I don't own Harry Potter, blah blah blah, I make no money off of this. I think you know the drill.
Anyhow, a story just popped into my head, and I just had to write it. No ifs, ands, or buts. However, I don't really know if I'm liking it.... So. I decided to write a little of it and post it on here, just to see how it goes, what people say and stuff. If people like it and want me to continue it, I'm going to change the rating to M. Heh.... And, I do apologize if it's confusing, for I haven't really explained anything. I also don't want to reveal anything or say who's going to end up with who, so yeah... So be a doll and tell me what you think of this, kay? Give me critisism. Let me know if you'd like me to continue it(:
---
"Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you."
-Coldplay
"No, no, Ginny! I've changed my mind! Don't do it anymore!" I whispered urgently, trying to grasp her arm to stop her from moving forward. She shook my invisible hand off, her step never faltering.
"It's okay Hermoine. Don't worry," she muttered as she continued toward her brother, Ron.
My body went into overdrive.
As my heart sped up its rhythm, I tried to wipe my sweaty palms on my robes. Thoughts pestered my mind, each one coming and going before I could really concentrate on one.
What if he says yes and he-
What if he looks disgusted-
What if he stops being my friend-
What if-
What if-
Wh-
My thoughts were suddenly put to a stop as Ginny finally sat down in front of Ron ever so casually. My face paled. This was it, I kept trying to tell myself, but all I wanted to do was run. Run and run and run until I reached the sun. But something in my red-headed friend's expression kept my feet planted on the red carpet of the Common Room.
Ron suddenly looked taken aback, and then a look of guilt rolled over his face. My curiosity flared, and ever so slowly, I edged my way to hide behind one of the couches in the room directly behind the two. Of course, no one could see me; Ginny was the only person who knew that I was actually in here. I was borrowing Harry's invisibility cloak for the time being.
I was close enough to hear their voices. My heart stuttered unevenly when Ron's low voice made its way over to me. I knew it anywhere, and it never ceased to make my heart respond. Ginny's high tinkling voice offset her brother's almost perfectly, almost like a melody. I quickly smiled to myself.
Though I could hear their voices, I couldn't make out what they were saying, which was absolutely fine with me. I didn't want to have to hear what they were talking about. It made me too nervous to even think about it.
All of a sudden, Ginny stood up and said rather loudly, "I think I'm going to study in the library." I knew what that meant; that's where we'd had decided to meet after this was all done. Silently, I got to my feet and swiftly followed my friend out of the Common room, but not before I quickly glanced at Ron.
My body warmed at the sight of him as I smiled. But something was off. He looked troubled, his eyebrows bunched together in thought. His hands were balled into fists. I turned back around, wanting to get away from what I had just seen.
And then my mind put together what had just happened.
It all made sense. His expressions, the look of guilt. Oh gods, I thought. All I could see was his fisted hands, his uneasy face. My steps became slower as I started to realize the truth, until I stopped walking all together.
After taking a few more steps, Ginny seemed to notice too. She couldn't hear my footsteps anymore.
"Hermoine?" She quietly asked, and timidly started to come toward me.
I brought my hand up and slowly gripped the silken material between my fingers and tugged the cloak off of me, letting it pool at my feet. Ginny just looked at the ground, not saying anything. The truth weighed me down, made my bones heavier, like lead. But there was still that little part inside of me that refused to believe it. It reasoned with the logic that of course Ron had to like me back. How I love someone so much, and they not even feel anything for me?
Optimism sailed through me, making everything seem better again.
Ginny noticed the change in my eyes, noticed how I stood up straighter.
"Uhm, Hermione… I think… I think…," she looked at the ground again, her soprano voice somber.
I was clinging to hope, using it as a life line. Anticipation gripped me as she struggled to form the right words.
She took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. "I think you should like someone else." She continued to look at me, searching my eyes, seeing if she could spot anything in their depths.
I stood completely still as the blow hit me with such force I lost my breath. My hands gripped the fabric of my skirt, clenching at it for something to ground me.
"I'm so extremely sorry. I didn't mean to, I mean, I shouldn't have…it's all my fault. Oh god, I'm so sorry," Ginny said, hanging her head.
As I continued to stand there, I felt my body take on an odd numbing sensation. I was there, standing in front of Ginny, but I, myself wasn't there.
Detached.
Smiling, I put my arms around her and soothed her, telling her it wasn't her fault, that she was just trying to help. The smile stayed right there on my face, never moving.
Finally, I let go, and started to move towards the library.
"Hermione…" Ginny trailed off, almost making it seem like a question.
I turned around to face her, that peculiar smile still on my lips. "Yes, Ginny?" My voice was sugary sweet, almost like a toddler's.
She took in my smile, my tone and her eyes seemed to widen a bit. "What's going on…?" she asked, and took a step towards me.
Instantly, I backed up a bit. "No. Don't." It came out harshed than I meant to, almost vicious. Taking a second to compose my face, I looked up at her.
"It's okay, really. I'm just going to read for a while, get a little head start on that potions reading. You understand, right?" That last part came out a plead. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't breathe anymore. When I saw her nod slightly, I turned on my heel and almost flat out ran to the library.
I greeted Madam Pince with my twisted smile, and she just looked at me, question in her eyes. I struggled to get to the very back of the library. Walking had become a very task.
It wasn't until I looked down at my hands that I realized I was shaking. And it wasn't just my hand; my whole body was trembling. I walked up to the nearest book case and leaned my head against it, trying to calm my body down. But my deep breathes started to turn into hyperventilation. Silent sobs started to wrack my being. I slid to the ground and rested my head on the floor, tears streaming down my face.
How no one came across me, I don't know. However, it was a warm Friday night. Everyone was probably outside on the grounds, enjoying the weather.
I wasn't sure how long I stayed there. I just judged time based on my body. First, the tears stopped. Then the shaking. I could breathe normally. Eventually, I got up and dragged myself out of the library and back to the Common Room. By the time I got there with my sluggish pace, people were all ready started to go up to bed.
I spotted Ginny asleep on one if the couches, the invisibility cloak bunched up behind her pillow. Gently, I woke her up and extracted the cloak from her. I'd just give it to Harry tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
I couldn't even think that far ahead. My brain wouldn't allow it.
We continued up to the Dormitories, me half carrying Ginny, until we reached our room. Thank Merlin, I thought and breathed a sigh of relief. We were the only ones in here. I lead Ginny to her bed and she was out before I could do anything else.
Looking around the room, I studied everything, seeing if anything had changed. But nothing was different. My bed, perfectly made this morning. My dresser, everything on top of it, organized and neat. But something was different. It wasn't until I spotted the mirror hanging above my desk that I figured it out.
Me.
I stared at the person in my reflection. Her eyes were dull and glassy, her hair a wild mess. There were faint red splotches on her cheeks, and the collar of her shirt was damp. But when I looked harder, I started to shake again.
Tearing myself away, I slowly walked towards the window in the room, and sat down next to it. I peeked my head out, and looked down. The height didn't scare me as it usually did. It was slightly comforting, inviting even. I felt like I was in a trace, just gazing outside. It wasn't until I heard the laughter of my fellow roommates coming up that stairs that I mechanically got up and crawled into bed.
I closed my eyes, hoping I wouldn't wake up the next day.