"I, Vince McMahon, have sold my interest in Monday Night Raw." The Chairman of the WWE appeared on the Titantron. "And, unlike the Trump experiment, this is legitimate. I feel that the time has come to take World Wrestling Entertainment in a new direction. That, and they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. With that, I give you one of the new owners of Raw... Erik Draven."
Vince's face disappeared from the screen and a younger man stepped onto the stage. The fans didn't know what to make of this at first. The rumors of the sale of Raw had been circulating for several weeks now but most of the Universe had assumed it it was storyline. But Draven's first words soon changed all that.
"Good evening and welcome to what will be a new Raw. New in the sense that nothing will be like it used to. First thing I'd like to do is introduce my partner and your new head referee, the lovely Alexx!"
Alexx came out to many whistles from the crowd as she was a very stunning woman.
"Next thing I'd like to do is announce that we've terminated our deal with the USA network and have signed a multi-year deal with HBO. So you'll be seeing a lot of things that you'd never expect... we will warn you, some of it may make the Attitude era seem tame. I'll now hand things over to my partner who has a few things to say."
"Thank-you, Erik. As my partner said, we have already made several changes to our staff. We have met with the entire roster and anyone that wasn't up for what we proposed, we have accommodated by sending to Smackdown for talent that is interested in pushing the envelope." Alexx smiled "I hope you'll all join us for the ride, but I will repeat that viewer discretion is advised. And now, in ten seconds we will switching over to the HBO feed and once that is done, Erik will announce the first match."
People who were watching on USA were suddenly treated to a rerun of "The Partridge Family". Surprisingly, almost everyone who could switched to HBO as soon as they realized that this was legit.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a number one contender's match for the WWE championship and it is to be a full frontal tuxedo match. The rules are simple... no pinfalls, no submission, no countout, no DQ. The winner will be the first man to strip his opponent completely naked." Erik paused "I told you we were goin' places. Introducing first..."
The fans in attendance held their collective breaths. Once "My time is Now" started, they cheered.
"From West Newberry, Massachusetts, weighing two hundred forty pounds, John Cena!"
Cena in a tux looked out of place, but no more so than anything else that was going to happen on the new RAW. Other than his ring attire, everything was pure Cena, down to the salute, the mannerisms, and the fact that he might end up showing everything.
"And his opponent, from St. Louis Missouri, weighing two hundred forty-one pounds, Randy Orton!"
Prior to purchasing the show, Erik and Alexx had done some serious market research and discovered that the fans would buy Orton-Cena again, but only if it was something that hadn't been done before. Hence the tuxedo match.
(Author's note... this match is inspired by what happened at my cousin Steve's wedding after two of the groomsmen got completely plastered.)
"Ring the bell." Alexx demanded
Cena and Orton circled each other, looking like two Maitre D's getting ready to fight over the last canape. Cena lunged, and tore the pocket off the tuxedo jacket of Orton, but getting nothing more than that. He held the small piece of fabric high like a trophy before balling it up and tossing it into the crowd.
Was Orton actually enjoying this? Or was his twisted mind so anxious to get a title shot that he was willing to do anything to get it? Maybe a bit of both as he speared Cena to the mat and got on top of him, peppering the top of his head with several punches, then reaching down and ripping his shirt open.
John looked down at his exposed chest and smiled. It was around this time that the crowd realized that this as actually happening, and not going to be a lot of posing. He rolled to his feet and, in an attempt to put a little wrestling in the match, whipped Orton into the ropes and clotheslined him when he bounced back.
Cena was never much for strategy, but this time was different. With Randy flat on his back, instead of going for the pants or something like that, Cena pulled off both of Orton's shoes, making it harder to keep his footing on the mat. It seemed to work as Randy started slipping all over the place, making it easy for Orton to pick his spots, tearing a sleeve from the jacket and ripping one of the trouser legs open while Orton tried to stop himself from falling down.
Frustrated, Orton rolled out of the ring trying to come up with a strategy of his own that would work. The first thing he had to do was take care of his mobility issues and he accomplished that by removing his socks. If the Superfly could wrestle barefoot, then so could the Viper.
In the ring, Cena was cockily chatting up the referee, for what reason no one knew. It wasn't like she could influence the outcome. Her only job was to call for the bell once there was man-meat exposed. Unless there was something going on in Cena's married life, then this seemed to be a mistake. And it turned out to be when Orton slid back into the ring, crept up behind Cena and, with a mighty yank, pulled the good Doctor's pants down. Maybe John forgot it was a tuxedo match since he was wearing his "Hustle, Loyalty, Respect" boxer shorts underneath. Or maybe he didn't have anything else to wear?
With Cena in a very vulnerable position, Orton finished removing the garment, taking one of John's shoes with it in the process. He waved the pants over his head before throwing them into the crowd, where they were soon shredded by several souvenir-hungry fans.
Orton was in the lead, clothing wise, and the smart thing to do might have been to attempt the RKO. But Cena was also thinking along those lines and reversed it into the FU. (Again, it's HBO, so none of this PG-attitude adjustment-bullshit!) He peeled off, sending Orton crashing to the mat, semi-stunned.
Cena rolled Orton onto his back and ripped the jacket off of him, followed soon after by pulling the tux shirt over his head and kneeing him while he was blinded, then ripping the shirt right off him. Orton was now at the disadvantage and, in hindsight, it might've been nice to have Cody and Ted at ringside, but they had other commitments for the evening.
The crowd was pumped, sensing that they were gonna see something never before seen. Cena bent down and grabbed the pocket on the left side of Orton's pants and yanked, ripping the trousers open and exposing Randy's undergarment of choice... a black thong. (At least it's more than what he usually wears under his tights!)
A bow tie, cummerbund, half a pair of pants, and a thong was all that separated Cena from a title shot. Orton had a bit more work to do with Cena being up a coat and shirt, socks and one shoe on Orton, but lacking pants.
Licking his lips, he pulled Orton to his feet and elbowed him in the jaw, and with Orton dizzy, put him over his shoulders for another FU. Orton saw this one coming and wriggled out of the hold. As he landed on the canvas, he spun John around and bang!... RKO!
"Take a look at your champion now!" He taunted, pulling off the jacket, then snapping the cummerbund from around Cena's waist and wrapping it around the former champion's throat. "Give it up, Cena... you can't beat me."
"I... don't... have... to..." Cena panted, his face turning a shade similar to the red bow tie he was still wearing. "All I have... to do... is this." His muscles shaking, he climbed to his feet and elbowed Randy in the stomach three times, then executed a reverse neckbreaker to put his opponent down again. A cocky, New-England grin came to his face as he divested Randy of what remained of the tuxedo pants and flung them into the crowd. If you put fifty pounds of gut flab on Orton, he'd look exactly like Big Dick Johnson, without the cummerbund.
"Cena! Cena! Cena!" The crowd started chanting... whether they wanted him to actually win or they'd prefer to see Orton in his birthday suit, it was hard to tell.
With Orton still on the mat, Cena bounced off the ropes and did his "you can't see me" gesture, following it up with a five knuckle shuffle. Orton rolled over, clutching his forehead, which allowed Cena the time to remove the cummerbund from around Orton's waist. It was getting close to a finish, and even the referee started to pay attention now.
Cena was way ahead and maybe his overconfidence was starting to show as he began to prance around the ring, asking each section of the crowd for approval. When he finally tired of showboating, he returned to Orton, kicking him in the ribs five times before again turning to the crowd.
"Tear it off! Tear it off!" The chant began. Cena pulled Orton to his feet, but before he could remove the last two pieces of clothing, Orton broke the hold and surprised Cena with a second RKO.
"You want me to tear it off, I will." A swift yank and the bow tie was gone, the shirt quickly following. Orton laughed evilly, grabbing Cena's legs and quickly removing the other shoe as well as both socks. Advantage Orton by one bow tie.
With Cena in obvious pain, it was Randy's turn to showboat for the crowd. "One more time!" He shouted, pulling Orton to his feet. The crowd thought he was going for another RKO, but he swerved everyone, grabbing the waistband of Cena's boxers and pulling them down to his ankles, then tripping Cena so he could pull them off. He waved them like a flag of victory. The fact that the bell hadn't rung didn't register right away, until he heard the crowd cheering. At first he thought it was for him, but then he felt a hot breath on the back of his neck. He wheeled around and Cena was standing there smiling. Randy's gaze went to Cena's groin and he groaned when he realized that Cena had pulled a fast one on him and had worn a black g-string beneath his boxers.
"Oh, crap..." was all he had time to say before Cena's fist made contact with his jaw. Left and right hands peppered the Legend Killer, followed by a whip into the corner turnbuckles, and a crushing clothesline right after. Orton sagged against the corner and Cena chopped him across the chest once, twice, three times, and then realized that he better take advantage of the situation. After a fourth chop left Orton gasping for air, Cena pulled the bow tie from around his neck with a mighty yank, leaving a red welt.
It was literally sudden death... both men down to the skimpiest of briefs. It soon degenerated into a slap and grab fight as both men fought for purchase on the one garment that stood between them and a shot at Chris Jericho's title.
Orton desperately lunged for Cena, but John caught him, and shouldered him. Before anyone could say RKO, it was another FU. Cena rolled Orton onto his back and straddled the dazed wrestler.
Keeping him down is going to be a problem... wait! Cena shimmed down until his body weight was pinning Randy's thighs to the mat. He reached down and with one hand, pushed the piece of dental floss than ran between Randy's butt cheeks aside and with the other, roughly inserted two fingers into the hot passage inside.
Randy groaned, but it was not in pain, but more in pleasure as John found his sweet spot and massaged it several times.
Randy arched his hips off the mat and John took advantage of it, tugging the briefs down to his knees. He looked down and not only was Randy not putting up a whole lot of defense, he seemed to be loving the attention. At least his penis was as it was hard and already wet with precum. John continued to finger fuck Randy while he slowly inched the g-string lower and lower, past his knees to his ankles.
He rolled to the side, turning Randy over while not removing his fingers from inside him. Orton was groaning, breathing heavily, as Cena continued to manipulate his prostate.
"Oh fuck..." Randy moaned "Give it to me, harder."
John obliged, pushing deeper inside Randy, watching his cock swell more and more with each thrust until it looked like it was going to burst.
"Come for me, lover." John breathed seductively into Randy's ear. "I want you to be mine."
"Ahhhh." Randy's voice rose when John brushed once more against him. "I'm there... I can't stop it... I... oh fuck, I'm coming..." His cock twitched once more and several thick strands of goo erupted from it. John continued to finger Randy until every drop was spent. He looked up at Randy, his body flushed and covered with a mixture of sweat, baby oil, and cum, and, while Randy was trying to recover, reached down and snatched the covering from his ankles.
The referee, who also looked a little flushed, immediately signaled for the bell.
"The winner and number one contender... John Cena!" Erik announced
"What!" Randy shouted, realizing what had happened.
Cena waved his fingers in front of his face while Orton stomped around the ring, still covered in juice. "You tricked me!"
"Anything to win, man, anything to win." Cena yelled back, then returned to his locker room for a post-match celebration. He'd really wanted to stick something else between Orton's cheeks, but if he was going to win the match, that was going to have to wait for another day.
THE END
Suggestions for pairing, matches, or anything else are welcome... nothing is taboo (except maybe farm animals, deciduous trees, and Mark Henry!)
Up next... Miz/Orton no holds barred for Magz!