Just You Average, Ordinary Day: Part 2
By: Diva'sDream
A Xena: Warrior Princess Fanfic
Hehehe… I have returned, people! Now who shall I completely humiliate today, hmm? … OH! I KNOW!!!
-Zeus: I am the almighty King of the Greek Gods! MUAHAHAHA! FEAR ME AND ALL MY LIGHTNING-THROWING PSYCHOSIS!
All the other Greek gods: (Inches away slowly)
-Athena: How dare you defy me! I, you insolent little fool, am the almighty Goddess of Wisdom. I am the reason that you and your kind are not still babbling idiots living in caves and banging stuff with stone hammers! I… (Blah, blah, blah)
The person she's yelling at: (Had stopped listening to her rant a looong while ago) …I want a sandwich... Her breath is HORRIBLE… OOH LOOK, IT'S A BUTTERFLY!!!
-Artemis: (Letter from the Editor: We're sorry, but it seems as if not enough lines have been given to this character for us to make an accurate mockery of her… We apologize for the inconvenience and urge you to have a nice day)
-Celesta: (See above announcement)
Sits and waits for both of those goddesses to come and kill me for that comment... Well, I can think of little things for both of them, so I may as well give you those:
-Artemis: (Gets killed by Xena) Damn…
-Celesta: (After being captured by Xena) Well this sucks…
-Aphrodite: WONDER SLUT POWERS—ACTIVATE!
-The Fates: (Cue random "Alvin & the Chipmunks" song here, voices and all)
-The Furies: And just think, in a few centuries from now, we'll all be reincarnated as the Sanderson Sisters, and then later on as some randomly annoying and scary girl group. I shall dub us T.a.T.u.! No! Even better: The Spice Girls!
-Discord: Yes! Finally, I won the award for most screwed up hairdo! I just knew that all those years of sticking my fingers in light sockets would someday pay off!
-Evil Xena: (In a tough-girl, Brooklyn accent) Oh no you didn't, gurl! I'm takin' you down. I'm gon' beat yo ass! Ya heard, foo?!
-Cupid: I really gotta myself a new hobby!
-Strife: (Again, we apologize for any inconvenience, but there seem to be several choices for this one. So, we shall now give you a few of those choices and we'll leave you to pick which you think best suits him. And your choices are…:)
a. "Heeeeeeeeeere's Strife-y!"
b. "I see dead people…"
c. "I'm Bozo the Clown's second cousin's aunt's uncle twice removed who was kicked outta the circus for insanity reasons…from Finland!"
d.(Cue singing "They're Coming to Take Me Away" here)
-Hephaestus: Ya know…If Ron Jeremy and Jaba the Hut had a kid…I sadly imagine that it'd look something like this… (Looks at self in mirror)
-Theodorus: (Sighs after listening to one of Callisto's rants and then seeing her captured and/or killed by Xena AGAIN. Takes out notepad and quill and writes something down) …Note to self: Get a NEW job, damn it!
-Eros: It's not fair! How come I have to start learning how to take over as God of Love now?! And then I just end up getting blamed when something bad happens to peoples' love-lives! I'm just a baby, for the love of Zeus! Why would you give a baby a bow and love-arrows and expect nothing bad to happen?!
And finally…
-Virgil: Hmmm…guess I should start learning that song now that dad's kicked the bucket. I'll probably have to change the words around a bit, though. Hmmm…let's see… "Virgil the Mighty"? I wonder if that'll help me impress Gabrielle even more… Oh how I love Gabrielle and long to be with her forever! Too bad that damn Xena's in the way… I swear, you'd think those two were lesbians or something, with the way they're so inseparable and all. Wait…what if they are…? (Dun dun duuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn!!!)
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Disclaimer: Again… I own absolutely nothing! I would love to just sit here and brag about how I own everything…but that would be a lie and that, ladies and gentlemen, may land me in a little place that I like to call…jail…
A/N: I HAVE RETURNED! MUAHAHAHA!!! Man, I almost forgot how much fun this story was! If there are any characters that I have neglected to torment that you would like to see appear on this fanfic, please don't hesitate to tell me! Wow, it takes a very…"special"…kinda person to write this stuff… No wonder I constantly get asked what on earth I'm on!!! And in response to that question, I do not happen to have a drug of choice, thank you very much! (Hides crack cocaine behind back—lol, j/k. I don't do drugs at all. I'm just being weird…)
Most of the cast: 0.o …Um…wow…
Xena: You sure you're not on drugs, kid?
YES, GOD DAMN IT!
Everyone: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure…
LLD, back me up here!
LLD: Heh! (In a sing-song voice) Chloe's a crackhead!
AM NOT! (Twitch) GoodBYE, people! (Storms off, twitching)