by: Shirley Ann Burton
However, this day, I was feeling a little sad, down in the dumps as the old cliché goes. I really didn't know why I was feeling somewhat depressed.
It was never easy for me to share this with anyone because there was no one I could really talk to about Ace Cooper, or his friends, or his enemies. I had spent much of my life in studying (really), never getting outside to have a life. Unfortunately, with the recent violence in all different places, I was a little nervous about going outside in the first place.
I put my head down and was about to cry when I heard a male voice at the door of my room. "Hi, Shirley," said the gentleman with the black hair and the white streak, tuft on the top, and the deep blue eyes.
I looked up to notice his usual stage outfit. "Oh, hi, Ace."
He suddenly noticed the sad look on my face. "Hey, are you all right? What's the matter?"
"Ace, I need to know something. Do you think I'm too weird for my own good?"
Growing concerned, he sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "You want to talk about it?"
"There's no one else," I answered with a sigh, "so why not?" I started to talk about what was bothering me. "At times I think I don't belong anywhere because I like things that are so off-course no one else can really understand what I get into."
"You mean like me, and all the other things you enjoy, like Sailor Moon, and The Shadow, and so forth."
"Right. I somehow have this knack or gift of being able to understand things clearly where other people would have no idea. I know I'm somewhat of an oddball, which is why one of my screen names is 'Oddball Extreme.' It matches exactly what I am, since I do know things many others don't.
"What's really hard about it is that I have literally no one to talk to around here. If I mention either your name or Sailor Moon, most people would say, 'Huh?' or 'What?' The only three people I have been able to talk to before, one has since moved away, one has a different job, and one has been laid off from work for the summer. I basically sit alone in the lunch room at work because I can't talk to anyone about my interests."
"Why don't you just sit with them and chat about anything?"
"I do at times, but most of the time it's stuff I find very boring. It's the typical talk about how's the day or what one plans this evening or something. It's just too dull for me. I'd rather be talking about science fiction or fantasy because there's excitement to me, and I love things that are odd and different."
"I don't see anything wrong with that."
"Maybe you don't, but my mother thinks there is something wrong with me because I do like all this strange stuff."
"Well, do you think anything's wrong with you?"
"No, of course not. I enjoy everything I get into because there's something fun and exciting. I love to learn something new all the time, and I find so many things appealing to me.
"However, some people at work try to tell me that I can't have any fun unless I have a man in my life. I know at least two people who like to pick at me because I don't have a boyfriend, and they think life's more exciting with 'a man.' I totally disagree with them. I know how to have a lot of fun without having to go to a nightclub or a bar. I'm just not a party animal; I never have been, and I never will be. Besides, I'm scared at looking for a man right now because I can't tell what they'll do anymore. A man who looks sweet and innocent can more than likely hide a darker personality and desire, not to take anything away from you."
"No, you're fine. I understand. In this day and age, it's really difficult to trust some people because they may have a more dangerous intention unless you find out first."
"Yeah, I know. In all honesty, I wish I could find someone like you. You're so charming and friendly, but you don't have to hide any rotten ideas. I may as well face it. There is no one in the real world for me. I'm just too far different to belong with anyone.
"On top of that, my brother's now giving me fits about what I download off the Net."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He thinks some things I downloaded are going to get me into trouble with the law. The problem with what he's saying is that it applied to only one website which was shut down. We got into a shouting match about it because he thinks he knows everything about the Internet and what I can download, but he doesn't own a computer, and I've known about the Net for nearly five years now.
"Also, lately, it seems like he doesn't care what really happens to Mom and me. When Mom needs to get somewhere and I can't take her because I'm at work, he'll come along and take her . . . if she pays for gasoline."
"You've got to be kidding!" he exclaimed in shock.
"No, it's no joke. Also, one time I left my lunch at home by accident, and Mom called him to bring it over to work for me. His response: 'Just let her go hungry.' He knows if I go too long without food, I shake and sweat. Any longer and I could easily pass out. I don't think he cares anymore. I know he's married and all, but he can at least look out for his own mother and sister, too."
"I think he still cares about you and your mother. He's probably under a lot of stress with raising a family and all. How old was he when he got married?"
"He was just 19. That idea really scared me because he was so young, and I already knew I wasn't ready for that commitment at that age. The way things are nowadays, I just don't feel comfortable about looking for a boyfriend right now."
I could no longer hold back the tears I had built up inside.
Ace gave me a hug for a little comfort. "Shirley," he said calmly, "it's okay. Go ahead and cry. Don't hold it all inside. You've grown up in a family with strong values, and you hold them so close. You have pride in your soul, and you're not the type of person who would want to stoop low enough just to try to fit in somewhere."
"I'd feel stupid if I did anything like that."
"I did feel stupid after what I had done in my youth."
"I know. There are moments in our lives we live to regret, but we have to put that in the past where they belong. I want to enjoy life, and I know I don't need a boyfriend to do it right now. I'm just not ready for one."
"Hey, it's your life, and no one can tell you what you should do. You should decide by yourself how you want to live life."
"I want to live a life with nothing to worry about constantly."
"We all do, in a way. Believe me, if I didn't have this Magic Force, I would be living a normal life, I think."
Drying my eyes, I stated, "I wish I could do magic half as well as you do. Then, I can make every problem I have disappear."
"No way. It'll never happen. All you can do is find your own Magic Force."
I looked at him as confused as the time I had found out he was a criminal as a teenager. "Huh? My own Magic Force? What are you talking about?"
"Well, it's not the same as the actual Magic Force itself, but there's something that makes us all unique. In a way, it's kind of a different version of the Magic Force. Your Magic Force comes in the way you communicate your feelings sometimes, through your writing. Think, why did you create the character Angela Jacobs in the first place?"
"She was created . . . as a way for me to express myself and my feelings at times."
"You also created Rita Wisland and Ashley Brighton. Why did you create them?"
"Because Rita represented the overprotective relative, like my mother tends to be. As for Ashley, she was created to be the best friend in life, just like a friend here in Montgomery." I then came to a sudden realization. "Of course, all the characters I've created have something to do with me and my emotions."
"Now you're talking. You notice in some of your friends' stories where their original characters have real emotions?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do notice that."
"Because a lot of the time, serious writers tend to use their own emotions to shape the story. In all the stories you've done, you were able to express your own inner emotions, ranging from happiness to sadness. You found a positive outlet for your own feelings, instead of holding them all inside, where it wasn't good for you. Remember in that first story, where you had Angie trying to suppress her hidden powers because she was scared she was becoming a rival to me?"
"Yeah. She had made that promise after her parents' deaths, and you convinced her not to be afraid."
"No, you convinced her through me. Remember, you're the one who wrote the story. The Magic Force within you is made of emotional writing. When you're feeling depressed, you like to write those feelings down, in any possible way, such as the fanfic stories. You're not afraid to express yourself because you can tell how you're feeling deep inside and convert it into words on a sheet of paper."
"I also like to use the second break at work to try to type parts of some stories up, just to get a general idea on what I really want to do with the story. Of course, that all changes when I actually do the story on my website."
"I can understand that. You said it yourself when I was here before. You can change it any way you want when you put the story up on your site."
"Also, I've done something I never thought I'd do. I'm starting to put the stories up on the fly. I mean, I'm doing it now without the use of a notebook."
"I see. You're getting the ideas in your head, and you're quickly getting them down to prepare for the next part of the story, right?"
"Exactly. I'm somehow able to do that now where I couldn't before. Why is that?"
"Probably because you're so used to doing things on the computer by now you're able to think very quickly about what you want to say, and you want to do it as fast as you can before you accidentally forget it. That's great."
"It should be. I'm normally very slow in developing some things, except for you, of course."
Ace laughed about it. "See, there's a little something which makes us all who we are. Everyone has that je ne sais quoi about them, and some of us can find that faster than others. For me, it was magic. For you, it was writing. We both found ways to be who we are, and neither of us is ashamed about it because we're proud of what we do."
"Even if sometimes I think I'm a freak?"
"Shirley, there's nothing wrong with being a 'freak,' if you look at it from a different perspective. How do you feel when you write your stories?"
"I feel like I let some hurting emotion come out of me without getting angry with anyone. I don't have the pain in my heart like I do sometimes because I am so different."
"I think it's much better if you are unique. Think about it. If all of us were the same, the world would be boring and dull. Fortunately, we're not all the same, and the world is more diverse and interesting."
"Just like it is in Electro City, right?" I asked confidently.
"Exactly. I mean, there are no two people exactly alike, with the exception of identical twins, of course."
I then took hold of both of his hands as I started to feel that bond between us again. "Ace, I don't know what I'd ever do if you didn't come into my life. I'm very lucky to have you in my heart. Somehow, I think maybe a higher power wanted me to see you to help me feel better. Even though the show is gone from TV, I can still watch you on my tapes. Thank you for being a part of my life. I've never been happier."
"I know how you feel, Shirley. You and your e-friends have all found the positive outlets to express yourselves, and I know it especially helps you. Your father's been gone for over 12 years now, yet that pain is still in your heart. Even though the pain will never disappear completely, trying to remember the good times you had and the writing you do will help you in the long run. Just remember, don't be ashamed in any way about the person you are. We are all individuals, and we have things which make each one of us different. You have your own Magic Force within your heart, and I know you'll use that to the fullest as long as you keep hope, love, and faith within yourself."
I then gave Ace a hug of happiness. "Thanks again for your help, Magician. I feel so much better now, knowing you are with me in some way."
"Glad I could be here to help. I guess now it's back to the animated world for me, but don't forget, I'll be here for you if you ever need me for anything, and never forget your e-friends, either. As Mona told your character Angie, 'You are no longer alone.'"
"I know I'm not alone anymore," I said happily. "I do have friends in other places. However, the important thing for me is I do care about myself now. I have to be able to think about what I want out of life, too." I waved at him as he walked up the hallway. "So long, Ace, and thank you."
After waving back, he continued walking and disappeared into nothingness once more.
Me, I smiled because I finally understood why I had a liking for the character so much. It was like my father had come home in my heart, through such a wonderful cartoon character.
THE END