He had been happy; He really had. His arm broke and it was like a weight was lifted straight from his shoulders. There was suddenly no stress in his life- No dealing with hateful teammates, press, or the pressure that was placed on him during every game to be the best. For 7 weeks, Cam had been truly happy.
But that fantasy world was shattered once again when his doctor cleared him to go back on the ice. Days weren't spent with Maya, Tori and Tristan anymore, they were spent with his jealous teammates and his hockey stick. He began to feel the pressure mounting once more and he started struggling.
It had been a normal day for Cam— Wake up, school, hockey practice. It had started off fine, Campbell found out he and Maya got an A on their French project and he was doing fairly well in all his other courses. He spent lunch at Maya's table with her friends, that going just as smoothly. The day had been great until it came time for hockey.
"So, do you want me to just wait after band practice for you?" Maya asked as she leaned against Cam's locker.
"Yeah, that's fine. Hockey shouldn't run too long today." He said.
"Sounds like a plan." Maya smiled at him brightly. He grinned back and leaned forward, planting a chaste kiss on her lips. He broke apart from her and waved as he began walking to the locker room. He shifted his hockey bag on his shoulder as he entered the loud room, already attempting to tune out the other player's voices. He changed into his hockey gear and sat on the bench, leaning over to lace up his skates. Dallas walked over to where Campbell sat and took a seat beside him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.
"Hope you're ready for a rough practice today, Rookie." He announced and Cam glanced up at him.
"Why is gonna be rough?"
"Oh, right, you don't sit with us at lunch, otherwise you would know what I'm talking about." Dallas said, taking any chance he could to make Cam look bad. "Coach hasn't been too happy with our performances lately so he says we're in for it during this practice."
"Great." Cam muttered as he finished tying his second skate and stood up. "Well, let's get this torture over with then."
x.
Cam skated as fast as he could across the rink, chasing after the puck. Coach had divided the team in half and was having them play against each other. The losing team had to do 20 laps around the rink. He panted heavily as he reached his stick out to get the puck. Just as he was about to have a hold on it, he was slammed into by another teammate, knocking him into the air and causing him to slide across the ice. He felt his helmet hit the ice hard and he let himself go, not bothering to get up once he came to a halt. He was wheezing against the icy floor that felt quite good against his injuries, though he could barely feel it through all the pads.
"What are you doing, Saunders, get up!" He heard his coach screaming from the side. He let out a cough and gasped for breath once more before pulling himself up and getting back into the game. He finished off the scrimmage half-heartedly and his team ended up losing by one goal that the other team scored in the last minute. The winning half of his team cheered and patted each other's helmets as they climbed off the ice. The team Cam had been put on stood on the ice, holding onto the sides of the rink and gasping for air.
Their coach congratulated the winners before turning back to Cam's team and raising his arms to them. "Well? Are you just gonna stand around doing nothing or are you gonna get to the laps?"
x.
They all walked off the ice silently, each player too exhausted too speak. Cam was the last one off the ice and was stopped by his coach on the way to the locker room.
"Listen, Saunders, if you're gonna pull a stunt like that during the game, you're gonna be on the next bus back to Kapuskasing."
Like that would be such a bad thing.
"Yeah, sorry Coach, it won't happen again." Cam apologized.
"You're gonna take a lot of hits out on that ice, but you've got to keep getting up if you wanna score. You understand me?" His coach asked, shaking Campbell's shoulder slightly.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Then get to the locker room." He said, pushing him in the direction the team went. He sighed, and walked through the locker room doors, still panting slightly. He was met with a chorus of insults, all blaming him for their having to do 20 laps.
"Way to go, Rook, maybe next time you'll actually make a shot." Luke spat at him. One of the red haired twins walked over to where they stood, joining in on the mocking.
"He can't make a shot if he can't get his ass up after he gets hit." The rest of his half of the team brushed past him and walked out of the locker room, leaving Cam to himself. He sat down on the bench, feeling a sense of deja vu. A feeling of anxiety crawled up his body and consumed him as he started to breathe heavy. He ripped his hockey shirt over his head and tossed it across the room watching it land a few feet away on the floor. He ripped off both skates, jamming them into his bag. He stood up and began pacing as he felt as the pressure build around him once more.
He wasn't good enough.
The one thing he was supposed to be good at, he couldn't do.
The team hated him.
His family was thousands of miles away and would only be disappointed if he decided to come home.
Everyone expected him to carry a team, but how could he do that when he couldn't even carry himself?
His eyes darted around the room, looking for anything that would help him feel better, anything that would make him calm down. His eyes finally landed on the blade of his skate and he walked over to his bag, taking one out. He had promised himself he wouldn't do it again, but he had also promised himself that he would stay happy and that wasn't happening. He glanced at his palm, studying the faint scar from the cut he had placed there months before. He let out one more tortured sob before placing his hand on the blade, feeling the cool metal dig into his skin. Sobs racked his body as he watched the blood flow from the cut in pain. He bent in half, putting his head between his legs as the blood began to slowly drip onto the floor.
He was in physical pain now, but his plan had worked— Thoughts he had been panicking over moments before were long gone. He gazed at the skate that laid on the ground, mesmerized by the way the blood on the skate shined up at him.
"Cam, are you ready-" Maya trailed off as she burst into the room, taking in the scene before her. Tears mixed with fear entered her eyes as she rushed to where Cam sat. She look a towel off the ground and wound it around his hand, applying pressure gently. Cam said nothing, just letting the sobs hit him like waves. Maya looked up at him, a whole range of emotions across her features- Confusion, anger, disappointment, sadness and one he thought he recognized as betrayal.
"You said you were happy. You promised you- you weren't going to do anything stupid anymore." She said, trying to swallow her anxiety. "What happened? You were happy a few weeks ago, hell, you looked like you were fine earlier today!" She exclaimed. She scrutinized him, waiting for him to explain himself. He stayed silent, his breathing slowly returning to normal now that Maya was here.
"Campbell! Say something! Anything! Please." She begged, placing a hand to his cheek and making him look her in the eye.
"I'm not happy, Maya. I was, I really was. I'm trying to be happy, but... Every moment I'm on the ice just makes it harder for me to breathe, okay? I can't deal with the pressure. I can't deal with everyone expecting so much from me. I just want to stop trying." He confessed, a whole new round of sobs starting.
Maya was clueless in these situations. The last time she gave Cam advice he ended up jumping off a railing. She thought about her words before slowly saying, "I know right now it seems like things are hard, Cam, and they are. But... It's not the end of the world. You might want to stop trying, but it'll pay off one day. To find the good, you have to make it through the bad."
Cam's head rose slowly and he licked his lips, remembering what the coach had told him earlier, "You're gonna take a lot of hits on the ice, but you have to keep getting up if you wanna score."
Maya smiled lightly at him and nodded, "Exactly. Just... Keep getting up, okay? Promise me you won't stop trying."
"I promise." He whispered, staring into her crystal blue eyes. "I'm gonna try to be happy for you... And for me."
I'm feeling meh about this, but oh well. This is the first Degrassi fic I've written, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to perfect the way I portray the characters in the future. Let me know what you thought in the reviews please! Thanks(: x.