"He must know, right? He has to understand after all these years...
Thoughts plagued her and drove off sleep as she stared at the broad shoulders and sweeping white hair of the man laying beside her. They had set up camp deep in the forest, laid down mats, and turned in for the night, knowing that their skill and experience would wake them should anyone be foolish enough to even think of bothering them.
Still, sleep determinedly avoided Tsunade. Grumbling to herself, she turned in her bag, choosing to face away from the figure of her companion and closest friend; the dark shadows of the forest around them were much more forgiving.
Jiraiya was all she had left. The only person who loved her and understood her; and the only person who remembered who she had been before she lost everything. And it was for these reasons and so many more that she couldn't lose him. And as such she couldn't give him what he wanted, what he deserved.
The pattern of her curse was clear and tested in time. She would love someone, truly and deeply, and just after she admitted it to him and showed the depth of her devotion...he was gone. Taken from her almost as quickly as the words had left her mouth. Grandfather, Nawaki, Dan. She loved them and now they were dead.
But she couldn't lose Jiraiya. No. He was the last one and she needed him more than she would ever admit to anyone, even more than she could admit to herself...so she had decided long ago to do what must be done in order to keep him. She would deprive him of his greatest dream, and herself of the truest happiness, in order for him to stay.
She hid her heart away. Buried it under all the old scar tissue, drowned it in sake and gambling debts, and disguised it with scathing words and violent rejection.
And still he just kept coming back for more.
He had to know, right? After all these years? She needed him to know. She needed him to understand why she could never love him, not openly, not the way he wanted. She needed him to stay with her too much.
The trees grew darker and more ominous with her thoughts and she rolled over once more. But instead of seeing the expected shock of white hair, brilliant bright eyes stared back at her. She didn't flinch in surprise, only stared back, somehow still steady and calm like she always felt in his presence, no matter how often she pretended otherwise. She wondered how long ago he woke up, how long he had been staring at her back like she had been staring at his.
"Tsunade." His voice was not even a whisper; the sound easily lost among the leaves and the shadows.
He said nothing else, but in his eyes she could see it all. Yes, he knew, he understood, but he didn't care. He would not give in. His stubbornness and luck was as time- and battle-tested as her curse and he was willing to put it all on the line for her...for the possibility of an us. He believed he would beat the odds and break her curse.
A small gasp escaped her. She was so overwhelmed by his confidence, his will. He made her want to believe it was possible, that they could make it...
It was too much to dream. But oh it was too much not to.