Title: Calling the Consultant
Author: Cadey
Rating: T for Tony Stark's mouth
Summary: 'Your patsy is legendary.'
Author's Note: Okay, this is set during the Marvel One Shot 'The Consultant'. If you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend checking it out - find the full video to get the humor, not the 50 second clip.
Disclaimer: I don't own, Marvel does. I'm just having fun.

"Coulson. How was the Land of Enchantment?"

"Enchanting. I hear you're back up to speed."

"Yeah. Like I told Fury, got a new ticker, things are going good."

"Hear you picked something else up," Coulson really couldn't resist the little dig.

There was a cough from the other side of the phone. "Yeah, you could say that. So what do you want?"

That was Stark – get to the point or get out of his face. "We have a small assignment for you."

Now there was a sigh. "Can it wait for three freaking days? I've got all of the politicos of New York City riding my ass..."

"What do you know about the Harlem Incident?"

"That the city is wanting me to pick up the tab on that too."

"Stark."

Another sigh. This man's repertoire of sighs was astounding. "Okay fine. A couple of huge green things tore the better chunk out of Harlem in a battle royale. One subdued and in custody, the other escaped. Why?"

"What's your security clearance?"

"The fuck if I know, you people change it every day."

Coulson let the silence sit for a moment. The Consultant was the best option for this, he told himself. "What do you know of Dr. Bruce Banner?"

"Genius, but I wouldn't have tested anything the military had an eye on myself. This isn't Victorian London." Stark paused. "Wait a second, big green rage monster thing is Banner?"

"The one that escaped, yes. The one in custody is – or was - Emil Blonsky, who the WSC has ordered Director Fury to exonerate and put on the team. We need you to arrange that."

"You're fucking kidding right?"

"I don't kid. This is a direct order from the World Security Council. He's currently being held in General Ross' section."

There was a long pause at the end of the phone. "And you're sending me to go talk to Ross?"

Coulson smiled briefly. "Just be your usual charming self, and I have no doubt that you'll succeed on the mission."

Stark snorted. "If I didn't know better..."

"You don't. Goodbye, Mr. Stark."