DISCLAIMER: All bow down to the great Joss Whedon. Hail.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Jen Wood was a devout Buffy fan…or so she thought. Mwahahahahahahahahaha.
Jen rolled over in bed, making a little yawnie sound as she did. If she was lucky, she'd be able to squeeze in another hour of sleep before she had to sit through the chemistry lecture from Hades.
"Rise and shine, sleepy head," a gentle voice called from the doorway. Jen was confused, wondering just how much her roommate, Katrina, had had to drink the night before. Sleepy head was so third grade, and Katrina had goth tendencies that basically precluded any sentence that didn't have the words horrifying, deep, or dead squirrel in it.
"Time to get up, Callie-girl," the voice continued, sounding pretty darn happy. How anyone could be that chipper before a chemistry lecture, Jen wasn't sure, and what was with the Callie thing?
"Go away," she mumbled, tossing a pillow in the voice's general direction.
"Callie," the voice said, giggling in surprise. Then Jen knew something was wrong. Katrina never, ever giggled. Cackled maybe, but not so much so with the giggling. She opened her mind and said the first thing that came to mind when she saw the blonde girl standing in front of her.
"You're not Katrina," she said. "You're Sarah Michelle Gellar." Something was definitely odd she thought, quickly followed in her mind by a chorus of "thank you, Captain Obvious."
"What are you talking about sweetie? You're not making much with the sense." Jen couldn't believe that SMG really talked like that. She had always been under the impression that the only people who talked like that were those Buffyverse peeps controlled by Joss and clever, clever writing people who spent all day thinking up cute little quips. Then, something else struck her as slightly strange.
"Why is my voice so small?" she asked. "I sound like a four year old."
"Honey," Buffy replied, "you're seven." Jen looked at her hands. They were little hands. She looked at her nightgown. It had cows on it. What kind of nineteen year old wore cow pajamas? She jumped to her feet.
"No standing on the bed, Callie," Buffy said quickly. "You know that. What is up with you this morning?" Jen had seen enough episodes of Buffy to realize that she and the Buffyesque girl in front of her definitely weren't operating on the same page, and she, for one, wasn't about to spend an entire hour trying to straighten out the cute little mix up.
"Who are you?" she asked, secretly knowing the answer.
"I'm Buffy," the girl replied.
"The vampire slayer?" Jen asked sarcastically.
"You know you're not supposed to talk about that, Callie. It's a secret. No one can know your big sister fights demons, right?" Now, Jen was very confused.
"You don't have a sister named Callie," she replied. Buffy rolled her eyes.
"Of course I do," she said, "silly."
"Uh, no you don't," Jen said. "You have one sister, and you've only had her for two seasons." Now, Buffy was confused.
She put her hand to Jen's forehead. "No fever," she said under her breath. Great, thought Jen, I've been sucked into a TV show, and I don't get even get a cool part. I'm seven, I can't convince Buffy that I'm really not, and she doesn't even know that she doesn't have a little sister named Callie. Darn Joss Whedon.
"Now what I'm going to say may sound kind of strange," Jen said in her kid voice. "I'm not your little sister. You don't have a baby sister. In fact, you're not even real. You're a character on a television show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Buffy scoffed. "What kind of name is that? No one would ever name a television series that. That's like calling Dawson's Creek 'Dawson the mopey annoying guy with bad hair who can't decide whether or not he wants Joey.'."
"Listen to me Buffy, I'm not your little sister," Jen tried to explain but Buffy cut her off.
"Are you still mad I wouldn't let you watch The Wizard of Oz with us last night? You know how those munchkins scare you."
"Seriously, I'm not your little sister. I'm a nineteen year old freshman at Yale University." Jen's voice was really high pitched, and even to her it sounded funny. "And why the hell would I be scared of munchkins?"
"Callie Beth!" Buffy scolded. "You know better than using words like that. Now get up. We have to go to the Magic Box to meet with Miss Anya and see how she's doing."
"I'm telling you, I'm not Callie, and I am nineteen years old."
Buffy's eyes twinkled. "Then what is your name?" she asked, clearly humoring Jen.
"Jen Wood," she replied.
"Well, Jen, I need you to come with me to the Magic Box so get up and I'll fix you some Lucky Charms." Jen decided that she would have to wait until someone else who would listen to her was around before she could fully explain the situation.
"Whatever," she replied.
"You've been hanging around Dawn too long," Buffy said. Jen got up and got dressed, impressed with her clothing selection. For a seven year old, she had some pretty chic clothes, but then again, everyone on Buffy dressed sharply.
She went downstairs and had a bowl of Lucky Charms and planned her strategy for convincing the Scooby Gang that she really was a nineteen year old Yale student and not a seven year old sister of Buffy's. The Lucky Charms were magically delicious.
TBC…(if I get enough reviews)