Title: Job Hunting.
Summary: Is there anything worse than being visited by a vampire who brings in wet dogs to the Laundromat? AU, gender bender, one-shot.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money off of this.
Warnings: Genderbending, AU, magic, swearing, slight mention of sexual-ness, etc.
Dedication: For Rose Midnight Moonlight Black for no reason other than hero worship or writer's worship or whatever it's called. I'm just so very free and happy right now from the reviews of the last fic I wrote her. Queen for a whole day from that review—her reviews are better and more confidence boosting than the best pot they sell in Mexico. REALLY.
-:-
You should understand
the way it was
back then, because it is the same
even now.
-Leslie Marmon Silko.
"… 'What are you wearing?' Seriously, it's like every time I go to work, I swear to God that is the first thing I hear. How tremendously and vividly unoriginal."
"At least you're not working here; just being in this place every day has made me a supreme health nut. Every hour I spend here is like living in a vat of poison."
"At least you have magic to keep you safe, right?"
"Just because you keep telling me that, doesn't make it any easier."
Sighing from her spot on her cushy little chair plucked out from behind one of the many tables that were placed pointedly around the entire compound, all scratched and dented but still comfy in comparison to the seats at her work that hurt her back and were solid oak to keep her from masturbating on the job, Terri rolled her eyes at Warhawk.
Behind her, Terri could play a little tune in her head at the sounds of the fifty washers and dryers spinning, cleaning, drying everything brought into them; like the hungry mouths of donkeys and hineys swallowing garbage and spitting out gold and silver. Playing a tune in her head was better, more so, than listening to her tall, tan, brunette friend with wings that blotted the sun harp on, on, and on about the many health risks of working in the dry cleaning or Laundromat business. It really got old.
Weaving her fingers through her short raven hair—bangs always getting in her eyes—Terri was pleasantly surprised when Warhawk's—this being the name Terri was forced to call the girl because her real name was Rex (on account of her parents expecting a boy and not being able to think of anything else) and she hated it—three cats crept under her legs and almost made her leap out of her skin and push her chair backwards.
Kai-Ro, the little bobtail kitten that Warhawk had saved from the gutter, was trying to brace on the chair legs so he could get up further and bat at the beads and strings that made up the custom made leather belt around Terri's middle. Terri was tempted to pick the little guy up, but was sidetracked as Merina and Dana, the two nearly twin Seal Points the Wind Rider had bought for three hundred dollars, hopped into Terri's lap and each coaxed the brunette's dainty fingers to rub along their eyes and ears and under the chin like they owned the woman. Terri's bright red and dark black nails were striking against their coloring.
"I think your job has to be better than mine," the bronze lady continued, wings flitting in a backwards motion Terri had seen swans do when agitated, "I mean, all you do is talk dirty on the phone to perverts and you get, what? You get like ten bucks for fifteen minutes?"
"Twenty minutes," Terri corrected, breath hitching as Kai used his half-dull, half-sharp claws to pat her knees where her socks and combat boots ended, drawing nice dead skin cell lines in rows of five, but no blood, "And it's not that easy. Half of the women I work with get off on it, and half of them are dead inside. The people on the end of the phone are not easy to please, either. One guy told me to purr at the end of each sentence and make up a scene from Animal Planet. I got fifty from him, but it was still really creepy."
Folding a long sleeved black shirt that had traces of rock salt and bat's blood on it—a real bitch to get out, by the way—Warhawk stacked it onto a small pile, with three more to go in various styles, eyes narrowing down on the blood sucker before her, "Creepy? You drink blood for life, and playing it up with Old McDonald creeps you out?"
"Sucking blood went out with walking around at all hours of the night," Terri shrugged, Merina standing on the vampire's shoulder to bat at the nice set of earrings she had on with three black beads on a string that to the naked eye looked like gems, "You know I drink pig's blood, and I get it from that creepy guy—Ira Billings!—at the deli. My brothers are a different story, but that's their life and I'll have no part of it. And I will so love your job here better than my job surrounded by Blade and Chelsea each taking a turn getting selected by that asshole Nelson Nash for their calls. Like the Chelsea's perfume is enough to give me a lung disease."
Dana got bored with Terri and walked to the door and big windows near the front where Warhawk and Terri were talking. She looked out, and her dark eyes came into contact with two sets of irritated blue.
She hissed and this time Terri did fall backwards as her two pets she'd left leashed out front started barking at the gorgeous feline in the window. The landing was unpleasant and she could feel Warhawk smirking down behind the counter, probably re-tying the laces of her white apron to pretend the barking wasn't happening.
"Can I please," Terri begged, getting up from the floor with Merina and Kai giving her dirty looks at being brought down to the floor with the brunette, Kai jumping from the vamp's chest to her face and then up onto the counter to be loved on by Rex, "Please, just this once, bring Melanie and Deidre in? It's raining and I just know that if I don't bring them in, they're going to get pneumonia and I'll have a huge bill from the vet!"
Warhawk folded her arms across her—very pronounced, D Cup—breasts, a look of distain on her proper face, "They're wet."
"Exactly!"
"No," Rex continued, folding the last shirt of Jason Blood's load he would be coming to pick up in an hour before the sun set, "As in, they're wet, and nothing smells worse than wet dog. What would I tell the customers?"
Terri ignored the question as a whole and, waving her middle finger at her friend, went out the door and brought her two girls into the Laundromat.
Both of the very large canines were pale yellow and white in color and an odd combination in looks of a hyena/Husky/Border Collie. Melanie was the smaller one and followed Terri into the place from behind the vampire's legs with her vivid and expressive blue eyes looking curiously at Kai who looked down at her like some little deity; her long, fluffy tail kept down in submission. Deidre walked in front of Terri like the good guard dog she was, floppy ears half up and alert and curled tail erect. She snarled at Merina once and then took a seat by Terri as the brunette sat back down, both of her dogs taking a spot beside each of her boots.
Warhawk's nose crinkled up and she went into the back to find her Lick-Me-All-Over and Screaming-Orgasm-On-The-Beach incense.
"You're paying the bill if they eat the tables or something," the shrieking harpy calls over the sounds of the machines in the back trying to get the stains of something like dragon vomit out of Morgaine Le Fay's gold dress.
Terri just grinned, sharp teeth peeking just onto her flaunting, beautifully red lips.