You're the only person I would do this for. I swear. He had sworn in his vows, taken my hand and looked me in the eye. His kiss on my lips lingered as the priest presented us as husband and wife. I was supposed to be his one and only, the love of his life. It's okay. I'm used to not being wanted. I had thrown my past hurt and resentment in his face during our first fight as a married couple. We had just gotten home from our honeymoon when I had sprung a surprise dinner with my brothers on him the same night as a huge film festival. He had gotten annoyed and gone anyway. I was sitting in the dark, crying my eyes out, when he had finally sauntered in the door. I'm just not ready to trust everything you say. I had made a mistake almost a year after our wedding. He had spent the night at the apartment of my best-friend, Georgie Jones. I didn't realize at the time that Mac Scorpio, the man who had raised her, had just died. I saw her in his arms and decided to get drunk. I ended up in bed with Georgie's ex-boyfriend, Diego Alcazar. And then I got pregnant. I don't regret being with you. Then or now. Dillon and I slowly built our relationship from the ground up all over again. We found out a few months into my pregnancy that it was Dillon's baby. But, by then, it wouldn't have mattered. Diego was shot and killed three days before my son was born. Dillon had assured me of his commitment fifteen minutes before the paternity test results. And that's when I knew that Dillon would love me forever, no matter how badly I screwed up.
You don't need to be going to sleep at night with that in your head. My mother, who had been catatonic for nearly half of my life, was murdered inside of the facility she had been 'living' in. My father's life-long enemy, and my eldest brother's grandmother, had done the dirty work herself. Dillon and I were the unlucky ones to stumble into the room to find my mother in her rocking chair, staring at the wall with unseeing eyes as always, with a long gash across her pale throat. Dillon saw it first and blocked my body with his, preventing me from seeing the horrid scene before us. I finally managed my way around him, crumbling to the ground where we stood. What happened up here changed everything-- my life... Dillon and I had met at Jake's, a seedy local bar where I frequently played pool. The owner had once been a tall, blonde woman named Jake who was tougher than half the guys who frequented her bar. She sold it a few years back to a humorous, although somewhat questionable, man named Coleman. The bar had a pool table, a vintage jukebox, a long bar, and numerous old tables scattered about. There were four small rooms above the bar that were rented out to people with barely any money and no place to go. Both Jake and Coleman were cool with underage kids hanging around as long as they didn't touch alcohol, although Coleman was more lenient than Jake had ever been. Diego and I slept together in one of the rooms above. I found out I was pregnant in the same room. Dillon and I waited anxiously at Jake's for Dr. Kelly Lee to call my cell phone with the paternity test results. Dillon and I returned to that room above Jake's after hearing about Diego's murder when I was mourning an old friend and expecting the joy of a new life.
Through all of the ups and downs, tragedies and miracles, Dillon and I remained together. We picked up the pieces each time our life shattered. But now I sit here outside of Kelly's Diner waiting for my husband to arrive, begging God to give me strength for what I'm about to do. I remind myself of my mistake with Diego. But this is different. He didn't just cheat on me. He had an affair. It wasn't just some girl he picked up or even just a friend. He was sleeping with a girl closer to me than anyone, someone I considered my sister... She was my family. Georgie Jones had been my best friend since I was a little girl. She stood beside me when my mother faded away, when we were both too young to even understand. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. She let me cry and scream whenever I fought with Dillon. But, through all of that, she was seducing my husband into her bed. I think back to all the times we hung out together, all the times she held my son. Was she wishing for the life I had? Was she fantasizing about Jake being her son with Dillon instead of mine? I feel tears fill my eyes as my bottom lip quivers. The cool air blows around me, chilling the skin that my white halter top reveals. I turn in my chair just in time to see Dillon entering the courtyard, a skeptical look on his face. How do I do this? What do I say? I'm angry as hell, but I just want to hide in a corner and cry until this all goes away. That's Spencer nature, I guess. People say we're fighters, but we all seem like cowards if you ask me. My dad is always running from something, hiding in far away countries instead of raising his daughter. My brother, Lucky, turned to pills and hid in his addiction for awhile. My mother did it best of all. She hid within her own mind for years on end. She would still be there if Helena Cassadine hadn't slit her throat and killed her in cold blood. But I'm determined to see this through. My marriage and my son's sense of normalcy depends on it. I can't be selfish anymore. I'm a mother. I have to at least give Dillon a chance. I realize that I've stood up and he's talking. I don't understand what he's saying, but I can see his lips moving. Is this just more lies? How much of what he's said to me has been lies throughout our marriage? "Stop, Dillon. I can't think straight right now. I'll only get confused trying to figure out if what you're saying is true or not so just shut up,"
"Don't end it like this, Lulu. What about the last two and a half years of marriage?" Dillon holds his hand out for me to take it. I look up and meet his gaze. I want to trust him, to close my eyes and expect him to just catch me. It's worked so well in the past, hasn't it? Why shouldn't we trust our love, our marriage, to get us through this like we always have? Because this time is different, I remind myself. Diego was a one time thing, a drunken mistake. This is an affair that's been going on for weeks, maybe months. Hell, who knows anymore. Maybe I was right that first night when I saw Georgie in Dillon's arms. But I don't think so. I really believe that she had only called him because my cell phone was off and they just couldn't find me. Mac had just been shot in the line of duty and he was the only father Georgie had ever known. Of course she had needed a hug. Dillon's a nice guy. It's just ingrained in his D.N.A. Although, my cynical side argues, nice guys don't sleep with their wife's best friend. At least not generally anyway. Is there some one or two percent that he's falling under? I wonder if there's statistics I can look up for this kind of thing.
"What about your mistress, Dillon? You know, light brown hair and about my height? What's her name again? Oh, yeah, Georgie. You have to know her, Dillon. She is my best friend after all," I remind him sarcastically. Georgie is nothing more than a knife in my back after all of this. Dillon takes a step back, his face contorting in pain as if he's been physically wounded. I wish this was all physical. It's a lot easier to handle a cut or a bruise than a betrayal of this kind. I have a very high tolerance for pain, as long as it isn't emotional. But that doesn't do me any good right now. I can't take an aspirin and make this all feel better. And I can't afford to go to Jake's for shots. I have a nine month old son waiting for me at my brother's house. Jake deserves a mother who is committed to keeping his life together, even if his father isn't. I guess this is my fault. I let myself fall into denial repeatedly. I had seen them going at it three weeks ago on his desk at E.L.Q. But instead of saying anything, of confronting the problem head on, I ran to my cousin Carly and let her hold me while I cried. I had fooled myself into thinking that it had been a one time thing, that if I ignored it then it wasn't real. But, not that I let myself really think about what I had seen, that wasn't the first time they had been together. It was too familiar, too planned. Georgie lived on the other side of town, by Kelly's where she worked. There was no logical reason for her to be by E.L.Q. Except for her sleeping with my husband of course. Carly had managed to help me convince myself that it didn't mean anything. She hadn't wanted to, but I'm pretty damn stubborn. And I hadn't been prepared to admit that my husband was cheating on me. My cell phone beeps from where it sits on the table. I don't want to check it, don't want anyone else intruding on this moment. What could be more important than fighting for my marriage? But I can't risk missing something about my son so I pick the phone up, keeping a wary eye on Dillon. Sure enough it's from Nikolas. I read over the message multiple times, assuring myself that if it was an emergency Nik would have called me directly instead of just sending a text message. I grab my purse, shoving the phone inside without responding to my brother. "I have to go. Jake and I are staying with Nikolas. I'll meet you at the boathouse tomorrow afternoon. Don't try and contact me before then,"
"Lulu, if that was about our son then I deserve to know," Dillon reminds me as he grabs my arm to stop me. I look at him over my shoulder as a million emotions battle inside of me. Yes, Jake is his son and Dillon should be around. But he's lost the right to demand anything of me, even just this much. If it's an emergency I'll call Dillon, I assure myself. He doesn't need to be involved otherwise. He made his choice and it wasn't me or his son. That's not my fault. I refuse to reward him for bad behavior. If he is determined to act like a child then I'll treat him as such. But I will not let my son suffer because of it. Dillon might not let Jake factor into his affair, but I sure as hell will consider my son in everything I think or do. I don't say anything to Dillon and he finally lets me go. I don't let myself breathe until I reach the docks where the launch to my brother's private island is waiting.
----...----
"I've been waiting for a few hours. You never said what time... Just 'afternoon' so I sat around here and waited. I didn't want to miss you," Dillon, who had been sitting on a wooden bench, jumped up as I walked across the wooden planks to the tiny little boathouse. It was our hideaway, our favorite spot aside from Jake's. We had frequented the boathouse more often since my one-night stand with Diego at Jake's. But our son was named after the place we met and the woman who threw us together. Jake, who had left Port Charles after selling the bar, came back for a few days to see her new namesake. She still visited every two or three months. Oh God. How in the hell am I supposed to explain this to her while keeping her from killing Dillon? I force the thought away as I face my husband. There are dark circles under his eyes, proving to me that he didn't sleep much the night before. Why was that? Was he regretting his choices, missing me and his son? Or was he having sex with Georgie all night to celebrate his freedom? I touch three fingers to my own dark circles. I know mine are from tossing and turning all night, not used to sleeping without my husband and worrying about what I would decide to do. Dillon licks his lips and lets out a nervous laugh as he tunnels his right hand through his spiky blonde hair. "I couldn't sleep last night. I must look like hell, but I just couldn't make myself sleep without you in my arms,"
"Are you going to really try and deny that you've been sleeping with Georgie? Dillon, I saw you... More than once," I have to stop talking. I need to just walk away right now before I start crying. I can feel the tears in my eyes, my throat closing from all of the emotion. But, damn it, I won't let him see how much this hurts. He doesn't get to comfort me, to try and make it all better. I will not let him fix this when he's the one who shattered it all. Dillon cannot play the hero this time around. But then I have to remind myself that I can't be selfish. Jake needs his father and he needs me to pull it all together. Yes, Dillon broke my heart and shattered every illusion I had about our 'wonderful' marriage. But I can't make my son pay for our mistakes, our own bitterness. It's hard being a mother. You have to keep you head clear and put someone else's needs above your own, no matter how badly it's going to hurt. "Please, Dillon, don't make this harder than it already is,"
"How can people say that? I'm fighting for my marriage, Lulu, our marriage. We took vows in a church before our family, friends, and God," Dillon clenches and unclenches his fist in anger. He moves around me, pacing out his frustration. He spins around to look at me, pain in his eyes. So what if this hurts him? He did this. Not me. I don't need the reminder of our vows, of our commitment. I'm not the one sleeping with my spouse's best friend. And as for making promises before our friends... He's having sex with my friend, my maid of honor. He desecrated our marriage. Who is he to fight for our relationship when he's the one who damaged it? I blink back my tears. Why does this have to hurt so much? "I forgave you, Les, when you slept with Diego. I stood by you when we waited to find out if Jake was mine or not. Why can't you do the same?"
"Diego was a one time thing, Dillon. I was drunk and I thought that you were with Georgie, remember? I screwed up. I know that. Everyone knows that. I've paid, a hundred times over, for what I did. You had sex with my best friend repeatedly. That's not a mistake, Dillon. That's an affair," I clarify harshly. Maybe I can do this if I just stay angry at him. It would be so simple if I could settle on rage instead of pain. But I can't. I realized that the night before while I cried in my big brother's arms. I got everything good in my life from Dillon. He took me from the scared, angry girl that I was and turned me into a strong, loving woman. And now he's breaking everything that we've created in the last few years. Part of me wants to hang on for dear life, but the other part of me, the tired and cynical part, just wants to let go and run away with my son. I know that I could disappear. My father's perfected it and my brother has the means to make it happen. I could take Jake, go somewhere fabulous, and never be found. I could go somewhere where Dillon Quartermaine never existed and I could become a better version of Lulu Spencer instead of the fantastic Lulu Quartermaine I am here. But I grew up with a father who was always missing in action and Dillon can barely remember what Paul Hornsby looks like. I want more for my son. I want him to grow up better than either of his parents did. So, to do that, I have to stay in Port Charles and figure things out with my husband.
"I screwed up, Lulu, okay? Yes, damn it, I had an affair with Georgie. I knew that you had found out and I kept it going anyway. I made myself believe that I wouldn't lose you and Jake because of it. I know that I was wrong. But you've been wrong too. I could have walked away, more than just that time with Diego. I could've ended our marriage, fought for our son, and cut you out of my life. But then I would have to cut my heart out. You're my world, my everything. Don't do this, Lulu. I made it work and now you just have to do it too," Dillon slammed his left fist into the wooden railing, his voice rising in the wind. I couldn't keep myself from flinching. He was right. I had screwed up. I slept with Diego. I lied. I schemed. But he was wrong too, damn it. And I know that he admitted it. But that didn't ease the burning pain inside of me the singed my lungs and stopped my heart. It didn't stop my stomach from churning or my head from spinning. His words were falling on deaf ears as my blood pounded in my veins. I felt my tears roll down my cheeks despite my efforts to fight them off. He was begging me to fix what he had broken. And I just can't let it work that way. I don't have the energy. And I can make my son pay for what his father's done. I won't do that to an innocent baby who depends on me to hold his life together. Dillon sighed, sensing my turmoil. I watched as he reached out to brush my hair behind my ears, but then he let his hand fall away between our bodies. Just as well. I can't let him touch me right now. Not after all the times that he touched her the same way. Nothing more is said as he storms away, angry at me, himself, and the world. I can't move, even though he's gone. Not when my entire life has just fallen to pieces at my feet.
----...----
"I'm sorry about the director, Gumdrop," My father's voice comes from the doorway of my bedroom at Nikolas' mansion. My sister in-law, Emily, has taken Jake for the day to give me time to recover from my afternoon with Dillon. I'm grateful, even though I ache to hold my son. I'm in no condition to be around him at the moment. It would only upset and confuse him. Although this whole situation is just that... Upsetting and confusing. I glance over my shoulder at my father, he hasn't moved from the door. He doesn't like Nikolas, hates Spoon Island, and despises everyone in Nikolas' family. I'm actually surprised that he came back to town, came to see me, just because my marriage is being ripped at the seams. He gave up on the sanctity of marriage and true love when my mother faded away. He protested during my wedding to Dillon, much to my dismay. My brother's reigned him in and kept him quiet for the rest of the ceremony. Had he been right all along? Maybe they should've let him object, made me listen to what he had to say. But I never would've given it a second thought. I probably would've kicked him out of the church just to keep my wedding going. This is the first I've seen my dad since Jake was born. He came to town to see his grandson, but only stayed four days. Now, months later, he's back to tell me how I was wrong and he was right. Well, at least I think so. "You can cry, Lulu. I won't tell anyone,"
"He slept with her, daddy, over and over again. And you weren't here. You're never here," I remind him in a monotone voice, turning my back on him again to stare out my window at the dark waters that surround the island. I know it's unfair to blame my failing marriage on my father's absence, but right now I just don't give a damn. I need a reason, someone to hate. And I can't just keep hating Dillon. It's not fair to our son. My dad will leave in a few days, uncaring of how much it hurts me. Why not take my anger out on him? He'll shake it off in ten seconds. My dad rolls with the punches and is always unfazed by my tantrums. "I caught them. More than once. And I convinced myself every damn time to look the other way. And you know what? It doesn't matter. My husband cheated on me and I have to forgive him. I have to set aside the pain and the torment for my son. And I hate that. I want to hate him. I want to make him feel as bad as I do right now. But I can't. And that's not fair,"
"You're a good mother. Just like my angel. She would be doing the same thing, Lulu. I'm proud of you," His words stun me. Proud of me? For what? For getting into a bad marriage? For dragging my kid into this disaster? There's nothing to be proud of in this situation. I feel tears fill my eyes again. I'm so sick of hurting, of crying over a man who walked away from his vows. I know that I did the same. Damn it. I feel like a broken record. And, hell, maybe I am. My life has centered around my husband and my son for so long and now I have to figure out just what Dillon's place in my life is. I spent so long being angry with my father that the feeling is second nature. Dillon tried so hard, for so long, to break the cycle. But, I guess in the end, he just started it all over again. I know that I have to stop acting selfish, to stop being such a child. I have a baby to take care of, a life to create for him. But, damn it, I want to be selfish. I want to act like a child. Maybe just for tonight. What's the harm in that? Emily is keeping Jake for me. Why can't I use this time to lick my wounds and hide away?
"You never would have had an affair, daddy. Please tell me that you wouldn't have cheated on mom. You never would betray her trust like that, right? You honored her, respected her. Daddy, please," I'm begging. I'm crumbling in front of my father, pleading for his reassurance. What in the hell has Dillon done to me? I spent over half my life being strong, making sure that my father never saw me cry. Not when my mom faded. Not when he left repeatedly. All the pain, the loneliness, came out as anger. But he never once saw my tears. But here I am at Wyndemere. A house that my father hates with a passion, unless he's chasing a Cassadine of course. Here I am nearly falling to my knees. And it's Dillon's fault. He's making me weak, making me feel too much. My father takes a step back, opening his mouth and saying nothing. "No, you have to be able to tell me that you would have never hurt mom like this. You never would have done this to her. Daddy, just say it. Please. Even if you have to lie to me. I'll believe you, I promise. Just lie to me,"
"Oh Princess. I never wanted to go through this with you... Not like I did with Lucky," My father's voice is soft, resigned, and tinged with old torment. I see memories flash through his eyes, haunting him despite all of the years that have passed. I wait, holding my breath, to see what he'll say. What did he go through with Lucky that's so painful? What does it have to do with my mother? I'm not sure I even want to know, not with the shadows in his eyes. I slowly remember a time when I was little, five maybe. Lucky stopped coming around as much as I was used to. And Elizabeth was with him most of the times he did show up. He always fought with mom and with dad, angry at them for something I would never understand. Elizabeth was quieter and far closer to my mother than Lucky had been at the time. It had all scared me. It was one of the last memories I held of my mother. Lucky had forgiven them the night before a horrible fire. He hadn't been around for months after that fire, despite the mended relationship with our parents. I still don't fully understand any of it. But we never discuss it. It's just there, undiscussed and never forgotten. My father clears his throat, scrubbing a hand across his face. "It was way before you were born, or even Lucky. Before we were really in love and far before we were married. It was a roller-disco that I had. I can't do the details, Lulu. You're not going to care anyway. You'll hate me. More than you already do. But you have to understand. I was drunk. And you're mother forgave. But, oh Lulu, I raped your mother,"
No tact. No finesse. No slow build up. Just like that. Stumbling over his words with tears in his eyes. Oh Lulu, I raped your mother. My husband was, or still is, having an affair. And my father thinks that this is the time to tell me about his horrid past with my mother? I asked him to lie to me, damn it! I wanted him to reassure me. I did not want to hear that my father had raped my mother. He violated her, broke her from the inside out. No wonder Lucky was so angry at them. I just hadn't understood and he had tried so hard to protect me. I want to call him, to ask him how he handled it. But it wouldn't matter. It's over. My mother's dead. And no more than a few days my dad will be in some foreign country far from Port Charles and from me. I turn my back to him, covering my mouth as tears cascade down my cheeks. I choke back a sob, gripping the desk in front of me to keep my balance. My father reaches out to put his hands on his shoulders but I shrug and push them away. I don't want his comfort. I listen, crying softly, as he walks away. I hear the door open and shut as I crumble to my knees in tears.
----...----
"It's scary, Dillon. To think of making promises to be honest and loyal to one person for a lifetime. I'm the kind of girl who hates depending on anyone for anything. I don't let anyone see me cry, except maybe Georgie or my brothers. I think it's a sign of weakness and I never want to be perceived as weak. I'm angry at my father. He abandons me every damn time that he needs me. My mom stares at a wall all day, every day. She's been like that since I was like six. It's hard for me to trust anyone, especially when it comes to my heart. But I love you. So, yes. I want to be your wife," The words tumbled from my lips as tears filled my eyes. We were lost in the maze of trees on Spoon Island, escaping from everyone else in the world. He had proposed and I had frozen. Now the words flowed out of my mouth without making much sense. Dillon could only eye me with curiosity while I spoke. I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. He seemed to be in shock for a minute. He finally returned my embrace. And we just stood there, admist all the plants and trees, holding each other as the future brightened.
The memory was a good one. It had been the beginning of something wonderful. But I had been right in my cynical philosophy. Wonderful doesn't last. I had finally managed to collect myself enough to call Lucky three hours after my father left. He had rushed over to Wyndmere, stunning Nikolas with his arrival. My brothers had stayed up all night stroking my hair and rubbing my back while I sobbed and asked questions that didn't have any answers. Even now, two days later at Kelly's, I feel empty from it all. I haven't seen or spoken to Dillon. Emily said that he missed me, missed his son. But I don't have the energy to fight right now. Not after my father's declaration. Lucky has explained Elizabeth's rape, along with our mother's. He told me how he felt, how he handled it, and how he moved on. But his words just make me admire him. They don't help me figure any of this out for myself. But right now I can't think about any of that. My family has gone out of their way to throw me a birthday party, not that I even care to celebrate. They're trying so hard. I owe it to them to paste a smile on my face and act like any of this matters. I lift Jake out if his car-seat, smiling at my brother's as I cradle my son in my arms. Nikolas makes a joke about how I was always the one swearing not to have children and now I'm the first one out of us to have a baby. Lucky has adopted Elizabeth's son, Cameron, and they're expecting a baby in five months. Nikolas had been expecting a son with his fiancee, Courtney Matthews, but they both died during an epidemic a year ago. I laugh at Nikolas' attempt at humor, not really caring if he believes it or not. Jake giggles, oblivious to his mother's heartbreak, as my eyes meet Dillon's. He remembered. The thought warms the deep chill that had settled in my bones. I smile softly, almost sadly, as he stares from the doorway. Who cares? He's having sex with Georgie, remember? And then my smile fades. I pass my son to Nikolas, turning on my heel and heading into the kitchen. I hear footsteps so I stop, waiting for Lucky to catch up. Only, when I turn to face him, it's Dillon behind me. "Go to hell,"
"Where do you think I've been the last few days, Les? Paradise? Get real," He scoffs and almost sounds like he's angry at me. Well, excuse me for not feeling bad for him. He is, after all, the bad guy in this scenario. And here we go again with the broken record. But, you know what? People get divorced all the time and kids survive it. It's not easy, but it's possible. Dillon can be in his son's life without being in mine, right? I mean, Liz, Emily, and my brothers can step in and help out. They'd love the opportunity to protect me. This may be one of the only times I'll let them. Dillon steps forward, almost as if he can sense my revelation. I can end this. I can divorce Dillon without making my son suffer. "Lulu, give me a chance,"
"A chance? You knew that I had found out. You told me so yourself. But I didn't say anything. I didn't leave you. That was your chance, Dillon. And I gave you more than one. You continued your affair. I'm completely justified in wanting to end this tragedy of a marriage," I assure him as bitterness tinges my voice. It's not going to be easy to raise Jake on my own, to give him a sense of security without Dillon being a full-time father. But I don't think I can let Dillon back into my life, not like we were before. Not after what he's done. Maybe he's a better person since he could forgive me my night with Diego. And maybe if it had been just once with Georgie I could forgive him too. But it was many nights, many days even. I can't forgive that. Not right now. "I'll ask Emily to bring Jake to the mansion in a few days so you can see him. My brothers will be by to get my things. Don't call me. Don't come see me. Emily, Liz, and my brothers can give me any messages from you,"
"That's it? You won't see me or speak to me? I have to go through my cousin and your family just to see my son, to tell my wife anything?" Dillon obviously doesn't agree with me. And, quite frankly, I don't care. I'm dealing with more than just my failed marriage. I would be in his arms, seeking his comfort, if he hadn't slept with Georgie. I just need to figure out where to go from here. I need to find a way to live my life without Dillon by my side. And, damn it, I have to ignore the pain in his eyes. I can't feel sorry for him, can't let myself fall into his arms. He cheated on me... With my best friend. I can't let myself forget that. Not even if it hurts too much to remember. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, stepping back when Dillon reaches out to brush my tears away. "Don't do this. Oh, Les, I love you,"
"Don't say that. Don't call me that. Get away from me!" I hadn't meant to scream, but he was too close to me. He was totally invading the personal space bubble that I desperately needed right now. My brother's were in the kitchen, gripping my arms to support me, within seconds. Elizabeth was, of course, by her husband's side. Emily pulled on Dillon's arm, keeping the peace between her cousin and her sister in-law. Dillon shook his head, trying to pull his arm free. Emily said something to him. I saw her lips moving. But the blood is pounding in my ears as tears roll down my flushed face. Lucky wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest. I can feel Elizabeth's hand on my back and hear Nikolas' voice, even if I can't make out the words. It doesn't matter anymore.
----...----
"Oh, by the way, Dillon... I'm pregnant," The words slipped out of my mouth just as Dillon raised his glass to his lips. A stream of soda soaked the floor as he spit it out in shock. I laughed. Not fully expecting any other reaction. Dr. Noah Drake, who sat two tables over having dinner with my aunt, started to stand in concern as Dillon coughed and sputtered. My husband raised a hand, assuring the older physician that he was fine. Although, as it dawned on him that the baby just might not be his, maybe we weren't fine after all.
But they had been fine. At least for awhile. Jake was Dillon's son and we were a family, finally. We were happy and in love. Until one day he started sleeping with my best friend. When did it start? The night I slept with Diego? After I got pregnant? After Jake was born? Just weeks ago? I have so many questions. But I can't ask Dillon. I'm not sure I really want the answers. It might hurt too much to know the whole, unadulterated truth. Curiosity killed the cat. And answers to all of my questions might just kill me. I knew that losing Dillon would hurt, damn near kill me probably. But I had seriously underestimated the debilitating pain. Emily helps out with Jake as much as she can. My brothers spend hours comforting me. Liz makes me brownies and tells me stories of true love winning out in the end. But, when that's over, I still lay in my bed and cry, missing my husband and all the good times we had.
"You want to walk out during a fight? That's fine. But you do not get to just give up on everything we've fought so hard for," Dillon announced softly, drawing the attention of the diner despite his quiet voice. Georgie stood off to the side, having had to drag me here in the first place. Dillon and I had fought over the stupidest of things, just stuff he did that annoyed me. I blamed my hormones. Isn't that what pregnant woman do? Blame hormones? I had been six months pregnant with Jake and temperamental, more so than usual, to boot. It was a tough living situation. I had convinced myself that Dillon just didn't love me enough and had gone to Georgie's. It was irrational, I know that. Who cares? Hormones, I tell you, are very dangerous. Dillon held out his hand, not stepping any closer so he wouldn't threaten my protective bubble. The bubble is an important thing, especially after the kind of life I've had. You just don't mess with a girl's bubble, definitely not when she's pregnant and slightly violent. "Deal?"
"Deal," A smile graced my delicate features as the hurt faded and rational thought took over again. I took his hand and shook it, laughing at the silly gesture. We are married after all. He grinned foolishly, pulling me into his arms and pressing his lips to mine.
"I figured you'd be here. Okay, so I checked Jake's first, but I knew that if you weren't there then you'd be here. I was going to check the boathouse next," Dillon's voice was soft and unsure. He was nervous. Well, good. Serves him right. I barely glance at him over my shoulder. The water laps against the docks as the memories fade away. We spent many nights here on the pier staring out at the waters, at Spoon Island, as the sun would set. I'd tell Dillon and Jake stories about my brother's home and his family. We were a family, safe and happy. Until Dillon blew it all apart. I suppress the bitter laugh that bubbles in my chest. I just couldn't escape him, could I? Not in my head and not in the places I go. Dillon just always there. I guess that's what happens when you love someone. I wrap my arms around my waist protectively, wishing my invisible bubble would be enough this time. "I called Wyndemere. I know you said not to contact you, but... God, Les, you're my wife. Anyway, Nikolas said you weren't home. I hate that he called it that. Wyndemere isn't your home. I am,"
"Not anymore. Not after what you did," I assure him vehemently. And it's true. I'm staying with Nikolas, but it's not home for me. But, then again, neither is Dillon anymore. He ruined that, trashed it beyond repair. I glance around the docks, a memory flashing in my mind. The second time I saw Dillon with Georgie. They had been kissing on the docks. I'm sure that they didn't see me that time. I turn my back to Dillon, stiffening when he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. "Don't touch me. Not here. Not where you kissed her,"
"You're right. I did kiss her here. But I loved you here. I kissed you, touched you, held you and our son. The places I was with her, the time we spent together... It means nothing, Les. You matter. Jake matters," Dillon holds me tighter. Maybe he's hoping that if he holds me tight enough this will all go away. And, dear God, I wish it worked like that. But it doesn't. We both know that. We both would have to fight, tooth and nail, to make this work. And I don't have it inside of me to do that anymore. Not after all the emotional turmoil I've gone through over this affair. I pull away, turning to face him. I want to be angry. But, right now, I'm just sad. I lick my lips, shake my head, and just smile tearfully. Because, despite how much I matter, I don't think we can fix what his betrayal has broken.
----...---- This is a two part story.
Both chapters are long.
There's a MVID that I made, posted on that goes with this story.
I suggest watching it. It's cute and ties in completely.
I can't get the link to upload in the chapter so I've posted it on my profile.
Enjoy! ----...----