Star Campus offers a comprehensive education for students of all ages regardless of race, gender or financial status. We provide sufficient facilities to comfortably host 2,000 residents and educate a further 6,500 off-campus students. We promise a warm and supportive atmosphere to welcome your child into our family. And a family we are! With students with us from their crèche year to new transfers we have always given ou–
This is bantha dung. You are sick of being ferried from school to school like some horrific leper. How much has this disrupted your education? Your psyche? You are lucky to be the smartest asshole around otherwise you might've been screwed like a two bit whore. You hate reading pamphlets for new schools. It's all lies, condescending lies wrapped in smug self congratulations. You would case the joint before making a decision. Unfortunately the decision isn't yours. Mother saved a lot in order to pay for residency so you are obliged to try to make this stick. But if you have to wear another preppy happy bright uniform you are going to burn something down. Resident's, all age's heh. A recipe for Chaos, Insubordination and Disrespectful Feuding. You will bring Order to your new abode. You are Angry and sixteen and you will have Respect if you have to kill for it.
Your name is Anakin Skywalker and you have been thrown into the Slammer. You like to call it the Slammer because it pisses off the Cadets. Also you are kind of a dork. You have been a PermaRes of Star Campus ever since you were nine. The Slammer is in fact called Solitary Detention Room #4 according to the reinforced glass door. The room is actually a closet. There are twenty Slammers on campus. You have been searched twice for contraband yet still have three crayons, three elastic bands, one big elastic band, two small elastic bands and 20cm of string. After drawing all over the walls, floor, ceiling and door you begin launching crayons with your bands at the door to annoy people. It is a resounding success. You manage to keep your big elastic band and string thus allowing you to play Cat's Cradle. An hour later your hands are impossibly tied and you are scraping off crayon with your teeth. You are terrible at Cat's Cradle.
"Ah, Firmus, punctual as always." Firmus Piett Cadet Commander marched in with his casual attire pressed, shoes polished and every button shining. He sat when indicated. His pale eyes met fatherly blue.
"Of course sir, your memo suggested that we have something of importance to discuss."
"Yes, yes. We are receiving a late transfer to our family. One ordinary schools cannot ah, handle."
"Is the transfer going to be a problem sir?"
"Oh no, dear me no. I have met with the young man, most promising, most promising indeed. He is merely frustrated by the plebeian mediocrity. Yes, I believe some small position of authority would suit him well."
"I respect you a great deal sir but I cannot assign a prefect without-"
"Oh no, I would never interfere with such things," Of course you wouldn't. "I am well aware that is your area of expertise. I merely suggest using his talents in a visual manner. You will of course require his file." Piett opened the offered file.
"Jesus Christ." Principal Palpatine smiled.
Luke Skywalker was super excited. In just two weeks I will begin seventh grade as a term-time resident. It's my second year in public education having been homeschooled throughout elementary. My parents are 'hella' paranoid about nuclear war. Hella is a word I learned at school along with other 'cool' words like 'epic' and 'win'. It's embarrassing that I always cringe like I'm saying a bad word all these young women keep crowding me when it happens. But I think I like that. There has been something fascinating about girls from ever since you were like ten that's like a bajillion years ago. Dad says I am Becoming A Man. I still have the diagrams because there could be a nuke any day and then where will your instructional guides be when you are raising twenty orphaned children? Mom and dad are always on about nukes and never throwing away anything. Because the spooks are watching. It used to give me nightmares. Anakin thinks it's funny, lousy stupid jerk of a distant cousin. In two years I will be a real member of the marching band and have a hundred buddies to beat him up. Not be this stupid triangle player. I am learning to play the best wind instrument. Brass is for jerky obnoxious jerk people. I think girls like guys who play wind, like how is a trumpet romantic. For some reason making girls pay attention is of ever greater importance. It may be written in the diagrams. Wonder what Cousin Ani is getting me for my birthday.
When Leia Organa Freshman strode into Star High something was terribly wrong. As an acute future diplomat she immediately noticed the fearful atmosphere being generated by the Permanent Residents. Something had happened. 'Oh God. Please don't be Skywalker again.' He probably killed someone. She has been expecting this to happen ever since he blew up the chemistry room in Elementary. 'Stupid sexy Skywalker.' It is an immutable fact that Skywalker is sexy as mini-Sky is adorable. She interrogates the PR's.
Wilhuff Tarkin President of the Student Body sniffed disdainfully as the ragamuffin Han Solo slouched into his neighbour seat. "Psst, hey Tark, have you heard about the new guy?" President Tarkin couldn't care less about some new guy. "Tark, seriously, I'd love to see you try to dance with this guy but seriously, don't. You might actually die." The President blinked. "I am so serious right now. I've seen him and I'm terrified. Everyone is terrified. Look around, terror, even Mad Max is scared."
"That is not an appropriate way in which to address your betters."
"Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snooty, we all know you've got the talk, but the Mountain has come to Muhammad so to speak." Why couldn't that borderline criminal be born a few months later and curse the Juniors with his inanity? He refuses to behave in a manner befitting a Senior. Unfortunately not everyone has the pedigree you do. On observation Mr. Madine is looking somewhat unnerved. As are many of your fellow cohorts. It may bear investigation.
Sophmore Hobbie was settling down to get educated with his current best pal Wedge (In two hours you would leave for different classes and join future best pal Gyopie)you have both decided to carry on learning Huttese and German instead of dropping one for Spanish or something. Star Campus was well prepared for the economic expansion of the Far East, especially from the Huttese sector. Wes swears that he is half Huttese on his grandfathers' side. Wedge elbows you and points out the window "Is that Skyguy?" Oh God it is. "By the Hells, his shirt is tucked in."
"And his tie is done up."
"Since when did he have a tie? Since when did he know how?"
"Everyone is running to class suddenly. What is going on?"
"Look at Teach. I think he's going to cry." A final rush tumbles through the door and is quickly seated. Everyone is spooked. Albie leans forward towards you and hisses Have you heard- but is interrupted. Mr. Haako has stood and calls for silence.
"Ath you may have h-eard, we have a new student joining us, I can thee you are a-ll very excited to meet him." Condescending prick. "Well children," Oh God kill me. "The newest member of our family has certainly come a long way and has a very interesting hithtory. If you are nice and polite he may just tell you a-ll abou-t it." You wish there was a word that could express how much you cannot take his constant whiny lisping sing song voice. Why didn't you do Spanish you moron. "Let'th get thome thmi-leth on thothe faceth! I would like to introduce our newetht member!" He gestures the poor sap to come through the door, how embarrassing for him and oh god he's huge. Everyone stares like startled deer at the monster. He stood at six feet four. His shoulders a full meter wide. His muscles could not be contained by the largest uniform available. The top five buttons had been left undone and still it was tight against rippled pecs. There was no hope for the jacket oh god his jacket had a black cape. He must have used grease to get his pants on his thighs were huge oh god he can crush my skull with his thighs oh god. He wore the black of an Enforcer, dedicated to protect and discipline (oh God have mercy) the unruly masses. Everything was black and silver except his white shirt. Oh god he has knuckledusters on his gloves oh god there's spikes on his wrists. He wore two belts and belts on his Authoritative boots and a pouch strapped around his left thigh. And the mask. A black and chrome devil mask. There were tassels on his shoulders what even is that. "T-th-this is our new friend Darth Vader. Thay hello children!" Vader looked at them. There was silence. Then a whine akin to a dying soul. Vader met Hobbies' eyes and saw into his soul, he was a mere worm before a God and the stare went on forever. Hobbie felt terror gently cup his balls and rip out the hairs. Vader sat in the back and commanded the lesson to begin. He adjusted his sash which bore the legend 'Hall Monitor'. It was somehow terrifying.