So I've been away for a few weeks as you might have noticed (or not, who knows?). Mom and I went to Mexico, where the Tequila flows freely. Anyway, I was sitting here at the end of the trip looking over my pictures, and there were a LOT of selfies with donkeys. (More than usual, I don't normally do selfies, Atlantic City was the exception to the rule.) So this Idea popped into my head, and I thought I'd share it with you…
BTW, I don't karaoke... for good reasons. I really do think you need copious amounts of alcohol to do it, but more power to the people who do!
All the fun characters belong to Janet Evanovich… All the mistakes are mine.
Urgh. I knew I couldn't hold my liquor. That's no big secret. In my defense, it wasn't like I was drinking great big glasses of different colored drinks. I was shopping. My sister Val just turned the Big 4-0, and Grandma Mazur paid for a five day cruise for two. Albert couldn't go because he finally had a case that could make them some serious money, so she invited me to go with her.
Our first stop was Grand Turk. I didn't realize that every glass of punch I drank was about forty percent Rum until the next day. I woke up hung over, with no access to The Cure, I might add. When I looked at my phone, there were about a million pictures of donkeys. Pictures of me and Val with donkeys, pictures of just Val with donkeys, pictures of me sharing my punch with donkeys. At least there's no WiFi here, so I probably didn't upload them to Facebook yet.
The next day of the cruise, we were at sea. I didn't drink nearly as much since you had to pay for the booze. We played trivia poorly, we lost money at the casino, we ate way too much, and we laid out on lounge chairs in the sun. It was a perfect day.
The next day we were in Costa Maya, Mexico. As soon as we walked off the ship, there was nothing but stores and beaches as far as the eye could see. It was like heaven fell to earth and landed in Mexico. Every store we went into gave out little samples of tequila. Val insisted that we try some. Since the glasses were about the size of thimbles, I figured three or four wouldn't do me in. Boy was I wrong. I vaguely recall dancing with someone who looked like an owl, and climbing a gazillion steps somewhere, but that was about all. So apparently I shouldn't be sampling, either.
I cracked an eye open so that I could look for my cell phone. I may not like what I find, but at least I'll have a clue what went on. The first thing I noticed was that I wasn't in the cabin Val and I shared. The next thing I noticed was that the sheets smelled faintly of Bulgari. I shot upright and immediately regretted that decision. I was holding my head in my hands when I felt the bed dip. The scent of fries was like a gift from heaven. I pried my eyes open again to see the best sight I've seen since we left Trenton. Ranger was on the bed holding The Cure. No, this wasn't Ranger, it was Carlos. Even Better. Ranger doesn't wear cargo shorts and flip flops. Looking at a his chest made me think of the theme song from The Love Boat. Still, I had no idea where we were, how I got here, or if I was still even on the ship. "How?" was all I could manage to get out.
Carlos smiled at me. "Babe." He handed me the fries. They weren't McDonalds, but they were hot and greasy. As soon as they hit my tongue, I felt my stomach settle.
I took a sip of the Coke and looked at Carlos again. "How did you get here?"
"You called me from Grand Turk. I saved the message so that you could hear it if you want."
"But that doesn't explain why you're here or where we are." Ever since Joe and I broke up for good, Carlos and I have been seeing more of each other. We still haven't defined our relationship. I know in my case it's because I'm afraid he'll tell me that we don't have a relationship, no matter what everyone else thinks.
"Babe, we're on the ship. I called the cruise line and there was a suite available. I met up with the boat in Costa Maya, and found you doing Karaoke Under the Stars." He looked like he was thinking about smiling.
"Ugh." I know I can't sing. "How bad was it?"
The almost smile turned into a two hundred watt grin. "Well, you were singing, 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman' when I found you." I wanted to curl up under the sheets and hide when he said that. "The best part was when you saw me and changed songs mid-stream. The guy running the karaoke finally just stopped the music and let you do whatever you wanted."
"You're making this up." At least I hoped he was.
He was still grinning when he handed me his phone. It was already cued to a video of me holding a microphone. Did I really want to press play? Curiosity got the better of me, and I hit it. There I was doing a truly horrible Shania Twain impersonation. He was right. When I was looking directly at the camera, I stopped singing. I started singing 'I Will Always Love You'. I decided that I could use a good Iceberg right about then. The video stopped and I hung my head. I don't think I could get any more embarrassed.
Carlos tipped my chin up so that I was looking at him. "I love you too, Babe. Came all the way to Mexico because I couldn't stand not having you there with me."
"Really?"
"Really." He kissed me. It was filled with passion and promise, and sent heat straight to my doo-dah. When we pulled apart, he was still smiling.
I had to ask, "So does this mean we're going to really be in a relationship?"
He trailed little kisses across my chin to my ear. He whispered, "We're going to do this, and it's going to be good."
When we got to the buffet for lunch, I found Val smiling and sitting with Albert. I sat with them while Carlos went to get us some food. I asked Albert, "How did you get here?"
Val was practically bouncing with excitement. "The insurance company settled at the last minute. Mom took the girls and Ranger brought my Snoogie-Woogums here for me! Isn't that great?"
I was happy for her. "I just wish I wasn't singing karaoke when he got here."
Val sighed. "I don't know why. That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen."
"I romantically changed songs right in the middle of singing badly?"
She laughed. "No, after that." She took out her cell phone and cued it to the video. When I hit play, I was singing the second song. Carlos walked up to me on the stage, took the microphone and handed it to the karaoke guy, kissed me, and carried me off the stage like Richard Gere carrying Deborah Winger. It really was romantic.
When I looked up from the video, Carlos was sitting next to me. He took the cell phone out of my hand and gave it back to Val. I kissed him again and said, "I love you."
He kissed me back and said, "I love you too, Babe. Always."