Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything associated with it. I'm writing this just because I love the Marauders to pieces. I own only the plot.
Authors Note: There comes a time in every Harry Potter fanfiction authors life when you have to write a Marauders era fanfiction, and that time has come for me, I hope you enjoy! Just as a warning, this fic will contain strong language, like in the first line for example ;)
"SIRIUS! GET ON THE FUCKING TRAIN!" James screamed wildly at a boy with tangled brown hair.
Sirius strolled casually towards the Hogwarts express, with the engine ready to go, steam pouring out, and the whistle blown.
"Jeez, Chill James!" He muttered and jumped onto the train, causing girls to squeal in delight as he only just got on the train in time.
"You could have missed the train!" Peter said worriedly.
"Guys, I didn't though, did I?" Sirius grinned, "I'm here!"
"Honestly, you're so full of yourself!" James muttered.
He turned to Remus to back him up, he was usually on his side when it was about Sirius being full of himself and being stupid, but he saw he was buried in the Daily Prophet.
"Moony, get out of the Prophet!" James exclaimed.
The boy looked at James over the top of his newspaper, and laughed before he retreated back into its pages. Remus noticed that it would annoy James to no end, and he was engrossed in his paper, and worried about things that were coming. He didn't want to spoil the atmosphere on the train ride to their fifth year at Hogwarts, so he decided not to say anything.
"Moony?" James pleaded, "Back me up here?"
Remus held back a snort and raised the paper higher over his face, completely hiding his face from view, and whistled a muggle tune to himself. James spread a pitiful look across his face, triggering laughter from Sirius.
"Jeez, Prongs, I wasn't going to die or anything!" He whined.
"You could have missed the train!" James exclaimed, again.
James Potter knew that it wasn't the best of arguments to have, but that was how the Marauders existed. They fought over meaningless things, pranked until they physically couldn't anymore and had a laugh. Their arguments were a great source of entertainment school-wide, although it wasn't advised to get in the middle of one.
"Fine, Moony, don't back me up then!" James sighed, "You have knobbly knees anyway!"
Peter burst out laughing at the pitiful insult James had employed, knowing that although it was pitiful, Remus' knees were a very touchy subject for him, Peter backed into the corner of the train compartment and waited for the outburst. Remus lowered his paper and looked at James with such an angry force that James was tempted to run away.
"What did you say?" He asked, a mad twinkle in his eyes, a twinkle that usually meant he had a plan.
James gulped, "I was merely stating that you have knobbly knees, but I'm sure that it doesn't take away any of your mighty Gryffindor courage!"
"Say that to my knees." Remus stared at James.
James knelt down and looked at Remus' knees, and turned in the direction of Sirius and Peter sniggering in the corner, and Lily Evans standing outside the carriage with a surprised look on her face. Shit, James thought, but he had to go through with this.
"Knees of Remus John Lupin, you are knobbly." He proclaimed.
James fell backwards with a bang as Remus stood up and kneed him in the face, and he grasped at his nose. He noticed Lily laughing at him, and walking away with Snivellus by her side, he heard the roars of laughter from the three marauders, and felt his nose hurting.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" He yelled, outraged.
He wasn't answered for several minutes, as none of the other marauders could breathe from laughing. Sirius and Remus high fived but then bent double with laughter again. James checked his nose for signs of bleeding, and noted it was fine, and in the end he was forced to laugh with them.
"That.. was… not… funny!" James choked through laughter.
"Admit it, you're nearly wetting yourself with laughter right now Prongs!" Sirius sniggered.
Just at that moment, the trolley lady walked past with her trolley full of sweets.
"Anything from the trolley dears?" She asked.
Her only response was another surge of laughter as the four marauders fell about on the floor, for reasons even they didn't understand. She sighed, after four years, and at least eight train journeys, she was used to their antics.
She looked at them and decided that it was a no, and chuckled to herself as she watched Sirius and James try to untangle their legs.
"I'M HUNGRY!" Sirius shouted, as five hours later, they had no food and had completely exhausted themselves from laughing and planning practical jokes.
"Yeah, what happened to the trolley lady? Its four o'clock!" Peter whined.
"I think I might collapse from hunger if I have to wait any longer." Remus moaned.
"Mate, I'm already dead from hunger." James exclaimed.
The trolley lady walked past their door and took pity on them, she slipped back to get her trolley and walked through.
"Anything from the trolley, dears?" She asked.
"ABOUT TIME!" All four marauders shouted.
They all jumped towards the trolley, and that seemed to be the trouble. The trolley wasn't built for four fifteen year olds to jump on it, and the fact that it had wheels didn't really help. They soared down the corridor, crushing the remaining cauldron cakes, chocolate frogs and Bertie Botts every flavour beans. After sailing past two compartments, Peter fell off the back, having been the last to jump on. Two compartments on, Remus fell off, deciding that he would rather fall than listen to Sirius scream as he grasped onto his hair. About four compartments from the end of the train, Sirius fell off and James screamed as he realised he was alone. He smashed into the end near the drivers compartment, and fell off, dazed from the impact. He looked up to see Lily Evans looking down at him standing next to her friend Alice. She held out a hand to help him up. He took it, thinking that she really cared. She then looked him straight in the eyes.
"You really are immature, aren't you Potter? That is why I will never go out with you." She proclaimed, wiping her hand on her robes and re-entering her train compartment, giggling with her friend Alice.
James shook his head as his vision began to swim, and everything went blurry, and he realised his glasses had broken. He swiftly repaired them, and began re-pack the trolley, knowing he would get into severe trouble for it, along with the other marauders, and began the journey back up the train, that was a lot longer now he wasn't flying along on the top of the trolley. He couldn't help thinking though, that it was the most fun he'd had since last year, and if the year was anything as fun as that trolley ride, then he was in the for the best year of his life.
He met Sirius first, and helped him up, as Sirius was still lying dazed on the ground. They walked up together, meeting Remus and then Pettigrew, all of them nursing sore heads and crushed pride. They tried to look carefree, but it was pretty hard when all of them just wanted to go to sleep to ease their aching heads. There were sniggers and giggles as they walked past train compartments, and they reached the end of the train, the trolley lady standing by their compartment, looking disapproving.
"Sorry wont cut it, will it?" Remus asked sheepishly.
The lady shook her head and walked down the train to talk to the driver, leaving the four marauders completely bemused.
"Sometimes I wonder if she can say anything other than 'Anything from the trolley dears'" Sirius mused, "Must be a strange curse to be under."
James looked at Sirius with a strange twinkle in his eye, and began to laugh. Sirius had given him one hell of a good idea.
"No, James, No!" Sirius pleaded, "Please, please, don't!"
"Anything from the trolley, dears?" Sirius asked sullenly.
The other three cracked up laughing and Sirius glared at them. He wished he hadn't made a joke about the trolley lady, it was killing him to be only able to say five words, the same five words over and over again.
"I must say it makes a nice change." Remus commented, "Although it might be better if you just completely take away his speech."
"ANYTHING FROM THE TROLLEY, DEARS?" Sirius roared in outrage.
"I'm inclined to agree with you there, Moony." James sniggered, and drew his wand.
"Anything from the trolley, dears?" Sirius pleaded, "Anything from the trolley dears?"
James deliberated for a bit, before returning his wand to his pocket, and shoving a squashed chocolate frog into his mouth. They had taken the food off the trolley, knowing nobody would buy the squashed, food, and they had been starving.
"Do you think we're almost there?" Peter asked, "Should we change into our robes?"
"Anything from the trolley dears?" Sirius nodded.
"Oh Padfoot, you're really learning how to communicate through five words, maybe we should keep him this way?" James sighed.
"At least for the rest of tonight, it could be entertaining." Remus nodded.
The four marauders went to change into their robes, noting several pointing fingers as they walked past. They certainly had made an impression soaring down the corridor on top of the trolley, screaming as they flew.
"You scream like a girl, Potter." A sixth year Ravenclaw snorted.
"At least I have fun! Read any books recently?" James taunted and flounced off.
"What a bitch!" Remus commented.
"Anything from the trolley dears?" Sirius nodded in agreement.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouted and McGongall rolled up her parchment and moved back to the teachers table. Dumbledore stood up and addressed the whole school.
"Before we start, I would like to say a few words."
The four marauders looked at each other and whispered, "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak."
Unfortunately, Sirius was still under the curse, so he broke the silence with, "Anything from the trolley dears?"
Dumbledore laughed, and addressed Sirius directly, "I wouldn't get on the wrong side of Mr Potters wand if I were you Mr Black. Anyway, yes, a few words, Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak."
The food suddenly appeared on the tables and the whole school tucked into their food. James glanced down the table at Lily, and noticed her chatting with her friends and looking over to Sniv- Severus at the Slytherin table. He heard many people imitating his screams as he swooped down the train on the trolley, and he couldn't help thinking what a great start to the year it had been. After the feast, and the announcements, they trudged up to the common room, Remus and Lily lead the first years up, with James sending hopeful looks towards Lily, which were all sent back with a glare. When they all got back up to the dormitory that they shared they got ready for bed and settled down.
"Exploding snap, anyone?" James asked.
"Anything off the trolley dears?" Sirius exclaimed, and began to shuffle.
Authors Note: Hope you enjoyed, I especially enjoy writing James and Sirius, I hope I haven't made Peter too stupid, I just kind of hate him for what he did to the Potters. Tell me what you think please. Also, any ideas for pranks the marauders could play on people would be much appreciated. I'm not sure when I'll next update, it depends on how many people read. :)