Will you ever learn?
Disclaimer: I don't own any Hogan's Heroes characters.
The sewing came along quite nicely. Peter Newkirk was still working in his little section of the tunnels below. Above him the prisoners of Stalag 13 were in their bunks and fast asleep. Newkirk finished amending a major's uniform, Wehrmacht, in Colonel Hogan's size. It would be needed for their next mission. But that wasn't the reason why the Englishman was working so late. He sighed and started to look over the next uniform to find out what had to be done with it. Nothing much, just a little repair job.
In the next room, Kinch finally abandoned his radio for the night and called it a day. He walked over to where he knew Newkirk was still working. "Hey, I'm going to bed, I'm done in," he suppressed a yawn, "good night." Newkirk looked up and gave Kinch a little smile, "good night, mate."
Kinch smiled back before he walked away. There was something very wrong about this. The American sergeant was usually the last one up and working, the one who was still monitoring the radio when the others had retreated to bed already. But now the English corporal was still sewing on the uniforms at this hour and without complaining, too! Yes, there was something seriously wrong about it. Kinch shook his head. He wondered if Newkirk had done something and Colonel Hogan had had another hear to heart talk with his corporal to get him back in line again. Wouldn't I know about that then? Probably. Still, Newkirk working a nightshift on his own free will? Very mysterious; at best. Guess I don't even want to know. Kinch shrugged his wonder away and went to bed.
Meanwhile Newkirk went on his special mission. He was able to easily find his way in the tunnel system underneath Stalag 13. The Englishman climbed up the ladder to the tunnel exit of his choice and listened to the silence for a little while. When he was sure that there was not the slightest sound disturbing the silence, Newkirk carefully triggered the mechanism that pushed the stove in Kommandant Klink's personal quarters aside. He stopped once more to listen, but there was nothing to be heard, and eventually climbed out of the tunnel. As soundless as the tunnel entrance was uncovered, as soundless it was closed again. Newkirk moved in the dark like a cat burglar: lightly and silently. He reached his destination in no time. Peace of cake. He smiled. Hello, hello, hello, exactly what I was looking for. Newkirk reached above his head, screwed off the cover, placed a little tab inside the cover and screwed it back on. That's it. See, didn't hurt a bit. Mission accomplished. Satisfied with himself he sneaked back through Klink's quarters and disappeared in the darkness of the tunnel.
The following morning LeBeau was the first one up and making coffee. The very first cup was always for his CO. The French corporal walked over to the colonel's quarters and knocked at the door. As every day he carefully opened the door and peaked inside. Colonel Hogan was up already and greeted the Frenchman cheerfully, "good morning, LeBeau." "Good morning, colonel," the corporal answered. Colonel Hogan gratefully took the cup that LeBeau handed to him, "thank you." He was in a very good mood, looking forward to a new day that would start with a nice cup of coffee.
LeBeau had gone back to the common area of the barracks in order to no longer disturb his COs privacy and the serious thinking, that he was possibly doing, when a loud outburst startled the corporal deeply.
"What the hell?" Colonel Hogan yelled. He almost had spit out the sip of coffee he had just taken. Instead he barely managed to get this horrible stuff down somehow. In between coughing he shouted, "what did you do with my coffee? Are you trying to poison me?"
LeBeau stood in the open office door with the alarmed and shocked expression on his face of an innocent man who found himself falsely accused. Newkirk was already behind him wearing a broad grin. He looked positively smug. This gave him away completely as the true rascal for Hogan immediately came to the right conclusion, "Newkirk, now you went too far!" "April fool," the Englishman answered. "Sir," he added quickly. Despite himself LeBeau started to laugh. He just couldn't help himself. Colonel Hogan went from looking shocked to looking angry to starting to smile. But just as fast as the smile appeared, it vanished again and in a in a stern voice he commanded: "Corporal Newkirk, get me a new cup of coffee. With sugar in it this time, on the double!" Should have known. He inwardly sighed. Somehow I have a feeling this was just the beginning of a long day and there is more to come than just salt in my coffee.
Newkirk returned with a sweetened cup of coffee. He looked as meek as a lamb, not at all sure what to expect. Colonel Hogan's face showed a stony expression that darkened even more when Newkirk gently placed the cup on the desk. The Englishman was wondering if he completely failed in estimating his CO's sense of humour correctly. He swallowed hard and looked at Colonel Hogan with wide expecting eyes.
"Corporal Newkirk," the colonel began, "a soldier who behaves with disrespect toward his superior commissioned officer shall be punished as a court-martial may direct." Newkirk's eyes widened even more. He couldn't have misjudged the colonel so badly, could he? The Englishman began to feel increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. "Luckily you only tried to poison me, nothing disrespectful about that, is there?" Colonel Hogan said matter-of-factly. "Eh, I guess not, sir." Newkirk glanced over to LeBeau who was still standing there. He could see that the Frenchman's face was just as unreadable as the colonel's.
Suddenly Colonel Hogan's expression relaxed noticeably and he said with a slight smile on his face: "Alright Newkirk, nice practical joke. Is there any more to come today?" Newkirk eventually dared to breathe again. A ruddy court-martial, huh, you really had me there for a moment, colonel. Made a right April fool of me, too, you did. But instead he said: "I'd rather not answer any questions at this particular time, sir." "I take that as a yes." The colonel inwardly sighed once more. This first of April really could turn out to be a long day. Noticing the sign of worry on Colonel Hogan's face, Newkirk added, "but no more pranks that involve you, governor."