So, uh, it's been a while since I've done this. But lately I've been sort of, kind of obsessed with Fairy Tail and got bit by some brain bug that just won't stop making me think thinky things. Since my brain won't leave me in peace, I thought I'd share.

Let's see if I remember how to do this.

This is a series of interconnected stories that takes place over the course of several months four years (it's an arbitrary number. Don't ask why) after the Grand Magic Games/Dragon invasion. However, I started these little fics before I had actually finished the arc so *spoiler, spoiler, spoiler* I hadn't gotten up to the part where Ultear does her one minute reset or where Lyon decides to stop pursuing Juvia./endspoiler. And yes, I could have easily edited it to reflect these events but well, lazy. So I'm leaving it as is.

Also, I'm terrible at titles so I'm just leaving this series untitled. Oh, hey, that'll work, right? Untitled: The Series.

Boom.

It never ceased to amuse her that she would find herself here. No matter what, she'd always end up here. She plopped down on the grassy knoll overlooking the riverbank. Hugging her knees to her chest, she stared blankly at the scenery.

Waiting.

"Figured you'd be here," a deep, soothingly familiar voice broke through her thoughts.
"Are you stalking me?" She quipped, not even glancing at her interloper.
"If you really thought that, I'd be nothing but bug paste at the bottom of your stylish yet affordable boots." Her lips quirked into a small smile. He always knew how to pull her out of her meandering thoughts. A rustle of fabric and a dull thud let her know that Gray had flopped down next to her.

"What's bothering you?" Gray's eyes were closed, his long lashes dark against his pale skin. And while his tone was light, Erza felt the concern in his words. She shook her head gently, "it's nothing." His eyebrow rose and opened one eye. "I swear, it's nothing," she insisted.

He sighed heavily and sat up. She hated that she had disappointed him in some way. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me, Erza. Just don't lie to me and say that it's nothing because I know better."
Her chest constricted. She had disappointed him. "I'm sorry."
"Don't." She spared him a glance, "I don't want you to be sorry. Just... just don't lie."
She swallowed thickly and promised, "I won't."

Immediate crisis averted, he flopped back down and she joined him. They lied in silence; watching the waning rays dance over the drifting clouds, painting the sky in deep reds and vibrant oranges as twilight approached. Once again, Gray broke through her thoughts, that nagging pit in his stomach just needing to be confirmed. "It's Jellal, isn't it?"
She froze and sighed in resignation. "I hate that you know me so well."
"Really? I love it because it bothers you so much." She turned to her side to face him and scowled. "Bug paste," she reminded him.
He held his hands up and surrendered.

"You don't have to tell me. Just yes or no would suffice."
She shook her head. She wanted to, no, needed to explain. "I ran into him on this last job. Ultear and Meredy was with him, of course. They said 'hi,' by the way."

Ignoring her attempt to delay the Jellal subject, he prompted, "And...? Did he do something where I have to go hunt him down and pummel him?"
She chuckled softly, "no. It's just... It's been almost two years since I last saw him. And then... All of a sudden he pops up and there he is all real and there and it's just... strange."
"You still love him," it wasn't a question or a condemnation. Just a simple statement.

She rolled her shoulders and sighed. "Yes," she confirmed. "But it's not a romantic kind of love. It hasn't been for a while now." It hurt to finally admit that. Not only to Gray, but to herself too. "I mean, I was... In love with him, I mean. But when I think about it, I think I was more in love with what he was; with what I knew of him as a child, with the idea of what I thought he could be; that idealized version I had of him. And yes, he's working on becoming that man. He's trying so hard to," she paused, trying to find the right words, "make amends. To atone. But I don't think it'll ever be enough for him. I don't think he'll ever forgive himself. I know he loves me. I know he wants to be loved by me. But..."
"He doesn't want to allow himself to be loved by you. Because he doesn't think he deserves it. And because he feels you deserve better," Gray finished quietly.

She nodded sadly. "When did you get so insightful?"
"Unlike someone we know, I can read people and social cues." Erza arched a delicate eyebrow, "Ultear told you, didn't she?"
Gray didn't even bother denying it and shrugged his shoulders carelessly, "yeah, we write quite a bit. She's worries about him."
"I do too. He's so intent on making himself miserable as a way to atone and it just... It makes me sad."
Gray tilted her chin so she could see the sincerity in his eyes, "he'll figure it out. He'll figure out that misery and redemption doesn't need to go hand in hand. That there is a way he can redeem his past sins and still be happy. And when he does, he'll swoop in on a white horse and the two of you will ride off into the sunset."

She rolled her eyes, "I don't what that, Gray. I'd like that for him though. But it won't be with me. It won't ever be with me. I just want him to be happy. And alive. But ultimately, we have separate lives to live; different paths to follow."
"I thought you've forgiven him," his brows knitted in confusion.
"I have," she confirmed. "I forgave him a long time ago. But... But there are some things that can't be forgotten. And yes, I know there were a bunch of... that it wasn't all his doing. That he was another victim of circumstance. But it's still there. I don't think it'll ever go away. And if we were to ever be involved... It would always loom over us. It'll always be this giant pink elephant in the room. We won't ever be able to be honest with each other; constantly watching what we say to each other. He doesn't want to remind me of what he's done and I don't ever want to throw it in his face. He doesn't deserve that. We don't deserve that. I care about him. It might not be the my-heart-aches-for-you kind of love of the past, but I care about him. I don't think I will ever not care about him."

She paused again before shrugging nonchalantly, "besides, he's way too old for me now." A strange sound bubbled from Gray's throat; it was a cross between a snort and a cackle. "If you can joke about that, you're going to be just fine, Erza." He knew the age difference was not even a blimp on the list of reasons for her and Jellal's non-relationship.

He paused for a beat then asked, "does he know how you feel about this?"
"We've spoken about it. Maybe not in so many words but... It's why he lied about having a fiancée all those years ago."
"Ah, yes. The good, ole, 'I have a fiancée' excuse. 'Can you help me move? Sorry, I have a fiancée!' Works in any situation!"
She slapped him lightly but couldn't help but laugh, "don't joke!"
His smirking smile twisted into a frown, "you're right. What would I know? I'm about as clueless about the matters of the heart as Natsu is."

Erza's smile faltered, "Juvia?"
Gray did a double take, "what? No. What does Juvia have to do with this?"
"I just thought... Now that she's no longer pursuing you, you're feeling..."
"What?" His eyes twinkled in amusement, "sad? Lonely? I'm not. It's been years since she's tried, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I mean, don't get me wrong. Juvia... She's a nice girl. Sweet, beautiful... And I admit, I enjoyed knowing that there was someone who felt that way about me but most of the time, all the attention was just... uncomfortable. And more often than not, bordering on creepy."

She remembered. She had been there to lend an ear when he needed it. It had been almost five months since the Grand Magic Games. He had run away when Lyon showed up at the guild and he and Juvia had cornered Gray again. When she found him, she admonished him for not telling her how he felt. He just looked at her with this...stink eye she'd never seen from him and ranted: "You honestly think I haven't? I've told her time and time again that I'm not interested in her. That I only care about her as nakama would care for one another. That I don't have any romantic inclinations toward her. That while I care for her, I'm not in love with her. Does it ever work? No, of course not. What else am I supposed to do? How could I possibly be any clearer? Get some giant, flashing, neon signs? Take out an ad on Sorcerer's Weekly? Erect a banner on the side of the guild? And then there's Lyon! He's the worse! He can't seem to believe that I'm not in love with her so I'm always stuck in between them like monkey in the freaking middle."

It has been almost three years since Juvia finally accepted that his feelings for her were strictly platonic. But Erza remembered how bad she felt for everyone involved in the lopsided triangle. Still, Erza couldn't help but tease him about it.

"Poor, poor Gray. Having suffered the indignity of having a beautiful woman throw herself at you."
"That's not the point. I have beautiful women throw themselves at me all the time. But most of them realize that if I'm not interested, they back off."
She grinned at him in disbelief, "you have women throw themselves at you? All the time?"
"Beautiful women," he corrected with faux outrage. "And yes. Yes, I do. Women flirt with me and I flirt with them, okay? I mean, I'm not Loke where I ask them home. Not all the time anyway, but yes. I flirt."
"Taking off your shirt does not count as flirting." She smothered the bubbling giggles at his indignant expression. "Besides, you never flirt with me," she pointed out.
He spluttered, unsure of how to respond. "I flirt with you plenty! It's not my fault you're so dense!" Her eyes narrowed and he cleared his throat, "I mean, it wasn't that I didn't want to... Or didn't try to," he began to explain. "Believe me, I wanted to. I just didn't think you'd be very receptive of it." He glanced at her, "you... Do you want me to flirt with you?"
She shrugged and smirked at his obvious discomfort, "I'm not saying yes. But I'm not saying no either."

Silence settled over them as they watched the last rays get swallowed up by the encroaching night. She startled when she felt him grip her hand loosely and began to rub soothing circles on the back of her hand.

When she turned to look at him, he was smiling softly at her. He brushed away the crimson strands that fell across her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. He spoke quietly. "I just wanted you to know... There's someone out there that will love you. That you'll love in return. That will allow himself, or herself if you're so inclined, to be loved by you. The way you deserve. Because if there is one thing you deserve in this world, just one thing," he stressed, "it's that."
Her eyes grew watery but thankfully, her tears didn't fall and she offered him a brave smile, "and then we'll ride off into the sunset on a white horse?"
His smile grew, "yeah. Exactly."

He stood up and dusted himself off before offering his hand to her, "come on, let's go."
She allowed him to help her to her feet, "where are we going?"
"Dinner. I'm starving."
Erza's brow rose questioningly. "Are you asking me out on a date?"
He laughed, "a date? Don't be ridiculous. We're just two friends having dinner. Friends do do that, you know. Heh, I said doodoo."
"How very mature of you." She still looked skeptical so he added, "There may possibly be dessert."
She brightened, "oh, okay!"
He spluttered, jaw gaping, "really? That's what it takes to get you to say yes? The possibility of cake? Not the pleasure of being in my company?"
She couldn't help but tease him, weighing the options carefully, "cake, Gray... Cake, Gray... Yeah, I'm going to go with cake."
"Unbelievable," he muttered. "What if I were dessert?" He waggled his eyebrows and leered.
She paused at that, "is that... are you flirting with me?"
His brows knitted and lips puckered in shame, "I think I was, yeah."
"Don't."
"Don't... Don't flirt with you?"
"I never said that."
"Okay, I admit, I didn't exactly think that one through but hey, I've never done this flirting thing with you before!"
She shrugged, "just a suggestion: try harder next time." She tugged his hand. "Now come on. You promised me cake."
"I did not!"
She shrugged flippantly, "Well, I'm promising me for you then."
Although he was smiling, he rolled his eyes and exasperated, "you can't just do something like that, Erza!"
She looked over her shoulder and grinned, "yes I can."

As they continued bickering into the night, Erza felt freer than she ever felt before. Having a patient, listening ear allowed her to finally work through the feelings of confusion that had been plaguing her the past few days. The anguish and confusion over Jellal were still present but it no longer crushed her; it no longer suffocated her. She understood now. She knew what the extent of her feelings for Jellal were now. And although feelings of longing still linger, it didn't bother her anymore because she knows it doesn't define her. It doesn't rule her. So for the first time in a long time, she allowed herself a little peace.

Ugh. I don't know how I feel about that ending. I'm terrible at them anyway, but no matter how much I tinker with it, I'm never satisfied with how I sum up her feelings after their little confab.

I give up. Just... read between the lines.

Do the thing where you leave a review. I'd like to know how I'm doing. ;)