Author's Note: I have been insanely tempted for a while now to try my hand at an AU. And this is what happens, I guess, when my friends aren't there to step in and stop me from fulfilling stupid ideas. This fic is sort of dedicated to my awesome history teachers and Profs through the years, who somehow managed to make it really fun. Orch and Neel, I'm talking about you guys.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, or Will, or Liz, or anybody. They belong to Disney. Nor do I get paid for making them dance to my crazy whims.

For Your Info: This fic is indeed, as stated above, my first attempt at an AU. I picked Pirates to be my serial guinea pig because Jack and Will are funny no matter what you do with them. Enjoy, me hearties.

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"Come on, Will, hurry!" Taking her own advice, Elizabeth Swann began to jog.

Behind her, William Turner let out a huff. "Easy for you to say. You've made me carry your bag as well in this horrible heat." Shifting both backpacks from one shoulder to the other, he curiously regarded the back of the retreating girl. "What's the rush, Lizzie? We're not going to be late."

"No, but if we don't get there first there'll be no seats left in the front row."

"Why do you want to sit in the… oh." Will's expression darkened. Now he remembered. Something very… bothersome waited in the stately brick and mortar building they were fast approaching.

It was only their third day of college, and already his worst fear had come to pass. Elizabeth Swann, his dearest childhood friend and secret love (though he would never tell her so) was making eyes at another man. Will sighed forlornly as they made their way up the steps and into the slightly cooler depths of the History and Languages building.

"Elizabeth, are you sure that you want to sit in the very front?" he asked hesitantly as they ascended to the second floor. "We could sit back a few rows, couldn't we? Or in the middle? I hear the last row in the back is nice for napping."

"William, I refuse to believe that you of all people would nap!" Elizabeth laughed. "If it's all the same, I'd prefer the front row. We'll take better notes there." She paused as they reached the correct hallway to pat her hair back into place. "Besides, I have a good feeling about this class. Don't you think our professor was… interesting?"

Will resisted the impulse to snort. "He dashed into the room, threw a syllabus at us, and dismissed the class. If that sets the standard, I'm not sure we'll be learning much history this semester."

Elizabeth shrugged, dismissing the incident with a flick of her styled hair. "Well, he is a professor. I'm sure his first day was as hectic as ours. Surely today we'll begin to work."

However, it seemed that no one was going to be doing any work at the moment. What appeared to be half the class was standing or sitting in the hall outside the classroom, which appeared to be occupied.

Will was puzzled. (Not that he didn't usually look puzzled, mind you, but at least this time there was obvious cause for his puzzlement.) "This is the right room, isn't it?" he wondered, fishing absently in his backpack for the course schedule.

"Yes, it's right… maybe this class has just run over." Tiptoeing to the door, Elizabeth peeked in the tiny window. "Oh, it's a language class. I think they're speaking German."

"Are they stopping?" Will asked, peering over her shoulder. "Maybe the room's clock is off by a few minutes."

"No… no, I don't think so… in fact I think it's just begun. Oh, look, they're singing the national anthem."

The other students in the hall were beginning to grumble. This cheered Will somewhat. He looked hopefully at Elizabeth. "Well, if there's been a mix-up and we have no room to hold class in, and seeing as how the professor has not even bothered to arrive on time, perhaps we should consider taking an early lunch?"

A frustrated shout from down the hall curtailed his plans, however. "No you don't! Don't even! This class is absolutely not dismissed yet!"

Will sighed resignedly as their harried instructor came dashing down the corridor. "Better late than never, I suppose…"

Stepping nimbly over the students who had yet to get up off the floor, the panting instructor came to a halt before the door and without preamble dropped a heavy briefcase into Will's arms. "The parking around here is bloody horrible! Hold this for me, would ye, mate? Ye'd think they'd have a garage built for their loyal faculty, but no… and who the hell is in me bloody room?"

"Good afternoon, sir." Elizabeth gave him a winning smile. Will was held speechless, staring at the case that had suddenly appeared in his arms. "We believe it might be a German class."

Dark eyes narrowed. "German? In my lecture hall? We'll see about that. Es'cuse me, luv." Brushing past Elizabeth, he shoved open the door and disappeared inside, letting the heavy oak slam shut behind him.

Amused, Elizabeth again peeked into the window to witness their irate instructor stomping to the front of the class. "Interesting, isn't he, Will?"

Will managed to find his voice at last. "Interesting? You call this interesting?" He swung the briefcase to and fro in front of her. "I call this assuming and rude! And the man's got beads in his hair!"

"And what may I ask do beads have to do with any… wait, listen."

A confrontation was brewing inside.

"Yes, I don't think ye fully understand… No… no… no, you listen! This is my room, not yours! …Well it's not my fault there's a Japanese class in your little German area… How the hell should I know how they got in there?! First week back is always screwed around, you should know that… Yes? … Is that so? …Well I'm not leaving either! This is my room, so you and your young German speakers will just have to--"

There was shouting in German.

"Alright! No! I'm going, damn ye, don't throw the planner!" A moment later the door burst open, brought forth their professor, and rapidly closed again. A course planner connected with the back of it immediately thereafter, exploding in a maelstrom of copy paper.

The students stared.

"I'll take that back now, lad." Will silently surrendered the briefcase as, with well-disguised huffiness, the professor straightened his jacket and red bandana. "A-hem. It seems there's been a slight mix-up in room assignments. Not to worry though, there's a spare room right down this way that we'll use until I get me own room back on Friday. Now, if ye'll proceed down this way…"

Slowly the class gathered their belongings and began to move down the hall to the substitute room. Will did not fail to notice, however, that their professor remained behind. Glancing quickly about to check for witnesses, he threw open the door to the commandeered room.

"Hail Hitler!" he cried, throwing the Nazi salute, and slammed the door again. Grabbing a flabbergasted Will by the elbow, he set off at a run after the rest of the class. "Come on, lad, we're behind schedule already and swift death approaches wearing Lederhosen."

Luckily they managed to gain the door of the new classroom before the enraged, yet rather tubby, German professor. Dazed, Will dropped into the seat Elizabeth had saved for him in the front row. He was paying exorbitant tuition fees for this?

"Alrighty, then, let's get started. It's a little crowded in here, but we're troopers an' we'll make due." Plunking the briefcase down onto the desk, the beaded, braided man grabbed a piece of chalk and began to scribble on the blackboard. "Now, as ye might have all gathered from the syllabus, my name is Dr. Jack Sparrow."

Will noticed with much disgust that Elizabeth was doodling the name onto her notebook in swirly letters.

"That said, I want no one callin' me Professor, or Mister, or Sir, or Uncle Jackie, or anythin' of that nature. Ye'll all address me as Captain or Cap'n Sparrow, and you will be collectively referred to as me crew. That clear?"

There was a muted chorus of affirmative replies. Will glanced at Elizabeth, hoping for some support in the opinion that their new history professor was an escaped mental patient. No help there; she was carefully crossing out the title Dr. on her notebook and penning in Captain.

Will stifled a groan. He hated this class already.

Dropping the chalk back into the tray, Dr. Jack Sparrow turned to his new class. "As I'm sure you're all aware, this course deals primarily with ancient history. That's cavemen up through Greek and Egyptian gods, myths, explorations and adventures all the way until about the Renaissance, after which things get borin' fast. Now, first off I'm just goin' to say--"

The door popped open and a spectacled boy peeked in. "Excuse me, is this colonial history?"

"Er, no."

"Oh. Sorry." The door closed again with a soft snick.

Shaking his head quickly as if to retrieve his train of thought, "Captain" Sparrow again addressed the class. "As I was sayin'… I know that not all of ye like history. Some of ye might find it flat out borin.' Well, that's all about to change!"

Will and Elizabeth exchanged glances as the professor unceremoniously shoved his desk out of the way and began to pace grandly back and forth, waving a wooden yardstick to illustrate his point. Liz grinned. Will did not.

"The first thing I intend to pound into your sleepy little skulls, dear students o' mine, is that history is nothing but a story. One great big beautiful story, one grand tale of high adventure passed down through the countless ages--!"

The door opened again. A girl with fiery red hair walked in and looked about, apparently confused. "I'm sorry, but is this colonial history?"

"No… no, this is definitely ancient history," Jack said loudly. "Try again another time. Now, as I was sayin' again…"

Will held back a snicker as the girl wandered out, staring confusedly at her course schedule. It appeared that their professor did not much care to be interrupted when he was on a roll. Will made a mental note to ask lots of questions in the very middle of lecture.

"A-hem. One big story, tales of grand adventure… oh, yes. And the beauty of history is, ye'll never really know exactly what happened! All we have to go on is hearsay an' documented accounts, but who's to say no one fibbed a little in the telling? The past is never one hundred percent certain! Hence--"

The door creaked open.

"This is not colonial history!" Captain Sparrow yelled, smacking the yardstick hard against the blackboard.

A startled face beat a hasty retreat and the door slammed once again. Elizabeth hid a smile as a few stifled sounds of amusement drifted up from the class. Will bit his bottom lip against the encroaching chuckles.

"Hence!" Seizing the drawstring to the coiled canvas above the blackboard, the professor gave it a sharp jerk. The large bolt of fabric unrolled, unveiling a panorama of ancient wonders.

Elizabeth made a cute little "oooh" noise as she beheld the pretty pictures of Greek, Norse, and Egyptian deities across the top of the page. Around the sides and bottom were depicted scenes of ancient India and China, Africa and Japan. Vikings clashed and medieval knights galloped. Even Will had to admit he was mildly impressed.

"History is Mystery!" the Captain declared triumphantly, quoting the statement woven into the very middle of the picture. "Treat it as such an' give it the respect an' contemplation it deserves, an' it will never let you down. Ye'll never be disappointed, I can assure ye that. Now, me little partners on the wond'rous journey into the past, open yer textbooks to page--"

The door flew open.

Quick as lightning Jack's arm shot out, a dirty eraser filled with chalk nailing the intruder directly on the right temple. A large pouf of chalk dust filled the air in the immediate vicinity and covered the trespasser in a fine layer of white.

"Get out of me room, ye little colonial twerp!" he cried, brandishing the yardstick in a way that made most of the students in the front row duck. (Will did not, all but daring the man to hit him and make his day.)

The intruder hacked and coughed, gagging on the chalk dust, before straightening and sending a furious glare at the glowering professor. There was a moment of recognition as the two stared each other down.

Jack's eyes narrowed as he cautiously lowered the yardstick. "Oh, it's you, Norry. Sorry, I didn't recognize ye or I'da thrown somethin' heavier."

The class watched silently, attention rapt as the newcomer haughtily inclined his head and calmly began to wipe the chalk dust off his face. "Jack Sparrow. I might have known."

"That's Dr. Jack Sparrow to you, you colonial ninny!" Jack shrieked, breaking the yardstick across Will's desk. Elizabeth bounced in excitement. "If ye've got nothin' constructive to say then get out of me class!"

"As it happens I do have something very much of import to tell you, Sparrow!" the other shot back, still swiping at his watering eyes. "It might interest you to know that you are in fact the one intruding on my territory, as it were. This room was scheduled to be used by my class for the 12:00 to 13:15 block. Now, if you'll kindly pack up and move along, perhaps we can still manage to get something accomplished toda--"

"Never!" Jack yelled, grabbing the nearest object to him (a stapler) and throwing it at Dr. James Norrington. "All be buggered if I'll let yer colonial pansies displace me class again! Get out!"

"You're crazy, you know that?!" Professor Norrington yelled before he was unceremoniously thrown back out into the hallway with his room-less class. "This isn't over, Sparrow! I'll have that room, it's mine by right!"

"Blah, blah, blah," Jack mocked, slamming and locking the door. "You think I like bein' here in yer smelly little room? There's Lederhosen and frankfurters in my room, an' ye don't see me complainin' about it!"

"I swear, Sparrow, I'll call the department head! I'll call campus security!"

There was silence as the Captain regarded this new threat. He stared thoughtfully at the door, absently tugging at his bearded goatee. The class waited with bated breath.

"This is ludicrous," Will muttered, face buried in his hands. He was seriously wishing that he had just gone with his first instincts and signed up for the geology elective instead. Rocks and minerals rarely made him want to scream in frustration.

"Alright, crew," came the orders after some deliberation. "It appears we have no choice. Please pick up yer books…"

Will sighed in relief, grabbing up his supplies. Finally the delusional man had heard the call of reason and taken heed! He was about to rise from his chair when the commanding voice hardened.

"…and prepare to throw them at that door as hard as ye can, because we are not going to surrender this room! I want every nancy who sticks their grubby little face this side o' that door nailed! Toss to hit, men and women, aim for the noses!"

"This is insane!" Will declared loudly as Elizabeth jumped from her chair, textbook in hand and the light of battle in her blue eyes. To his horror, the rest of the class immediately followed her lead. "This is just a stupid mistake! These are our fellow students, for Godsake! Are we really going to fight them for a stupid classroom?"

"Aye, lad, it's the rule of the jungle I'm afraid." Jack was pacing at the front of the room, waiting for the enemy to make their move. "In these parts it's oust or be ousted. Ye'll get used to it in time, especially when ye're late to class and have to find un-metered parking."

Will stared, horrified.

"Ready the ammunition!"

"Captain," Elizabeth called. "I have a question."

"Yes, luv?"

"May we use other ammunition besides books?" she queried, giving her heavy plastic water bottle an appraising stare.

"Elizabeth!" Will cried, scandalized.

Jack positively crowed. "Have at it, ye little warrior minx! Use whatever comes to mind-- er, hand, as the case may be. See now, this lass knows what she's doing! Everybody follow her example an' ye'll go far in this class, ye can lay to that!"

Will slowly sank back into his seat. "This is not happening… this can not be happening…" he muttered faintly, over and over. This was not what college was supposed to be like, he was sure… maybe he'd missed the section about impending insanity in the brochure?

There was a sudden, violent thud against the door that caused the old oak framing to creak alarmingly. One of the taller students rose on tiptoe to peer through the glass at the top of the door.

"Looks like they're using a hallway bench as a battering ram, Captain," he reported with a disbelieving grin. "Holy crap, this history thing ain't so bad after all! I might even come to class every day for this!"

"That's the spirit, man." Digging through his briefcase, Jack discovered and pulled forth what appeared to be a container of pepper spray. "Ah, yes, there ye are me little luvly, an' ye've got Norry's name written all over ye! Crew, prepare for immediate retaliation!"

Another thud against the door. All hands stood ready, books poised for flight. William Turner was nearly in tears… when Jack looked at his watch. He did a double take.

"Damn, is that really the time? It is? Damn again!" Stuffing the pepper spray back into the briefcase, Captain Sparrow directed a charming, though rather sheepish, smile at his class. "I'm goin' to have to skip out on this fight, lads an' lasses. It seems we've managed to run outta time, an' yer beloved professor has somewhere to be if he doesn't want evicted from his current berth. We'll pick up next week in the correct room, remember that."

"You're leaving?" Will all but squealed as Jack propped open the window. "After provoking another professor and setting his class out for our blood you're leaving?! And we're on the second floor, you idiot, don't go out the window!"

"Thanks for your concern, lad, but it's quite unnecessary. There is, indeed, a tree outside this window. Take care, now." Gripping the handle of the briefcase tightly in his teeth, Jack crawled out his improvised emergency exit and began to shimmy down the tree.

Will stared in disbelief. Elizabeth waved a sad goodbye. There was yet another thud, louder than ever, on the much-abused door.

With a violent rustle of maple leaves, their professor's dreadlocked head momentarily hove back into view. "By the way, ye might want to consider doin' yer classmates a favor an' brace that door. Norry's quite the unreasonable bugger when he's angry. A big, strappin' lad like yerself between 'im an' the crew would do a world o' good."

Then he was gone.

"Oh God, Will, he's going to kill us!" Elizabeth cried as the door rocked on its hinges. "Do something!"

"So you're only sensible when the ringleader's gone, I guess?!" Will yelled, throwing his shoulder against the buckling door. For a moment he wished he'd been a football player. "Don't just stand there, everybody help me!"

"Parlay, we want to parlay!" Elizabeth shouted frantically through the rapidly forming cracks. "Oh, this isn't good... Parlay, I said!"

Will spared a moment, smashed against the splintering door by half his new classmates, to wonder if this was what his life in the world of higher learning might really be like. He prayed not, he really did… but at the same time… No, most definitely not. He'd be a college dropout before he'd enjoy this madness!

And the next time they met, that so-called "professor" had another thing coming…

O.O.O.O.O

To Be Continued

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(2nd) Author's Note: Well, I feel better. At least I'm not trippin' over the plot bunnies anymore… I kept it short on purpose, just because of other, more pressing, concerns. (Math class, blegh! There's a reason Jack's a history Prof!)

I might… maybe… possibly… continue this thing, if anybody likes it. I don't wanna waste valuable time on something that's just silly, after all. But I do still have a few spare bunnies lying around in the corners if there happens to pop up another chapter or two in the future. Hope you liked the first bit, anyways. Thanks for reading, and hope to see you again soon!