This takes place in the Legends Expanded Universe.

There are spoilers for the LotF series, especially for Sacrifice.

Author's Notes:

Okay, so here's my short fiction/songfic/poetry fic. I like the content but the writing is really not good except for the poem (well, I like the poem I mean, and hopefully you do too), but I have to get over my writer's block somehow so this is me trying to do that.

1. Part Three is the poem. In it I use the word "bequeath"; I believe there are two ways to correctly pronounce that word. I've always said it with a soft 'th' at the end, and that is how it should be pronounced when you get to it.

2. "Blast shock" is a term I've made up to mean PTSD. The term mixes "shell shock" with "blaster", as in fire from blasters or x-wings/other starfighters . I'd like to someday write a longer story about Luke having PTSD from all the war he's been through. The pro-fic books portray him as if he's untouchable when it comes to this but I believe after all he's seen and experienced, even with the Force as his aid, he'd still experience PTSD. If another author had the same plans to write about this (and in fact I'd love to read some stories about that), feel free to use that term. If you do, this isn't necessary, but it would be kinda nice to note that the term is from me

3. Part Two is a songfic. The song is "Halo" by Beyonce. The only lyric that should be changed in that song is when Beyonce says "I swore I'd never fall again"; for this story think of that in your heads as "I swore I'd never fall for you".

4. It's been a while since I've read the Legacy of the Force series and I don't remember how Luke found out about Jacen killing Mara, other than that Ben figured it out. I also don't remember if the temple on Coruscant was operational during this point in the war, but it is in my story. If this doesn't sync up with the plot or details of the series, I apologize.

5. Of course, please feel free to review. Thanks for reading! Oh and for those who started reading my other Star Wars story – forgive me for not updating it in forever. I've terrible writer's block but hopefully doing this short story will help.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars and I make no money off of the following story.

A long time ago in a galaxy far,

far away….

Do I Still Breathe?

Part I

Chapter I

40 ABY, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

09:00:05 hours

"Master Solusar, what's happening!?" The young Jedi apprentice, a zeltron girl around the age of 12, shrieked in fear. There was a trickle of blood running down her shoulder from where she'd been swept off her feet and hurled into a wall. The cut was minor and the blood was quickly fading into her deep red skin. The terror in her brown eyes was building, rather than fading, however, as she felt the darkness surround her. Every Jedi in the temple could feel the anger and hate erupt around them – alternately cold as Hoth then flowing hot. The walls shook and the very ground on which the temple was built rumbled. The temperature dropped ten degrees. Dust, pieces of flimsy, and other small objects flew around the building at velocities so fast that every Jedi had to take refuge. They all had the same idea, which was to gather in the largest inner room on the main floor of the temple. It was a very large meeting room that had five enormous holotables which were bolted to the floor. They served well for working out strategic battle movements.

"Is it a volcano?" the girl asked Master Solusar. She was running, half tucked under the arm of the silver-haired Jedi Master, when a chair sailed past them and crashed to the wall behind them.

"There!" Master Solusar pointed to one of the large tables at the center of the room. "Take cover there! And no, young one, there are no active volcanoes on Coruscant."

"Is it an earthquake?" Another apprentice shouted from the doorway. The wind whipping around was making it difficult to be heard without shouting.

The young human male apprentice had come running into the room and he quickly dove under the table, joining Master Solusar and the girl. He was soon followed by most of the other Jedi who were in the temple that day. Luckily, they numbered only 22, as the other Jedi were off fighting various battles in the war. The Jedi knights and masters that were present at the temple had gathered to either strategize or recuperate from injuries they'd sustained from fighting in the civil war. There was ample room for all present to take cover under the tables in the room.

Master Solusar shook his head to the boy, "No, I don't think it's an earthquake. This feels different. It's not natural."

Masters Kyp Durron and Tionne Solusar entered the room. Kyp quickly took cover under a table near the wall and Tionne squeezed beside her husband.

"Kam!" Master Kyp Durron shouted, "You don't think this could be a hurricane do you? I don't think it is but…" Kyp was at a loss for what this could be. It couldn't be a hurricane because there were no oceans on Coruscant to produce them. And, even if somehow it could happen, hurricanes didn't typically whip objects around an indoor room. No, this was something else entirely. And it reeked of the dark side.

"No, Kyp – "Kam replied, "I don't know what this is! I know I've never felt power like this before though. It's too immense. It's too much." He shook his head and whispered "Too much, too much."

"Reach out with the Force." Tionne instructed. "You all know what this is." Master Tionne Solusar had the least raw Force ability of anyone in the room, young apprentices included, but she was the most perceptive, and the most willing to be honest. She said, with her heart wrenched and her eyes beginning to tear, "You know who this is."

Kam's stomach began to twist in knots. He took his wife's hand. Kyp's face turned pale. As the other Jedi in the room reached out and felt what the cause of the dark maelstrom was, their own faces reflected the knowledge. Only the two apprentices remained unaware.

"Masters," the girl started, her voice hesitant, "what – or who – is this?"

Just then a red-haired boy entered the room. He walked in slowly, his head down and not paying attention to the shaking ground or the whirlwind around him. With his shoulders hunched, he looked like the oldest fourteen-year-old in the galaxy. He raised his head. His blue eyes were wet with unshed tears. "It's…" his voice cracked.

Tionne rushed to him and took him in her arms. "Say it." She put two fingers under the boy's chin and gently raised it. Even more gently, she said, "Say it, Ben. They need to hear you say it so they will believe."

Ben Skywalker clenched his eyes shut as his heart broke. "It's my father."

Part I

Chapter II

08:53:59 hours

Luke Skywalker had never felt so angry in his entire life. Angry was an understatement. This was pure, unadulterated, hate-filled rage. Luke was in his quarters on the uppermost level of the Jedi temple, with two thoughts running in a constant loop through his mind. He took my Mara and I'm going to kill Jacen. He hadn't wanted to believe his son at first, but when Ben had laid out the evidence, he knew he was right. Luke ran a shaking hand through his grey-blonde hair. There was no doubt that Jacen needed to be stopped. So the only two options were to one, kill him, or two, redeem him. Could he be redeemed? Luke barely considered the question. He didn't want to redeem Jacen. He wanted to kill him. I'm going to take his head off with my lightsaber. The rage inside the Jedi Grandmaster grew until it began to shake the ground and rattle the walls. Mara. A vortex of wind began whipping around his body as he stood in his room. No, that's too painless. I'm going to bash his head into the ground until his brain spills out of his skull. Small tendrils of blue Force lightning began to loop around his fingertips. Mara. Luke put his left fist through his bedroom wall. No, I won't be able to feel that enough. I'm going to put my hands around his throat and squeeze until I feel the life drain out of him. The thought pleased him. I think I understand dear old dad more now. Mara Mara Mara. That's why he liked to choke people so much – his rage was so great that the only thing that abated it was feeling the instant he snuffed the life out of someone.

Luke took a deep breath, blinked, and then looked at his mechanical hand. He turned his gaze to his son, who stood in his doorway. "Ben," He gazed at his son's red-gold hair, such like his mother's. I didn't want this to ever happen. He looked into his boy's frightened sky-colored eyes. I love you. I'm sorry. "run."

Part I

Chapter III

09:00:43 hours

Both children gasped, their expressions turning quickly from shock to disbelief. "No that can't be!" the boy said. "It can't be Master Skywalker. He's too... too…"

"He's too good." The girl finished the boy's thoughts for him. "Master Skywalker's Force energy never feels like this. It's always as bright as the biggest sun. It's always so… Light. This just can't be him!"

The dark energy was intensifying even more, and more chairs flew around the room and smashed against walls. One headed straight toward Tionne. Just before it hit the back of his wife's head, Kam took hold of it in the Force and sent it sailing passed her. Tionne grabbed Ben Skywalker, hauled him to his feet, and made him dash for the table.

"Ben," she said, now safely beside her husband once again, "what happened?"

Ben shook his head sadly, "He snapped. I told him who really killed mom. He didn't believe me at first but then I presented evidence that it wasn't Lumiya. He finally sees now. He knows. And he's going to kill him."

"Who killed your mom, Ben?" The young female apprentice asked.

Kam, Tionne, Kyp, and all the other Jedi stared at Ben, waiting for him to respond.

"It was Jacen." Ben hissed. He shook his head hard, as if to shake the knowledge from his head. It didn't work. "My own master. My own cousin." Ben's tears now started to fall. "Once dad saw that it was the truth, this… this dark side energy just started to rise inside of him. He tried to hold it back. I watched him struggle to keep it at bay. But then he just… he just couldn't hold it anymore. I've never seen him so angry. I've never felt him like this."

Tionne squeezed Ben's shoulders. "Keep going, Ben."

"You know the worst part?" Ben sniffled, "The moment he realized he couldn't hold it back anymore, he looked at me. His eyes… I don't know, but there was this despair in them, and a disappointment – like he was failing me – and then there was a fear. I've never seen my dad afraid of anything and he was afraid. I think he knew he was falling and he was afraid because he thought he couldn't stop. Then he told me to run."

"So what do we do?" Kyp shouted. "If Luke has turned to the dark side there's not one of us who could stop him. If he decides he wants to burn the entire galaxy, he could, and we couldn't do a damn thing about it!" Kyp's eyes were wide with the realization that Skywalker rarely demonstrated even a quarter of his power. And all this time he'd thought he came close to Luke in power, but now he saw he was nowhere near close. It was like comparing a flashlight to a lightsaber.

The two young apprentices began to silently cry at the thought of their beloved, kind-hearted master turning to the dark side.

"No," Tionne said quietly. She'd begun to reach out with the Force even more when Kyp was speaking. "We won't have to try to stop him in that way. Luke hasn't turned to the dark side. Can't you feel it?"

The other Jedi reached out their minds to their master. They reached through the raging storm of anger and hatred, and saw into the man it was coming from. Ben's eyes popped open when he felt it. He smiled, "You're right Master Solusar! I can feel it, my dad's still there. He's angry and hurt, but he hasn't turned. I'd feel if he'd changed into something else. No, it's like he's still him – still on the Light – but he's being battered inside and out from the dark." The other Jedi nodded at Ben's description. It seemed to them as well that their master was still there. Only the apprentices were once again left wondering, because they hadn't had the strength or the experience to push through the darkness to see inside.

Ben turned to the Solusars. "He needs help!" He began to despair again. "How can I help him?"

"I think I should go to him and try to talk to him." Tionne said.

"No, Tionne – you can't! It's too dangerous. He's too dangerous right now. I'll go. " Kam said.

"Masters…" the zeltron girl said.

"If anyone should go it should be me – " Kyp said, "I think I have the best chance of defending myself in case it should come to that."

"Kyp," Kam replied, "I understand you want to help, but we've got to get him to step down the hurt he's feeling from the loss of his wife, and you've never been married so you don't know what it's like to lose the other half of your soul."

"Kam, Luke's been our friend for ages, but of the two of us he's more likely to open up to me so I have the best chance of talking him down." Tionne reasoned.

"Masters…" the apprentice said again.

"Neither do you – Tionne's right there!" Kyp snapped at Kam.

"Well if anyone can get through to him, it's me." Ben said.

"Masters!" the girl yelled. All the Jedi in the room turned to look at her. "I don't think it matters. I can feel Master Skywalker getting closer and closer. He's on his way here."

Part I

Chapter IV

09:04:22 hours

Luke stood in the doorway of the inner meeting room. He gazed at the Jedi gathered there, hidden under the tables. They were hidden from him, he knew. The knowledge made him feel gleeful that they were frightened of his power. The glee turned to guilt almost immediately. He didn't want them to be afraid. These were his friends, and there – underneath the center table – there was his son. The light inside Luke that was nearly snuffed out flickered and held on.

Mara.

He turned on his lightsaber.

Part I

Chapter V

09:04:22 hours

Ben Skywalker didn't think it was possible after the death of his mother, after the betrayal of his cousin, and after what he'd witnessed minutes ago in his father's quarters, but his heart broke even more as he saw his father standing in the doorway with his lightsaber drawn. So this is it, he thought. This is the end of my father. I've lost my mother and now I'll lose him too. No. There is still good in him. Master Tionne just showed us. I just have to get him to see it. Ben crawled forward until he was no longer under the table. The vortex of wind around his father whirled faster. He stood up and yelled "Dad! Don't do this! I love you," Ben's voice broke, "Please come back into the Light!"

Part I

Chapter VI

09:04:22 hours

Luke saw his son crawl towards him on the floor. "Come back to the Light", he heard. He considered; but what had the Light ever done for him? It wouldn't bring his Mara back. It wouldn't take his pain away. It wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of killing his nephew. Oh, he could certainly take Jacen without having to use the dark side's easy access to power, that was for sure. Jacen was extremely powerful and very knowledgeable about the Force, but still, he was no match for Luke – he could crush his nephew. But killing Jacen without the use of the dark side wouldn't allow him to enjoy the kill. And Luke very much wanted to enjoy it. What man wouldn't take pleasure in the death of his wife's murderer? Normal men would. Why, Luke thought, did he have to be an exception just because he was a Force user? He was tired of being good, and tired of doing the right thing all the time. Give in. Luke twitched as he remembered the words of the Emperor all those years ago. Give in to your anger.

But then, just as in all those years ago, the Emperor's goading voice in his head actually made him pause.

Luke turned his eyes to his son where he found tears streaming down the boy's face. He looked at two of his oldest and dearest friends – Tionne and Kam. They had both come out from underneath the table and were standing on either side of Ben. They were afraid, but even more than being afraid, they were sad and disappointed. It was pouring off of them in waves. Luke didn't like that.

Let's end this then.

Luke threw his lightsaber. The green blade sliced through the air on a perfect trajectory toward Kam.

Part I

Chapter VII

09:04:36 hours

The Jedi watched in horror. Kam was quick but Luke had thrown the lightsaber with a Force boost and it was moving too fast for Kam to react. The lit blade came within a nanosecond of slicing Kam's hand off when suddenly the blade shut down and the handle landed in his grip.

"Kill me." Luke said.

Kam recoiled at the thought. "Master Skywalker – Luke – I'm not going to kill you."

Items were still flying around the room and the wind vortex was still whipping, albeit more slowly than before.

"You have to, Kam. If you don't, you know what will happen. It's what I've been afraid of ever since I was 23 years old." Luke walked up to Kam and fell on his knees in front of him. He looked up at his friend, his eyes red and wet with tears, and he begged again. "Please Kam, for the good of the galaxy. And for me…"

"Luke," Kam said, his face stricken, "please fight it. Fight for yourself, and for your son. I know you're lost right now, but look at what is happening." He pointed to the young apprentices who were still hiding under the table, staring at their beloved grandmaster. "You're frightening them. They still need you. Ben still needs you, and well, hell, I still need you. Please Luke," Kam's voice became a whisper, "please fight."

Luke, still on his knees, straightened his back and tried to let the small bit of goodness inside himself grow. But in his head he just heard Mara Mara Mara. He screamed in anguish and then looked up at Kam.

"Dad!" Ben Skywalker knelt down next to his father and grabbed his forearm. "Please dad, don't leave me here alone."

Luke shook his son off of him and pushed him away. He couldn't look at him now. He was doing the right thing by giving his life up before he turned to the dark side, but he couldn't do the right thing if he looked into his son's eyes.

"You think the right thing is giving up!" Ben heard his father's thoughts and screamed at him.

Luke didn't address his son but looked instead at the friend who held his life in his hands. "I can't fight this anymore Kam, I can't. Ben's right, I am giving up. But I've got no fight left in me. I'm tired… so tired. My whole adult life has been war. One war after the other, friends and family dying left and right." His pitch rose as he remembered the horrors of war. "Kriff, I've had Blast Shock since I was 19. Nightmares, flashbacks, seeing the bodies pile up around me while I keep on living. Well I've kept on and kept on. But now Mara's gone and," Luke's voice grew harsh, "my own nephew took her from me! All I want to do his hunt him down and feel his last breath leave his body with my hands around his throat! No one else is powerful enough to stop him. I have to do it, but if I fight him I will turn to the dark side. I will take too much pleasure in his death to not turn." Luke grabbed Kam's forearms and squeezed his eyes shut and in a ragged half scream, said, "Don't let me turn into the nightmare that's haunted me since I was a young man. Help me, Kam, please!"

Luke tilted his head back so Kam's hand was sideways right under his chin. His eyes were still looking into Kam's. He moved his hand on top of Kam's and pressed down so Kam's thumb turned the lightsaber on. The blade elongated centimeters away from his throat. "Kill me, my friend."

Kam grimaced, shut his eyes tightly for a moment, and then opened them. He nodded his head. "Okay, Luke."

"No!" Ben made a move toward Kam. He was ready to tackle the elder Jedi to the ground but suddenly he froze in mid-air. He turned and looked at his father, who was holding his bloodied left hand in front of him, fingers spread wide. He was holding Ben in place. In fact, he was keeping all the Jedi in the room where they were with a strong Force hold. None except Kam were being allowed to move.

Kam's hand shook as he moved it back, getting ready to strike. He decided he would do this for his friend, but he would not strike his throat as Luke seemed to want. He didn't know if Luke thought he deserved to be beheaded for his actions today but that was not going to happen. Instead he was going to plunge the lightsaber through his friend's heart.

Kam stepped back and gripped the lightsaber handle with one hand. Green blade ablaze, the lightsaber was inches from Luke's chest. The other hand was on Luke's shoulder, holding him steady. All Kam had to do was thrust the saber forward and it would be over. "Are you ready, Luke?"

Luke's breathing quickened and he began to tremble. Every self-aware creature in the galaxy, at the moment of death, felt fear. Even the great Luke Skywalker was no exception, and the fear shone through the pain in his eyes. Yet he knew he was doing the right thing. He couldn't control himself now, couldn't stop himself from turning. He would be one with the Force soon. And he'd be with his Mara. Luke looked at each Jedi in the room one last time. He nodded at each in gratitude, lingering the most on Tionne and his son. Then he turned to Kam and nodded. "Yes. I'm ready." Luke looked at his son and tried to steady his breathing. He wanted his boy's beautiful face to be the last thing he saw before his eyes closed for good. "Shut your eyes, Ben."

"Goodbye, my master and friend;" Kam spoke one last time, "thank you for what you have done for us all."

The room was nearly silent. Only the sound of Luke Skywalker's last few ragged breaths could be heard as Kam drew his saber arm back and then thrust it forward.