her head. She continued, "This thing stopped because I needed time to work on my experiments". "No I understood that, Bum-Bum" Marceline cleared, "I just can't understand what you love?" Being more confused, Bubblegum asked "What do you mean?"
Bubblegum could tell that Marceline was having a hard time trying to explain what she meant. "Ok, Finn had a crush on you, right?" asked Marceline. "Yes", the princess answered, not knowing were this was going or how to feel.
"Why did you dump him?" Out of Marceline's entire question, this one made the princess very uncomfortable.
"He was too young at the time", Bubblegum answered bluntly.
"Ok, but now he's what, close to 17?" Marceline asked. "True" answered the Princess, "but I'm way too busy for a relationship in general".
Marceline face told PB that she wasn't getting all the answers. The princess started to get even more nervous. Out of nervousness came annoyance and frustration. "What right does she have to ask me these things while I'm working" she thought. She needed a red herring, something that would make Marceline uncomfortable to the point where she would want to leave, but not to the point where she would hurt her.
"Do you like Finn, Marcy?"
This question made Marceline forget about her question and more about the answer, the answer in which to explain her relationship with Finn.
Both she and Bubblegum knew that she swung the other side of the attraction scale. Her past relationship with Gumball was a profound understatement.
Marceline thought back to the time when Finn was trying to convince Bubblegum to go to the movies with him, but to no avail. Marceline had given the best advice she had about Bubblegum. She figured that her past relationship with the princess would help with Finns attempt at courtship. His attempt at courtship must have failed, for he decided to want to go out with Marceline.
Finn was a really sweat kid, but he was a bit dim. For this reason Marceline did not want to explain that he and she were not compatible, he just couldn't understand that sometimes birds and the bees just doesn't mean a boy bird and a girl bird come together to love.
In other words, Finn saw the world in black and white. Black was Black, White was White, A is A. There was no room for any shades of grey in Finns world. Both her and Bubblegum believed that A was A, but in a different manner. For example, Dead is Dead, Love is Love, Straight is Straight and Queer is Queer.
Yet despite this, Marceline thought that they would have made a great couple, if Finn was a girl that is, but for now it was simply a platonic friendship.
But then even if Finn were a girl, one glaring problem would also arise. This problem did not just affect her and Finn, but also Bubblegum as well. The princess was over 300 years old, and Marceline herself was a 1000 years older. Minus Bubble gum's stress from ruling a nation and being a scientist, she and Marceline could have worked out well.
Finn on the other hand was a December while both of the girls were May. Marceline and Bubblegum had already accepted the fact that Finn was going to grow old and die someday, pain and sadness ensuing. Yes it was undeniably true that great emotional angst and sadness would come from a death of a friend, but if it were greater than just friendship then it would be even more painful not just for the two girls but Finn as well.
And thus Marceline knew it all and so did Bubblegum. Her answer to Bubblegum was simply this, "Were just friends".
Before Marceline could say anything, the laboratory door swung open. As it opened two familiar loud noise screamed "PB", it was Finn and Jake. Marceline turned around to see the boy and his dog. Their faces ready for excitement and adventure. The loud yell for the Princess startled the sleep deprived girl herself as she screamed and fell over her chair. Her legs knocked over the table, causing the vial of emerald liquid to catapult itself into the air. The potion flew through the room like a war rocket until it landed on Finn.
The Princess arose from her fall by a scream. Not a scream of excitement, but of pain, horrid acidic pain. The first thing the Princess saw of Finn was pain. "Oh no" she muttered. Finn's skin was of light crimson red and a bubbly like substance emitting from his skin. Marceline scrambled to find some water or some other remedy to silence the ear shattering scream. "MY SKIN, MY BODY" Finn shouted. His voice was distorted in a pattern of high and low pitches. Jake the dog looked in horror at the sight of his long time friend and soul brother in the worst shape he's probably ever been. Jake then elongated his arms to grab Finn, but as his appendages made contact with him the acidic liquid which covered him burned and stung Jake. He made a quasi-dog whimper as his appendages retreated back to his body.
Marceline zipped towards Bubblegum as she was back upright. "BUM BUM, DO You HAVE WATER IN HERE" Marceline shouted at her in panic, to which she answered "In the cupboard near my Tesla pod". The vampire zipped towards the cupboard and opened it in a rushing hurry. She spotted a large jug of water, just as Bubblegum said. She grabbed it and floated toward Finn who was now on the floor still screaming, his skin started to get worse, his nose and mouth bleeding. "MY ORGANS" he screamed his last scream before Marceline splattered the water all over him.
The three standing in the room walked towards Finn's comatose body. Marceline gasped at the indescribable sight of Finn's body, which was a grotesque parody of what it once was. She slowly turned her head to Jake and Marceline with a face of horror. "We need to take him to the Hospital stat "she said.