Here I am, drunk again. Seems like all I do is drink after you left. It was me doing the breaking up but it still hurts. I just saw that we weren't going anywhere. I know you miss me. I know you still think about me. I can see it in your eyes whenever I see you. It's like you just lost the most important person in your life. It breaks my heart to see you that way. I just want you to know that.
I realize that I'm the leader of Brooklyn and I aint supposed to have no feelings, but it hurts everytime I look at you and see that vacant look in your eyes. God, Jack! If you only knew how much it hurt. I set you on your own way. We weren't getting anywhere together. God! If my boys knew you'd be six feet under by now. You didn't act too happy anyways. You acted like we was over before we'd hardly begun. I coulda spent my life with you Jack, just want you to know.
God! I'm so drunk right now. I can't even read half of what I'm writing. It's like you stole everything away from me. I feel empty inside. I know I ain't making no sense but you understood me when no one else could. You were my savior Jack. I don't know if you know that but you was.
I love you more than words can possibly say. I would have died for you, Jack. I already lived for you. Jack, baby, you need to know that since we split all I can think about is you. I wonder if we left things too early. We was just beginning. I knew you had problems, and so did I, but we could have worked them out together.
God Baby! I wish you were here so I could hold you. Kiss you. That's all I wanna do right now. I miss you so damn much. I hope you aint found no one new, though I know it'd probably be good for you. I'm still waiting on you. You needed to find your place. You needed to grow up and realize who you are.
Baby boy, you don't realize how hard this is to write when you are drunk, but I think that if I was sober I'd never have the balls. These things need to be said. You need to know that I will never be over you. It's a shame that you pushed me away, but I'll be there again when you need me. I'm always there for you Jacky Boy. I love you. You know that. You know me probably better than anyone else. I kinda need that in my life. It's too miserable without you. I hope you grow up soon because I need you here with me. I do. I, Spot Conlon, need you above all others. You are my light when I've been stuck in the dark. You're everything to me.
I hope this letter reaches you in time, before it's too late to save us. Goddamnit babe. Everytime I think of you I think of everything I'm missing out on now. We were good together, don't you think? I hope that look in your eyes never goes away. Not the look you have now - that one breaks my heart, but the look you had whenever I was around. Your eyes were so bright. I could always see everything in your eyes. I could see the love in your eyes and I love knowing that you want me still. It's the only thing that gets me through the days I spend without you. Damn Jack! Do you see what you have done to me? I've become one of those sappy love dopes that I used to make fun of. I can't help it though. You've got my heart in your hands and I belong to you. I hope you get over whatever it is that you're going through so that we can be together again. I know without a doubt in my mind that you love me, maybe as much as I love you. I just wish that I knew what was going through your mind right now. I won't be able to leave you alone for much longer. You know that. I'm impatient. I can't stand to wait.
Jack, when you come back to me, it'll be heaven sent. I don't know what that means right now but it seemed to fit. What I mean is that when you come back to me, or when I come crawling back to you (which I'm half tempted to do right now) it'll be the best day of my life. Maybe not the best day. There are other days I've spent with you that can easily compete but it'll be wonderful. I can't wait to have you back in my arms. My bed feels so empty without you. God! I miss spending the night with you at your place. It was heaven on earth. Damn! I use that word alot when it comes to you. I don't ever use it when I aint talking bout you. I love you Jack. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. You are the air when I can't breathe. Damn Jack! You mean everything to me.
When you get this, if you feel like you need to talk, I'll be waiting for you. You know where I'll be. If I'm not at the Lodging House, try the docks. You know how I like it out there. We'll be away from prying eyes there anyway. I love you Jacky Boy. Please come find me, because I think that I am lost without you.
I love you,
Spot