The Otherwordly Soldier Chapter 1, a fire emblem fanfic

Chapter 1: Portals, Zombies and (thankfully) Shepherds

So, this is my first ever fanfiction since I finally got enough guts to expose myself to the public opinion, because what the world truly needed was another Awakening self-insert, amirite? Anyways, read and review.

EDIT 08/04/2018: It's been barely two months since I first posted this chapter, I know, but it just felt much too horrible to leave it in its original state. I improved it. This is the first chapter 2.0.

If a depressed teenager fails to kill himself and gets transported to a fictional world in a forest, when he falls does he make a sound?

At first I was inclined to believe that you'd be crazy to ask me this question, and then, just to fuck with you, I'd tell you that something that cannot happen by default can't make a sound.

*sigh* But apparently no, he does indeed make a sound, a sound loud enough to wake up the dead.

Robin told me to write this diary. At first I was against it, but reading back on my adventures I got a good laugh out of it. And a good cry too. To be honest, some of these things still feel surreal, huh? But let's start from the beginning. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of "The Otherwordly Soldier". (Roll credits *ding*)

I've been here in this blue void for a while now. I'm fairly sure that I'm in a state of stasis, because the fact that I'm not dripping blood despite having a fairly large and open wound could be explained only this way.

I've also lost any sort of sense of time. I feel like I've been here for decades; and 5 seconds; and an hour. I can't really tell you, my temporal perception is shot.

Guess I should start with introductions, huh? My name is Nicholas, but I go by Nick. I'm a 15 years old boy, fairly short, barely 5'2, with green hair (I dyed it) and a fairly thin physique. You now know more about me than the average person. Woohoo!

And as of… I have no idea, I should be by all means dead. I mean, you don't recover easily from a stab in the chest right next to the heart easily without being rescued by someone, right? Right.

So why am I not dead, exactly? That… I can't tell you. Like, I still haven't found an explanation for it. If I ever happen to come across something that makes sense about my situation, I'll be sure to let you know.

The sensation I'm currently feeling is pretty much like not being able to breathe, but not needing air at the same time. It's hard to describe.

But then… I would say that's the light at the end of a tunnel, but this place isn't exactly dark… Is that another portal? I reached towards it, and suddenly, I was shooting entirely too fast towards it.

*thud*

…

For anyone wondering, that was me meeting the ground face first. Hello ground.

"Lissa, run." "Huh?" "I mean it! Go!"

This is the first thing I heard. I mean, after faceplanting on the ground from a 5 ft fall. Which, in itself, was pretty disappointing for a variety of reasons. The first being that I faceplanted after falling from a portal. Marth, who I caught a brief glimpse of, managed to stick the landing 10/10, gold medal, while I did a perfect zero. Noice.

Second reason of my disappointment is that I'm alive. I guess I can manage to fuck up even my suicide, which shouldn't be that hard. My comatose mind showing me Fire Emblem Awakening (One of my favorite games in like ever) was just the icing on the cake. And I didn't even get to be Robin! I mean, I know that we can't all get to be Robin, but man. Instant friends, best unit in the game (aside from Chrom/Lucina Morgan) and plot relevance. Who wouldn't wanna be him? Also, I've been left behind by the rest of the peeps who ran away, not bothering a 15 year old boy being dropped from giant eye portal thing on the ground. Or maybe they think I am a risen? I don't know. But I guess they have their priorities straight, unlike me who is just lying here talking to myself. Do I have a concussion? I think I may have a concussion.

Huh. I haven't been hit by one of the fireballs in this raging inferno yet. Which is pretty weird and convenient. Is this plot armor acting up or soOHSHITRUNRUNRUN

A sharp pain lances in my torso, right next to the heart (my aim always sucked) as it reminded me that I have yes, indeed, embedded a knife in my own gut. Which, for some unholy reason, is no longer there. I mean, now that I am not having an anxiety attack I'm grateful, since I'm currently too occupied to act upon my depression, and do not need that to distract me, but still. Pain.

CONCENTRATE ON DODGING YOU FUCKING ID-

So, I made a run for it. And I may or may not have screamed like a little girl in the meantime. That'll be our little secret. In my defense, I honestly didn't expect that suicide would bring me from the metaphorical hell that is life (I may be exaggerating) to a more literal hell. The more you know. I had never been firmly Cristian; despite being raised in that kind of family. I just didn't feel like believing to something without proof. Anyhow, I managed to limp my way out of the fireballs' range, that was delineated by everything not being On Fucking Fire™.

Upon further inspection of my surroundings, however, I realized that I'm now in the middle of a GODDAMN Risen horde. Way to go me.

To celebrate I even do a little fist pump.

Huh, blood loss does weird things to your brain. I looked down at my chest, which is now sporting a rather deep gash, the blood completely soaking my favorite hoodie. Traitorous blood! Stop ruining my clothes! I command you!

It didn't listen and instead resumed its blood dripping purpose on the ground, since the hoodie was already soaked.

Drop.

Dr-oh hi Mr. Risen that in the meantime decided that I'm alive enough to do something about it.

"Good evening." I greet the undead barbarian in front of me. I know that he's a zombie, but mom taught me to always be friendly to people, despite the differences in ethnicities. First impressions matter. Sadly, the guy just proceeds to raise his axe for a painfully telegraphed attempt at slicing me into tiny Nick bits. Rude. At least the bandits would taunt you before turning you into mature content.

I weighed my options as the guy recovered from the attack. I could attack this guy barehanded, with virtually no hand to hand combat skills, and either cover myself in guts or most likely getting myself turned into fine Me-meat.

Do vapor zombies even leave guts when you kill them? They just kinda disappear sinking into the ground after you kill them in the game. Nevertheless, I could run away screaming bloody murder as I've done pretty much up until now. These guys are slow, and I could avoid being gutted before getting even recruited in the Shepherds.

You know, thinking about it, the second choice sounds a whole lot more appealing.

A jolt of pain snaps me out of my daze as an arrow embeds itself into my forearm. Joke's on you other protagonists who their creators embed arrows in their shoulder. I'M ORIGINAL! Yeah, I should probably run away. Maybe I can rendezvous with Chrom and the others and see if Lissa can heal me. They're nice people, so they will do something to help me.

That, or I could finish the job with the arrow that's in my forearm, or let myself get sliced down by a Risen. Would I become a vapor zombie myself if I die? That'd suck.

Meh, I don't feel like dying twice today anyways. I resume my running at a sedated pace cause I'm still bleeding out and I lack general running abilities.

Suddenly spotting bright white hair (seriously, in the night it's like a fucking beacon) I head towards who I presume is our favourite tactician. That's right, you heard me! Fuck you Mark! You aren't even a real character! You're just there for self-insert purposes!

I scream a "Hey!" towards him, waving with the hand that doesn't have an arrow stuck in it, and he turns towards me firing a thunder spell in a panic. I shielded myself with my arms and…

It didn't hurt?

I looked down at myself and saw for a moment that my arms were coated in a blue glow which dissipated quickly. Do I have that high a Res that I can ignore a spell from the Wings of Despair, the Breath of Ruin, the Dark God Grima!™?

I'm brought out of my musings however as said tactician quickly rushes to me once he realized that I wasn't a threat.

"I'm sorry! Are you alright?" He asks, concerned.

"Not really, but let's pretend I am. Are you alone?" I ask. I honestly hope this isn't some weird AU where he just found himself alone, because I really need someone to kick butt in my stead.

I mean, I could PROBABLY deal with some vapour zombies, but I'm injured.

"No, I'm with a group called the Shepherds. Who are you?" He asks.

"The name's Nick. When you're done with these zombies, can you bring help? I don't think I'll last much longer like this." I plead as the weariness finally catches up to me and I sway dangerously as he holds me upright. He nods, turning- and suddenly another thunder spell is rushing towards me. Or rather, above me as it fries another Risen that had gotten too close.

Aaaaand there he goes. Speeding off to the rest of the Shepherds, barking out orders. Man, the Robin here is a pansy. Takes order from someone that barely reaches his chest. He's tall.

Not my brightest moment, I know.

Luckily for me, the sound of hooves clacking on the ground warned me of the arrival of someone, that, if I remember correctly (since you barely see any cavaliers up until the Valm arc) are our reinforcements. All two of them. (Or did Kellam come as well? People have trouble noticing the guy. I don't know if it's an actual talent or just him being quiet.)

"You alright kid?" No, I'm not alright, thank you very much for asking. Kinda having to lean against a tree just to stay upright, clutching the place where the arrow landed. "I'm bleeding out here, but sure, I'm dandy." I replied sarcastically. I'm normally not this aggressive with people, but I'm having a moment here.

"No need to grow an attitude on me kid." She raised her arms in a pacifying gesture, to which I simply shot a dry look and continued nursing my arm.

"Do you know where the captain is, kid?" It's already the third time she calls me a kid in three phrases that she said. I'm fifteen years old for god's sake! I'm a young adult!

Resisting the urge to badmouth her, I simply reply instead. "And who is your captain? I kinda really don't know you at all…?" While this is just a silly dream, I want to keep up appearances. I technically don't know her, and should act as if I don't. "Right. The name's Sully, and the captain is the prince of Ylisse." Wow, much for security, aren'tcha? I may be a spy for all she knows. "The blue guy?" I ask with a sleepy look. I'm pretty close to passing out here and now, and I really would enjoy some medical attention. How are people so inattentive?!

"Yeah." She curtly replies.

"I think he's somewhere over th-" but before I could even talking I was cut off by a cry of-

"Hold on, my fair maiden!" "Huh?" And there is the aforementioned second person. You know, the way he was portrayed in awakening really doesn't do him justice. He's fairly tall, and manages to make work a clothing style that on anybody else would look simply ridiculous. And if fanon is correct, I bet he's not really as dumb as he was made to be either. Still a skirt chaser through and through though, and now I'm wondering if this is where Inigo picked up his habits, like, from his father. I always thought that Olivia was good with Lon'qu or Chrom though. (That Aether Inigo tho) Anyways, moving on-

"Life may be long, but attraction is fleeting! Would you leave me in your sweet dust-" alright this bullshit sounds even worse than when you read his dialogue in the game. I take back all the good that I said about him, he's dumb. Unless he's making himself this tragic on purpose it feels just dumb. Thankfully Sully cuts him off before I have to.

"Yeah, yeah, fancy pants whatever you say. Right now we have other things to deal with though. Such as a horde of these things and the kid bleeding on the ground."

I swear a toon vein just popped on my forehead. This is sorta anime-ish, so it might have happened for real.

"Oh my! I'm sorry my friend about not noticing you earlier. No offense taken, I assume?" He asks, looking concerned.

"None, if you have something that I can heal myself with." He simply chuckles and produces out of somewhere a blue bottle with something that manages to smell of alcohol and medicine at the same time. Fucking disgusting, I gag just at the smell. "Ah, I know that the taste is not it's best attribute, but I assure you that this medicine is simply miraculous." Oh. This is an elixir. Right, he carried one when recruited. Well, can't say no to that.

I take a sip and…

"It's horrible. Simply horrible." But i can already feel my strength returning to me even as I say that. I manage to sit up as the arrow previously embedded in my arm just clatters on the ground, showing that it wasn't that deep in in the first place. "Thanks, uh…" Appearances.

"Right, let me grace you with my name, friend. It is Virion, the Archest of Archers!" "Call me Nick."

"Anyways, to your earlier question" I turn to Sully "Your captain was somewhere over there-" and I gesture towards where Robin ran off, shaking my hand in a "more or less" way. "Do you have a spare weapon with you?"

At this, she pulled out her Bronze Sword. "Ya know your way with a sword kid?"

"I simply shrugged in answer "It never hurts to try." I said giving her my best shit-eating grin. She barked out a laugh in response. "You've got spirit kid, let me tell you that." And she TOSSED me her sword. I had to fumble around before dropping it and giving her the stink eye, to which she simply chuckled in response. Jerk.

"Well, I don't know if you can follow me, but I've got some Risen to hunt!" Was the term already established? Huh. And then she sped off. Leaving me and Virion like sitting ducks.

"Uhm… Cover me I guess?" I turned to Virion. I think he would have shrugged if he wasn't too dignified for that. "Indeed."

"Alright." And off we were, towards an army of zombies!

It only took a few minutes to reach the battlefield, at a light jog. It was pretty easy to find exactly where they were after hearing Sully's shouts (it took me a while to stop chuckling after remembering her line, all while Virion stared at me like i had finally lost it from the blood loss.) And…

There were a lot of Risen. Like, a really fucking lot. Like, a hell of a lot more than in the game. At least it was compensated by their evident lack of skill, being slow as a snail and wow is that Chrom just weaving through their ranks oneshotting them? I'm impressed. Due to balance he wasn't nearly as strong in the game. Also, Falchion looks nothing like an actual falchion. I feel like I had to point that out. It's more of a longsword? Even though he wields it one handed… Nevertheless,

I gave a curt nod to Virion before launching myself in the fray as well, because they looked relatively weak and it looked rather fun to just exterminate zombies like there was no tomorrow. If I was gonna wake up anyways, I might as well have fun while I dream. The first one barring my path simply swung their sword at me in a way that was just PAINFUL to watch, even to someone who didn't know anything about swordsmanship. He literally put his arm behind me and tried to hit me in the head with his sword like it was a club. Needless to say, it didn't work since he simply aimed higher than my head. I wasn't gonna complain about it so, while he was still reeling from the strength he put behind that strike, I severed his arm before slashing him in the chest, sending him to the ground. A quick stab in the throat was all it took to finish him off.

I heard a groan behind me and saw a Risen with his axe raised and looking very pissed that his friend had died, and fuck I can't dodge it

I braced myself for a splitting headache (heh) and…

It never came. Instead, I felt the whistle of the wind as an arrow soared very close to my head (but not quite) and embedded itself in my not-so-friend's head, making him fall to the ground. Opening my eyes, I saw that Virion had his bow raised with a smile on his face. I flashed him a thumbs up before turning and FUCK ow ow-

The asshole bit me!

I turned and saw that the still downed Risen was munching on my leg like it was a particularly nice snack. Trying to pull my leg away (emphasis on trying) I flailed my leg around a bit till another arrow from my new best friend hit the guy. WHO WAS STILL ALIVE but at least he stopped biting me I stuck my sword in its head and it did the same as the previous Risen, which meant evaporating into the ground. Yay! No guts! That's a plus. Yknow, to not dying. Resuming a regular's person train of thought, I noticed looking concerned at my leg. What was wrong with my oh-

It looked like a chewed toy. Not joking, I got pretty freaked out when i saw it and immediately chugged the Elixir. I stared back at the leg and saw it heal itself in a way that left me pretty weirded out. I mean, I saw the leg go back to how it was before but i couldn't feel anything. It was numb. I was honestly freaked out by how powerful this thing was, but honestly chalked it up to Dream Physics™. Shrugging, I rushed off to meet another vapour zombie, who in this case was wielding a lance. A soldier then. Sadly, despite the zombies being rather incompetent, there's not really many ways that you can existentially fuck up thrusting with a lance, so I decided to try and grab the lance as I couldn't quite reach him without getting myself in danger.

But since I'm me, I misjudged the zombie's strength and when I managed to finally get a hold of his lance it was ripped brutally from my hands, leaving a cut running down my arm's length. I was still feeling rather numb, so I didn't scream, but it was not cool.

After finally managing to get a good hold of his lance, tossing it onto the ground. I then spun around and thrust my sword deep into his heart, and saw the light vanish from his eyes as the vapor zombie evaporated.

So did my sword. It evaporated.

What the fu-

I decided not to comment and grab the lance that was at my feet. As i grabbed onto it I was showered in a blinding light that forced me to cover my eyes. When it stopped, I was suddenly covered with a plate on my chest, boots and all kinds of armor that screamed "Hi, I'm Generic Mc Normalguy who got conscripted into the war." I took a look at myself, momentarily forgetting the Risen swarm and seeing that the others (I didn't even realize I had made my way near the group) were staring at me as well and I realized what happened.

Is this…

Is this a fucking joke?

I got promoted into a soldier. You know, the cannon fodder of Fire emblem, with sucky stats and that there are just so many? The enemy only class that sucked so much that they didn't deserve a promotion?

That soldier.

This… whatever it was, was mocking me. I literally took my own fucking life to escape the fact that I'm a nobody with no talent.

And then this. I won't lie. I was mad. I was really fucking mad.

I turned towards the nearest Risen (which was looking at me confusedly as well) and roared "You'll pay for this!" and shot myself at him before impaling him through the head with my Iron Lance. It went down without too much to say. But he wasn't enough. I was out for blood. I took the occasion given me by the momentary confusion (how dumb can zombies be to forget to attack just because of some light?) and made quick work of the next three Risen before i could calm myself.

And with that came an arrow in the shoulder. Curse you, Self-insert Author! I curse you!

I kneeled on the ground gripping my shoulder and hissing in pain, before Lissa snapped out of her stupor and made her way to me while saying "Are you alright?"

What's with Fire emblem Characters and their clear lack of eyes? "Just dandy." I muttered sarcastically. Ignoring my previous remark, she just said "I'm going to remove the arrow at 3. Are you ready?" "Yeah"

She gripped the arrow on my shoulder "3" I breathed in "2" and then she pulled without any sort of warning. "Sonova-" I gritted my teeth in an attempt to prevent badmouthing the princess. "You've done good." She says, offering a placating smile. Why is she treating me like a child? She's barely older than me! Or maybe it's just good bedside manners. I've no idea.

Letting that go I simply mumbled a thank you and looked up to see that while Lissa was patching me up the others had just finished the Risen.

Frederick, wary as expected, trotted over to me and asked with his menacing gaze (which didn't really phase me all that much) and said "And just who may you be?" while gripping his Silver lance in one hand. Right, I'm still a stranger to him.

"Nick." I simply replied. I was about to ask him his own name (even though I knew it already) when he already started asking another question. "And where do you come from, "Nick"?" Wow rude. Bet this guy's the life of the party in the Ylisse court.

I breathed in, trying (and failing) to calculate what would be the best answer to give before simply putting on my best "I'm an asshole" smile and simply replying

"Well, as of fifteen minutes ago, I'm a denizen of your world." I say. And just to add insult to injury I add "Please take care of me." In complete japanese style.

Going by the unbelieving looks, I only have one thing to say.

Nailed it.

So. I've taken the average Awakening growths (without Donnel's bullshit skill) and it turned out to be 416%. So my character is 1% below average in stats. SO my character is not a Gary Stu. Case closed. (⌐_) He's +Res-Lck. Imagine just how bad he would be if he had def bane. You could kill him with a paper cut. Luckily, Zombies Succ. Anyways, read and review, and I'm gonna post Nick's current level, class, skills and weapon rank. The growths are unvaried and I refuse to post them every time. If you need them, go look the first chapter. I'm actually using an RNG stat calculator that based on the growths tells you when they level up n shit. It's really cool.

Nick

Lv 2 Exp 19

Class: Soldier

Hp: 15/19

Str: 7

Mag:5

Skl: 8

Spd: 8

Lck: 4

Def: 6

Res: 12

Skills:

-Riposte: If engaged in combat this unit takes/deals -1/+1 damage.

Items:

-Iron Lance Mt 6 35/40 Hit 85%

-Elixir 1/3

-Illusion Charm: Enemy hit% is lowered by 20. Staves may fail.

OMAKE: Chapter 2, Take 1

The asshole bit me!

An impish smile came over me as I knew just what I had to do.

I turned around to an horrified Virion with my head hung and moaned. "Brains…"

Virion gave me a flat look.

Chrom, in the distance, gave me a flat look.

The Risen on the ground gave me a flat look.

The Director (A blonde tall man, Emmeryn's cousin) inhaled sharply and said "Really Nicholas? We have to shoot a scene and you do this?"

I just scratched my head sheepishly and said, "Alright, Alright. I'll take my job more seriously."

The Director stared at me for one more second before sighing. "Alright boys, blah blah blah, take 2!"

It never came. Instead, I felt the whistle of the wind as an arrow soared very close to my head (but not quite) and embedded itself… actually no, it didn't. It soared past the Risen as well.

Me and the Risen turned around to see just who was hit and…

It was the cameraman. He was hit in the shoulder.

"Really Virion? The "Archest of Archers" and you miss a shot like that?" I gave him an unimpressed look.

He grumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite catch. I simply turned towards the cameraman who was currently in the process of bawling his eyes out in lieu of being hit by an arrow. "Alright boys, 30 minutes of pause while I take this big baby to the hospital!"

30 minutes later…

We all came back to the set and I noticed that the Risen were snickering about… something. I'm not sure.

"Blah blah blah, we're wasting time and we have to shoot the first part of the chapter too, take 3!"

Instead, they were all put in formation as Tharja of all people put Thriller as the background music instead of the usual player phase, and they began dancing. I was having a very hard time not laughing myself to death while The Director went and tried fruitlessly to stop the music. "G-good one Tharja! Hahahaha!" I shouted in between laughs offering a thumbs up.

She simply replied in that sultry voice of hers "Darling, they don't pay me nearly enough for me to not do this." I laughed even harder. The Director then shouted "Fuck this! That's it, you people are unsufferable! Now you-" pointing at me "-cut all the recording, and close up the studio! I'm going home and see you tomorrow when you've decided to act like the professionals you are!" and he left. Meanwhile, the song was just over and so I shouted "Alright boys and gals! Let's wrap this up!" like the director usually would. Tharja had come over to me while I was handling the camera and said "You're gonna save that, right?" and I replied, matter-of-factly "Of course. You know how much we're gonna make with these Bloopers? Now where is the save and quit button?" Tharja replied "Here" "Alright, then if I push this-"