1
Evan was nine when it first occurred. It wasn't climactic or dramatic or anything that you'd expect it to be. It was a quiet, sudden thing that crept up on the small boy. It also confused Evan to no end.
"He was crying," Evan tries to explain to his mother. " And then he just stopped when I touched him." It wasn't too hard to tell that this event had freaked Evan out. Heidi let the small boy tell her what had transpired, genuinely believing that her son had confused a small coincidence with the magical powers he had read about. That couldn't be the truth, could it?
Evan was stagnant in his belief, and Heidi knew that she couldn't convince him otherwise. He could be stubborn that way.
She smiled at him. "Of course he did, honey." She wasn't condescending as her words suggested, and she hoped her son knew that. Evan just frowns at his mother's choice of words.
"It's true!" Evan knew he wasn't making it up, but his mother just tells him to go back outside and forget about it.
He decides to let it go for now. After all, what had happened had drained his energy by a considerable amount.
He wouldn't really be able to argue with her if he tried. He made his way back outside and over to his friend.
No one could convince him this wasn't real, that he didn't do it. He was right. He just knew it.
2
He's eleven the next time it happens. He's hanging out with Jared, one of his only friends, when he realizes that something might be wrong; that he said something wrong.
"How would you know?" Jared's words are scathing, and Evan is suddenly on edge. He had never liked it when people got angry since he found his emotions changed easily from outside influence. He didn't know why and immediately assumed it was the same for other people. "You don't even have a dad!" Jared's eyes are wide with surprise as soon as the line leaves his mouth. Evan refuses to cry, fists clenched at his sides. Jared had known it was a delicate point for Evan.
He said it anyway,Evan's mind supplies.He knew, and he said it anyway.
Evan soon realizes that it's not anger he's feeling, but rather the panic building in his chest like water in a dam. He can feel his heart speeding up, and his vision is a little disfigured. His chest is tight, and it feels like someone is choking him.
He barely hears Jared speak through the haze, pleading for him to calm down, but he's trying, and hecan't, and the panic is rising, and he can't breathe,He vaguely wonders if this means he's dying.
The next person Evan hears is his mother, counting in fours with his hand over her heart. He feels oddly disconnected as black spots appear in his vision from the lack of oxygen. Evan tries to sense his mother's worried, almost erratic heartbeat. It takes a moment of complete concentration and most of his energy, but his soul manages to make it back into his body, and he's more aware than he was before.
"-3,4. That's it, Evan. Just focus on me, try to copy my breathing." He struggles a little, but he manages to do what his mother says.
Once Evan's calm again, a wave of exhaustion comes over him, and he would have collapsed had he been standing. His mother reaches out to steady him, and she suddenly looks as exhausted as Evan feels.
For some reason, he's too tired to keep his eyes open, and he falls asleep.
And from then on, panic attacks happened more often.
3
The third time it happens, he's twelve. Someone was talking to him, and even though he felt mildly uncomfortable, the conversation was going well. At least, until the person touches Evan's shoulder and they both freeze.
The other person looks like he's about to run away as if the conversation scared him. He looked...just like Evan in a normal conversation. Evan backs away, and the other boy's hand falls from Evan's shoulder. The boy goes back to normal, and Evan feels drained...like usual.
Evan quickly excuses himself and walks away, face burning red with an embarrassed blush, not that the other boy knew what for.
It was the last time Evan tried to initiate a conversation with a stranger for years.
4
By the fourth time, when he's fourteen, he's learned to see the signs. Even so, it still manages to catch him by surprise.
Someone else initiates the conversation this time, and even factoring in how uncomfortable he was, Evan felt like he was doing pretty well. At least he hadn't made a fool of himself yet, and he hadn't stuttered too much. Small miracles like that. And of course, it would go wrong the moment he thought that.
Suddenly, the girl looked extremely stressed, even if she was always stressed when he saw her in the halls at school. Though, Evan could tell it wasn't the same kind of stress. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see where her hand was on his arm, a friendly gesture, of course. Then again this was almost exactly what had happened last time. How could he have been so stupid?
Of course, you were, his mind supplies. How are you surprised?
In an act of impulse, he moves her hand from his arm, and she relaxes.
The rest of the conversation is tense as if the girl knew he was the cause of her sudden influx of emotion. Screw it, she probably did and was going to tell someone the moment their conversation ends. Then they would tell someone else. Then everyone would know.
He didn't want anyone to know. He quickly excuses himself to try and calm his erratic heartbeat to avoid an almost inevitable panic attack.
It doesn't work.
1
It was official. Evan didn't know what he was doing.
He tried. He really did this time. It just seems like he'll never get over it. He'll always mess up.
Just face it, Hansen,his mind tells him.Deep down you always knew you were a screw-up. Maybe you'll admit it this time. All you have to do is open your mouth to screw something up.
Tears pricked his eyes as the door to the bathroom opened, and another boy walked in.
Surprisingly, Evan recognized the boy as Connor Murphy, one of the other kids in his grade. And he recognized what was happening to Connor because the same thing happened to him all the time.
Connor was having a panic attack.
Evan was next to him in an instant, knowing exactly what to do. He avoided touching Connor just in case physical contact made it worse.
"Con-Connor?" A hand tries to push Evan away, but Evan doesn't budge. Somehow, Connor touching him doesn't do anything to Connor's emotions. Evan shoves his confusion to the side and focuses on trying to help the other boy.
Evan tries to use the instructions that his mother gave him to help with his own attacks, but Evan quickly realizes that it isn't going to work.Think, Hansen, think.Evan gets an idea, but he's not totally sure it will work.
He puts a hand on Connor's arm and focuses on sending calm through their physical link. The effect is almost immediate as Connor's breaths are less strained and he's actually getting air. Neither of them talks when Connor is calm again. At least, until the boy himself speaks up.
"Thanks, I think."
If you can't tell, this is my first DEH fic. I hope everyone is in character.Anyway, don't forget that I don't own DEH and to favourite and review!