Sit Down - Chapter 1 - Flat Chested.
Dante got a new shop.
Just before Vergil and Arkham summoned that stupid tower, Dante's first shop had fallen into ruin from a minor demon infestation. Then that tower rose, causing an earthquake, though it was not the death knell for the shop. The shop finally collapsed for a much more embarrassing reason.
Therefore, he decided his next shop was going to be built on piles with a thick concrete cap, structural columns and trusses between each floor. There was no more of this silly "the building finally fell down from a sneeze" crap anymore. His next shop was going to survive all sorts physical assault, up to vehicle crashing through the door, major earthquakes and all hell breaking lose.
The only place he could find that fit the specification had a much smaller footprint than his previous place. It was claustrophobic building. Each wall, floor and ceiling were heavily reinforced with steel and concrete, resulting in lower ceilings and smaller floor space. At least it was several stories tall too so there's plenty of space to store all his arcane books and relics that he would no doubt collect. He settled on a name for the shop, one that he and Lady decided on together. "Devil May Cry."
Business was booming even before this new shop officially opened. Waves of demon were infesting the human world more so since Temen-ni-gru allowed demons to come through. It was a good thing that Lady, among some select others, can do the grunt work since he could only be in two places at once, not three. Sometimes, it had been so busy that the days had begun to blur together even before he mounted the shop's neon sign.
Then on the second day his shop officially opened, something strange happened.
Dante came downstairs early that morning, still feeling rather groggy. He had to get up early since there was an appointment with a contractor. Dante was not a creature of the day but every contractor he knew only worked during the day. He was still short on cash so he did not want to pay for the convenience of having someone work on mechanical and electrical problems at night. He was undisciplined sort of guy but not a stupid one. As he came down the stairs, the scene before him was incomprehensible.
Lady was at his desk. She was in a gray sleeveless shirt, with her bottom half covered only by a black polyester bikini panties and a pair of sandals. The girl was placidly eating a bowl of cereal while reading the newspaper. She looked so vulnerable, except for the 22-caliber gun next to her bowl and an even bigger gun strapped to her thigh.
For some reason, Dante had to stare. In the many weeks of working with Lady, he actually had never seen her eat, or seen her bare shoulder. Lady was a conservative female who covered up modestly. The demon huntress currently looked like a normal girl, just going through the morning routine. There was nothing there to suggest that this was a psychotic trigger-happy huntress who just killed a number of demons less than six hours ago. And from the lack of curves on a certain part of her body, he was definitely right about the stuffed bra.
"What a gorgeous -" Dante never got to finish as he moved to dodge a shower of bullets. He was successful for the most part, except for one bullet that smacked him straight in the middle of the forehead.
Lady put the gun down, satisfied. She continued to eat her cereal, turning the page on a newspaper, not even bothering to look up.
"Now what the hell was that for, Lady?" Dante finally groused once he more or less recovered. "And why you doing here so early?"
Lady turned her head to look at Dante. She frowned slightly, as if confused by his question. She stared at him for ten seconds before she answered one of the questions, "...I live here."
That was definitely news to him. "Since when?"
She turned her attention back to the cereal bowl, obviously already written his questions off as unimportant. "Since last week."
Dante thought about that. Well, that would had explained why the seat of the communal toilet seemed to magically find itself down instead of up. Plus, he noticed the other day that there was suddenly milk, yogurt, fruit and frozen vegetables in the fridge. There were enough customers and agents coming in and out of his shop that one of them could put those things in his fridge just as a prank. Most of them are unlikely to go for those rabbit food, however. "And when were you going to tell me?"
Now it was Lady's turn to look confused. "A month ago, when we were off on that job for the city commissioner. I've asked if I can stay here for a while and you've said that I can crash at your place anytime and make myself at home."
Dante internally groaned. "I was thinking more along the lines of couch surfing." He was fine with chick throwing themselves at him for momentary night time fun. He had plenty of practice with that. The ones that would stay generally had some sort of attachment problems and the relationship usually ended in a bad way.
The answer did not appear to fluster Lady one bit. Instead, her wristwatch beeped. "Oh crap. I gotta go or I'm going to be late," she muttered.
Ignoring the white-haired young man still perched on the stairs, Lady quickly scuffed down the last dribble of her cereal and hurried toward the clothe pile laying on an ottoman in the corner of the office. She looked so girlish, with dainty flat shoes, long black socks, pleated skirt, long sleeved collared white shirt, a tie and a preppy pin-striped wool vest. She completed the look with a black suit jacket.
Dante watched her get dressed and marveled how his normally lusty mind hadn't thought of a good lecherous comment yet. It was odd since he actively pursued the casual dating and tail chasing. Well, Lady was rather short and she was all elbows and knees. He liked his females soft and full-bodied, not all hard and bony like Lady. Hard to imagine that both he and Vergil had called her a "woman." Back to the problem at hand and his gnawing curiosity at Lady's comment. "Where are you going? What do you mean you're going to be late?"
"School starts in about an hour, my bike is totaled, I haven't had the chance to go get another one so it's the half an hour bus ride," Lady answered absentmindedly as she kicked her toes to fit her feet into the shoes. Judging by the rather drab style on the shoes, there was no doubt that even the footwear was part of a uniform. It was a little weird to see her not in combat boots.
The answer struck Dante as completely outrageous. "You're still in school?"
Lady spared a moment to look at him oddly. "Yes. I'm still in high school. I'm only sixteen." She saw the confused look on her friend's face and frowned herself. She thought Dante was much more perceptive his surroundings and the happenings of his newest roommate. She could've sworn she told him at least two months ago when he was absently turning the pages of one of his raunchy magazines. "Where did you think I disappear off to during the day?"
A few other thoughts went through Dante's mind instead. First of all, he had never realized that Lady was underage. The scenario had always been likely, but she had seemed too angry at him most of the time to be one of those hormone-driven, lusty teenage females who kept on making passes at him. Second of all, anything that even has a hint of being statutory was a bad for his reputation. And why in the world was he even caring about human law anyways? He was an ass-kicking half-demon who feared no law!
"I just thought that you were making your networks and buying all those bullets," Dante found himself saying instead.
"Well, the armaments shop is on the way," Lady explained, "And I attend a prep school so most of my classmates have rich and powerful parents who could pay for demon extermination."
Dante took a while to let that sink in. What exactly was he doing with a high schooler living at his shop and home? This was bound to get looks of disapproval from his usual acquaintances. Even thieves and rogues valued honor. There was nothing honorable in consorting with someone who was technically not old enough to buy cigarettes yet.
"I'm a junior," Lady further explained as she stooped down to tie her shoes. "but don't worry. I've already been accepted to a university and school is easy. So I can do that job you mentioned to me last night." She ran off into an adjacent room. She popped right back out in less than ten seconds with a thin black case that had an embroidered word, "Saint Augustine" before running out of the front door. "See you."
As Dante watched her go, Dante tried to process all the things that occurred this morning. He just learned that this fearless demon huntress was underage. Lady did eat rabbit food. Most of all, she had just moved in without even telling him. At least one easy mystery was solved by their strange morning conversation. It was so extraordinary that Dante had to say it out loud, a minute after the front door slammed.
"Well, now I know she really is flat-chested."
Author's Note: This came out of a Christmas Themed story that I wrote years ago, after playing DMC 3. I hope you enjoyed reading.