It comes to this…
Lying on the cold ground alone, I blink stubborn tears away. I want to put a hand to my swollen lip but my arm shakes uncontrollably when I try to lift it. The pain in my chest cuts right to my heart as I draw laboured breath and I think can taste blood on my tongue. The numbness is sinking through my bones now even as the stifling midday approaches but I can't think of moving.
'How did this happen? Just what did I mean to you?'
- Three hours earlier -
"Dai, let go. I've got to go to school even if you won't." I laughed pushing Dai's hands away gently as he tried to pull me back towards the bike.
"No, you don't." Dai pouted, resting his forehead on the back of my neck. I felt his face flushing; we were right in front of the school and I could see Naru staring from the gate. Turning around, I placed a hand on Dai's arm reassuringly.
"You could go to class. Then I'd be able to see you at break and lunch." I suggested. Dai slapped my hand away and folded his arms, leaning back against his motorcycle disaffectedly.
"As if," he snorted, "go on then, Fuck off." I frowned, unable to change Dai's bad attitude and anxious about being late for class.
"I have to go, Dai, but I'll see you afterwards. Will you be here?" I asked nervously. Dai grinned thinly.
"Maybe." He replied and climbed onto his bike. I reached for him as he sped off but Dai was too quick. I wondered why I even reached out but my need for contact with Dai never made sense. I sighed and crossed the road to meet up with Naru.
"What was that all about? Lover's argument?" Naru's bitter tone made me uncomfortable and I pasted on a smile as we walked.
"It's nothing. He just doesn't like school." I explained weakly. Naru eyed me oddly for a moment but thankfully let it go.
The day seemed to be dragging; it was only the morning but the clock was ticking in slow-motion to me. I could only worry if Dai was still annoyed at me. I tapped my pencil on the blank paper where I should have been taking notes for an upcoming exam.
'Damn Dai, why does he have to take everything the wrong way?' I ranted internally. 'Of course, I'd spend all my time with him if I could but the world doesn't work like that.' I glanced at my watch again wondering if Dai would come back after school.
As the minutes ticked away I imagined what Dai was doing now. Was he off in a fight somewhere? Even though most people had enough sense not to go near Dai or rile him up it was still a possibility that felt like a lead weight in my stomach. I was suddenly nauseous as the break-time bell rang.
Desperately I shoved my books into my bag and headed for the door.
"Hey, Jaehee, where are…" I ignored Naru's concern and just had to get out. Running through the corridors I wasn't even aware of where I was going or what I was doing. I was blinded by the need to see Dai.
I'd reached the train station before I realised that not only had I skipped out on school but also that Dai wouldn't be here. I leant back on a bench, panting hard with my face in my hands. 'Where will Dai be now? Please, let me find him.'
I stepped off the train at the beach station and walked along the coast. It started to rain lightly from soft, white clouds as I passed the lonely lighthouse Dai had once pointed out. A hooded figure lay splayed out on the wall nearby and my heart skipped a beat.
"Dai?" I called quietly as I approached the unmoving person. Dai didn't open his eyes as I stood over him. He groped in the air blindly until his fingers graced my thigh and he let them rest there for a long moment.
I dropped to my knees in relief and threw my arms over Dai's torso. I leant my head against Dai's waist and let the familiar scent wash over me.
"How did you find me?" Dai asked, rolling over to turn away from me coldly.
"Um, I just jumped on a train. I remembered that time we came here." I stuttered, confused by Dai's lack of appreciation or even acknowledgement. Dai simply shrugged. I nudged him gently.
"Why are you being like this? I thought you wanted me to ditch school and you won't even look at me." Silence answered me. Suddenly angry, I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. "I'm going back to school then." I announced, turning on my heel and leaving Dai behind.
Dai must have moved at lightning speed to yank my bag away and twist my arm behind my back. I yelped in shock as he kneed me in the back and I crumpled to the ground.
"Dai, wha…" I managed before Dai's fist collided with my mouth and I felt my jaw crack.
Dai pinned me down, ignoring the blood pouring from my lip and punched me in the face. The magnitude of his violence resounded through me even as I cowered from his repeated blows. Eventually Dai ran out of anger or energy and was simply knelt over me, frozen.
I didn't understand what had happened. Pain flaring throughout my being, I tried to cling onto Dai's jeans weakly but was shoved away. The only sound I could produce was the noise of my blood bubbling in my throat. I begged Dai for an answer with my tears. He stared down at my bruised face blankly for a moment and climbed off me.
"Jaehee." Dai whispered sadly as he wandered away; as if it was the last time that he'd ever say my name. I watched in distress as he hopped the wall and disappeared down the beach. I tried to make my body get up and follow but the effort was too much and everything went hazy.
I was still unable to call for help or move when the sound of sirens approached. The ambulance pulled up next to me and I was vaguely aware of the paramedics jostling me onto a stretcher and giving me an injection before the world disappeared into shade.
In the dark I dreamed of Dai.