Shot Through the Heart
Because I love angst and torturing Jenn and Pau.
Note: This is not canon for my Coffee Shop series. This is just a 'what if' of the story 'Sucker Punch'. 'Sucker Punch' is the canon one-shot for the Coffee Shop series.
WARNING: Keep tissues nearby.
Desk duty still sucks. Not that she expected paperwork to suddenly become a thrilling endeavor after seven years but still. She rests her head on her hand, staring down the computer screen in the futile hope that the report from Ryan and Esposito's latest case would write itself.
It doesn't, of course. The cursor continues to blink at her. Mocking.
She glances over at Montgomery's office door. He'd let her go home early if she asked, saying something about how his own wife felt while pregnant. But what would she be doing at home? Certainly not cooking dinner because repeated attempts to make anything more complex than boxed mac-and-cheese or boiled pasta have proven that she is not a very adept chef. At least not compared to her husband. She couldn't even be helping Castle with his writing since he was stuck in meetings at Black Pawn all day and was probably unreachable. There was nothing for her to do minus pace the apartment and talk to herself.
Though Kate wouldn't be surprised if someone answered. This baby had started kicking and elbowing and turning somersaults way earlier than Al had so a response to a murmured question wouldn't be completely unlikely.
As if it could sense that she was thinking about it, the baby kicks out. Kate smoothes her hand over her stomach. "Calm down there," she mutters. "I swear, if you come out kicking and screaming, I am abandoning you to Rick."
That seems to quiet the baby down. Good. Threaten their unborn child with time spent with Daddy equals no more Baby P90X.
When the phone rights, Kate jumps for it. Lunchtime means Castle could possibly be on a break and even hearing his voice for a few minutes is more than nothing. "Beckett."
"Is this Katherine?"
Not the voice she wants to hear. "Yes," she says, cradling the phone on her shoulder as she restarts typing in the boxes of the form. "Who is this?"
"It's Abby. I'm the front secretary at Park Street School. We need you to come down here."
Kate is out of the desk chair as fast as she can hoist herself up. She barely holds onto the phone as she grabs for her keys, her coat. "What's wrong?"
"Just… We need you to come over to the school. As soon as possible."
She hangs the phone up with a clatter that echoes through the bullpen. Montgomery pokes his head out of his office, brow furrowed. "Beckett, what's going on?"
"I… I need to go to Al's school. Shouldn't be more than an hour to sort whatever this is out," she calls back to the captain.
Kate doesn't get to the elevator before Montgomery shouts out to get her to stop. His own phone is pressed against his ear, speaking rapidly into the receiver as Kate twists her hands in the fabric of her coat. She wants to be out, to be figuring out why she needs to go to see her daughter's school in the middle of lunch instead of continuing her staring contest with her computer.
Montgomery meets her at the elevator, hitting the 'down' button before turning to her. "Got news about why you're wanted down at Park Street." When Kate only raises her brow, the man nods toward the empty elevator. They step in together and he presses the button for the lobby. "There was a school shooting."
"Oh God," Kate whispers. Montgomery's hand darts out, holding onto Kate's elbow as she slumps against the wall of the elevator. "Roy…"
She can't breathe. Her head hits the elevator wall as she feels the tears start to prick painfully at her eyes.
"I need…" she starts, fumbling in the pockets of her jacket for her phone. "Need to call Rick." But the phone tumbles to the ground, her fingers shaking too badly to hold onto the device. "Roy, I need to… I can't…"
He gets her phone from the floor of the elevator and finds Castle's cell number in the contacts as Kate focuses on steadying her breathing. She hears Montgomery talking to Castle, filling him in on the situation, but it sounds as if they're underwater. Everything is thick around her, sounds muted and faint. She needs to get to Al or Castle or her dad or someone to anchor her down.
"He's meeting us there," Montgomery says quietly, tucking the phone back into her jacket pocket. When she doesn't respond, he squeezes her upper arm gently. "Beckett, we'll figure out what's going on. Come on." He tugs her off the elevator and turns her toward the wall of fallen officers. "Hey, breathe."
It takes her a few gasping breaths before it levels out. "You gonna drive?" she asks.
"Yeah. Hand over the keys, Detective."
The drive uptown is quick until they get to the block where Al's elementary school is. Marked cars have their lights going even during the day, blocking off the street so that Montgomery has to park Kate's car down the street. Before she can run down the street toward the school, he snags her elbow.
"Kate. Do not jump to conclusions. Let's find out what's going on before we freak out, okay?"
She nods, the smallest of movements, before she starts down the sidewalk. She can feel him at her heels but that's not what matters. Kate badges her way past the uniforms and their clipboards at a near-jog. Her eyes scan the crowds, clustered in different areas of the schoolyard, for a head of brown hair in two braids from this morning. Please let Al be here, she thinks desperately, swallowing the ball of dread that rises up when the thought of not finding her daughter crosses her mind.
"Detective, you here from the One-Two?"
Kate spins around and finds a uniform facing her, an expectant look on her face. "Yeah, but not for… I'm…" She bobbles her head, neither a nod nor a shake. "Yes."
"Good. We need you over here," says the woman, nodding toward the doors of the school.
No. No, I need to find Al and Rick. Figure it out on your own.
Still, Kate starts toward the familiar green doors of the elementary school. She glances back toward the chaos, finds Montgomery talking with someone but not her daughter or husband. He'd call when he got there, she tells herself. Do what you can for now.
The lobby of the school isn't any quieter. Nervous, concerned, anxious parents are sitting against walls or clinging to one another. But the uniformed woman doesn't stop there, taking a left down one of the halls towards the first grade classrooms. Al's grade.
Kate has to stop, brace a hand on the wall as fear rolls over her again. She's okay, Kate thinks. As long as you believe that, she'll be okay.
There are not any bodies in the brightly decorated room. For a moment, she isn't sure if she's relieved or if it just adds to the dread bubbling under the surface.
"We just need you to grab some of the kids' stuff and bring it outside to crime scene. They already photographed the area so we need to catalog items in each backpack." The woman turns, handing Kate a pair of gloves. "Can you handle that?"
Kate nods, pulling the gloves on and taking another step into the classroom. "Yeah. I'm good."
But she's not. As soon as the woman leaves, polished shoes clicking slightly in the hall, Kate collapses against the doorframe. The blood is a morbid, wrong addition to the winter decorations in the room. Splashes of red over snowflakes and snowmen and penguins ice skating on the windows. As she looks over the room, mentally placing victims from years of working scenes, she sees Al's bag.
It's bright purple, brand new for the school year after begging Kate for months and getting 'no' as the firm answer. Then Kate had come back from work and found Al clutching the thing as if her mother would tear it from her body. Of course the girl had gone to Castle, all big eyes and pouting, and the man never refused Al anything.
"Kate?"
She whirls around at his voice. He's in the doorway, the uniform from earlier barely visible behind him. "Rick, I don't know…"
The rest of the sentence is cut off when he wraps her in a hug strong enough to crush her ribs against one another. It's awkward, her stomach pressing against his abs, but she needs the proximity as much as he does. The sob she's been holding escapes against his shoulder, muffled by the dress shirt and suit jacket from his meeting.
"They won't tell me," he murmurs, brushing a hand down over the back of her head, holding her closer. "She's got to be okay, Kate."
She shakes her head, yanking the gloves off and stuffing them in her pocket. "I don't care what they say. I'm gonna find her."
The uniform shuffles after them as Kate loops her arm through Castle's. He's here. She can do this.
"You sure you want to do this?" he asks, taking her wrist and linking their fingers. She hates holding hands while at work but he's willing to risk her anger later on for the connection right now. "I mean, is it okay for you to stand up to whoever is in charge here?"
"Rick, I don't care." Her voice sounds clogged, rough with the tears she hasn't let fall. "I just want our daughter safe at home."
"She's never leaving the apartment ever again."
Kate's laugh is choked and she turns her head into his arm. "God, you are such a dad."
Montgomery is in the lobby talking to one of the administrators of the school, a woman worrying a tissue between her hands, the white bits that she is tearing off falling onto her dark skirt.
"Sir, I need to –" Kate starts, shaking Castle's hand off but letting her fingers wrap around his jacket.
But when her captain turns to face them, her resolve slips. His face is blank, betraying nothing. And that's when she knows.
Kate steps back and Castle isn't fast enough to grab her hands as her knees buckle. Their fingers slip against one another until he has enough of a grip on her to half-walk her over to the wall, letting her slide down the cool blue wallpaper to the ground. He follows, kneeling in front of her as she completely shatters.
She whines his name into his shoulder, her fingers curling against his stiff jacket helplessly. "I can't do this," she whimpers against his neck. "I just…"
Between their bodies, the baby kicks out, tuned into the swirl of grief and agony surrounding them. Castle reaches down, trying to caress the child back into rest even as Kate shakes against him.
"Rick, what do we do?" she manages, barely comprehendible even to her own ears. "God, what do we do?"
"Let's go home," he says, brushing a hand over her shoulder. "We need to go home. Come on."
She lets him pull her up onto her feet, holding onto her even as her knees give out from under her. Her head lolls onto his shoulder as he guides her toward the exit, over to the sidewalk where he hails a cab.
"Brought the car."
"And we're not driving home. Neither of us."
When she looks over and up at him, there are tracks of tears on his cheeks. Her hand trembles as she lifts it, running her thumb over his cheekbone. "Rick, our kid…"
He captures her hand against his cheek, wrapping his fingers around her wrist. "Home."
The cab driver doesn't say anything when Castle helps her into the backseat, scooting in next to her, his feet straddling the awkward bump in the middle of the floor. He keeps his hands twined with hers, the shaking intensifying. She turns her head into his shoulder, wetting his jacket with her tears. But they won't stop because it's so freaking unfair. Murder is always unfair but, God, Al was just a kid. Practically a baby.
And she's gone.
"Don't let me," she rasps, speaking the words straight into his clothing.
He tightens his hold on her shoulder and she leans into it, needing the pressure. "Don't let you what?"
"Fall. Don't let me fall again." She has to stop, to fight back a sob that bubbles up anyway. "Like with Mom. Don't let me…"
He takes away her words and tastes the anguish on her lips. Her body cants toward him as he draws away. "We'll hold each other up, Kate. All of us," he says, breath hitching as he brushes his fingers against her stomach.