POAS
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It started with the end of the war on good ol' Voldie. Voldemort was all like, I am defeated! However, Harry Potter wasn't the only one kickin' some evil Dark Lord reptilian booty.
This is a totally stupid story I wrote for no reason. Mostly because I just can't stop readin' the Harry Potter fanfics. Quite possibly a parody by accident.
Summary: Harry plots on how to get his worst enemy and his best friend together. And he's not talkin' about Ron. Snape conveniently tells the Golden Teens about a musical and Harry's plan is put into action. With the help of a few choice Muggle songs.
WARNING: SPOILER FOR HALF BLOOD PRINCE AHEAD, USE CAUTION WHILE SWITCHING LANES! FINES DOUBLE FOR SPEEDING IN CONSTRUCTION ZONES!
PS: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and anything else that you recognize in the Harry Potter Universe. The songs used will have their owners posted at the end of the chapter they are featured in. The plot, I can safely say, is all mine. MINE DAMNIT! The sarcasm is mine as well. The idea to make Harry Potter and crew do stupid things… well, that's not exactly mine, but I am invoking my evil privilege to make characters do what I want them to.
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Who Throws Bricks, Honestly?
Harry Potter watched quietly in the shadow of a tree as Draco and Lucius fought one another. The Dark Lord watched the two wizards poke at each other with their wands, throw the occasional hex, and poke at each other some more. All was going to plan, all was well. Until that damn Golden Trio, minus Harry, popped out of nowhere. That would make them the Golden Duo, Deut? Whatever. The point was, they were about to be Avada Kedavra'd into next week or Hell, either one.
"Damnit," Lucius cursed softly. Those overzealous little brats would ruin everything and take all the glory. Damnit it all to hell.
Draco turned around and watched as that Weasley kid was hit upside the head with something akin to a brick. For a Dark Lord, he had some really bad curses. Or at least bad aim. Knowing this, he signaled to Potter to begin his little plan of how to kick Voldemort's sorry scaly butt once and for all. Gathering up his courage, Draco jumped in front of Weasley's way only to have his father jump in front of him as the dreaded and green (much like the hide of Voldemort) Avada Kedavra was sent spiraling toward the two boys. Watching his father die with a shrug, Draco pointed his wand at the Dark Lord as did Hermione, who again, appeared out of nowhere, Weasley (that redheaded, poor, second-hand robe wearin'…) Harry, the scar-faced Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die, and the random Professor Snape. The Dark Lord had the decency to let a sweat drop bead on the top of his head before he was turned into a pile of ash. Scooping up the Dark Lord into a jar, Snape randomly disappeared, leaving four teens just standing in a field. They took the hint and left soon after, but not before poking Lucius' dead body a few times with their wands.
Back at Hogwarts, the ghost of the late Dumbledore was dancing around the Great Hall with glee. His eyes still twinkled, he knew how Snape hated that, and he was still all knowing and wise, but now he could go through walls and bother people at will. His ghostly figure grinned merrily. What he wouldn't give for a lemon drop.
Slowly, the Golden Quad walked into Hogwarts magically unharmed. However, that was mostly due to Voldemort's sissy throwing of bricks instead of curses and Unforgiveables. Ron looked at Hermione, then Harry, then finally at Draco. The Slytherin simply brushed a few strands of stray hair from his face with a whip of his head and frowned softly. His dad was dead. Dead. Lucius was dead. Then Draco started doing what he called his "Happy Dance".
Hermione smiled as Draco danced, which did not go unnoticed by a redhead watcher boy. Draco continued dancing happily and wooting excitedly until Professor Snape appeared out of nowhere. Clearing his throat, the Professor began talking at the now Golden Quad.
"Mr. Malfoy, if you would please stop dancing for a moment," he said in all seriousness, despite the fact that it was hilariously funny.
Malfoy stopped dancing, but did not stop grinning like Ron and Harry in Honeyduke's. Though the Professor had admittedly killed Dumbledore, he only did as he was asked by the great wizard. Harry Potter had to go on to defeat Voldemort once in for all, it was Dumbledore's last request. As a living being. Now his ghost haunted the halls, more specifically Snape's own private rooms. Maybe it was revenge for killing him, or maybe Snape was the only Professor who wouldn't try to destroy his ghost, either way, he stuck around. A lot. For a long time. Without going away. Constantly. There. Always. Watching him. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he began again.
"Hogwarts is putting on a play, a musical of sorts, and we would appreciate it if the Golden Quad wrote one. The rules are as follows," he pulled a piece of parchment from his left robe pocket, "One, Muggle music must be used; two, there must be some sort of… romance; three, there must be some sort of fight; four, magic may be used, but not to harm, hurt, maim, or kill; and finally, someone has to choreograph some sort of dance number. Any questions?"
Hermione raised her hand. He twitched.
"Any questions at all? No? Well then, I'll be going…" he smirked, turning on his heel.
"I have a question!" Hermione said softly.
"Yes, Miss Granger?"
"Can there be a fight over a possible romance?"
"Yes… now if that is all-"
"It's not. Can we kiss?" she blushed softly.
"Nothing too much like snogging, but yes," he glowered, his back still turned.
"One more thing…"
"Oh God," he cursed silently.
"Can the entire thing be written by Harry, he's quite good at writing."
"As long as the rest of you do the acting, yes!" he near shouted. Despite Voldemort being dead, he still had a rather short temper, especially when it came to know-it-all bookworm-y little muggle-borns. However, secretly, he was rather fond of the Golden Quad. He started walking away when another question was asked.
"Can it be completely silent, with only the music and lip syncing?" Harry asked quietly.
"As long as I get the pleasure of casting Silencio on Miss Granger," he chuckled.
"Of course Professor!" Ron laughed. "We wouldn't have it any other way."
For the second time that day, young Ronald was hit in the face with a brick.
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AN: Wheeeee. This is my first attempt at a Harry Potter fanfic. I've never read the books. And I probably never will. I know everyone is pretty much OOC. Well, maybe not so much. And they may not continue to be. I mean, hell, yah never know when there's some sarcastic psycho with a keyboard and mal-intent for the Harry Potter Universe. There will be more chapters, of course, because this isn't over 'til the fat lady sings! … very punny.
The one, the only, the truest, bluest sarcastic wench,
POAS
PS: I don't know what they mean by public domain when the refer to music lyrics. Any lyrics that follow were taken from lyric sites on the internet from some songs that I actually own. I hope I'm not breaking any rules by buying the songs and then using the lyrics I got from lyric sites and those cute little booklets they give you when you buy the CD. (is lost) Help is appreciated.