A/N- This story starts off at the end of the Victory Tour. The first chapter is not my best, it was hard going through Katniss's thought process to get to the conclusion. And sorry if it seems rushed, I'm anxious to start writing the next part. The other chapters will be better, and not as OOC. This is my first fanfiction, and I'm a bit new at this, so bear with me. Anyways, hope you like it!

~Maddy

Chapter 1

Katniss POV:

We finish the Victory Tour, and Peeta and I are officially engaged. I don't want to think about how I feel about that.

One night, about 3 days after we get back, my mother makes us dinner. Promptly after she finishes, she announces that she is tired, and goes upstairs to bed, leaving Prim and I to wash the dishes.

"I'll wash, you dry," she suggests. I nod.

After a minute of comfortable silence, Prim says, "So you and Peeta are going to be married, huh?"

I gulp, thinking about it. "Yes," I manage to squeak out.

After a bit, she asks, "Do you love him?"

I freeze, clutching the dish as if holding on for dear life. "I don't know," I whisper, not sure whether I'm talking to her or saying this for myself.

Prim bites he bottom lip, eyebrows narrowing, thinking.

Suddenly she asks, "You love me, right?" I nod bewildered. I had thought this was blatantly obvious. She continues, "Now imagine losing me. Imagine how you would feel and what you would do." I look at her like she's crazy. She rolls her eyes at me and says, "Just do it."

I close my eyes. What she doesn't know is that I've already imagined this once before, in the split second of panic before I volunteered. I would shut down, unable to function. I wouldn't talk, walk, eat, sleep, nothing. I would want to die myself. I would shut out the world, unable to process anything, unable to cry. I don't know if I'd ever be the same. I grimace, opening my eyes, reassuring myself that she's here, that she's ok, that she's safe.

"Now imagine loosing Peeta."

I have imagined this, too, right before holding out those berries. Not for very long, I just remember deciding that it was not an option, that I would not allow it to happen. I'm fairly sure I would shut down as well. Peeta helps hold me together, helps keep me sane. He understands, and he always has the right words, the right touch. I could live a thousand lives and not deserve him. His is so purely good, that he is not allowed to die. It's almost as bad as Prim dying.

"It would hurt Prim, but that doesn't mean that I love him like that."

I don't know, Katniss. I saw your kiss after you got engaged. Friends don't kiss friends like that.

I remember that kiss. It was like the one in the cave. That one felt real, like it was for us. It felt like the world fell away and it was only us. I quickly put an end to that train of thought. 'I'll think about this a different time' I procrastinate.

Prim can sense that I don't want to talk about it, so she just dries of her hands and give me a hug. I wrap my arms around her in return, thankful that I have such and amazing little sister. "I love you, little duck."

XxX

Later that night in bed, I try and sort through my feelings. This is very new to me. I don't purposely pay much attention to my feelings. Firstly, I am confused about Gale and his kiss. He wants to be more than friends, that much he made clear. But how long has he felt like this? How long have I just not noticed? These questions nag at me, but I cannot answer them right now, so I try and focus on how I feel. I decide that I love Gale, but like a brother, a friend. I didn't feel anything when he kissed me, even though we were alone and I was being me, not the Capitol me. Peeta I know is stronger than that, more powerful that just friends. Does that mean I love him, not like a brother or a friend, but like he loves me? If I do, which seems the only logical conclusion, that what do I do with it? Do I tell? How would I even say something like that? We're already getting married, what do I have to lose?

Everything.

XxX

I go a few days without seeing Peeta, until he comes to our house with some cheese buns. My favourite. My mother insists that he stay for supper.

After we eat, the TV comes to life with another rerun of him proposing. I see me and Peeta on the screen, him getting down on one knee, pouring out his undying love for me, asking me to marry him. I tear up, nod and kiss him. Peeta mutters something about needing to finish a painting, and runs to his house. I tell mother and Prim that I need to ask him about something, and run after him. Behind me I can hear my mother start to ask me something, telling me to wait, but Prim convincing her that it is important. She's already so smart.

I follow Peeta into his house, closing the door behind me.

"Peeta, what's wrong?" I ask, even though I'm already sure I know the answer.

He just shakes his head.

Without thinking I say, "I want it to be real, too."

"What did you say?" he whispers, shocked.

No going back now. I muster up the courage and swallow my fear. "I want us to be real, too." It comes out as a whisper.

I can tell he's about to come over and hold me, doing the right thing as always. But I have to show how I feel, it can't be one sided. So, without too much thought, I close the distance between us and kiss him.

He is shocked at first, and I can't blame him. But he soon wraps his arms around me, and everything else fades into the background. Including any coherent thought I might have. I eventually pull away, my need for air making its self known. Then I bury my neck in his shoulder, chasing away any leftover insecurities about making myself so vulnerable.

He whispers in my ear, "Why can't it be real?"

"It'll all be for the Capitol," I breathe, "We'll have to put on a show, put on our Capitol acts. Even something as personal as a wedding will be foreign, and not for us. It'll be for them." He doesn't respond. He knows that I'm right, but doesn't have a response. So we just stay like that for a long time, holding each other. If I had any doubts, they're gone, chased away by the feeling of this being completely right, natural. Easy as breathing.

I have never done anything good enough to deserve Peeta.

A/N: Yay I did it! My first chapter! Again, sorry if it seemed rushed and OOC, but I needed to have this done so I could start into the story. I already have some later chapters written, and I personally love them, so I'm anxious to get to that point in the story. Anyways, please write a review, I would love to read them! Thanks!

~Maddy