"Where in middle earth is that boy?' thought Gandalf as he sat under the
shade of an old willow tree. 'I've been waiting for nearly 4 hours and I
want my pizza! Never count on a hobbit to do a wizards job as I always say.
And look at this mess!' Gandalf sat up and saw that his cloak was entirely
covered in a thick layer of dust and mud. 'Well that's just great, no pizza
and now I'm covered in dirt. There's only one thing to do, said Gandalf
with a brilliant look on his face, I must conjure up a vacuum."
At that very moment light streamed through the trees and looked almost as if it were spot-lighting the wizard. "Damn, I'm good, he thought with a smirk, I sure do conjure up a lot of things though.. I wonder where they all come from?' Gandalf shrugged, 'Meh, as long as I can get rid of all this god-forsaken dirt."
Xanatos yawned, rolled over and flopped back down onto his pillow. "So soft..so..soffft…mmm…bed..", Xanatos mumbled to himself, while trying to open his eyes. "Must-wake-up-must-open-eyes", he said with another long yawn. The warmness and soft-comfyness of his bed soon overcame him, and though he tried not to, he fell quickly back to sleep. It was now, quarter- after three.
"Xanatos!' Obi yelled from the kitchen, 'get your lazy-ass corpse out of bed! Now! It's quarter-after three!"
Xani mumbled a reply, " mnfff, mmuffff, nmmmfffm.."
"Why do I even bother..?" Obi said to himself with a drawn out sigh. He spoke loud enough for Xani to hear this time. "I SAID, Why do I even bother?"
Xani woke up long enough to shoot, "Because you love me..!"
Obi shook his head, "Well at least he knows that much."
BANG, BANG! A loud noise came from the closet beside the refrigerator where Obi kept the vacuum.
"What in Kessel?" Obi thought out loud. He then went over to the closet and opened the door carefully. The vacuum rolled itself out of the closet and began heading for the door. "Oh no you don't," Obi said to the vacuum as he leaped at it from behind in an attempt to stop it from getting away. It was no use, as strong as Obi was, not even THE FORCE could help him this time. "Help Xani!" He yelled. Xani did nothing. He tried again, "Xani, Xani! Help me!" Xanitos didn't even flinch, the vacuum ended up eventually detaching itself from the power bar it was stuck to, pulling Obi out of his apartment and into the long hallway, which he just noticed had extremely disgusting looking purple carpeting. Obi-Wan started screaming and continued to scream, stopping in between screams to breathe. He saw a bluish-greyish vortex open up in front of him and the vacuum began to get sucked in. "No-y- you-don't", Obi stammered and as he did so, he lost his grip on the vacuum, banged his head on the front of the vacuum and groped for the cord. Now he was flailing and the vacuum was nearly all the way into the vortex, but in a last attempt to break free he screamed, "Stop it!" In a whining tone and called for Master Yoda.
There was a loud sucking noise and Xanatos awoke with a startle. "Wha was that?! Obi, Obi? He called. "Where are you, Obi?" He was beginning to get worried now. "I guess he really was in trouble", thought Xani. "I should have helped him and now Xani stammered, h-he's gone." Xani began to cry, "I'm a horrible horrible boyfriend and I don't deserve him." "Wait a minute, maybe, just maybe he left me some clues. Xani was continuously talking to himself now, probably out of worry. "Yes, that's what I'll do- look for clues!" Xani started walking over to the kitchen when he realised he needed some clothes. He began searching through his drawers, but he had forgottin that Obi hadn't done the laundry yet and poor, helpless Xani didn't know how to.
"Now what am I gonna do?" He thought. "I just realised how helpless I am without my Obi." He began to cry again, this time for a longer time before he realised that he still hadn't found Obi or his pants. Xani wiped his eyes and grabbed a pair of Obi's pants from the drawer below his. He pulled them on slowly and zipped them up. "A bit tight, but then again, why does that have to be a bad thing?" Xani grinned and walked into the kitchen to look for clues. He opened the fridge and saw a lemon beside a bottle of Coreillia's finest© ale.
"Aha!" He shouted. "Hey lemon, would you perchance have any information on the wareabouts of an Obi-Wan Kenobi?" The lemon hesitated, and answered a few seconds later, "I dunno.." it said plainly. "What? You don't know?" He screamed at the lemon. "Really now are you sure you haven't seen or heard from Obi?" "I dunno," replied the lemon again, obviously taunting him. "Well some help you are," said Xanatos. "You lemons are all the same. Never willing to help anyone." "Fine, then..be that way. I don't need you and just so you know, don't expect me to come back and ask you again, so if you've anything else to say, you'd better tell me now.
Xanatos waited a few minutes, but when the lemon still refused to answer him, he laid it back into the fridge and went to sit on the couch to think. After about, let's say, fifteen minutes he jumped up from where he was sitting and screamed at the top of his lungs, "I have it!"
"The lemon is yellow, Tom Bombadil's boots are yellow..wait a minute! I have boots!" He exclaimed. "Not yellow ones though, he pouted, but- but"..Xani ran out into the porch and picked up his boots. "There's a green leaf stuck to one of meh boots." He gasped, "a leaf! Leaves are in the forest, Mirkwood is a forest and I know I know! Middle Earth! Obi's in Middle Earth!"
Xanitos was now very, very giddy and danced around as he sang, "I just found the clues, I just found the clues, I just found the clues..la la la la la! Xani rubbed his temple, "Wow, I've really been watching way too much of Thrawn's Clues lately." He shrugged, "Now off to find my boyfriend!"
There was a thump as Obi-Wan thudded to the ground and the vortex shut, leaving him stranded in who knows where with only his vacuum to protect him. Obi rubbed his head and whined, "Where am I? How did I get here? but especially, Where am I?"
A voice seemed to speak to him out of nowhere, "Your in Middle Earth my lad, said Gandalf who was now perched in a tree above him. " And the answer to your second question would be, I conjured you here; well not you persay, but your vacuum and it seems my question is answered as well.."
Obi looked up, "Well, Mr.."
"Gandalf, you can just call me Gandalf."
"Well Gandalf, umm..would it be to much to ask of you to get me back home?"
"That all depends, my young friend," Gandalf replied with a grin. He had forgottin totally about the vacuum and why he needed it in the first place, but he thought that maybe it was a good thing this boy had dropped out of nowhere and into somewhere else. "Maybe you can help me?" He said as his gaze met Obi-Wan's.
"With what exactly?" Obi asked
Gandalf smiled and told the long story about how him and the four hobbits were walking and he got hungry so he told them to go get a pizza and he sat under this tree, but it was really dirty and thought that the hobbits weren't going to come back so he conjured up a vacuum and was just going to go look for them, "When you arrived."
"Obi furrowed an eyebrow, hmm..that's all well and good, but that still doesn't answer my question."
"oh, sorry" replied Gandalf. "I need you to help me find those hobbits. Not me exactly, I'll stay here. Old age."
Obi nodded.
"But you and an archer of Mirkwood; Legolas with aid you on your quest."
"I guess I have nothing else to do and I did want to get out of the house, so..sure."
"Good then, I'll call for Legolas", Gandalf finished. He took a kazoo out of his large cloth pocket and played a fanfair with it. "That should do it", Gandalf said. "Just wait here a couple minutes and he'll come. Now, I'm off to..sleep. Good-day."
Obi sighed and sat under the tree, waiting for this, Legless, was it? No that couldn't have been it..Legs o less? No that's not it either.." Obi giggled, "Hehe, maybe it was Legoland.." Just as Obi was about to think up a new way to pronounce that name, he was poked and turned around thinking it was just a tree branch, but was rather surprised to see that infact, it was not a tree branch, but an elf and a very pretty one to be precise. Obi had heard of elves in stories and such, but had never actually seen one and marvelled at how pretty this one was.
"Are you going to say hello or just sit and stare at me for a while longer?" Asked the elf blatantly.
"Oh, umm sorry, you just surprised me that's all", replied Obi.
"It's okay, I get it all the time", said Legolas as he brushed his hair off of his shoulders.
"Obi smiled, so what's your name again?"
The pretty elf spoke slowly so Obi could get it right the first time, " It's Le-go-las."
"Obi nodded, Mines Ob-" he was suddenly cut off by the elf.
"Obi-Wan? Yes I know", replied Legolas with a grin.
"Oh, well how did you know?" the jedi questioned.
"It's my job to knows those sort of things," Legolas said.
"Ah", Obi said plainly.
"So, I suppose we better get on our way if we wish to find those hobbits any time soon, Legolas sighed."
"..Your so pretty, Obi muttered under his breath."
"What was that, Obi-Wan?" Legolas asked.
Obi realised he was staring again and came up with an answer quickly, "I said'- he pointed to the north, that I saw a little kitty." The jedi then waited for a response. He was extremely tense and it seemed like hours before the elf responded.
"..Oh..a kitty..alright then, well let's get going Obi-Wan. We have at least 5 leagues or more of walking to do because I really have no idea where these hobbits are."
" Shut-up Sam", said Glorfindel rather angered by his stupidity.
"But, but- Glorfindel, I-I-" The hobbit was cut off by his kidnapper.
"That's Mr. Glorfindel to you, halfling", he hissed.
" Why are you being so mean, asked Pippin. We didn't mean to do what-ever we did."
"Oh really?" Glorfindel flashed his eyes darkly at the three hobbits, who were tied together with rope and were being pulled by Glorfindel through the forest. "Do you even know what was taken, he asked of Pippin."
"Well, no sir, I can't say that I do", Pippin managed to get out.
"Sam, why don't you educate your 'little' friends for me", the elf said glaring at him.
"I really didn't mean to", Sam blurted out. "I was just, I thought-"
"Just get to the point, please." At this point Glorfindel was getting very inpatient and began to yell at Sam so that everything and everyone in Lothlorien would have been able to hear him. "Do you know how much those mithril shorts were worth?!" "Well do you?!" "And you just go right into my chambers, search through my drawers and are just about to put them in your luggage, when luckily Aragorn caught you and brought you to me." "What have you got to say for yourself?" Glorfindel asked, while folding his arms across his chest.
Frodo answered this time, "It's partly my fault sir.." He replied warily.
Glorfindel swung his head around so that he could look directly at him. " What was that? He snapped at Frodo." "I don't want none of that sass!"
Merry muffled a giggle.
Glorfindel pointed at Merry. "Don't think I didn't here that!" He screamed in Merry's ear." "Now keep moving. If we want to make it to where we're going then you kids better hurry up and-"
He was cut off by Sam this time, "Where are we going, Mr. Glorfindel sir?" He asked.
"No more questions! Everybody shut-the-hell-up!" The elf took a deep breath and kicked the hobbits in the shins, "I SAID, get going! Move your asses! NOW!!!" He now had a sombre look on his face and sighed; pulling the hobbits along. "Elves first", he said.
Xanatos paced around the kitchen, "How am I supposed to find my Kenobi?" He said to himself. "I don't even know how to get there…"
*Crash* *Bang*
"What in Kessel was that?" asked Xanatos. "It sounded like it came from the linen closet", he thought and went to check.
"Ouch!" "Ahh! My leg! My leg..," The thing covered in dirty blankets and rags yelled.
"Abiogenesis!" Xani screamed. "But wait a minute, how do I know that word?" He pondered. "Mieh", he said out loud and realised that there was still a thing in his laundry. "Hello? Who are you and why are you lying in my dirty laundry?" Xanatos asked the thing.
The thing thrust off the piles and piles of laundry he had fallen into and replied, " I'm Shaun, he hesitated, but who are you..?"
"Oh, sorry, I'm Xanatos; Evil Overlord", he smiled.
"How did I get here? Shaun asked. "All I remember is that I was doing a gig in Saskatoon, when out of nowhere what looked like a vortex sucked me and my two other band members in." Shaun looked rather worried, So where am I?" He asked.
"Well your certainly not in Saska-what's it called anymore, that's for sure," Xanatos giggled to himself.
"Wait a minute! Now I remember! I was trying to figure out my damned rubix cube and after a few hours I finally finished it, anyways when all the colours were in there places it started to morph and turned into a-"
"A continuum tranfunctioner!" Xanatos finished for him happily. He had only heard about them from cartoons, but was sure that they could open up portals into different worlds.
"Umm..yes..something like that", Shaun muttered.
"I know what happened then," Xanatos attempted to explain, "Well you see a device such as a continuum transfunctioner can open portals or "vortexes" as you so simply put it, anyways, you might think this is crazy, but I think that what happened is the continuum transfunctioner opened up a portal to here and you got blown out."
Shaun looked shocked.
"Captain Coreillia", Xanatos said plainly. "I guess all those cartoons I watch have their purposes", he thought.
Shaun furrowed an eyebrow at Xanatos, "Well,If that's true", he asked, "then where are my friends?"
"I dunno..That's as far as my knowledge goes, but I'm trying to find someone too, so maybe we can team up. Have you still got the continuum transfunctioner? Xanatos asked.
"It might be in that pile of dirty rags", he replied. "Oh and by the way, what's a biogenesis?"
"I'm not really sure, but it has something to do with dirty rags and you, Xanatos put ever so plainly.
Shaun looked puzzled once again, but said nothing.
Xanatos pulled the continuum transfunctioner out of the laundry basket and handed it to Shaun, "Hold that for a second would ya? I need to go to the bathroom, but I'll be right back." "Oh and, love the pants", he said.
Shaun looked down at his blue leather pants and smiled, "Thanks, yours too."
When Xanatos got back from the 'fresher, he saw that the man with the girlish figure was looking at photos of him and Obi.
Shaun noticed he was being watched and turned around slowly, "Oh hi, umm,"he pointed to the hotty-hot jedi knight, otherwise known as Obi-Wan, "Who's this?"
"Oh that's my boyfriend, Obi-Wan", Xanatos answered quickly.
Shaun wasn't the least bit shocked or appalled by this he just put the picture back and said, "Oh, I like his shirt."
He was talking of course about the long-sleeved shirt Obi had wore to the GlitRock, 2001 show on Kashyyk they went to last August. It was blue and had a leopard print pattern on it.
"I have one just like it", he said smiling.
Xanatos changed the subject quickly because he remembered Obi was lost and he had to find him and he didn't know exactly where in middle earth he was, so he was worried and almost about to cry, "You want some Coreillian ale?" He asked.
"No thanks, I just really want to find Saf and Earl. Where do you think they are?"
"I'm not sure, but maybe if we're lucky there somewhere in Middle Earth where I think my boyfriend is", Xani said in a worried tone.
" Well," Shaun looked at his watch, "It's 8:00 now maybe we should wait till tomorrow to find them. It'll be dark soon."
"Actually", Xani corrected, "It's only 7:15. Your watch is 45. minutes ahead of Courascant time, but yea, your right; it will be getting dark soon so we'll wait. You can sleep on the pull-out couch downstairs when you wanna sleep."
"Thanks", Shaun replied.
There was an ackward silence for about 5 minutes and Shaun finally decided that he should say something."I've never heard of Courascant. What country are we in?"
"Country?" Xani was puzzled and then he began to laugh, "You mean planet."
"No, I'm pretty sure I meant country", Shaun said with a bit of annoyance in his voice.
"Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but this isn't a country", Xanatos retorted.
"Then how to you explain me getting all the way from western Canada, to where-ever the hell Couras-what's it is?"
" Xani rose an eyebrow, Can-a-da?"
"Yes, don't tell me you've never heard of Canada?!" He yelled.
"Nope, can't say that I have", Xani replied snickering.
"Are we really that unnoticeable?" Thought Shaun. "I mean I know we're not the biggest country in the world, but we are the second biggest.." Shaun gave up on the notion of finding out exactly where he was or explaining to this guy where Canada was.
"You really need to learn some geography", he mumbled under his breath.
Xanatos pretended not to notice, "AnyWay, he said, I don't think we'll solve this anytime soon so, if you need anything I'll be in the kitchen."
"Hey this looks like a good as spot as any", said Glorfindel, squinting to see through the darkness of the night.
"..But it's so ugly", Pippin remarked as he looked up at the tiny, torn apart shack that was covered in moss and rotting leaves.
Glorfindel smiled slightly, "You first Pippin."
Pippin cringed, but decided it better to listen to Glorfindel, than to feel his wrath. "Yes sir", he replied to the request.
Glorfindel unhooked him from the other hobbits and shoved him over to the door. "Check if there's anyone inside halfing and then, he handed him a crowbar, 'break the window with this."
"Careful Pip", the other hobbits called out as he whiped off the window and peered inside.
"I don't see anything, Mr.Glorfindel Sir."
The elven kidnapper smiled, " Good, now break open the window and we'll go inside. Go on, do it."
Pippin began hacking away at the window and in about 5 minutes he was able to stick his hand through and unlock the old, rotten door. Ofcourse, a few seconds after that, it fell off it's hinges and all they could do was lean it against the side wall to somewhat cover up the gaping hole in the wall that there now was.
"Well, that was a great job, Pippin", Glorfindel said sarcastically. It would have been nice though, if you hadn't ripped the door from it's hinges." The elf then untied the rest of them and pointed to the corner where they were to sleep. "That pile of moss looks comfy enough and it just so happen I've found a ragged, old blanket you hobbits can use." "Now, please I don't want to bother with you kids anymore tonight. Go to sleep." He flung the blanket at them and walked into the next room to sleep. "Good thing I planned ahead, he thought as he took his pull-out mini couch out of his backpack that Sam was carrying and pressed the button that unfolded it revealing silk sheets and two comfy pillows. "Ah, what it's like to be an elf ", he sighed.
END OF PART ONE.
At that very moment light streamed through the trees and looked almost as if it were spot-lighting the wizard. "Damn, I'm good, he thought with a smirk, I sure do conjure up a lot of things though.. I wonder where they all come from?' Gandalf shrugged, 'Meh, as long as I can get rid of all this god-forsaken dirt."
Xanatos yawned, rolled over and flopped back down onto his pillow. "So soft..so..soffft…mmm…bed..", Xanatos mumbled to himself, while trying to open his eyes. "Must-wake-up-must-open-eyes", he said with another long yawn. The warmness and soft-comfyness of his bed soon overcame him, and though he tried not to, he fell quickly back to sleep. It was now, quarter- after three.
"Xanatos!' Obi yelled from the kitchen, 'get your lazy-ass corpse out of bed! Now! It's quarter-after three!"
Xani mumbled a reply, " mnfff, mmuffff, nmmmfffm.."
"Why do I even bother..?" Obi said to himself with a drawn out sigh. He spoke loud enough for Xani to hear this time. "I SAID, Why do I even bother?"
Xani woke up long enough to shoot, "Because you love me..!"
Obi shook his head, "Well at least he knows that much."
BANG, BANG! A loud noise came from the closet beside the refrigerator where Obi kept the vacuum.
"What in Kessel?" Obi thought out loud. He then went over to the closet and opened the door carefully. The vacuum rolled itself out of the closet and began heading for the door. "Oh no you don't," Obi said to the vacuum as he leaped at it from behind in an attempt to stop it from getting away. It was no use, as strong as Obi was, not even THE FORCE could help him this time. "Help Xani!" He yelled. Xani did nothing. He tried again, "Xani, Xani! Help me!" Xanitos didn't even flinch, the vacuum ended up eventually detaching itself from the power bar it was stuck to, pulling Obi out of his apartment and into the long hallway, which he just noticed had extremely disgusting looking purple carpeting. Obi-Wan started screaming and continued to scream, stopping in between screams to breathe. He saw a bluish-greyish vortex open up in front of him and the vacuum began to get sucked in. "No-y- you-don't", Obi stammered and as he did so, he lost his grip on the vacuum, banged his head on the front of the vacuum and groped for the cord. Now he was flailing and the vacuum was nearly all the way into the vortex, but in a last attempt to break free he screamed, "Stop it!" In a whining tone and called for Master Yoda.
There was a loud sucking noise and Xanatos awoke with a startle. "Wha was that?! Obi, Obi? He called. "Where are you, Obi?" He was beginning to get worried now. "I guess he really was in trouble", thought Xani. "I should have helped him and now Xani stammered, h-he's gone." Xani began to cry, "I'm a horrible horrible boyfriend and I don't deserve him." "Wait a minute, maybe, just maybe he left me some clues. Xani was continuously talking to himself now, probably out of worry. "Yes, that's what I'll do- look for clues!" Xani started walking over to the kitchen when he realised he needed some clothes. He began searching through his drawers, but he had forgottin that Obi hadn't done the laundry yet and poor, helpless Xani didn't know how to.
"Now what am I gonna do?" He thought. "I just realised how helpless I am without my Obi." He began to cry again, this time for a longer time before he realised that he still hadn't found Obi or his pants. Xani wiped his eyes and grabbed a pair of Obi's pants from the drawer below his. He pulled them on slowly and zipped them up. "A bit tight, but then again, why does that have to be a bad thing?" Xani grinned and walked into the kitchen to look for clues. He opened the fridge and saw a lemon beside a bottle of Coreillia's finest© ale.
"Aha!" He shouted. "Hey lemon, would you perchance have any information on the wareabouts of an Obi-Wan Kenobi?" The lemon hesitated, and answered a few seconds later, "I dunno.." it said plainly. "What? You don't know?" He screamed at the lemon. "Really now are you sure you haven't seen or heard from Obi?" "I dunno," replied the lemon again, obviously taunting him. "Well some help you are," said Xanatos. "You lemons are all the same. Never willing to help anyone." "Fine, then..be that way. I don't need you and just so you know, don't expect me to come back and ask you again, so if you've anything else to say, you'd better tell me now.
Xanatos waited a few minutes, but when the lemon still refused to answer him, he laid it back into the fridge and went to sit on the couch to think. After about, let's say, fifteen minutes he jumped up from where he was sitting and screamed at the top of his lungs, "I have it!"
"The lemon is yellow, Tom Bombadil's boots are yellow..wait a minute! I have boots!" He exclaimed. "Not yellow ones though, he pouted, but- but"..Xani ran out into the porch and picked up his boots. "There's a green leaf stuck to one of meh boots." He gasped, "a leaf! Leaves are in the forest, Mirkwood is a forest and I know I know! Middle Earth! Obi's in Middle Earth!"
Xanitos was now very, very giddy and danced around as he sang, "I just found the clues, I just found the clues, I just found the clues..la la la la la! Xani rubbed his temple, "Wow, I've really been watching way too much of Thrawn's Clues lately." He shrugged, "Now off to find my boyfriend!"
There was a thump as Obi-Wan thudded to the ground and the vortex shut, leaving him stranded in who knows where with only his vacuum to protect him. Obi rubbed his head and whined, "Where am I? How did I get here? but especially, Where am I?"
A voice seemed to speak to him out of nowhere, "Your in Middle Earth my lad, said Gandalf who was now perched in a tree above him. " And the answer to your second question would be, I conjured you here; well not you persay, but your vacuum and it seems my question is answered as well.."
Obi looked up, "Well, Mr.."
"Gandalf, you can just call me Gandalf."
"Well Gandalf, umm..would it be to much to ask of you to get me back home?"
"That all depends, my young friend," Gandalf replied with a grin. He had forgottin totally about the vacuum and why he needed it in the first place, but he thought that maybe it was a good thing this boy had dropped out of nowhere and into somewhere else. "Maybe you can help me?" He said as his gaze met Obi-Wan's.
"With what exactly?" Obi asked
Gandalf smiled and told the long story about how him and the four hobbits were walking and he got hungry so he told them to go get a pizza and he sat under this tree, but it was really dirty and thought that the hobbits weren't going to come back so he conjured up a vacuum and was just going to go look for them, "When you arrived."
"Obi furrowed an eyebrow, hmm..that's all well and good, but that still doesn't answer my question."
"oh, sorry" replied Gandalf. "I need you to help me find those hobbits. Not me exactly, I'll stay here. Old age."
Obi nodded.
"But you and an archer of Mirkwood; Legolas with aid you on your quest."
"I guess I have nothing else to do and I did want to get out of the house, so..sure."
"Good then, I'll call for Legolas", Gandalf finished. He took a kazoo out of his large cloth pocket and played a fanfair with it. "That should do it", Gandalf said. "Just wait here a couple minutes and he'll come. Now, I'm off to..sleep. Good-day."
Obi sighed and sat under the tree, waiting for this, Legless, was it? No that couldn't have been it..Legs o less? No that's not it either.." Obi giggled, "Hehe, maybe it was Legoland.." Just as Obi was about to think up a new way to pronounce that name, he was poked and turned around thinking it was just a tree branch, but was rather surprised to see that infact, it was not a tree branch, but an elf and a very pretty one to be precise. Obi had heard of elves in stories and such, but had never actually seen one and marvelled at how pretty this one was.
"Are you going to say hello or just sit and stare at me for a while longer?" Asked the elf blatantly.
"Oh, umm sorry, you just surprised me that's all", replied Obi.
"It's okay, I get it all the time", said Legolas as he brushed his hair off of his shoulders.
"Obi smiled, so what's your name again?"
The pretty elf spoke slowly so Obi could get it right the first time, " It's Le-go-las."
"Obi nodded, Mines Ob-" he was suddenly cut off by the elf.
"Obi-Wan? Yes I know", replied Legolas with a grin.
"Oh, well how did you know?" the jedi questioned.
"It's my job to knows those sort of things," Legolas said.
"Ah", Obi said plainly.
"So, I suppose we better get on our way if we wish to find those hobbits any time soon, Legolas sighed."
"..Your so pretty, Obi muttered under his breath."
"What was that, Obi-Wan?" Legolas asked.
Obi realised he was staring again and came up with an answer quickly, "I said'- he pointed to the north, that I saw a little kitty." The jedi then waited for a response. He was extremely tense and it seemed like hours before the elf responded.
"..Oh..a kitty..alright then, well let's get going Obi-Wan. We have at least 5 leagues or more of walking to do because I really have no idea where these hobbits are."
" Shut-up Sam", said Glorfindel rather angered by his stupidity.
"But, but- Glorfindel, I-I-" The hobbit was cut off by his kidnapper.
"That's Mr. Glorfindel to you, halfling", he hissed.
" Why are you being so mean, asked Pippin. We didn't mean to do what-ever we did."
"Oh really?" Glorfindel flashed his eyes darkly at the three hobbits, who were tied together with rope and were being pulled by Glorfindel through the forest. "Do you even know what was taken, he asked of Pippin."
"Well, no sir, I can't say that I do", Pippin managed to get out.
"Sam, why don't you educate your 'little' friends for me", the elf said glaring at him.
"I really didn't mean to", Sam blurted out. "I was just, I thought-"
"Just get to the point, please." At this point Glorfindel was getting very inpatient and began to yell at Sam so that everything and everyone in Lothlorien would have been able to hear him. "Do you know how much those mithril shorts were worth?!" "Well do you?!" "And you just go right into my chambers, search through my drawers and are just about to put them in your luggage, when luckily Aragorn caught you and brought you to me." "What have you got to say for yourself?" Glorfindel asked, while folding his arms across his chest.
Frodo answered this time, "It's partly my fault sir.." He replied warily.
Glorfindel swung his head around so that he could look directly at him. " What was that? He snapped at Frodo." "I don't want none of that sass!"
Merry muffled a giggle.
Glorfindel pointed at Merry. "Don't think I didn't here that!" He screamed in Merry's ear." "Now keep moving. If we want to make it to where we're going then you kids better hurry up and-"
He was cut off by Sam this time, "Where are we going, Mr. Glorfindel sir?" He asked.
"No more questions! Everybody shut-the-hell-up!" The elf took a deep breath and kicked the hobbits in the shins, "I SAID, get going! Move your asses! NOW!!!" He now had a sombre look on his face and sighed; pulling the hobbits along. "Elves first", he said.
Xanatos paced around the kitchen, "How am I supposed to find my Kenobi?" He said to himself. "I don't even know how to get there…"
*Crash* *Bang*
"What in Kessel was that?" asked Xanatos. "It sounded like it came from the linen closet", he thought and went to check.
"Ouch!" "Ahh! My leg! My leg..," The thing covered in dirty blankets and rags yelled.
"Abiogenesis!" Xani screamed. "But wait a minute, how do I know that word?" He pondered. "Mieh", he said out loud and realised that there was still a thing in his laundry. "Hello? Who are you and why are you lying in my dirty laundry?" Xanatos asked the thing.
The thing thrust off the piles and piles of laundry he had fallen into and replied, " I'm Shaun, he hesitated, but who are you..?"
"Oh, sorry, I'm Xanatos; Evil Overlord", he smiled.
"How did I get here? Shaun asked. "All I remember is that I was doing a gig in Saskatoon, when out of nowhere what looked like a vortex sucked me and my two other band members in." Shaun looked rather worried, So where am I?" He asked.
"Well your certainly not in Saska-what's it called anymore, that's for sure," Xanatos giggled to himself.
"Wait a minute! Now I remember! I was trying to figure out my damned rubix cube and after a few hours I finally finished it, anyways when all the colours were in there places it started to morph and turned into a-"
"A continuum tranfunctioner!" Xanatos finished for him happily. He had only heard about them from cartoons, but was sure that they could open up portals into different worlds.
"Umm..yes..something like that", Shaun muttered.
"I know what happened then," Xanatos attempted to explain, "Well you see a device such as a continuum transfunctioner can open portals or "vortexes" as you so simply put it, anyways, you might think this is crazy, but I think that what happened is the continuum transfunctioner opened up a portal to here and you got blown out."
Shaun looked shocked.
"Captain Coreillia", Xanatos said plainly. "I guess all those cartoons I watch have their purposes", he thought.
Shaun furrowed an eyebrow at Xanatos, "Well,If that's true", he asked, "then where are my friends?"
"I dunno..That's as far as my knowledge goes, but I'm trying to find someone too, so maybe we can team up. Have you still got the continuum transfunctioner? Xanatos asked.
"It might be in that pile of dirty rags", he replied. "Oh and by the way, what's a biogenesis?"
"I'm not really sure, but it has something to do with dirty rags and you, Xanatos put ever so plainly.
Shaun looked puzzled once again, but said nothing.
Xanatos pulled the continuum transfunctioner out of the laundry basket and handed it to Shaun, "Hold that for a second would ya? I need to go to the bathroom, but I'll be right back." "Oh and, love the pants", he said.
Shaun looked down at his blue leather pants and smiled, "Thanks, yours too."
When Xanatos got back from the 'fresher, he saw that the man with the girlish figure was looking at photos of him and Obi.
Shaun noticed he was being watched and turned around slowly, "Oh hi, umm,"he pointed to the hotty-hot jedi knight, otherwise known as Obi-Wan, "Who's this?"
"Oh that's my boyfriend, Obi-Wan", Xanatos answered quickly.
Shaun wasn't the least bit shocked or appalled by this he just put the picture back and said, "Oh, I like his shirt."
He was talking of course about the long-sleeved shirt Obi had wore to the GlitRock, 2001 show on Kashyyk they went to last August. It was blue and had a leopard print pattern on it.
"I have one just like it", he said smiling.
Xanatos changed the subject quickly because he remembered Obi was lost and he had to find him and he didn't know exactly where in middle earth he was, so he was worried and almost about to cry, "You want some Coreillian ale?" He asked.
"No thanks, I just really want to find Saf and Earl. Where do you think they are?"
"I'm not sure, but maybe if we're lucky there somewhere in Middle Earth where I think my boyfriend is", Xani said in a worried tone.
" Well," Shaun looked at his watch, "It's 8:00 now maybe we should wait till tomorrow to find them. It'll be dark soon."
"Actually", Xani corrected, "It's only 7:15. Your watch is 45. minutes ahead of Courascant time, but yea, your right; it will be getting dark soon so we'll wait. You can sleep on the pull-out couch downstairs when you wanna sleep."
"Thanks", Shaun replied.
There was an ackward silence for about 5 minutes and Shaun finally decided that he should say something."I've never heard of Courascant. What country are we in?"
"Country?" Xani was puzzled and then he began to laugh, "You mean planet."
"No, I'm pretty sure I meant country", Shaun said with a bit of annoyance in his voice.
"Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but this isn't a country", Xanatos retorted.
"Then how to you explain me getting all the way from western Canada, to where-ever the hell Couras-what's it is?"
" Xani rose an eyebrow, Can-a-da?"
"Yes, don't tell me you've never heard of Canada?!" He yelled.
"Nope, can't say that I have", Xani replied snickering.
"Are we really that unnoticeable?" Thought Shaun. "I mean I know we're not the biggest country in the world, but we are the second biggest.." Shaun gave up on the notion of finding out exactly where he was or explaining to this guy where Canada was.
"You really need to learn some geography", he mumbled under his breath.
Xanatos pretended not to notice, "AnyWay, he said, I don't think we'll solve this anytime soon so, if you need anything I'll be in the kitchen."
"Hey this looks like a good as spot as any", said Glorfindel, squinting to see through the darkness of the night.
"..But it's so ugly", Pippin remarked as he looked up at the tiny, torn apart shack that was covered in moss and rotting leaves.
Glorfindel smiled slightly, "You first Pippin."
Pippin cringed, but decided it better to listen to Glorfindel, than to feel his wrath. "Yes sir", he replied to the request.
Glorfindel unhooked him from the other hobbits and shoved him over to the door. "Check if there's anyone inside halfing and then, he handed him a crowbar, 'break the window with this."
"Careful Pip", the other hobbits called out as he whiped off the window and peered inside.
"I don't see anything, Mr.Glorfindel Sir."
The elven kidnapper smiled, " Good, now break open the window and we'll go inside. Go on, do it."
Pippin began hacking away at the window and in about 5 minutes he was able to stick his hand through and unlock the old, rotten door. Ofcourse, a few seconds after that, it fell off it's hinges and all they could do was lean it against the side wall to somewhat cover up the gaping hole in the wall that there now was.
"Well, that was a great job, Pippin", Glorfindel said sarcastically. It would have been nice though, if you hadn't ripped the door from it's hinges." The elf then untied the rest of them and pointed to the corner where they were to sleep. "That pile of moss looks comfy enough and it just so happen I've found a ragged, old blanket you hobbits can use." "Now, please I don't want to bother with you kids anymore tonight. Go to sleep." He flung the blanket at them and walked into the next room to sleep. "Good thing I planned ahead, he thought as he took his pull-out mini couch out of his backpack that Sam was carrying and pressed the button that unfolded it revealing silk sheets and two comfy pillows. "Ah, what it's like to be an elf ", he sighed.
END OF PART ONE.