AN:Hi guys! This is the first chapter of my very first story, about the young MCR and Gee's self-harming. It's quite short and I have no idea if it's any good or not so please review and be honest so I know whether I should continue it or not! xxx
Chapter 1:
Gee's POV
I watched the fountain of blood run down my arms from the fresh wounds I had just created, feeling all the stress that had been building up during the day flow out of me. It was just another ordinary day at high school, getting beaten up, laughed at and being shoved into lockers, you would think I'd have gotten used to it by now. Well, technically I have, it's just a part of the everyday routine, as is this; my salvation and my freedom. As soon as I came home from school I rushed into the bathroom, locked the door behind me and grabbed my razor from the bathroom cabinet. This is the only way I can cope, the only way I know how to, the only thing that makes me feel normal again. I'm not gonna lie, yes, it does hurt, but all the pain is worth it just to get rid of all the tension that otherwise remains in my body, controlling my every move. This way I'm the one in control. I am the only one who controls my body and my life.
Flashback:
I remember the first time I ever cut. I'd had an awful day at school, it could be classed as one of the worst days of my entire life, it was far, far worse than everything I'm going through now. It was kind of an accident, I had heard of other people doing it to help them calm down, I didn't really believe it though until I tried it myself. It was like I was on autopilot, grabbing a razor and making uniform cuts on my arms, slowly at first, then going over them again and again faster and faster until I was back in my right mind and realised what I had done. I was bleeding quite badly and was in a state of shock. I couldn't believe what I had done and started to panic, bandaging myself up clumsily. My head was swimming, I felt light-headed and quite nauseous when I glanced around at the mess I had made. Let's just say it was lucky I was in the bathroom and had a toilet close by! I cleared up the remainder of the blood and headed back to my room swiftly, making sure I left no evidence of what I had done behind. Later that night, while trying to ignore the pain in my arms, I thought about what I had done; sure, it hurt a lot, but it did help calm me down and I felt more at ease than I had earlier in the day. I remember thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do it every so often, only when I need to, I wouldn't rely on it of course, but it would help, and in time I will get used to the pain.
End flashback.
"Gee! Mikey! Frank and Ray are here!" Damn! I looked down at my arms; I had to get rid of the blood, and quickly. I heard mumbling downstairs, I guess my mum had let them in and Mikey was talking to them. I washed the wounds and hurriedly opened the First Aid kit and attempted to bandage my arms.
"Come on Gee, hurry up!" Mikey sounded impatient.
"Ok ok, I'm coming!" I replied, finishing up, rolling down the sleeves of my Misfits hoodie. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a deathly pale face framed by long black greasy hair staring back at me. I sighed sadly, straightening up; even after losing my baby fat I was still as ugly as ever. Taking one last look in the mirror, I exited the bathroom and went downstairs to greet Frank and Ray.
Frank's POV
Ray and Mikey were arguing about which band was better; Black Flag or Smashing Pumpkins. I was listening to them but trying not to get involved – these types of arguments could last for hours. Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from the stairs and automatically turned my head in that direction, knowing that any second now Gerard would be coming into the room.
When he entered he was paler than ever, that alone told me that something was wrong. Truthfully, he hadn't been himself for months, but recently he seemed to be getting worse: being quieter than normal, joking around less and according to Mikey whenever he got home he isolated himself from everyone by locking himself in his room. He looked awful today though, worse than ever before. Somehow I'm going to find out what's going on and support Gerard any way I can, that's what friends do after all, right?
Gee's POV
When I went into the living room I observed Mikey and Ray, who were in the middle of an argument about music. I rolled my eyes and looked at Frank. To my surprise, he was staring at me and wearing a confused expression which turned into a cheesy grin when he realised I was watching him.
"Hey Gee, how're you?" he asked, a little too cheerfully. I guess I'd have to work out the meaning of his confused look later.
"I'm good thanks Frank, what about you?"
Frank's POV
Good?! Yeah right, like I'm gonna believe that! I'll play along for the moment though.
"I'm fine thanks. How long do you reckon they're gonna carry on fighting?" I replied.
Gee laughed. "I dunno, I reckon for at least another half hour or so. Do you wanna do something while we wait for them to finish arguing?"
"Yeah sure, what did you have in mind?" This might be the chance I've been waiting for, to get Gerard alone and ask him what's going on.
"Well we could go to the park if you want, there's not really anything else we can do around here."
"Sure!" Great! It was late afternoon so hopefully there wouldn't be too many people there to disturb us.