Author's Note: This is a parody of My Immortal, the worst fic I ever read in my life. None of the characters belong to me, not even Ebony. Flames and Reviews welcome!

Chapter 1: Sweet Sacrifice

Hi. My name is Ivory Light'ness Sanity Way. I'm not related to Gerard Way, but I am related to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Way. I am her adopted sister. I am also half elf, and I go to Beaubaxton school. I refused to go to the same school as my idiotic adopted sister, and after much pleading, my parents gave in.
I have white hair (that is how I got my name), white skin, but red eyes, like rubies. They glow when I am happy, and become black when I am mad or sad. I am a prep and proud of it. My sister claims she is "goffik," whatever the fuck that means. I hate her and I hope she burns in the light of the sun, like all vampire bitches should.

Everything seemed to be going great today! The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I had just graduated from Beaubaxton. That was when I got the letter.

Dear Ivory Light'ness Sanity Way,
I am sure you know who I am before I even tell you, being that you are a rare type of elf that has telepathic powers. There is utter chaos in school, and we are fighting our most evil foe yet.
Your sister.
She is seducing all our students and turning them into gothic pieces of trash. I need your help into defeating her.
Hoping you are well,
Minerva McGonagall.

I sigh and crumple the letter in my fist, before setting it on fire without using my wand. I am also a rare type of witch that can use wandless magic. I knew I'd be the one to kill that horrid whore, as I had dreams about her as a child before I came to live with her and her parents.
I took up my light blue cloak, and swung it about my slender shoulders, which were bare as I was wearing a tank top. I never got cold. After doing this, I apperated to Hogwarts.

Eventually, I'd kill that bitch but I was more worried about taking her siren spell off those poor people.

Chapter 2: In the End.

I walk down the path leading to the castle, my white hair flowing behind me. It is very long, and reaching almost to my feet. I am dressed in white capris, a pink tank top with red letters that say "bitch", and a pair of red high heels. I look up and see a pair of men staring into a tower window, the whirr of a camera on the air. One of them appeared to be masturbating. I knew who had drawn their attention, feeling her foul energy on the air all ready. I sighed. I needed to break the spell with one of my own it seemed, so I started to sing. My voice is the high, trained soprano of a opera singer, but the lyrics of the song is that of a modern Lady Gaga song (a/n: if u dont know who lady gaga is, then fuk off!)

The two men immediately stop what they are doing and start to fly down.
"What happened? Where am I?" Lupin said, completely confused as to why his dick was hanging out of his pants.
"You're safe now." I say, softly as I lower my eyes at them both. "She can't hurt you anymore."
"Who-" Severus started to say, but there was a crash above us as Ebony smashed open a window and shrieked down at them.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, FUCKING PERVERTS!"
"Quick! Into the Forest!" I say, taking the camera from them. They both run into the Forest and I smash the camera under my high heeled shoe. As Ebony comes running down the stairs, she stops, her blue eyes flaring.
"YOU!" She shrieked.
"Me." I said simply. "Your plan won't work."
"What plan? I just want to live here and fuck my boyfriend!" Ebony returned. "You're the evil one! You fucking prep bitch!"
"So you say, but those boys are under your hypnotic spell and I have come to break it. You can't fool me, Ebony. You never have. Mother and Father may be under your thumb, but you know I'll never be." I lower my eyeslashes menacingly at her, my eyes turning slowly black. "Especially not Harry."
"His name isn't Harry anymore! It's Vampire!"
I laughed. "You've turned the Chosen One into a sniveling little goth fuck boy, haven't you?"
"He is sweet and kind and a vampire like me! And so is Draco! There is no way you'll be able to stop them from loving me!" Ebony took a defiant stance.
"Oh, yeah?"
I begin to sing again. I am singing Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. Ebony shrieks and claps her hands over her ears. Harry and Draco suddenly appeared at the door of the castle, seemingly in a trace. When they reach where I am standing, I stop singing and the spells break. Both mine and Ebony's.
"What the flying fuck am I wearing!" Draco growled, pulling the Simple Plan shirt off and throwing it aside. He then pulled out his wand and burned it to a cinder. Ebony shrieked and threw herself at Draco, blood tears streaming down her face.
"Draco! Don't listen to her! She's evil and wants you to join Voldemort!"
"Get off me, you crazy girl!" Draco snarled, pushing Ebony off him. "Why the hell am I wearing this stupid muggle clothing?"
Harry merely stood there, blinking. "How the hell did I get here? Last thing I remember I was in the forest of Dean with Hermione and Ron."
"Their names aren't Hermione and Ron anymore. They're B'loody and Diablo. You know this, Vampire!"
Harry stared at Ebony, completely confused. He turns to me, and asks. "What is this crazy woman babbling about?"
"I have no idea. You should probably get Hermione and Ron, then get back to searching for those..." She coughs. "Well, you know whats." I give a saucy wink, and he nods in understanding. Chains rattling, he runs off up the stairs to find Hermione and Ron.
Draco is currently fighting with Ebony, who is trying to undress him right in front of me. "You fucking skank!"
I raise my hand and point it at my sister. "Crucio." I said coldly, and she falls to the ground, screaming. "Go, Draco. Run. She'll keep chasing you if you stay here."
"Gladly." Draco said, glaring at Ebony as he leaves.
"YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING PREP WHORE!" Ebony shrieks at me before flying at me, and I calmly raise a hand and she stops in mid-air.
"You know I'm better then you. I have always been better then you."
"YOU DIE!" She pulled out a gun and began firing it at me. Using my superior elven speed, I dodge every bullet like Neo did in the Matrix. I speed toward her and knock the gun out of her out stretched hand. "Time to die." I say as I pull out...a nice, thick, juicy T-Bone Steak.
"NO!" She shrieks before I jam it down her throat, making her choke and gag. Then she immediately turns into dust, leaving the steak laying on the ground.
"You saved us!" Harry said, having come back with Ron and Hermione, who was furiously rubbing make up off her face.
"Yes, but as I am also a Sue, I have to now ask you to kill me."
"Kill you!" Ron gapes. "But you're so beautiful!"
"I know. That's why you need to do it, because my beauty is not for this world."
"Okay." Harry says and pulls out his wand. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not. Now that the world is saved from Ebony, you can stop Voldemort." I give a smile.
Harry waved his wand and I see a flash of light of green.

THE END!