This is just a quick one-shot that I wrote after watching the deleted scenes from Seeds regarding Fitz and Jemma's differing takes on their introduction at the Academy. Takes place Post-Season 1 finale.
Don't own any of the characters/Agents of Shield. All mistakes are my own.
They're standing about ten feet apart, throwing a light medicine ball back and forth, with Fitz using every bit of energy he has to catch, toss, and repeat. He's improved tremendously since the last time they'd done this exercise, no longer having to collapse in a nearby chair to steady his breathing after a few rounds. His cane is laying on the ground next to him, with his wheelchair a few feet away in case the exertion gets to him. They'd learned the hard way what Jemma would do if she found out about the lack of safety nets. Skye's never had parents but she thinks that if she did, Jemma Simmons could have taught them a few things about yelling and punishment.
She's not too worried about being reprimanded now. She and Fitz have followed Jemma's strict rules this time and, even if they hadn't, the scientist has been away from the Playground for a few days on a mission with May and Trip. No calls in and no calls out. She knows that they're meant to be arriving back at the base tonight but the separation has been making her anxious. Fitz has been even worse, spending every spare moment in the gym doing any type of physical therapy he could think of. She admires his determination but is well aware that there is an unvoiced reason behind his diligence.
She may not have graduated high school, but that doesn't mean she's an idiot. She'd known from the second Fitz had woken up that something had changed between him and Simmons. There was a palpable tension whenever the two were in the same room and her questioning glances towards Jemma had yet to result in any explanation.
The two had experienced something that she wouldn't wish upon her greatest enemy and it wasn't surprising that they had changed, Fitz physically and Jemma emotionally. She realizes that she's probably being more than selfish when she thinks about how much she wishes they hadn't. She misses their science babble and the way in which simply sharing a look could spurn an instantaneous conversation. She misses their easy camaraderie and their constant positivity and warmth. More than anything, she misses feeling like a third wheel.
It's impossible to be a third wheel when the two wheels, the ones meant to be connected and in sync at all times, can barely last ten minutes in the same room together.
She feels a sharp pang when thinking of the eager and untroubled scientists that had welcomed her onto the bus. She watches as the ball leaves her hands with ease, arcs in the air, and is caught by Fitz's trembling hands. She thinks that he may be close to reaching his breaking point and decides that the only way to prevent it from happening is by distracting him. And if she hopes said topic of distraction will unveil whatever chasm has caused FitzSimmons to become Fitz and Simmons… nobody but her needs to know.
"Hey Fitz? When did you and Jemma go from being rivals to friends?" It's an innocent enough question but she can visualize the trajectory of the conversation and hopes that it ends with Fitz explaining his awkwardness with Jemma.
"Rivals? What do you mean? Jemma and I were never rivals." He says it so casually as he lobs the ball towards her that she suddenly wonders if he's ever heard Jemma's version of their first introduction. "Oh… Really? She told me that when you guys first met you were both so competitive that you wouldn't speak to her. She told me you hated her at first." The ball transfers from her hands to his own and for a brief moment she thinks he may drop it.
"She said what?!" Fitz's exclamation, combined with the extra force he puts behind his next throw, startles her enough that she barely manages to snag the ball before it hits the ground. She looks up and sees him staring at her as though she'd told him that every monkey species on earth had gone extinct.
"Yeah she said… she told me that you hated her! That you two were rivals and that you wouldn't speak to her until you were forced to be lab partners for class!" Not for the first time she feels utterly stupid speaking to Fitz. With every word she says his face becomes even more disbelieving until his mouth is slightly open and his eyes are drawn together. His utter bafflement confuses her and she quickly realizes that maybe FitzSimmons hadn't always been on the same wavelength.
"Well of course I didn't bloody speak to her! One doesn't just walk up to the smartest person at SciOps without diligent preparation. I didn't speak to her because I didn't have anything worth saying!" His face is bright red and his voice becomes louder with each word. He's breathing heavier now than he was throwing the ball and his hands are clenched at his sides, shaking slightly from the tension that is running through him.
She's suddenly worried that her attempt at distracting Fitz has done more harm than good and rushes to pacify him. "Okay yeesh. I'm sorry! That's what she told me and, seeing as Jemma Simmons can't lie for shit, I assumed it was true! She said you hated her, and I believed it." He looks at the floor and front of him, closing his eyes and struggling to gain control over his labored breathing.
She sees movement behind him and notices that the topic of their discussion has returned early from her mission and is now standing in the doorway. Skye uses Fitz's closed eyes to her advantage, vehemently shaking her head and widening her eyes at Jemma, hoping that the scientist will understand her gestures and refrain from making her presence known. For a second the scientist looks as though she will ignore the hacker, moving to take a step into the room, until Fitz's next statement causes her to come to an abrupt halt.
"I haven't spent a second of my life hating Jemma Simmons."
Her eyes move back to Fitz and she is struck by the sincerity that radiates off of him. She wonders if it's the same look Jemma saw before they escaped from the bottom of the ocean. She'd heard bits and pieces, nothing specific, but Jemma had made it clear on more than one occasion that the only reason she was alive was because of him. "I know Fitz. I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean anything by it. I was just curious."
"No!" It's not quite a shout but there's a force behind the word that startles her. "No you don't know. I didn't… I never…" He sounds distraught now and her eyes flit between his flexing hands and the immobile woman that stands behind him. "Skye, Jemma was… Jemma was brilliant. Not just smart or bright, brilliant. Absolutely and completely brilliant." He begins gesticulating wildly and takes slow steps towards her, not even aware of his steady progress. "She was the youngest at the academy by almost a full month and was correcting some of the most revered professors in the field! She was the most intimidating person I'd ever met! I wasn't… I couldn't… I was just me."
His voice cracks a bit on the last word and Skye suddenly realizes that for all of Fitz's cockiness and bravado, he doesn't see himself in quite the same light as those around him. She chances another glance at Jemma and notices that the other woman is near tears. Her hand is covering her mouth and all she does is stare at the back of Fitz's head.
"I read every BioChem book I could get my hands on just so I could keep up with her. I answered as many questions as I could in the hopes that she'd notice me. I tried to do anything I could to impress her, even though I knew I never could. I just… just at least wanted to equal her… or to come close? I didn't… I didn't know she thought… All I wanted was to be good enough for her to like me. I just wanted her to like me Skye. I was a bloody idiot."
"Oh Fitz…" She can visualize his younger self, sitting in the back of a classroom, getting picked on by those around him, and desperate for a companion. It's not difficult to imagine 18 year-old Fitz doing everything his socially awkward self could to try and gain a friend, to try and earn one. She's seen the way he looks at Jemma when he thinks no one is paying attention, and she realizes that it's a look he's likely had for the past decade. It's a look of complete admiration.
"Even after I found something clever enough to say, even after we became friends, I still tried to keep up. I jumped at any chance I had to spout a fact or confirm a hypothesis. I didn't want her to think that… that I couldn't keep up. I didn't hate Jemma, I was in awe of her. I didn't hate her."
"Do you now?" The second the words leave her mouth she sees Jemma tense behind Fitz, shutting her eyes and grasping the doorframe until her knuckles turn white. She realizes that this, this, is what has caused the months of awkward interactions and impersonal behavior. Skye asks the question that she now realizes has been the dark cloud hovering above FitzSimmons. Jemma looks terrified and Skye realizes that she's found the root of the issue.
The terror that is emanating from Jemma seems to permeate into Skye herself and she is suddenly worried about Fitz's answer.
"What do you mean do I now?"
"You don't do that anymore! You used to spit out science jargon that only Jemma could understand but… you haven't since… since the pod." She takes a deep breath and finishes the thought that she knows everyone in the base has kept to themselves. "Jemma took the oxygen. She took the oxygen and dragged you to the surface and you haven't FitzSimmonsed since." She chances a glance at Jemma and sees that the blood has drained from her face. She seems to be holding her breath and everything falls into place for Skye. She's finally voiced what has been Jemma's mantra for the past few weeks.
"Because I can't anymore! I could barely equal her on a good day and now… now there are no good days. I'm not… I'm not the way I was before. I can't keep up and I don't want to slow her down." Fitz's gaze returns to his shoes and he suddenly looks like the young man he is. He looks utterly defeated, as though the weight of the world is crushing him, and feels physically wounded just looking at him.
The female scientist shoots a pleading look towards Skye, not even bothering to wipe the tears from her face. Skye understands what the other woman is silently asking, begging really, and decides to ignore it. She's not going to comfort Fitz, to pity him like others would, because right now Jemma needs to hear what he has to say. "So you don't hate her? You don't hate Jemma?" Her eyes are focused on Fitz when the question leaves her mouth so she sees his head snap up with perfect clarity. She also sees Jemma drop to her knees behind him.
Fitz suddenly puts his hands on her shoulders and looks at her with a burning intensity. "You still don't get it do you? You and I… we're decent people Skye but Jemma… Jemma's not like us. Jemma is… she's good. She's an inherently good person. I knew it the minute I saw her at our orientation at Shield and I've known it every minute since. So no. I don't hate her. Like I said, I never have. And even if I had lost all of my memories, the one thing I'd always know is that I never could." He removes his hands, shoving them in his pockets, and stares at her like he wants this moment, this conversation, to be one that she'll never forget or doubt. "Jemma Simmons is not someone to be hated. She's someone that everyone else should strive to be more like, and if… if they're like me and they can't, they should do everything they can to at least be her friend."
He's only a foot away from her now and she doesn't hesitate to throw her arms around him, clutching him in a vice-like grip and squeezing him with all the strength she has. There is an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that engulfs her. She's grateful that this man in front of her faced death and won. She's grateful that someone as brave and selfless as Fitz thinks she's a decent person, despite knowing what she's done on the missions she's been sent on. And she's grateful that whatever happened between Jemma and Fitz in the med pod, and whatever else has happened every day since, is repairable. She's grateful because she knows that whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, Fitz and Simmons will be FitzSimmons and she'll happily be their third wheel.
She closed her eyes on impact with Fitz, and when she opens them again she sees a light brown ponytail whip around the corner, into the hallway and completely out of sight. She pulls away from Fitz, wiping away the moisture that has gathered around her eyes, and grins at him. "Leopold Fitz. You are without a doubt the best person I've ever met. And you're a total sap, which I appreciate and admire. You're also completely clueless about a lot of things. Most of which you'll figure out soon I'm sure but one of which is that you just walked your monkey-loving self over here without anyone, or anything's, help. So, I'm going to sneak into the pantry, risk being caught by Koening for stealing candy, risk being caught by Simmons for giving you candy, and then you and I are playing hooky from PT for the rest of the evening and we're going to watch all of those dumb movies you've been trying to get me to illegally download for the past few weeks."
She won't admit to choking up a bit during her little speech but she's sure that Fitz won't let her forget it anytime soon. She waits for him to begin his teasing and is slightly stunned when it never comes. Instead of his mischievous smirk, his blue eyes are shining with his own unshed tears. He turns to look at the cane and wheelchair that are abandoned in the corner of the room. She can't help ruffling his hair as she moves to pass him and make good on her promise of candy. He grabs her hand as passes him, giving it a light squeeze and whispering a, "Thank you," with so much emotion she has to turn away and keep walking so he won't see her start tearing up again.
The minute she leaves the room her ears are trained for the sound she knows is inevitable. She makes it twenty feet down the hall before she hears the crying. She turns the corner and is met by the sight of Jemma Simmons, sitting against the wall, gasping for breath as her hands cover her face. Skye doesn't hesitate to slide down the wall next to her friend and wrap her arm around the inconsolable woman. Jemma puts up no resistance and allows herself to be pulled into Skye's arms, broken sobs wracking her body.
Skye had seen silent tears make their way down Jemma's in the days following her and Fitz's rescue from the ocean, but this is the first moment that the other woman has allowed someone else to witness a complete breakdown. Skye can't even imagine what Jemma had been feeling prior to overhearing Fitz's confession, but she has a hunch that the scientist has spent every minute of every day in a state of all-consuming guilt. It was one thing for her to think that he'd hated her in the beginning, before they'd met and become friends, but thinking that Fitz hated her after a decade of partnership was likely more painful than anything else Jemma had been faced with. Skye lets Jemma sob into her lap, stroking the other girl's hair as her tears fall. She's not sure how long they sit there but the sobs gradually morph into gasps and sniffles, and she feels Jemma's grasp on her arm loosen.
"He doesn't hate me." It's a mumble and Skye feels the words more than she hears them. The statement full of relief, wonder, and anguish and all Skye can think to do is rub Jemma's shoulder and respond with an, "Of course he doesn't." It's another few minutes before Jemma lifts herself back up into a sitting position and scrubs at her face, attempting to wipe away the remaining tears.
Skye let's her head drop onto the other girl's shoulder and smiles when she feels Jemma's head fall atop her own. "I think. I think that these past few months have been awful. I think that everyone has been hurting and grieving and walking around on eggshells. I think that everyone's changed but… but I think it'll be okay. I think we're all going to be okay. I think you two are going to be okay." She hopes that Jemma can hear the sincerity, can understand that Skye believes in FitzSimmons more than perhaps anything else in this ever darkening world.
Jemma grabs her hand, squeezing it much like Fitz did earlier, and Skye can't keep herself from smiling. "Even when you're not speaking, you two are psychically linked." A small snort escapes Jemma and that more than anything confirms Skye's earlier statement. They're all healing slowly but sooner or later, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, they'll be okay.
She hoists herself off the ground and holds her hand down to help Jemma up. "Come on Simmons. I promised your other half that I'd sneak him some candy and help him illegally watch some dumb movies. You grab the snacks, I'll grab your boytoy and set up the flicks." Jemma hesitates for the briefest of moments, likely realizing that joining them for movie night will be quite the shift from her most recent interactions with Fitz, but then grabs Skye's hand with a determined look and picks herself up.
Jemma walks in the direction of the pantry and Skye makes her way back to Fitz. She ignores his complaints of, "What the hell took you so long?" and shoves him into his wheelchair, pushing him out of the gym. They make it to the lounge and Skye helps Fitz hoist himself onto the couch before organizing all of the blankets and pillows the way she likes them and plopping down on the side of the couch furthest from Fitz. She waits a few seconds before turning her head in his direction and laughs when she sees his face. "I'm not contagious Skye! And where's the candy you've promised me?!" She's about to respond when a soft, distinctly British, voice beats her to it.
"Here." Skye can't stop the laugh that escapes her when Fitz's head whips around towards the direction of Jemma's voice. His mouth drops open when he sees her standing beside him, hand outstretched with a box of Milk-Duds and an enormous bowl of popcorn. His mouth opens and closes in confusion and Skye almost squeals when Jemma exasperatedly says, "Honestly Fitz. We both know you shouldn't be eating candy at all so unless you take it in the next three seconds, it's going back in the pantry where it belongs." Fitz turns his head back towards Skye and she rolls her eyes at his bafflement. "I don't think she's kidding Fitz, you'd better take it while you can."
His eyes return to Jemma and Skye can see that the other girl is holding her breath, waiting for some sort of rejection or crushing blow. Neither happens and instead Fitz tentatively takes the proffered chocolates staring at the box before raising his eyes to meet Jemma's. His small smile turns into a beaming one and Skye sees the water gather around Jemma's eyes as she exhales in relief. Jemma takes the open seat between herself and Fitz and Skye presses play on the movie. Ten seconds in she realizes it's as stupid as she thought it would be and decides to covertly watch the real-life entertainment beside her.
It's awkward at first, as though the two of them have spent so much time distancing themselves from each other that they no longer know how to coexist. They are both ramrod straight, trying not to look at each other while simultaneously trying to watch everything that the other is doing. Twenty minutes into the movie Jemma mutters about how implausible the deadly virus is and Fitz nods his head in agreement, tacking on the fact that robotics do not work that way in real life. Forty minutes in and Jemma hands the popcorn to Fitz as he simultaneously passes her the chocolate, neither taking their eyes off of the screen. An hour in and the two are sharing a blanket and bemoaning the fact that the male lead just incorrectly gave a speech on something scientific that Skye hadn't even comprehended.
By the time the credits roll Fitz has fallen asleep on Jemma's shoulder, physically and emotionally exhausted from the day, and Skye has given up pretending that she hasn't been avidly watching them instead of the movie. Jemma is carding her hand through Fitz's hair, more at ease than Skye has seen her in months.
"Hey Jemma?" She regrets breaking the moment of peace but she can't help it. There's been a nagging question in her brain since her earlier talk with Fitz and she needs it to be answered. Jemma turns her gaze from Fitz to Skye, a soft smile on her face and a growing lightness in her eyes. "Hmmm..?"
"I was just wondering what Fitz told you during that lab. What did he say that made the two of you become FitzSimmons." For a brief moment she regrets asking the question because Jemma's smile dissipates immediately. Her hand stills for a moment in Fitz's hair as a look of concentration takes over her face. Skye is about to tell her to forget about it when a smile blooms across Jemma's face and, for the first time in a long while, it reaches her eyes.
"We were tasked with coming up with an antiserum for an unknown virus. We'd spent days working on it, trying to come up with a solution. The last day of the lab we were meant to test them on the rats. I was… I was worried that the serum wouldn't work. I was worried that the rat would die because of us, because of me, and he… he said…" She pauses midsentence and Skye implores her to continue.
"What did he say Jemma?" The scientist's gaze returns to her sleeping friend (partner, soul-mate) and her fingers resume their ministrations in his hair. Her smile softens as Fitz unconsciously moves closer to her.
"He told me that… that if I thought about it, since the First Law of Thermodynamics stated that no energy could be created or destroyed, even if the antiserum didn't work, I shouldn't worry about killing the rat because, according to science, it could never really be killed. That whether the serum worked or not, eventually the rat would go on to become something else."
She has a feeling that some bit of information has been left out, but as she watches Jemma's fingers move from Fitz's hair to his cheek, a look of utter adoration on her face, Skye realizes that whatever the missing piece of the story is; it's not for her to know.
Yet…