Chakotay slowed as he approached sickbay. It sounded like Seven was really reading the Doctor the riot act, and he was curious why.
"… and you hid his body in the morgue when surely his quarters would have sufficed!"
"I couldn't take the chance that he would wake up, and really Seven, I don't see how this is any of your concern!"
"You are aware of humans' aversion…"
Seven abruptly stopped talking when Chakotay entered sickbay. Did she look self-conscious as she quickly made her excuses and left?
"You wanted me to come by for a follow up before we head out?" As the Doctor began scanning him, he thought about what he'd overheard. They had to have been arguing about him. He felt mildly disturbed, at first he thought he must be irritated - surely he was capable of expressing his own displeasure at the lengths the Doctor had gone to, even if it was in order to save the Captain's life. But as he sat there on the biobed he realized that wasn't it at all. He was used to being the one who stood up for others, he didn't expect someone to do that for him. His chest tightened, "so why do I feel spooked?" he wondered. It was only then that he realized Seven had probably been talking about Harry. He (and the rest of the ship) had known about Harry's crush on Seven for years, for all he knew they were dating now. An unexpected surge of jealousy had Chakotay examining his feelings again. What was going on?
"I must apologize again" the Doctor interrupted his thoughts.
Before he could continue Chakotay reassured him, "No harm, no foul. Don't worry about it Doctor."
"Well, you're at least half right there, no physical harm has befallen you as a result of my actions." The Doctor stopped scanning. "Emotionally however, you may be feeling some after effects. If you would like to discuss the experience of waking in the morgue with me, I'd be happy to download some new psychological subroutines into my program."
"It's the ethical subroutines that could use some adjusting" Chakotay thought to himself remembering the Doctor's 'deathbed confession.' He was surprised again at the vehemence of his reaction. He wasn't going to be able to put off giving his feelings for Seven some serious thought for much longer. "I'm fine Doctor. Death has never scared me all that much. But thanks for your concern." He even gave the Doctor a smile, albeit a fairly wan one, as he left.
xxxxxx
Chakotay met Seven and Tom in the shuttle bay just as they were completing their pre-flight check. The Delta Flyer was ready to go, they were only waiting on him. "Set a course for Touren Lieutenant" he ordered once they were all seated.
"You've got it commander."
"Please increase the temperature by 2.2 degrees Lieutenant"
"Sure thing. B'elanna's got our quarters at a steamy 25 degrees, and I can't even comment on it without a long talking-to about what it's like to be pregnant," he went on to explain, "I'm probably just over-adjusting."
Curious, Chakotay would have thought temperature was irrelevant to the former Borg. But he was grateful that Seven had spoken up, he wouldn't have complained, but he tended to be more comfortable in warmer climes - probably the result of his upbringing. His thoughts drifted for a moment to his home colony, sadness enveloping him as he thought of it now under Cardassian rule. He took a deep breath and reminded himself "somethings you can't change, some things you can." And with that brought himself back to their present mission. "Seven, let's make sure we're all set in the back. If this guy has access to even half the resources Neelix indicated, we're going to need every square inch of cargo room."
"I have already arranged our containers in an efficient manner, but I will comply commander." came her terse reply.
Chakotay swallowed a laugh, Seven really had become pretty good natured about indulging her "inefficient" colleagues. She still seemed to see humanity as fundamentally flawed, but allowed more and more for the possibility that it had something to offer as well. He thought again about what a huge epistemological shift this was for her - one he hadn't thought Seven capable of when they'd first brought her on board. But then again, who would have ever guessed that the über-scientific Captain Janeway would take a leap of faith in order to save Kes' life. If his experiences on Voyager had taught him anything, it was that very little was really impossible. Heck, the Captain still had all of them believing they'd make it home some day despite the thousands of light-years that said otherwise.
Seven had, of course, done an excellent job of organizing the cargo hold of the Flyer. Chakotay made a few minor changes, and Seven acquiesced easily. As they worked, Chakotay's thoughts began to wander again thinking first of his homeworld and then of his fallen Maquis comrades. Years had passed, and yet Chakotay couldn't shake the feeling that it was all wrong somehow. He'd talked to B'elanna, to Sveta, even the doctor trying to move on. But sometimes the survivor's guilt would come out of nowhere and hit him like a ton of bricks all over again. So it was that he was distracted and didn't notice that Seven was already reaching for the same small container he was about to grab. He was suddenly brought back into the present as his hand touched hers. Her Borg components felt smooth and surprisingly cold, her skin, by way of contrast, was warm and soft. An awkward moment passed as Chakotay's breath caught. The second or so it took him to remove his hand seemed like an eternity. Chakotay chastised himself, he was a grown man after all, not some hormonal teenager. Besides, if Seven had begun dating Harry as he suspected, he really needed to reign in the thoughts he'd been having lately. Too bad he didn't possess Vulcan mental discipline.
xxxxxx
The three were eyed suspiciously as they entered the café on the planet's surface where they were to meet with Sokol, a friend of a friend of Neelix's. Though the clientele boasted a wide diversity of species, they had clearly never encountered humans before, let alone a former Borg. Seven attracted the most attention, but whether that was due to her form-fitting bio suit or Borg implants, Chakotay could only guess. Sokol was easy to spot, holding court in the rear of the café. As they approached two bodyguards blocked their path. Chakotay was the first to speak "we'd like to discuss a business opportunity with your boss." Sokol barely glanced at the two men, but gave Seven a very thorough appraisal and waved his guards aside. It took considerable effort for Chakotay to quell the wave of anger that welled up inside of him. He looked over at Seven, but she seemed not to have noticed the man's leer at all. "She's probably used to it" Chakotay thought. Why was he so disturbed by the idea of men finding Seven attractive all of a sudden? Chakotay couldn't help but be irritated with himself.
His mood didn't improve over the course of their meeting. More than once he had to rather forcefully decline Sokol's offer for "the gentlemen" to avail themselves of his less legitimate side-businesses while he and "the lovely lady" got to know each other better. Luckily Tom proved an excellent negotiator, and didn't seem to mind the sliminess oozing out of Sokol's every pore. Thanks to him, Voyager's stores would once again be full.
xxxxx
"Thank God you were there Tom, I'm really going to miss having Neelix around to deal with guys like Sokol, I guess my diplomacy could use some brushing up." Chakotay commented as they finished loading the back of the flyer.
"Maybe we should take him with us to the alpha quadrant" Tom said. Seven raised an eyebrow at the strange remark. "I have a feeling Sokol would be right at home on Ferenginar." Chakotay laughed, finally able to relax a little. Tom was expert in easing tension with a bit of humor. "And I can't believe you didn't take him up on meeting one of his toro-girls commander!"
"I didn't see you jumping at the chance either."
"Are you kidding? I'm a married man with a baby on the way! But you're not the settling-down type, and a toro-girl might have made for an educational first-contact experience."
Tom was kidding, of course, but Chakotay wasn't sure what to make of Tom's remark. He teased back "not too long ago, no one would have described you as the settling-down type either," but his heart wasn't in it.
"Are you holding out on me Chakotay? Has someone finally caught your eye?"
Before he could respond, Seven entered, "I am sorry to interrupt, but I completed the loading while you were occupied with your idle chatter. We are now ready to depart."
"It's called banter, Seven, you know, being friendly, joking around?" Tom could have sworn he saw Seven roll her eyes.
They sat and resumed a course for Voyager. Everything seemed fine until almost two minutes into their flight when Seven was transported off the flyer, her comm badge falling to the ground as she dissappeared in shimmering swirls. "What happened Commander!?"
"I don't know, I can't get a location - their transport technology is totally different from ours. Let me see if…" Chakotay's voice trailed off as his fingers flew across his console. He knew Sokol had to be involved, and he wasn't about to let Seven end up a toro-girl, or worse, Sokol's 'girlfriend.' "I've got her, she's on the surface, within a kilometer of the café. Stay in synchronous orbit and keep an open comm, we may need to leave in a hurry." And with that, he was gone.
"Um, so I guess that counts as a rescue plan" Tom thought to himself.
xxxxx
Chakotay beamed down just outside of the café and checked his tricorder for human life signs. As soon as he picked up Seven, he took off sprinting, his blood boiling as he thought of Sokol and what he might be doing to her. Usually a brilliant tactician, Chakotay didn't stop to think as he ran into the dark warehouse and right into the arms of one of Sokol's bodyguards. He was escorted rather roughly to an office area on the side of the building. As he neared, he could hear Seven's voice: "… afraid there has been a misunderstanding."
"Nonsense, my dear. You simply don't understand what all I have to offer" Sokol interrupted. Chakotay shivered, a visceral reaction to the man's saccharine voice.
The guard pushed Chakotay into the room "look who I found trespassing outside."
"I've only come for my crewman" Chakotay offered by way of explanation.
"Ah, your current" Sokol searched for the right term to use, "'benefactor' no doubt." He turned to face Chakotay, "I am sure that as Voyager's first officer you've had a lot to offer. But my influence extends over this entire sector. Now don't be a poor sport, Seven and I have much to discuss, on your way" he said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
Sokol's guard unceremoniously dumped a fuming Chakotay out the side entrance of the building and locked up behind him. Chakotay realized he needed to regroup and actually come up with a plan for rescuing Seven before doing anything else. He couldn't afford to think about why Sokol's assumptions left him feeling like a dirty old man.
Using his tricorder, Chakotay mapped out Sokol's facility - basically a large warehouse with a number of small offices on the southwest side.
"I think I can disable the back door's locking mechanism from here Commander, if that would help." Chakotay had forgotten that Tom was monitoring his comm badge.
"That'd be great Tom." Chakotay felt embarrassed. Was it because of his total failure, that he'd leaped before he'd looked, so to say, or because of Sokol's assumption that he was Seven's sugar daddy. This clearly wasn't the time to sort that out.
It seemed like forever before Tom got Chakotay back into Sokol's complex, but he forced himself to move stealthily along the corridors as he followed his tricorder looking for Seven. As it turned out, however, it was Seven who found him. She grabbed him from behind and ducked into a small alcove to avoid being caught by yet another of Sokol's guards. Chakotay wasn't able to think about the guards, or anything else for that matter, as Seven held him close. Before he had a chance to collect himself Seven lit into him: "What are you doing Commander? This foolish behavior will only result in injury."
"I'm rescuing you Seven" Chakotay protested weakly. His mind still wasn't working at 100% with Seven's arms around him.
"I possess sufficient strength and cunning to extricate myself from the likes of Mr. Sokol, you do not." Chakotay realized the truth of what Seven was saying, she was both stronger and smarter than he was. But he bristled none-the-less.
"Would you have preferred Tom and I left you on the planet?" He asked defensively.
"Sorry to interrupt guys, but there's a dampening field of some sort where you are, you're going to have to exit the building if you want me to beam you back up to the Flyer."
Chakotay took a deep breath and reclaimed what he could of his dignity. "You heard him, come on." He led them out of the building without further incident and they successfully transported back to the Flyer.
"What if Sokol tries to grab you again?" Tom wondered as they took off at full impulse.
"That will not be a problem" Seven responded with such certainty that both men fell silent. She turned to Chakotay, "do not unnecessarily put yourself in a perilous situation again, especially not on my behalf." With that she retreated to the cargo hold.
"Wow, she's worse than B'ellana after I…"
Chakotay didn't allow Tom to finish, "excuse me, Tom. Get us home to Voyager, will you?" And he ducked into the cargo hold after Seven.
xxxxx
"You're upset I tried to rescue you." Chakotay began.
"Serious harm could have befallen you, I am not worth the risk." Seven didn't look up as she responded.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Chakotay had expected a lecture on his human inferiority, but this was something else entirely. He maneuvered his way among the containers towards Seven.
"I cannot continue to function like this." Seven sighed, "I don't want to feel this way." Seven looked helpless as her eyes met his.
Everything in Chakotay softened, he took a step closer to Seven and put his hand on her shoulder, his concerned eyes silently imploring her to continue.
"I thought if I could create favorable conditions for you, for your comfort, safety…" unable to continue, Seven's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I am not human" she finally managed in a small voice.
Understanding jolted through Chakotay like electricity. She had feelings for him too! In the past when it had dawned on him that a woman found him attractive, his first reaction was always "I'm not ready!" But no such thoughts came, maybe he didn't need time to sort out his feelings after all. "No, you're not 100% human" he said, "but you're not alone either. Is that what you think? That we'll only accept you if you're fully human?" Now it was his turn to sigh, "you're Borg too, and that's okay. It's part of what makes you unique. You're an incredible individual, Seven, don't you see that?" Chakotay was now holding both of Seven's shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze.
"The Doctor and the Captain have been working for years trying to help me integrate into your complex social structure, despite their efforts I have failed. I do not understand humanity. I understand my duty to Voyager, and I try to be of use, but…"
"Give yourself a break, Seven." Chakotay had to reassure her. "That's a perfectly human struggle. Just this morning I was thinking about how joining Starfleet was the last decision I made that was really about what I wanted. Out of a sense of duty, no guilt really, I joined the Maquis. I knew I'd disappointed my father going to the academy, and we still hadn't gotten past it when he died. So I came home and fought for his cause. And then we ended up in the Delta Quadrant. Again I found it easier to dedicate myself to the Captain's mission than to really think about what I wanted. When Tom told me I wasn't the settling-down type it was disturbing, but of course he'd think that, I haven't had the courage to live into my full humanity either. Duty is easy, but…" Chakotay wished he was more eloquent, Seven only seemed more confused. He decided blunt honesty was the best way to go. "I haven't even had the guts to ask you out" he finally choked out.
Seven's brows furrowed deeply "you wish to explore the parameters of our relationship?"
Chakotay chuckled nervously before responding. "I guess that about covers it, yes."
"But you find me repulsive." Seven was clearly confused.
"What would make you think that?" Now they were both confused.
"We shared a neural link Commander, when you first separated me from the collective. Our thoughts were as one. I felt your revulsion as though it was my own. Also, you decompressed the cargo bay in an attempt to end my life."
That stopped Chakotay dead in his tracks. He hadn't thought about that day for a long time, but of course it made sense that it was an experience Seven would never forget. Had he ever even apologized? It took Chakotay a while to compose a response. "That happened a long time ago" didn't exactly seem sufficient. "You're right that when we first met I saw you only as an enemy, a threat to Voyager's safety, to my friends' lives. The Borg scared the hell out of me, just the thought of being assimilated, losing myself but somehow continuing to exist, like a zombie…" Why wasn't he better at expressing himself? "The Borg seemed so much stronger and more advanced than us, I didn't have time, or I didn't think I did anyway, to be curious about the collective, to see the good alongside the bad. I guess over time, especially having you on board, and learning more about your parents, I've gotten more curious. The search for perfection seems like an admirable goal, even if I hate the idea of using assimilation to get there." Chakotay wasn't sure he was getting through to her.
"I've come to the conclusion that the search for perfection is a hollow pursuit." Seven looked down. She found it difficult to think clearly with Chakotay's looking at her so intently.
"Really? I'm surprised to hear that. I didn't get that impression when we were dealing with the Omega Molecule." The way Chakotay remembered it, witnessing the perfection of the stabilized Omega had seemed almost like a religious experience for Seven.
"It was only when I started to remember my experiences in Unimatrix Zero that I began questioning my Borg values. The relationships I forged there were meaningful despite being erratic and disorganized. We were individuals, but we did not lack harmony and cohesion. I can see similar patterns on Voyager, but I cannot fully integrate myself into them. In Unimatrix Zero I could exist as a human, but Voyager is not a virtual construct." Seven was mortified remembering her holodeck experiments, she wasn't able to explain any further.
"You don't have to be fully human, Seven. I don't think there's a person on Voyager who is 'repulsed' by your Borg side anymore." He took Seven's left hand and traced his fingers along her Borg exoskeleton. Then he raised his head to meet her bewildered gaze. "When I look at you, all I see is how beautiful you are, all of you. When my hand touched yours earlier today, it almost hurt to let go."
Chakotay cleared his throat uncomfortably but continued, he needed to address everything Seven had said. "I don't know how I can begin to apologize for trying to kill you. Anything I come up with seems inadequate, which is why I guess I haven't said anything before now. But I am sorry. I wish I could make it up to you somehow. I know that you can take care of yourself, but I would gladly risk myself to protect you. You are worth it, I wish you could see that as clearly as I do."
"You severed me from the collective, thereby giving me my life back, you have nothing to make up for." There was a twinkle in Seven's eye as she continued: "however, if you feel obligated, perhaps dinner would suffice…"
Chakotay broke into a wide grin. "It's a date."