Earth's Mightiest Sandwich: A Tale of Heroism
Tony Stark scratched his head as he tried to come to a decision. Did he want bologna on his sandwich, or hard salami? It was a nerve-wracking decision that the leader of Earth's mightiest heroes had been slaving over for at least an hour. He had even asked for Thor's opinion, but the big Asgardian had merely laughed and eaten an entire cow.
"Ah, fuck it," Tony eventually muttered before going off to munch on a different kind of meal: Pepper's muffburger.
When he was done, the kitchen was still there, the components of his half-made sandwich lying in their non-assembled waiting. Tony frowned as he wiped the remaining juices off his face. This required assistance.
"Steve!" he hollered. "Steve, I need your help!"
From seven stories up, the personification of patriotism heard Stark's plea and responded, leaping down an elevator shaft and combat rolling into the kitchen resplendent in his red, white, and blue.
"What is it, Tony?" asked Captain America.
Tony gestured at the table. "I am trying to make a sandwich!"
Steve Rogers cocked his head to one side. "Uh, Tony? I fail to see why you need my help. Jarvis is better suited to this sort of thing."
Iron Man became suddenly somber. "Jarvis...is dead."
"What? Why!"
"He didn't register." Tony turned away and looked out an unnecessarily large window toward the New York skyline. "It's important that everybody register."
"He wasn't even a super hero!"
"Super butler," Tony agreed. "It's a lower grade."
"What?"
"Doesn't require a full degree."
"That doesn't even make sense!"
Tony turned back to the table. "No, Steve, what doesn't make sense is this damn sandwich problem. I've tried every known permutation of every known sandwich, but none will sate my craving. I even took time to eat out Pepper for some brain food."
Cap shook his head. "What does that even mean?"
"So I need you, Captain America, to make the decision for me. Bologna, or hard sala-"
Cap grabbed the bologna, flopped it on some bread, and handed it to Tony before walking off.
Standing alone in the kitchen, Tony Stark ate his sandwich in silence.