The Chronicle of the Seventh Book

Summary: a group of burglars decide to steal the trucks that ship the most anticipated book of the new millennium and the past century: The seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series. As they plan it, Dumbledore becomes aware of their horrible plan and recruits Harry, Hermione, Ron and for some strange reason unknown to us Rita Skeeter to claim the books back.

may contain some spoilers for HBP in the future

Chapter one – Kit Kat Chunky and scheming

'Johnny boy!'

Leroy Hyndrich rolled his eyes. 'For the last time, Simon, my name is Leroy.'

'As I said John, as I said,' Simon said cheerfully, opening his Kit Kat Chunky. He stared at it for the longest time.

Leroy shook his head and decided to give his attention the somewhat more intelligent male species and one female that currently inhabited his living room. Next to the Simon – who'd been late, as usual – said Nonnie Kissinger. As earlier told, the only woman present. Nonnie had just been released from prison for the fifth time and was on parole. Not that she gave a fuck. Neither did Leroy. Across from her was her husband Hyde Kissinger. He was incredibly fat, slow of mind. But somehow brilliant with alarm and security systems. Next to him were the brothers Escobar. Ely and Elvin. They were both cunningly smart. Graduated with honours, both having every chance of a great career and equally uninterested in such matters.

Last was Leroy's own half-brother Parson Hyndrich. Parson was only here because Leroy's mother had insisted on it. 'He adores you,' she'd said. 'Thinks you're the Clyde of this time and this country!'

Flattered as he'd been, he'd been foolish enough to promise his pain-in-the-ass of a mother that next time he'd be planning something illegal, Parson was allowed to participate.

Simon took a bite and as he chewed, he couldn't stop himself from talking. Which was a sight Leroy would have spared any man, even his worst enemy. 'I really don't know what they thought, when they created the Kit Kat Chunky. True, it's chunkier than the original, but it really brings nothing new to the candy. It tastes the same, it has the same ingredients… the only thing it has going for himself, is that it has twice as many calories!'

'And therefore much more desirable,' Fat-head Hyde piped up.

'I'm sure it is, but don't think you're getting a bite,' Simon said, grinning, pieces of chocolate between his teeth. 'You could do without. I know it is physically impossible at this point – but have you actually gained more wait?'

'Hey!' Nonnie said, 'mind your manners, Simon!'

Simon raised his hands defensively. The Escobar brothers snickered and Parson looked like he was having second thoughts about his brother being the English modern version of Clyde.

'So what ya brought us here for, Johnny!'

Leroy bit back the urge to correct Simon, he knew the fuck only did it to piss him off. Which was working. The guy really was a piece of shit, but he was once again very crucial for his plan.

'Look, you've al heard about Harry Potter.'

The look on each and every one of their faces was one of sheer surprise.

'The seventh book is soon to be released.'

He paused another time, to make his speech more dramatic. A mistake, in retrospect, 'cause this gave time for Simon to speak up. 'We all know you're a fan, Smith, but did you really have to drag our ass from across the country just to tell us the fucking book is coming out next week? Did you ever consider therapy?'

'Shut up Gibbon,' Leroy growled. 'If you don't have the patience to hear me out than there's the door.' He pointed at the shabby door behind him. As soon as his plan'd worked, he'd buy himself a nice farm, far away from the city and his shitty appartment.

When no one else made any noise he sighed contempt. 'As I was saying, the last and final book of the Harry Potter series is being released in a few weeks. It is the most anticipated book of all time. More popular than the Bible, perhaps. Excuse me for saying.' He added swiftly, as the extremely religious Nonnie was about to give a snide remark. 'Those books are worth millions. It is already a best-seller. Every family in America, Britain and the whole of Western-Europe has pre-ordered it or is planning to buy it as soon as it hits the book stores. What I'm saying is, what if we steal the books.'

Another silence, but this one pleased Leroy a lot more than the one just a few minutes ago. Everyone considered the options. Ely was the first to break the silence. 'You realize that these books are heavily guarded.'

'Yeah, I should know, I'm one of the chief guards on…' Simon broke of his sentence and grinned again. 'AH! Ah! That's why you invited me. Now I get it! Ha! You truly are brilliant Johnny-boy!'

'Thank you,' Leroy said indignantly. 'You see! We already have a mole and we have the most brilliant master-minds in English organized crime in this room. All we need to do is come up with a plan, steal the trucks, hide them and sell them ourselves. Like the fans give a fuck where they get it from, as long as they get it! Of course we'll up the price a little…'

'Sell it ourselves?' Elvin said, not liking the idea. He shook his head. 'That would make it very easy to track us down.'

'We could just sell them for a couple of million pounds to some other bloke,' Parson said. Happy he could put his two cents in. 'There'd be enough people interested in buying the entire bulk of books. If we keep our identity hidden, we don't have to go down and we'd still make some big bucks.'

Silence number three settled.

'That is not a bad idea,' Simon Gibbon said. 'Not a bad idea at all.' He put the last bit of his Kit Kat chunky in his mouth. Before he'd even attempted to swallow the chewed up piece of crap he said: 'I'm in.'

'Nonnie and me as well,' Hyde said nodding.

'Nonnie and I,' Ely corrected, somewhat annoyed. 'I'm in as well, how bout you Elvin?'

'Not like I got anything more interesting planned.'

'Good. We meet at my place again in a week. Gib, try and find out as much as you can about the whole security-thing. I'm sure Hyde can find a way around it.'

The party broke up, leaving just Parson and Leroy behind. Leroy looked at his younger half-brother. 'So, whaddaya say?'

'Think mum exaggerated a bit about you,' Parson said, crossing his arms. 'But it makes a good story to tell my friends.'

'You can't tell your friends,' Leroy said, frowning. 'They could tip the police off.'

'I'm sure with these fucks working on the job my friends won't need to.'

Cocky bastard.