There was something in the world that had changed, something that had shifted from what had been known to what now was. This something was disturbing and frightening and possessing such uncertainty in regards to being good or bad, favorable or not, that it left her so confused and utterly insecure. She had never felt that before. It scared her with the intensity of how it had changed her world, his, theirs. How she worried for him the most as she reflected on all that had happened so quickly. Her thoughts were filled with worry for him, the others, and what their futures now held if anything other than fear and doubt.
She wasn't one for nervous habits. She had done away with any potential ones early on in her military career so she wouldn't be given away in any dire situations. Like the silent interrogation she was currently engaged in with that upon the simple coffee table. But as she sat on the couch looking at the damnable white leaf bearing the official seal, she was unable to keep the thumb from her lips, from them pressing into a firm line over it, or the teeth from embedding in it.
'Roy!' she distressed, thumb jamming farther in as eyes squeezed tight. Over thirty-six hours and still no word. What was his punishment?
"A thousand to one, if something happens to me, I want you to get out, even if it's just you."
She shook the memory from her head. Was he…? The doorbell caused her to jump on and from the couch as she remembered their appointment. She stood hastily and made her way over to answer the door, keeping ahead of a curiously anxious Hayate as he trailed her heels. She kept a quick pace, not wanting to keep her guest waiting. A momentary pause as she unbolted the door, a quick confirming look around the chain before removing it, and opened the door wide with a tense smile.
"Hello, Jean." Because he was no longer in the military and mister was 'too damned distant'.
"Yo," a tired smile was returned around a cigarette, blue eyes bright but more than a little haunted. They both had heard what was not heard, their colonel. So they had agreed to meet, to talk, to maybe ease nerves, to maybe say goodbye if they were never to meet again.
He threw his head back over his shoulder, using the glance to signal to his ride. Riza looked up briefly to watch the unidentified person climb back in and drive up the road. She moved off to the side as he wheeled up over the doorway and into the entryway a bit. She closed the door and proceeded past into the living area as he wheeled behind her where and paused alongside the couch and table.
"Thanks for coming," she said softly, gently.
"'Course, babe," he winked at her, swallowing his intended exhale as Hawkeye suddenly rounded on him and bent down close with narrowed eyes. He was looking directly into hers as he choked on saliva and smoke before a blur off to the side manifested a pair of delicate fingers that almost-brushed his lips removing the cigarette. A brief breeze at her turn in departure to the kitchen played at his bangs and his eyes widened in realization, "Hey!"
He could only watch through the kitchen doorway in a horrified stupor as she ground it out in the sink under running water, hand flicking it into the nearby trash. There wasn't even a look to gauge his reaction at the sound of his disbelieving gasp, but he was further entrenched into his place at the next exchange.
"What would you like to drink?" A small look back at this as she shut a cupboard and began work on a small package, cup, and kettle.
"Um, just scotch…or a brandy," he blinked at her serious face.
"Tea? Alright," the straight face disappeared back over that delicate shoulder. He narrowed his eyes, shot down.
He looked down to Hayate sitting at her feet, alert puppy eyes in his puppy face looking up at her every movement, tail escaping with intermittent wags as he fought the training 'not to beg'. He saw the little turns of her head as she peeked at him, her left hand stalling as she debated, finally giving in and dropping a treat for the pup that reacted quickly and munched. But his eyes were soon caught by the out of place white scar on the brown wooden surface. He debated maneuvering over to pick it up but seriously questioned his ability to a) get away with it undiscovered and b) to survive the likely scenario where he didn't. Thankfully, Hawkeye saved him the potential hazard by entering and setting a cup and saucer before him.
He was sure she saw where his eyes were focused yet she said nothing. He nodded at said object, "You really got one, too." He tried to read her eyes as she gave her own nod but he didn't see anything. "The Fuhrer, huh?" A closed-eyed affirmation, a clearly worried sip from her cup. "'Keep your enemies', eh?"
"Any-"
"No," he closed his own as he shook his head. "None." She set the cup down, head resting in her palms.
An uncomfortable silence descended, thoughts and fears heavy on their minds.
"Do you think-"
"Yes. I'm positive." He was. There would be such a scandal if anything happened to such a decorated war hero within the city. But it was the old 'keep your enemies' adage that had them worried. If Hawkeye's was personal assistant to the Fuhrer, what had befallen the colonel? He didn't think there was anything closer than that…and he was sure if there was that it would be something to fear.
Hands so sure and steady in battle fidgeted by once again taking the cup, cradling it in between them to hide what could be trembling. "What can we do?"
He focused his light gaze on her, the vocal thought somber, "…can anything even be done…" Catching himself, he looked up into tight eyes, the brown spheres crowned by golden brows drawn close together pinning him with a look that was accusatory and colored with betrayal. He reached over, using his other hand to wheel closer when he couldn't quite reach, and placed it upon her closest. He straightened his features and mouth out and met her eyes, hand gently squeezing the one under his.
"I promised I'd do all I could and I will," he said, voice firm and gaze fierce. "Anything I find I'll send to you…and you can forward it to him as is most fit and secure, alright?" Her gaze had softened but worry had once more crept in. "I promised and I promise again. I'll help where ever I can and where ever it's needed. You know that."
She finally nodded, but there was little comfort shared between them at the knowledge that their colonel's situation and resulting goal still remained…moot. Their source of hope had been compromised, like a kaleidoscope dropped from fumbling childish hands so intent to save the delicate glass casing and beads from a cruel fate of shattering against the ground. In lacking the coordination of a developed body, such a fortune was not prevented and it met the earth in a crash of shimmering chimes. But even if you scrape all the beads and glass back together, the newly bandaged cover never reflects the same.
There was nothing so tragic as broken light.
Not sure what I was going for when I wrote this or if I even captured whatever I was after. Takes place post chapter 52...which I still haven't read. Spoilers do apply.