Harry potter and the Saucy Duck
After finally exiting the Hogwarts medical ward for the severe psychological trauma inflicted upon him by Professor Dumbledore during a previous escapade, Ron Weasley runs into his dear friend Harry Potter. Without warning Harry proceeded to backhand Ron for being a red head, Ron instinctively ran away as the whole corridor laughed at him.
Suffering from more mental trauma Ron ran straight out of the castle where he came upon a lone duck in a dark corner, Ron felt a strange connection with this duck and decided to take him to Hagrid's to be taken care of. Ron picked up the duck and began to turn when suddenly Draco Malfoy and his band of goons surround him, "what're you doin' with the fuckin' duck Weasley?" shouted Draco in an aggressive tone, before Ron could give an answer Draco proceeded to kick him in the British teabags. Ron fell slowly the ground in agony as the duck ran away and into the oncoming path of Cedric Diggory on his broomstick.
Ron staggered to his feet and was just about to pull out his wand when Draco Malfoy suddenly exploded!
Everyone was aghast, excluding Ron who remembered how Professor Snape enjoyed rigging explosives with a random timer to the stomachs of his students while they slept, Ron giggled and crept off while the students around Draco's dismembered corpse all screamed in horror.
Once he was out of sight Ron began vigorously looking for the duck he had befriended, suddenly he spied Luna Lovegood and figured she may have seen his duck. Ron ran up to Luna and asked her if she had seen any ducks in the area, she shook her head and pointed at Neville Longbottom who was sitting at the end of the hall as if he may know something, Ron thanked Luna and began walking over to Neville.
Ron was weary of asking Neville about the duck as Neville has an addiction to hot gravy and the presence to a duck which goes excellent with gravy might spur him into a temporary insanity, gathering all of his courage Ron decided to ask.
Neville Longbottom seemed quite calm until Ron uttered the faithful question about the whereabouts of the missing duck where upon Neville flew into a rage and began brandishing a plastic fork, Ron screamed in horror as Neville began slowly approaching, just as Neville was closing in Luna Lovegood appeared and impaled Neville through the chest with her fist. Ron was confused at these events but was none the less grateful as she has just saved him from a menacing plastic fork, Ron leant over to give Luna a hug but just as he touched her shoulder Luna sprouted wings from her back and had flames eject from her feet and flew off into the sky.
Hagrid walked past and scoffed at this sight and then turned to Ron and said "bloody robots"
Ron stared into the sky as he said "Isn't this supposed to be a school for fuckin' wizards?"
The end?