DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters from 9O21O. All the characters and backstories belong to the 9O21O writers and The CW. If you recognize it, I don't own it. That said. There are a lot of flashbacks and rewrites of scenes. Most of the rewritten scenes I wrote from memory so I apologize if they aren't accurate. Everything else is original
NOTES: Everything in italics (excluding the very first sentence) is a flashback. I've been rewatching Season One of 9O21O on DVD this summer and was inspired to write this story. It follows the episode 1x18 Off The Rails, with mentions of 1x17 Life's a Drag, 1x3 Lucky Strike, and 1x19 Okaeri Donna. Title is a snippit of the song Broken by Lindsey Haun from the Broken Bridges soundtrack. The story is really a lot of fluff, but it just kind of came about. Enjoy! This is my second oneshot, but my first in present tense. I absolutely love the stories written by Love's Crash Test Dummy (check out my Favorite Authors for a link to her page) and I wanted to try to write one, (although this is amateurish, at best, compared to her stories!) Anyway, Enjoy!
ONESHOT.
Beauty in the Breaking
She's done feeling sorry for herself. At this point, she's pissed.
Silver stares out the dusty window of Ryan Matthews' rusted 1981, cantaloupe colored Corolla as her sister's warm maternal embrace wraps around her thin, quivering frame. She knows Kelly will want to talk about what happened, but Silver never wants to talk about this, ever again. She's ashamed, exhausted, upset, and overall terrified of the way she's just behaved. Everything made sense in the beginning. It was simple. A creative expression of her love for Dixon. But he doesn't see it that way.
"Just stay away from me." He pleads, "Just stay away from me!"
"No!" Silver's cerulean eyes nearly bug out of her head. "No, I'll..I'll destroy the movie, okay?" She announces. "I'll destroy it. Just don't be mad at me, okay? Please do not be mad at me." She falters, tripping over her words, as they push their way past her better judgment. She can't control anything she's saying. She's not even sure she's the one speaking. "I am in love with you!" She cries, gesturing wildly.
"Are you out of your mind?" He shouts back, rewarding her actions with a look of disgust, and hurt, but more than that confusion.
With that, she breaks. He thinks she's crazy. He hates her. She runs. Where?
Kansas.
Kelly watches her baby sisters eyes – those stunning blue eyes that match her own - shimmering with every streetlight they whir past. She blames herself, even though everyone she's encountered tonight as told her she can't. Can't she? Her mother was right. God, she hates that! She's turned into Jackie Taylor. The image of a few months before trickles back into her mind, when Kelly had gone to see Jackie about Silver. The day Jackie hadn't a clue where Silver was. The day Silver came to live with her and Sam.
"You can imagine my surprise when I got your call." Jackie says, eying her oldest daughter with cold gray eyes, swirling the glass of scotch around in her hand.
"I came to talk about Silver." Kelly replies, face emotionless. This was anything but a social call.
Jackie scoffs, appalled by Kelly's choice of agreeing to call Erin by her last name. The last name of her ex-husband who made her life a living hell. "Well Erin," She says in a knowing tone, "is not here right now. She's staying at Naomi's." Jackie pauses to sip from her glass. "I think."
Kelly stands placing her hands on her hips. "She has not been staying at the Clark's, she's been sleeping at a shelter." She glares at her mother, now truly believing the statement 'some people never change.'
"Oh don't give me that look." Jackie groans, "I didn't know!"
"What were you too drunk to care?" Kelly retorts. "What is it these days? Scotch, vodka? Or are you back on coke?"
Silver shifts her weight allowing Kelly to escape from her thoughts. "You okay?" She asks her gently, stroking her baby sister's hair. Silver doesn't answer, but instead goes back to staring out the window watching the night go by in a blur. An image that resembles Silver's mind in this very moment. Kelly sits in the backseat of Ryan's car silently wishing she'd treated him nicer tonight. When she glances up at his rear view mirror, their eyes lock.
"What do you mean Silver broke into your apartment?" Kelly asks dumbfounded not only by his statement but at the fact he was even standing in her living room.
"I mean, I come home to find my window smashed and your sister is standing in my apartment, hand bleeding, threatening to throw a wine bottle at my head. I know I'm only an English teacher but I can put two and two together."
They've just spent the entire night searching for Silver with the help of the Wilson's and several of her friends. The majority of the time is spent thinking of places she would go, and why she was even running in the first place. But more so, what brought on this insane whirlwind of emotion. Dixon knows. He's angry. He can't believe she's done this to him. This is the last straw. It's over. But it's really not. His parents are pumping him for information and he's forced to tell them everything. The sex, the tattoo, the sex tape. Everything. Then she calls him.
"Without you...life isn't worth living."
Dixon tells his parents. His parents tell Kelly. It horrifies her. To think of her sister purposely doing something to harm herself – in her right mind or otherwise – makes her sick. Even now, holding Silver in her arms, listening to her raspy breathing, she's terrified.
"Are we almost home?" Silver's frighteningly quiet voice, that had been absent for the entire car ride forces both Kelly and Ryan to jump slightly.
It is Ryan who speaks first. "About five minutes." He says sympathetically. He thinks about throwing in some witty phrase that would usually get a grin out of Silver, but decides now isn't the time. Silver lets out a heavy sigh, never once peeling her eyes away from the window. Kelly tightens her embrace around the girl, with no intentions of letting go until she knows Silver is safe and sound in her bed.
What happens in the next 'five minutes' is a mystery to Silver, but somehow she winds up back home, sitting in Kelly's bed, waiting for her to come back, although she can't seem to figure out why. She doesn't feel well. She wants her sister. But at the same time, she needs to be alone. She needs to escape the sympathetic and worrisome looks.
Kelly sends Navid and Adrianna home, thanking them sincerely for their help with Sammy, promising to pay them when she sees them at school.
"Miss Taylor, you don't have to do that." Adrianna says quickly, and politely resting a hand on her very pregnant belly.
"Yeah." Navid chimes in, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. "It was actually..fun."
"And I learned a lot." she looks at Navid and smiles up at him. "We learned a lot."
Kelly looks on, wondering what exactly they learned from babysitting her sleeping five year old, but smiles warmly. "Well I really do appreciate it." She walks them to the door, and the mother in her comes out. "Drive safe." Locking the door behind them, she retreats down the hallway to her bedroom where Silver is. Immediately upon entering, Silver begins to cry, sputtering out all kinds of apologies. Kelly is instantly by her sister's side, wrapping her in a tight hug, rocking her gently as she smooths over her long brown hair. "It's okay." She says softly, kissing the top of her head. "Everything's gonna be fine." Kelly readjusts and cradles Silver in her arms, pulling the comforter up over their lower bodies. Within minutes Silver is fast asleep, clinging to her older sister. Kelly reaches over her and turns off the lamp on the nightstand, and everything is masked by the darkness.
"Morning." Kelly says warmly. Silver doesn't respond, but simply makes her way to the fridge to get the orange juice carton instead of her usual morning black coffee.
"You should limit the amount of sugar you consume. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, any stimulants. And remember to take your pills everyday."
It's been a week since her doctor explained this to her, and while at the time she was all for 'getting better,' now she wants to wring the doctor's neck. Although that was probably her coffee withdrawals talking. She frowns to herself watching the orange liquid trickle down into her glass, enviously eying the coffee maker to her left. Kelly watches her sister, holding her own cup of coffee. "Do you want anything to eat? I can make you some bacon, or eggs or something?"
"No. Thank you." Silver says, her back still to Kelly.
"Uh, okay. Uhm, how about some toast? Something light?"
"No." Silver says again a slight ice to her voice. She turns to face Kelly and glares. "Thank you." She steps around her sister and heads into the living room, but before she can make it Kelly is in front of her again.
"Silver you have to eat breakfast. It's the most -"
"Important meal of the day." Silver retorts with a scowl. "I've been told."
"Exactly. And you need to eat healthy in order to keep your moods under control..."
Silver has a lot of annoyances in life; cheerleaders, models, sports, but this constant nagging and smothering from Kelly is really working its way to the top. She's constantly asking how she feels. It aggravates her. Silver's sadness is turning into anger. She's done feeling sorry for herself. At this point, she's pissed.
"Fine." She grumbles. "I'll eat the damn toast."
Kelly presses her lips together, trying to relate to how her sister must be feeling, although admittedly its tough. She nods her head and takes the toaster from underneath the counter. Silver grumpily sits down at the table, holding her head up in her hands. Kelly watches Silver from the corner of her eye and lets out a small sigh. This is going to be a long day.
Silver's appointment with her therapist is followed by yet another silent car ride home. There seems to be too many of those nowadays. They eat dinner once again in a painful silence. Kelly trying to make conversation, glares from Silver. After dinner Silver retreats to her bedroom, and shuts the door with a bit more force than necessary so much so that it rattles the picture frames just outside the room in the hallway. Kelly doesn't want her alone. Silver knows this. Kelly needs her in sight. She needs to know what Silver is up to, what she's thinking and what she's feeling. She'll be damned if she lets Silver slip. Silver groans into her Union Jack pillow upon hearing Kelly's timid knock on her door. She lets out a huff of air and saunters to the door, swinging it open. "Yes?" She says through partially clenched teeth, a challenging eyebrow raised. It's then she realizes Kelly is holding a glass of water and mood stabilizers. The pills that harbor her emotions. "Right." She takes the pills from Kelly swallowing them quickly, then washes them down with a mouthful of water. "Is that all?"
"No actually," She presses. "It's time to fill in your mood journal."
Silver lets out another sigh and walks to the living room, curling herself up in a nearby chair. Kelly who is now holding a leather notebook and pen, joins her almost instantly sitting across from her. "Okay. So," Kelly starts, as chipper as possible, "what is your current mood?"
"Irritated." Silver chirps, as an annoyed smirk spreads across her lips.
She watches as Kelly fills in the chart and she looks up at her sister again. "Okay.." She sighs. "How irritated on a scale of one to ten."
Silver lets out a humorless scoff. "Well I was at a four, but when you asked me that, it bumped me up to about a six."
Kelly shuts her eyes briefly and lets the snide remark go as finishes the chart, before closing the book, hiding it away until it's next use. "Okay, now what would you like to do before bed? Would you like to journal?"
"No. I would not like to journal, nor would I like to use the word journal as a verb." She sneers, folding her arms in protest, and stares straight ahead. Kelly knows she's the reason for her current irritable mood. She can sense it. That and the fact that Silver's making it painfully obvious. But Kelly doesn't care. She's willing to do anything to ensure her sister gets better and to prevent her from slipping, even if in the end Silver ends up hating her.
The next morning comes quickly for Silver, mainly because she can't sleep no matter how hard she tries, dreading the constant monitoring from her sister. But on the plus, Dixon, the love of her life, the one who saved her from herself, is coming to visit. She's excited, but not too excited. She's not allowed to be. She needs to maintain balance, according to Kelly. Spring break is coming up and everyone's excited at school. Dixon explains a trip that the upperclassmen are planning to the Greek Isle and some celebrity guests that are expected to be in attendacne, but soon, the excitement is gone when Kelly announces a topic such as this one is too 'stimulating' for someone with bipolar disorder. That someone being, Silver. She rolls her eyes for the thousandth time that hour in Kelly's presence. Dixon can sense the tension between the sisters and breaks the ice with a simple. "So, how was your day yesterday?"
"Well let's see," Silver says giving Kelly a slight glare and she knows Silver's not about to speak fondly about the previous day. "I woke up. Had breakfast with Kelly. Took my meds, had lunch with Kelly. Read an unstimulating book. Went to see my therapist. Came home, had dinner with Kelly. Took more meds. Wrote in my journal. Listened to some unstimulating music. Went to sleep." She shot Kelly annoyed looks whenever her name came up in the rant, before turning to Dixon and adding a sweet, "It was too fun." She says, sarcasm oozing from every word.
It is then Kelly steps in. "Dixon, I'm sorry but I think that's enough visiting for today."
Dixon obediently stands up, who's followed by Silver, whose facial expression was that of confusion, hurt and anger. "Kelly?" She pleads, but Dixon complies.
"It's okay, I'll call you later." He says kissing his girlfriends hand.
"Not after 8." Kelly chimes in.
With that, Dixon is back in his SUV and drives down Silver's street back to his house. Silver shoots Kelly a look of sheer frusteration and she says. "Mood. Angry! Level 10." Silver gives Kelly one last glare and storms back in the house, leaving Kelly in the front yard with nothing but her thoughts and sugar-free-styrofoam-tasting-cookies.
10:30PM and Silver should be sleeping, after all her new bedtime is ten o'clock. Her bedtime when she was twelve years old. But her lack of exhaustion is not her cause for no sleep. She feels rotten for the way she's been treating Kelly. After everything she's done for her, she can't even manage to be pleasant with her. Quietly she rolls out of bed, and steps onto the hardwood floor of her bedroom. She makes her way to Kelly's room, knocking gently on the wide-open door, to avoid an awkward throat-clearing to announce her presence. Kelly sits up in bed, upon seeing Silver, a million thoughts running through her mind. "Hey. What's wrong?" She says quickly. "Are you okay..?" Silver feels rediculous. She can't even speak. Or more she doesn't know what to say.
"Yeah." She manages, before climbing into Kelly's bed, kneeling next to her sister. "I was just..." Silver sighs, looking down at her chipped ebony nail polish. "I don't know. I was thinking and I just.. I mean I feel.." She's rambling and Kelly watches her sister for signs of alarm or fear, but can only see remorse in her glittering saphire eyes. She tilts her head sympathetically, trying to catch Silver's gaze. "Hey." She says gently, placing her warm hand on Silver's surprisingly cold ones. "It's okay." She says when she finally gets Silver to lock eyes with her.
Finally Silver can speak like a normal person. "No. It's not." She sighs. "I treated you like crap, even after you.." She pauses, in an attempt to regain composure. "You were trying to help. You are helping..and I'm sorry. And I guess, I wanted to thank you..for everything."
Kelly shakes her head. "Sweetie, you know I would do anything for you. And I can't imagine how you must feel having to deal with this..." She takes a small breath, letting it out slowly. "Maybe I was a little too overprotective of you.." She says apologetically.
"I just want to be able to live. You know if not exactly the way it was before, at least closer to it." Silver reasons. "I need a little spontaneity in my life. And that includes a little bit more than taking the scenic route home from my doctors appointments or eating sugar-free cookies."
Kelly can't help but grin at Silver's statement and realizes, she's right. "Well how about tomorrow on the way home, we take the freeway?"
Silver smiles softly. "And put the top down?"
"Baby steps, kiddo." she smiles at her sister, "C'mere." Kelly holds her arms out to Silver and she crawls, under the covers next to Kelly, and they embrace the way only sisters can. Kelly kisses the top of Silver's head and smiles, speaking softly. "I love you."
"I love you too."