AN: What a wild ride this season has been. In general, I liked it a lot. Despite how much I miss Jack and want him back, I have grown to like Desi. I still hate James though. Sorry not sorry. Anyway, this tag to 3x22, the season finale, Mason + Cable + Choices, is I think the very first time that I have written an entire tag from Bozer's POV. I think I did a pretty good job of it too, but please, tell me what you think! Despite the fact that season four won't be airing until midseason, and might only have 13 episodes, I am doing the best I can to remain positive about it for my own mental wellbeing. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!
Bozer wasn't sure what to do. Everyone else had left shortly after Mac got all sullen and quiet, sensing that he probably didn't want a bunch of people around anymore. But Bozer lived there, and Mac was his best friend. He wasn't just going to leave him alone. Best friends didn't do that. He may not have been Jack, but that didn't mean he didn't love and care about Mac more than pretty much anything. Hell, he'd been trying to protect that kid since they were just that: kids. It was in fifth grade that Donnie Sandoz really upped his game in bullying Mac, and Bozer just couldn't sit around and watch it anymore. He'd been trying to protect Mac ever since. It was true, ever since Mac met Jack, everyone knew who Mac's true protector was, but that didn't matter to Bozer. It was still his job to look out for Mac, the only little brother he had now.
Pushing depressing thoughts of Josh to the side, Bozer shook his head and made his way towards Mac, who was standing forlornly in the kitchen. He had said that he was going to do some dishes, but Mac was only standing there, staring off into the middle distance.
"Hey, Mac," Bozer greeted gently, not wanting to surprise his friend. Mac only startled a little bit, jerking his head in Bozer's direction.
"Hey," he muttered in reply, not meeting Bozer's eyes. He moved over to the sink, where the dirty dishes were, but it didn't look like he was about to start doing them.
"Don't worry about them, okay?" Bozer said, rushing forward and putting a hand out to stop Mac from even starting the dishes. He didn't know what happened between Mac and James, but he knew it wasn't good - well, nothing between them had ever been good, so he wasn't exactly surprised. Besides, with everything else that had happened that day, with Charlie and Mason, Mac had certainly been through enough. "I'll take care of them tomorrow, you just, I don't know, take apart the toaster and build a hair straightener out of the parts, or something," he suggested, anything to make his friend smile.
And it worked, too. Mac let out the smallest of laughs, and a small smile graced his face as well.
"Seriously, though," Bozer continued, his voice taking on a more weighty tone. "I don't know what's goin' on, and that's okay, but I'm here for you, Mac. I'm always here for you, you know that." Bozer ducked his head and forced Mac to make eye contact with him. He stared up into Mac's big blue eyes, hoping that his friend could see how serious Bozer was being. He loved Mac so freaking much, and he needed him to see that.
"Yeah," Mac said, taking a quick swipe at his eyes and looking away. Right before he did so, Bozer thought he saw Mac's eyes growing brighter. Mac sighed. "Yeah, I know you are. You've always been there for me, ever since I was eight, and I can never thank you enough for that."
Bozer could hear the emotion in Mac's voice, and see it in the way he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. Mac was about to spiral.
"Hey, it's okay," Bozer affirmed. He put a gentle hand up on Mac's shoulder, and lightly squeezed. "I promise it's okay, and you're gonna be okay too. Come here." Bozer knew that under almost any other circumstances, he would never be able to get away with something like that, but he didn't care. He wrapped his arms around Mac's neck and shoulders, and pulled Mac down to him in a tight hug. At first, Mac stiffened, but he quickly melted into the hug, letting his cheek rest on Bozer's shoulder as he brought his arms around his friend and held on tight. "It's okay," Bozer whispered. He hesitated for a moment, then slowly brought one of his hands up to Mac's hair, and began to gently run his fingers through it. He knew Jack did it all the time, and it always worked to help calm Mac down and remind him that he was safe and loved, but it wasn't something that Bozer had ever done before. That was generally a pretty paternal move, hence why it was usually reserved for Jack. The relationship that Bozer and Mac had was definitely very close, but very fraternal too. But big brothers always looked out for their little brothers, no matter what, so if this was what Mac needed, then Bozer would be damned if he didn't do it. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered again as Mac melted even more into his arms.
After another minute, Mac finally pulled away. Bozer saw him wiping at his eyes, but he didn't say anything about it.
"I'm sorry," Mac muttered. "I didn't mean to lose it there, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Hey, it's okay," Bozer interrupted, his voice as calm and gentle as could be. "You lost someone really important to you today. You are allowed to get upset about it, and anyone who says differently is less human than Sparky," he finished with a small smile. Mac nodded, then turned back to the dishes. "What did I say? Don't worry about those. You go get some rest. You've had a long day." Bozer forced himself between Mac and the sink, preventing him from even thinking about actually doing the dishes.
"I don't really wanna go to sleep though," Mac muttered, barely meeting Bozer's eyes. Bozer knew that look, and knew that tone of his friend's voice. Mac was scared that he was gonna have nightmares.
"Do you wanna call Jack?" Bozer suggested. "Desi was able to get through, so you probably can too."
"No, I don't wanna bother him," Mac muttered. "He's got more important things to do than deal with me." He shook his head, then slowly backed away, like he was just going to go to his bedroom and suffer alone. Bozer almost flinched at Mac's words. Mac had never believed that he was worth anyone's time, no matter how much Bozer and Jack and Riley and everyone else tried to convince him that he was.
"You know he loves you," Bozer said. His words stopped Mac in his tracks. He had turned and was walking out of the room, but he stopped. "Jack loves you so much, maybe even more than me," he added with a small laugh. "You would never be bothering him. He cares about you and he wants you to be okay."
Mac hung his head a bit, but finally looked up at Bozer. "I guess, but still, we're not supposed to call him unless it's an emergency anyway. I don't know how Desi got away with it," he said. "I guess I'm just gonna go to bed anyway. It doesn't matter." He turned away from Bozer again, and walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.
Bozer sighed. How was he ever supposed to make that idiot genius see how loved he was?
Knowing his roommate needed some time alone, Bozer decided he would just do he dishes then instead of waiting until the morning to do them. He needed something mindless to do for a while. It had been a really stressful day, and he was glad it was over. Bozer was just so glad that Mac was okay after Mason filled up the interrogation room with that BZ gas, or whatever it was called. He had been so scared that he was going to find his little brother dead in there. The relief he felt when Mac jolted upright after he stabbed him with the vial full of whatever that stuff was - he hadn't really been paying attention to what it was, just that they said it would save Mac - made him a puppet, whose strings had been cut. He had almost collapsed with relief, knowing that Mac was okay, he wasn't dead, even thought he had so looked it. Maybe Mac wouldn't be the only one having nightmares. Bozer didn't usually get them, even after really rough missions. He figured it was because he wasn't usually as closed off with his emotions as Mac was when it came to trauma, so he got it out of his system before his subconscious could attack him with it. But Mac held onto it, believing that if he told anyone he was hurting, that he was being a burden. He believed that he wasn't worth anyone's time, no matter what. That's why Bozer was so unsurprised about the new turn of events with James, and Mac's reaction to it. Bozer wasn't exactly sure what had happened, but from what he had gathered, Mac's reaction wasn't exactly a healthy one. But why should that be a surprise? Literally nothing about Mac's relationship with James had ever been healthy, so why should things be any different now?
Bozer shook his head, then dried off his hands. He would leave the dishes to air dry, and put them away in the morning. It had been a long day, and he wanted to sleep. But as he was walking down the hall to his room, Bozer thought he heard something. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but it got his curiosity, and it was coming from Mac's room. Slowly, he walked over and stopped right at Mac's closed door. There it was again. It was a muffled sound, with occasional hitches. His heart breaking, Bozer realized exactly what the sound was. It was Mac, and he was crying. It sounded like he was crying into his pillow, trying to keep Bozer from hearing him. Bozer knew that Mac wouldn't want him to go in, wouldn't want to know that anyone had heard his sobs, but Bozer couldn't take it. He couldn't just stand there and let his best friend cry his eyes out in his grief and do nothing. That was it. He would call Jack himself, and tell the man to call his kid.
Wiping at his own watery eyes, Bozer carefully turned away and went back to his own room. He closed the door and pulled out his phone, quickly tapping on the number for Jack's sat phone. Mac had been right when he said they really weren't supposed to call it if there wasn't an emergency, but Desi had called earlier and it hadn't been an emergency, and Mac sobbing alone over the death of one of his close friends was definitely an emergency.
After a few rings, Jack picked up. "Hey, Boze," he greeted, his voice calm, but Bozer could hear the thinly veiled panic. Bozer was known to stick to Jack's emergency rules, so if he was calling, Jack had to know that something was up. "Everything okay? How's Mac?" he asked.
"What did Desi tell you?" Bozer asked. He didn't want to repeat anything that had already been said.
"What Desi and I talked about was between me and Desi, and what does that have to do with Mac?"
Bozer was startled for a second. Desi hadn't told Jack about Charlie and Mason? Oh well. He would just have to fill him in.
"Okay, never mind then. We had an op that went bad. Really, really bad, and, you, uh..." he trailed off for a moment. "Well, you might want to be sitting down for this one." Bozer gave Jack a couple of moments to find a seat. "Are you sitting down?"
"No, Bozer, I am not sitting down," Jack snarked in reply. "Just tell me what's goin' on. You know you're only supposed to call me for emergencies, and so far, this doesn't sound like one."
"Charlie Robinson was killed and Mac was forced to watch and then later the guy who did it forced Mac to breathe in this dangerous gas and now there's somethin' goin' on between Mac and his dad and now Mac is sobbing into his pillow in grief and he doesn't think I know and he needs you right now and you're not freaking here," Bozer rushed, his teeth clenched by the end in irrational anger. He knew it wasn't really Jack's fault that he wasn't there, but still. Mac was hurting, and Bozer needed someone to blame, and at the moment, Jack was the easiest target. He took a breath. Maybe he and Jack were more alike than he thought.
He could hear Jack's heavy, depressed sigh over the phone. "Oh, the poor kid," he said. "Yeah, I'd consider that an emergency. Thanks for lettin' me know."
"You've gotta call him," Bozer ordered. "I tried to get him to call you, but he wouldn't do it. He said he didn't want you to have to 'deal with' him right now."
"That kid," Jack muttered. "Yes, absolutely I will call him. Again, Boze, thanks for lookin' out for my kid."
"You forget he's my best friend too," Bozer replied with a smile.
"I know, and you're a good big brother to him too," Jack said. Bozer could practically hear the man's proud smile. "Thanks again," he said, then hung up.
Bozer breathed a sigh of relief. If anyone could fix this, it was Jack. Slowly, Bozer walked out of his room and back to Mac's, just to make sure that Jack was going to follow through on his word. He knew it was irrational. It was Jack, and Jack always took care of Mac, but he just had to see for himself. Bozer couldn't bear the thought of Mac being alone, trying so hard to keep his sobs quiet. Just the thought of it broke his heart all over again.
But it was okay. Bozer could hear Mac's phone ringing through the door, could hear Mac quickly trying to pull himself together enough to answer the phone, could hear his surprised, "Jack?"
"Hey, kiddo," Jack replied, his voice loud and boisterous enough for Bozer to hear him all the way from outside Mac's room. But Bozer couldn't bring himself to listen anymore. It was a private conversation between a father and son now, and it wasn't Bozer's business to listen in. Maybe he would finish the dishes off after all.
Quietly, Bozer turned on his heel, went back to the kitchen, and did just that.
About forty-five minutes later, every single dish was done, and the kitchen was spotless. But he still needed to check on Mac again before going to bed. He just had to. As slowly as each previous time, Bozer made his way to Mac's door. He couldn't hear Mac on the other side, talking or crying, which was a good thing, but he could hear something. It was a muffled sound, but it sounded like the phone. Mac wasn't saying anything, but the phone was still on.
Against his better judgment, Bozer carefully opened the door, thankful that it didn't creak, and crept inside. The room was dark, with all the various lamps turned off and the shades pulled shut, but the light from the hall fell onto Mac's bed, illuminating a beautiful picture. Mac was fast asleep, one hand holding his phone, the other clutching a sweatshirt to his chest like a child does a stuffed animal. It was one of Jack's sweatshirts. Bozer couldn't help but smile, even though his heart clenched at the tear tracks he could see on his best friend's face. But the line was still active, and Jack was still talking, albeit quietly, and about...cowboys? As carefully as he could, Bozer took the phone out of Mac's hand and walked back into the hall.
"Jack?" he interrupted in a whisper.
"Boze? I was tellin' Mac a story. Did he fall asleep? If so that's a good thing, that was actually the plan," Jack replied.
"Yeah, yeah he's out," Bozer affirmed, only slightly confused, glancing again at Mac through the open door. He was still fast asleep.
"Good," Jack said. "I thought that might do the trick tonight, ya know, keep those nightmares away."
Bozer nodded, even though Jack couldn't see it. "Yeah, I think that'll work. He looks peaceful. Thanks for that."
"You know I'd do anything for that kid," Jack said. Bozer could hear the fondness in his voice. "Now it's your turn, and my turn, so goodnight, Bozer, and thank you."
"Yeah, you too. Goodnight, Jack."
"Goodnight."
He hung up, then carefully walked back into Mac's room. He plugged the phone into the charger, and decided to forgo the alarm. Mac could use some extra sleep. Taking the soft blanket Jack had given Mac for Christmas that year, Bozer carefully draped it over his friend, who was smiling in his sleep, just a little bit. Bozer couldn't help but smile back.
"Goodnight, Mac," he whispered. "No matter how much taller than me you are, or how much of a cooler spy you are, you'll always be my little brother," he said with a fond shake of his head. It took all of his self restraint not to brush Mac's hair across his forehead, but he managed not to. Mac needed his sleep.
Bozer walked back to the door, and closed it as quietly as he could. He loved Jack dearly, and appreciated him more than he could ever say for what he did for Mac, but protecting his little brother would always be Bozer's job too, and he wouldn't have it any other way.